Dishevelled Friends and More Reminiscences
The previous day Professor McGonagall had soon recovered from the shock of finding Professor Dumbledore sucking on a sherbet lemon while he spied on his pupils (it wasn't the spying that had surprised her but his choice of sweet; she'd been certain he was on a cockroach cluster kick).
No, there was little about the old wizard's behaviour that really shocked Minerva any longer (she recalled the parting advice passed onto her by the then outgoing Transfiguration teacher forty years earlier – "go slow and expect set-backs" - it was quite possibly the most pertinent piece of advice she had ever received). With this in mind, Minerva had chosen Madam Pomfrey to fill her in on what had occurred before her arrival.
What she had heard had left her with a burning desire to stick Dumbledore's wand where it would do most good (Minerva had long thought colonic irrigation the right way to go with the irascible old fool; it would take his mind off eavesdropping for a while if nothing else). But like the dignified witch she was, Minerva had rallied her self-control (plus she wasn't sure where Dumbledore had secreted his wand and she wasn't prepared to go foraging in the old fossil's robes for fear of what else she might find) and had settled instead for scolding the headmaster out of the Infirmary and back to his study.
Sadly, Poppy's narrative had also had another unfortunate side effect - Minerva had found that she desperately wanted to know what would happen next. Thankfully, she was a better woman than the headmaster (at least during the week, goodness knows what the old pervert got up to at the weekend) so she had not given into these baser feelings. No, Minerva respected the privacy of each student entrusted to her care; she was sworn to protect them against any who would exploit their vulnerabilities and would defend to the death their right to not have their lives picked over by idle spectators.
Which is why when Minerva found herself in Poppy's office at 6.30 am the following morning it was with a clear conscience and purely in response to those finer feelings; Minerva was there to ensure that the boys basic human rights were not compromised by nosy old goats and to see if there was anything she could personally do to help them during this difficult time. Of course, in order to ascertain what help she could provide Minerva would first need to assess their current emotional and mental state and this would best be evaluated by observing their reactions to each other... oh, bugger it – at least she had the good grace not to take notes!
When Professor Dumbledore turned up with parchment and quill at the ready not ten minutes after herself, Minerva quelled any possible remark from the Headmaster with a steely glare. The grey haired old wizard knew enough to take his seat without comment, and carefully hid his smile behind a well-timed cough.
It was a little after 7.40am when Minerva finally cracked, letting out an exasperated huff she declared, "Oh, Merlin's beard, enough is enough!" And with an imperious flick of her wand the screen separating the two boys disappeared with a slight pop.
Draco gave out an undignified squawk and sprayed tea all over his bedding and himself. On the upside, he also managed to land a good proportion on Madam Pomfrey who had been in the process of checking his temperature.
He risked a glance at the occupant of the other bed and gave a satisfied sigh… at least he had fared better than the Gryffindor.
As the screen had winked out of existence, Weasley had let out a very girly squeal, jerking his hand in the process and sending his cup sailing up in the air and over his right shoulder where it had proceeded to ricochet off the wall and hit him in the back of the head. Tea now dripped from Weasley's sodden hair onto his appalled face and down onto his pyjamas.
Dumbledore turned towards Professor McGonagall. "Well," he said smiling broadly. "That seemed to go well."
Minerva responded with a groan and sank onto the nearest chair before placing her head in her hands.
The Headmaster nodded sympathetically, then, turning back to look into the ward, he picked up his parchment and quill and resumed taking notes.
Madam Pomfrey swiftly ejected the boys from their beds so that she could spell the bedding clean. Both were in rather sad disarray but Ron was definitely the worst off; he stood shivering as the previously lukewarm tea cooled rapidly on his soaked pyjamas and through to his skin.
Draco glanced shyly out the corner of his eye at the other boy. He shook his head as he took in Weasley's pathetic appearance and turned to glare at Madam Pomfrey in disgust. Huh! Some Healer! She'd managed to take the time to clean herself up before starting on her precious bedding but she'd happily left poor Weasley wet and shivering. The boy was going to get sick if she wasn't careful. Stupid thoughtless bint!
Just then, Weasley sneezed. It was the final straw.
"Sod the beds, you useless woman!" Draco was glaring at the medi-witch who had stopped what she was doing and was looking at him in shock.
"I beg your par-" She started to say but got no further.
