~Rae~
My eyes droop lazily. I take a look around, but everything is hazy. I sit up and there is a throbbing in my hand, so I reach back, careful not to use it to guide me further. I know my hand must be pretty messed up at this point. I remember that much. Once I sit up I bring my hand inches from my face. It is bound-up, and there is no blood pouring through the bandages. My eyes widen and my breath shakes.
I didn't do this. I don't remember doing this. I thought. But maybe you did. Loneliness can bring craziness. I shake my head and stand up. No matter. I've gotta still push on through it. No more weakness!
I stand, but I stagger in a haze. My head shakes "no", and then I am off. There is never any time to waste.
I tread through the corridors of Dauntless. What would it have been like to live here and go through initiate training? It must have been weird to not have been raised in such a place. I take a deep breath. The musty and cold air brings my lungs life. I bring my wrist to my face and check my watch.
"Ah, two in the morning... I should get some sleep," I mumble. I jog thirty yards and find my room. I press the button and enter. Oddly it smellls different, but everything seems normal. I climb into bed, take a few deep breaths, and then I am out.
"You are nothing eh heh heh," the chirpy voice cracks. Tryoa. We both grew up factionless and orphans. I roll my eyes but he grabs my chin. "Don't look at me like that, R." He pins my body to my makeshift cot and begins to tear at my clothes. A singe tear rolls down my cheek, but I do nothing to stop him. I am only fifteen, and forces himself onto me. "Don't act like you're not into it, honey!".
I wake up screaming. Every night that dream plagues me. I will defeat it. I will conquer him some day. My hair is matted to my face, and my hand involuntarily pushes it out of my face. I need a shower, but I don't want to be completely alone with my thoughts. A run is in order. I change into a new tank top and jeans. My palm slides over the sensor and the door opens.
After a few minutes I find myself panting and standing in front of the chasm. How easy would it be to just end it all. I can't give up just like that. Yes, you can. No one would know. No one would care. You are worthless, and you have nothing to offer this world. I stand on the ledge staring at my future grave. It is so easy. I have known nothing, so I weight my reasons. I know my answer. I take a breath and take a leap.