…-…-…

-Five years later-

…-…-…

The room was still and quiet, the only sounds the steady beeping of Tatsuya's heart monitor and the whoosh of the ventilator as it assisted his breathing. Tatsuya didn't look much different from he'd seen him last month. He looked calm and peaceful, the left side of his face and head bandaged, the right side serene and smooth as if the terrible accident hadn't happened at all. Kagami chose to sit on his right side, joining Murasakibara who been sitting there gods know for how long.

"How's he?" he asked, his voice stirring the deafening silence of the room.

"Not moving."

It was short and spoken softly. Murasakibara didn't say anything afterwards.

Kagami resisted the urge to sigh. He was hoping for a better explanation, needing some good news about his comatose brother to lift up his mood after going through another shitty day at the station and putting out a blaze in the city, but noticing Murasakibara's collapsed shoulders, dark look with bags under his eyes, and the absence of sweets in his mouth, Kagami made a point not to probe further. Murasakibara had been going through as miserable life as he had been since Tatsuya slid into coma, and he knew well the other male didn't need a stupid lie to spark a false hope.

It was just plain stupid.

"You think he's going to wake up?" Kagami whispered as though he didn't want to wake Tatsuya up.

"He has to. Muro-chin promised me something."

"Promise?"

"He promised me to buy me Mauibo."

Kagami smiled, a sad smile, not really a smile at all, just muscles working around his lips. "He spoiled you a lot, didn't he?" he concentrated on the right wheel of the hospital bed, on how the wheel caused a black scuff mark when it was moved each time, and there were lots of scuff marks back and forth. Kagami tried to count how many times it had been moved. Dozens, perhaps.

He wanted to slam his head off desk. He shouldn't be doing this, distracting himself from watching Murasakibara shower Tatsuya with affection. Murasakibara had reached forward and was running his long fingers through Tatsuya's hair, ever so gentle and slow it could have been a caress. He studied Tatsuya's face and hands like he was waiting for a sign, a response to his affection or to their presence. When all on the surface remained calm and still, Murasakibara sat back in the plush chair which obviously dwarfed by him.

Murasakibara didn't show it but Kagami knew better the silent response crushed Murasakibara's heart.

And that just shattered Kagami's heart.

"You should go home," he spoke again after a second, flicking up his eyes in the window's direction, across the bed. Beyond his reflection on the window, he could see colourful lights glittering like fireflies against the blackish city. It was already late. "Have some rest."

"'m not leaving Muro-chin," Murasakibara mumbled under his breath, his eyes still on Tatsuya's face.

"Go home," this time, his voice was firmer. "Have some sleep. You're tired."

"No. He'll get lonely."

"For fuck's sake, just go home!" he snapped his head to Murasakibara, eyes narrowed under the lowered brows. "Your drooping shoulders, your slouched posture—you're fucking exhausted, Murasakibara! You think Tatsuya would be happy to see you like this?!"

"And how about you?" Murasakibara raised his head at last. "You think Muro-chin would be happy to see you like this? Haven't moved forward. Still helpless like before. Actually, worse than that," his tone was flat, yet sufficed to make Kagami's gut twist.

"Since Mine-chin's sudden missing, you walk like a zombie and stop moving forward. You keep looking for Mine-chin and ignore Muro-chin, ignore Sac-chin, ignore people around you. You make everyone worried. You make Muro-chin worried! And why do you think Muro-chin decided to move here from Akita and got into the accident in the first place?"

Murasakibara's outburst silenced him. No, he wasn't surprised to hear Murasakibara finally lash out probably the longest sentences he'd ever heard him saying in the whole eight years of rocky friendship they'd shared for the sake of person they both loved; Tatsuya. But he was startled to hear the heavy accusation Murasakibara had thrown at him.

Kagami had been blaming himself for what had happened to Tatsuya and suspected that behind the sympathy looks people gave him, everyone was blaming him as well, but it was nice to pretend the otherwise. It had been until Murasakibara spat it out, loud and clear, his unfiltered sharp, monotonous words ringing across the room, and honestly, it hurt him more than he'd been imagining.