"Don't you dare 'beg your pardon' me!" Draco turned towards a startled Ron and pointed a shaking finger at his sodden chest. "Are you going to leave Weasley to shiver himself into pneumonia, you cretin!" He turned blazing eyes back towards the medi-witch. "While I'm sure you consider those tatty sheets more worthy of your solicitous concern some of us consider Weasley's health of slightly more consequence." Draco's eyes suddenly widened in shock as his brain seemed to finally catch up with his mouth. "Er, I mean people like his parents and friends… um."
Draco ducked his head and sat down on the edge of his recently re-made bed. He seemed to have acquired a deep fascination for his feet (at least he was finding it impossible to take his eyes off them).
Turning to take in Ron's rather pitiful appearance Madam Pomfrey's face swiftly went from angry to mortified. Shaking her head, she uttered a tight-lipped "quite" before moving toward the redhead and pointing her wand at his shivering frame.
Ron was soon dry and dressed in warm pyjamas, a fresh cup of hot tea in his hands and was just beginning to feel better when the old witch took hold of his elbow and led him over to Malfoy's bed.
"Here, Mr Weasley, sit on Mr Malfoy's bed while I see to yours." And without further ado she manoeuvred him onto the freshly made bed next to an equally wide-eyed Draco.
A few tense moments followed as both boys watched the medi-witch as she bustled around the other bed; each intent on ignoring the other's existence.
"There!" Madam Pomfrey surveyed the finished bed with satisfaction.
Turning to the two boys on the next bed she nodded curtly at each of them. "Finish your tea, then you can both get dressed and return to your dorms. I've arranged with the Headmaster to have breakfast brought to you there, we felt it best if you didn't have to face the Great Hall just yet." And she turned to leave. When she reached the door she paused, looking back she smiled kindly at them, "And do try to stay out of trouble. I don't want to see either of you here again… at least for a while." Then she was gone and they were alone.
Ron recovered first; standing up he moved back over to his own bed and settled on the edge. Taking a deep breath he looked over at the other boy who was still staring at his feet. "Thanks."
Draco looked up startled. Ron smiled shyly at him and suddenly feeling brave continued, "Thanks… for shouting at Pomfrey for me."
The blond shrugged and blushed but he didn't look away this time. "You're welcome. Silly bint needs to work on her priorities!"
And suddenly both boys were laughing.
"Aww… that's so sweet."
Dumbledore dropped his quill in shock. Looking over at Professor McGonagall he found himself (quite possibly for the first time in his life) at a loss for words. Instead he frowned at the image of a doe-eyed, wistful Minerva McGonagall and made a mental note to get Filch to check for any sign of large pods growing in her room.
Hermione stepped over Filch's mop and bucket and charmed shut the door to the small store room. As she sat carefully on the dubiously stained stool that stood in the gloomy corner of the tiny space, she tried not to be too appalled at how low she had sunk (eventually she'd make it back to Gryffindor Tower but she couldn't resist a quick detour, Pansy's diary was just too tempting to wait). She pulled the book from her bag and opened it at a random entry, too curious to worry about where to start.
October 12th
I found Draco hiding in a bush today.
Should I speak to Prof Snape?
I think the boy may be cracking up.
He claimed he was looking for a galleon he'd dropped, but I know better. Draco Malfoy would never risk sullying his appearance for mere money.
No.
He's gone mad. It's the only possible explanation…
{~~~~~~}
I was sitting on our usual bench in the quad waiting for Draco to join me so we could go to lunch. I could see the Drippy Duo occupying the next bench along.
Potty was gazing raptly at the Weasel as he regaled him with some drivel or other.
Eew!
Potter was positively drooling!
I'm sure he's a shirt lifter and wants into Weasley's pants!
Ooh ick!
Ha, I wonder if Granger realises that she has a rival!
That silly [expletive deleted] cow, has spent the last six weeks following on behind Weasley like a pathetic lost puppy. And the stupid ginger git hasn't even noticed! Talk about dense! You'd think the bushy-haired [expletive deleted] would take the hint! How someone can fail to see what's right in front of their eyes is beyond me!
[Hermione rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to throw the book at the wall].
Oh, this is ridiculous! If I have to watch those two for much longer I won't even be able to stomach lunch let alone keep it down.
Where is that boy? He's already fifteen minutes late! Maybe I'll go without him… wait, what the…
I'd just caught a flash of white hair in the bush behind Potter and Weasley's bench. Standing up for a better look my suspicions were confirmed - it was definitely Draco.
What on earth is the idiot up to now…?
Circling round the back of the shrubbery, I was soon standing behind him. He appeared to be peering intently through the foliage at something and clearly hadn't noticed me so I cleared my throat loudly to attract his attention.
I had no idea Draco could jump that high.
It took Draco a few moments - and quite a few obscenities - to extricate himself from the clump of twigs and leaves that he had landed in.
When he did, he resembled a small, blond shrub which went some way towards diluting the affect of the fierce glare he was aiming at me. I could barely contain my laughter, he looked so funny - Draco Malfoy the amazing talking bush! Ha ha!
Folding my arms I tried to look appalled rather than amused and asked, "And just what do you think you're doing?"
Instead of screaming at me for scaring the life out of him, which is what I had fully expected him to do, Draco actually looked rather sheepish. He mumbled something that I didn't quite catch and why was he whispering?
"Speak up, Draco! How can I be expected to understand you when you mumble like that?"
He flushed, and took a step toward me. "Ssh Pansy, for Merlin's sake. Do you want everyone to hear?"
Everyone?
What was Draco on about? The only people anywhere near here were Potty and the Weasel and why would he care if they heard? Pillock!
Shaking my head, I tried again to find out what he was doing in the bloody bush in the first place.
Lowering my voice this time - I thought if I humoured him, I was more likely to get an answer to my question - I asked, "Draco dearest, what are you doing hiding in a bush?"
Reddening further, Draco looked around as if afraid that someone would hear his reply. "I'm not hiding. I – I dropped a galleon and it rolled in here. I was just trying to find it."
I raised my eyebrows. "A galleon. You expect me to believe that Draco - get so much as a speck of dust on my robes and I'll kill you - Malfoy was scrabbling around in dirt for a galleon?"
If I thought Draco had looked sheepish before, well, now he was looking positively woolly.
"Look, let's just get out of here and go to lunch," he said snippily and he grabbed hold of my elbow and began to steer me back out the way I'd come.
But before we could go very far, a voice shouted out. "Parkinson, are you really that desperate that you'd get in a bush with Malfoy?"
Looking past Draco's horrified face I saw Potter and Weasley watching us over the top of the bush.
The ginger half of the Terrible Twosome was grinning stupidly, while Potter was clearly waiting for a response to his pathetic comment. Before I could say anything though, Weasley nudged Potter and said, "Come on, Harry, let's leave these two lovebirds alone and go get lunch."
And they walked away laughing like two demented hyenas.
I couldn't believe that Draco had stayed quiet throughout that and was just about to berate him for failing to defend me, when I suddenly found myself on my arse in the dirt.
The little sod had actually had the nerve to push me over! Me!
"Great!" Draco screamed at me. "Now he thinks we're a couple! Thank you SO much Pansy!" And he stormed off, deliberately standing on my hand as he went!
I am seriously reconsidering my decision to marry the little shit.
Thinks we're a couple! Ha!
Draco should be more worried that Potter thinks he's mental!
Hiding in bushes!
And what does he care what Pothead thinks anyway?!
No, I will definitely have to think carefully about my position on the whole marry D.M. front. I mean, do I really want to have to take my children to St Mungo's every time they ask to see their father?
October 31st
Well, the Halloween feast certainly went with a bang!
But at least I know for sure now that Draco really cares for me.
And he's been acting more like himself lately too – insulting Potter whenever he can and glaring at the four eyed git the rest of the time. Draco seems to have switched the brunt of his animosity from Weasley to Potty over the last couple of weeks, although he still talks about the ginger prat far more often than I would prefer.
But, all things considered I'm pretty sure I will marry him after all.
There's no way Millicent is going to be a bridesmaid though, no matter how many hints she drops! I mean daddy may be loaded but even he would baulk at having to pay out what it would cost to cover someone the size of a barrage balloon in the finest satin!
{~~~~~~}
We'd barely taken our seats and started to eat when that insipid fool Quirrell came running into the Great Hall in hysterics.
Seems a mountain troll had broken into the castle and was wandering around looking for a light snack.
Honestly what a fuss!