Slowly, Kagami ducked away from Murasakibara's gaze, almost wanting to double over from the blow.

It seemed Murasakibara finally had snapped out of his outburst when he pressed his mouth into his hand and turned away. "Shit..." his word muffled into his large hand.

From the curse, it didn't have to take a genius to figure out that Murasakibara had spouted all but only the truth.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room while the droning beeps trickled.

Kagami opened his mouth. Closed it. "I—"

"Go home," Murasakibara cut him off, his words stepping over Kagami's before diffusing into deafening silence once more. Then he added. "You stink."

It sounded so petty to his ears. It was a stupid reason to kick him out of the room but after sweeping a gaze over his own body, Murasakibara had his point. He was wearing a dirty white t-shirt, paired with worn out orange cargo pants, old black boots that who knows for how long he hadn't washed them; he looked much worse than Murasakibara. Kagami wasn't sure about that 'stink' part (he'd taken a shower at the station before coming here) but there was no point to argue about that at the moment.

Kagami pushed himself up to his feet with a huff. It felt like something heavy pulling him down back to the chair, demanding him to redeem his mistakes by making him suffer as he watched Tatsuya with Murasakibara by his side, but he kept himself together. It had always been so hard for him to take his leave, feeling so helpless, so useless, while his brother was still lying motionless in bed, still attached to the transparent tubes and myriad of machines and wearing oxygen mask, suffering from the inside. It was harder when he took a swing to the door while now knowing Murasakibara was actually blaming him for what had happened to Tatsuya.

Clasping the knob, Kagami glanced over his shoulder at Murasakibara. He swallowed thickly. "You... should go home... whenever you can."

Murasakibara raised his hand, his gesture lazy, without looking back. Kagami slid the door open and left the room with a broken heart.

The sounds of his pounding boots were echoing through the bright hallway. The bright fluorescent light hurt his tired eyes. A nurse walked in his direction with head down, her white shoes silent on the floor completely contrast to his as if she was floating. Kagami gave her a nod out of courtesy and continued walking to the lift. His mind was still reeling when he pressed the button. He lifted up his head to look at the display, watching as the red number of the floor changed to his floor.

The door dinged open. There was no one inside. Kagami moved to the corner then pressed his back on the cool steel wall. He tipped his head back to rest it against the wall, staring at the green number of the floor changing again.

9 to 8.

8 to 7.

7 to 6.

6 to 5.

Downwards... or was it 'backwards'?

Kagami dismissed the question. At least it was moving, and it was the only thing that mattered while he was still stuck in the past, the one when Momoi had yelled 'Aomine-kun has gone missing!' into the phone. Heck, he could still hear the very same pitch and voice ringing in his ears even though Momoi's voice had gone softer and more feminine last time he'd overheard her and Kuroko's discussion about him, about his depression—as what they assumed it—outside Tatsuya's room.

The door slid open again, and he stepped out of the lift but he hadn't moved from the memories. He still could see it; Aomine's look that devoid of emotions, totally disconnected as everything was blocked out on his face. It haunted him, lingering in his mind for years. His ominous silence. His sudden leaving.

And his sudden missing.

Kagami often wondered, if he had the ability to read mind, to know what had crossed Aomine's mind when Momoi had announced their relationship, what would he have seen? Everything had been normal before Aomine's sudden missing. Intense one-on-ones, stupid squabbles, Aomine's arrogance taunting him, Aomine wheedling him to cook lunch (or dinner) for him while Kuroko and Momoi had been there to keep them from tearing each other's throat.

He remembered his relationship with Momoi had been getting better and closer. Sometimes he would steal glances in Momoi's direction while playing one-on-one with Aomine, or catch her doing so with her face blushing brightly before she had turned away to pass Aomine his bottle. He'd sent her e-mails in the between of him texting Aomine and Kuroko for another game. The love bits had bloomed and after few weeks of seeing each other, he'd plucked up the courage to confess to her under a shady sakura tree with a wind traipsing by. Surprisingly, she'd accepted his confession and agreed to be his girlfriend before sharing their first, innocent kiss.