Prof Scaredy Pants promptly fainted and pandemonium broke out.
People were screaming and running towards the exit in seconds! I sat shaking my head in disgust. Here we were surrounded by some of the most accomplished witches and wizards in the wizarding world, who had fought far worse than lone mountain trolls and yet everyone was still panicking.
Bloody idiots!
I turned to share my thoughts with Draco only to catch sight of him just disappearing out of the door.
My hero!
Standing up, I made my way back to the common room, pretty much pulled along by the surging crowd. As I walked through the door, I heard Draco's clearly distressed voice.
"Did everyone get out?" He had hold of Crabbe by the front of his robes and sounded positively distraught.
How sweet he's obviously worried about me.
(Okay, not enough to actually put my safety before that of his own - well it was Draco - but at least, once he was safe, Draco had finally found the time to be worried for me).
"Yes, Draco, I told you. Dumbledore and the others made sure everyone had cleared out before they went off to tackle the troll. Now please let go!" And Vincent tried to remove Draco's hands from his clothes.
But Draco wouldn't let go.
Oh bless, he must be really concerned about me.
"But are you sure? Everyone… even all the Gryffindors?"
Okay, now he was just getting hysterical. Time to put him out of his misery.
I walked up to him and touched his arm. "It's okay, Draco darling, I'm here."
Draco finally dropped his hands from Vincent's robes, and turned desperate eyes to me.
The poor thing, all those times feigning indifference and then he totally gives himself away by nearly having a heart attack when he thinks I've been eaten by a troll.
I put my arms around Draco and gave him a hug. "There now, you can stop worrying about me. But I think it very sweet of you to be so concerned. I even forgive the fact that you buggered off and left me in the first place," and releasing him I reached up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
Draco looked so bewildered; obviously too overcome with relief.
"Er… I'm going to lie down… feel sick." And he walked slowly off to the boys' dorm looking very distressed indeed.
Oh, that poor, sweet boy! All that worry followed by the sudden rush of relief had knocked him quite ill. Draco clearly adores me.
I think Italy would be a good place for a honeymoon, or maybe St Moritz . I must go and find Millicent and see what she thinks…
November 1st
The troll wrecked one of the girls' bathrooms. Oh, and apparently nearly clobbered the Drippy Duo and Granger to death. Stupid bloody troll - doesn't it know nearly just isn't good enough? Ha ha!
And Draco's still not well. He seemed to have made a complete recovery this morning but he's just suffered a relapse and has had to go back to bed. Poor baby!
Oh, and Draco was so embarrassed to have let his feelings show yesterday, that he kept trying to avoid me.
Silly boy!
Doesn't he realise that it's a compliment to know he was so worried and certainly nothing to be ashamed about?
I tried to talk to Mils about it but she just acted odd and made a very strange comment about not booking the honeymoon quite yet…
{~~~~~~}
I woke up this morning feeling positively euphoric! Draco clearly loves me and I've definitely decided on St Tropez. Could things possibly get any better?
I looked for Draco in the common room but couldn't see him anywhere. Then Millicent told me he had already left for breakfast.
That was odd, we usually all went together. Mils said Draco had been anxious to find out if the troll had been caught and then she'd mumbled something about, "needing to make sure that it had no ginger hairs in its teeth".
She really is a very odd girl.
Of course, I knew what was going on… I'm very quick on picking up on these things.
Obviously, darling Draco was embarrassed!
Silly boy!
I'd just have to be extra nice to Draco so he'd realise that far from finding his feelings repulsive, I returned them. It was the least I could do, after causing him all that worry.
When we arrived at our table I was shocked at the appearance of the poor thing. Draco looked as though he hadn't slept a wink all night. And he was still chewing nervously on his nails, as if not quite able to believe I was okay after all.
He was staring desperately straight ahead of him, clearly not even realising that he was looking at the seats usually occupied by Potter and co. Luckily, they were empty at the moment which is undoubtedly why Draco continued to stare at them.
Draco was clearly lost in his thoughts, probably reliving the horror that had gripped him when he'd realised I wasn't in the common room. The terrible anguish he must have felt, thinking I might be at the mercy of a vicious mountain troll. I just had to make him feel better.
I sat down next to Draco and gave the hand currently not in the process of being gnawed to death a squeeze.
"Oh, you poor darling, you look so tired. Are you sure you should be out of bed?"