Everything had been normal and good for him.

Then Aomine's sudden missing had sent his life spiralling in another direction.

He remembered he had got frustrated by Aomine's disappearance. He remembered he had sprinted to Touou Academy from his apartment after she had phoned him. He remembered he had frantically pushed his way through Touou's graduated students to look for Aomine. He remembered he had gone to Aomine's house to find him. He remembered he had glimpsed the fallen look on Aomine's mother's face when he had mentioned Aomine's name. He remembered he had been handed a copy of police application letter Aomine had left for his parents.

He remembered his heart had clenched at the name written on the letter.

Aomine Daiki.

He, however, didn't remember why he had felt so frustrated reading Aomine's name. All he remembered was he had kept cursing Aomine under his breath, chanting 'irresponsible bastard, irresponsible bastard, irresponsible bastard' like a prayer.

The news of Aomine sudden missing had spread so widely it had reached Akashi who at the moment lived in Kyoto. He and the Kiseki members had gathered to discuss about Aomine a week later but Akashi had decided to leave Aomine alone because apparently nearly all of them had scoffed at the thought of Aomine in casual shirt with a bag slung over his shoulder, Biology textbook in his right hand while walking towards the university entrance.

That was everyone except him, Akashi, and Kuroko.

So it might be as well that Aomine had chosen his own way, filled out the police application letter, packed his bag, and left before university entrance exam began.

At first everyone had expected a phone call. Momoi had always put her phone on outdoor mode, Kise had kept checking whether he had a missed call from Aomine or an unknown number, Midorima had made sure his phone fully charged, and Kuroko had kept his phone close to him. He, too, had waited for a call from Aomine.

After a few months without a phone call, just a poor handmade postcard addressed to Aomine's house, everyone finally had settled with the fact that perhaps Aomine was really cutting ties and starting afresh somewhere.

Not him, though.

Kagami couldn't accept that Aomine suddenly went missing without giving a proper explanation to them, to him.

It was just…

…irresponsible. So fucking unfair.

Kagami struggled to stop himself from drifting further into memories because he knew what followed next; his awful university life, his broken relationship with Momoi, Kenta's death, and Tatsuya's accident.

Kagami clenched his eyes tight to shake off the past but he could see everything behind his eyelids. He reached his arm out and found his hand bumped with something hard and cold. It was probably a wall, or a person, or a tree, he couldn't see with his eyes close. With the guidance of his hands, he leaned against it (it was a wall. He hadn't reached the hospital front door after all, still in the deserted entrance hall) and slid down on the floor heavily.

Fuck, it was getting harder to breathe. His eyes were glazing over. Lights, steel chairs, cold tiles, everything was spinning around him in alarming ways. He could feel the cold air from the air-conditioners biting into his skin, his fingers cold and numb. Oh shit, something very like much like panic was clawing at his throat, at his chest, and oh gods, he wanted a drink. He needed a drink. Everything was too hazy, blurred, and he could hear a child's voice, like Kenta's, and there was Tatsuya's voice as well, screaming into his ears 'this is all your fault!'

He covered his ears and shrank into the cold wall to block out the noise. It didn't work. Tatsuya's and Kenta's voice kept yelling 'this is all your fault! Your fault!'

"Shut up," he hissed.

'Your fault!'

"Shut up!"

'Your fau—'

Something huge landed on his shoulder.

Startled out of his panic attack, Kagami's head jerked up, and he found a pair of familiar dark blue eyes looking down at him. The massive palm and fingers on his shoulder squeezed, and it was supposed to be reassuring, comforting, but he felt none of that; too startled, too shocked to see the one who he believed had triggered his spiralling life five years ago.

"Aomine?"