Draco turned his head to me, looked down at my hand on his and then up at my face. "Oh, it's you, Pansy."
Then he turned back to stare straight ahead again.
Oh dear, I think it's all been too much! I think Draco might be in shock!
Before I could pursue my concerns, Millicent decided to join us, and immediately started to tell us about what had happened last night after we had been herded from the hall.
(Milly, is always the first with any news or gossip, I've never quite worked out how she does it).
Anyway, she was soon filling us in on everything we'd missed.
I didn't think Draco would be much interested in what she had to say, thinking he was too traumatised to take part, but he surprised me by clutching hold of her hand and asking quite earnestly, "Was anyone hurt?"
Naturally, I took hold of Draco's hand again in an effort to reassure him.
"I'm right here, Draco. You can stop worrying now."
I tried to lift Draco's hand to my cheek so he could feel how real I was; that I really was there with him, but the poor boy must have been more upset than I realised. Draco pulled his hand away and without even looking at me said. "For fucks sake, Pans, do sod off!"
Okay, I admit I was a little hurt by that - he'd never used the 'f' word to me before - but I tried to remember that he had suffered a terrible shock the night before and had clearly not had any sleep as a result.
(But if the little shit ever speaks to me like that again, I swear I am going to severely restrict his chances of producing children in the future…).
Millicent was shaking her head, and smirking at me in a very knowing manner. I glared back at her until she turned away and continued with her tale.
Apparently, one of the school ghosts had witnessed the whole incident and had told her all the juicy details.
(So that's where she gets her info!).
Anyway, according to this ghost, that silly [expletive deleted] Granger had been trapped in one of the bathrooms with the troll. Just what the stupid [expletive deleted] bushy-haired [expletive deleted] Mudblood was doing there is anyone's guess.
Luckily for her (and tragically for the rest of us) those two morons Potty and the Weasel had come to her rescue.
Surprisingly, according to Mils, it was actually the Weasel that had knocked out the troll, not Potter. Draco had let out a rather high-pitched yelp at that point, causing us all to look at him oddly. He looked rather embarrassed for a moment, and then said, "Damn!"
We all nodded sympathetically - if the stupid ginger tosser hadn't turned up then there would very likely be one less [expletive deleted], ugly, buck-toothed [expletive deleted] mongrel bitch in the world.
[Looking up from the book Hermione frowned. She was beginning to suspect she knew where most of Pansy's 'heavy editing' had been required. She also couldn't help wondering exactly what words had been deleted - especially as 'mongrel bitch' and 'Mudblood' had been deemed fit to remain. Shaking her head Hermione resumed her reading…]
Draco seemed to take the news even worse than I did.
Taking hold of Millicent's hand again (oh yes, and I could see how much the fat cow enjoyed that!) Draco looked appalled and asked, "So they're really okay? All of them?"
I know just how he feels. Perfect opportunity to wipe out three nasty little blots on the wizarding world totally wasted!
Bloody useless troll!
It was shortly after this that Draco started to feel ill again.
Millicent was just describing how big the troll had been and how close it had come to taking off Weasley's head with its club, when Draco jumped up looking rather green and said he wasn't feeling very well and was going to lie back down for a while.
We didn't see Draco for the rest of the day.
He's such a sensitive soul…
November 2nd
Draco has been in a right old strop all day. And he seems to have once again transferred his rancour to a new subject - this time Granger! Some of the names he called her at breakfast were positively obscene.
It has become apparent as the day has worn on that the troll incident has transformed the Drippy Duo into the Trying Trio.
Well, as I pointed out to Draco, I suppose if you risk your life for someone you then feel obligated to acknowledge their existence.
Draco didn't seem impressed by what I had to say, though.
I had just mentioned that at least the pathetic [expletive deleted] Mudblood freak had finally got the Weasel to notice her and now they could go away and live happily ever after raising a whole herd of bushy-haired, ginger brats, when Draco stood up and screamed at me, "Shut up you stupid pug-nosed cow!" And stormed out of the common room.
Well!
That's it… the wedding is off!
Hermione was torn. On the one hand – "pathetic [expletive deleted] Mudblood freak"; on the other – "stupid pug-nosed cow".
In the end the sheer ridiculousness of it all won out.
She slid off the stool and onto the dirty floor and laughed until she cried.