Trigger warnings for this chapter! Trigger: Abuse and gore/violence. Please be aware of the triggers and enjoy!
Chapter Five: Levi's POV-
There has only been a few times in my life where I was horrified of something. The first time I was a teenager living on the streets, and I saw a drunk homeless man drop a piece of stale bread in fresh horse shit only to pick it up and eat it. I spent the rest of the day spilling my guts in an alley way.
The second time was when I first saw a Titan eat someone. It had been back in my gang days and was the first time we decided to go outside and try to kill some. The first person to get eaten had been a younger member, barely fifteen, and between the sounds of his screams and the sounds of his bones breaking and flesh smashing together I had never heard something so bloodcurdling.
Finally, the third time was eight years ago, when the Colossal Titan first appeared and smashed through the walls. Seeing him and seeing all the mutilated civilians after his attack had traumatized me, even if it didn't seem like it.
It never did get any easier when I saw something horrible, but I always knew what to expect. Now, however, looking into the cavern, I knew I could never have expected this.
On one side there was a large book shelf, the shelves littered with jars with different labels, syringes, and crystal pellet fragments, as well as what looks like pieces of bones. Quickly skimming over the labels, I saw some read Titan blood, crushed crystal pellets, fertilizer solution, and pellet coating. However, the many jars labeled "Eren's Blood" really made my stomach turn, as well as all the jars placed next to them that also looked like blood, just with a silvery hint to it, that was labeled "Titan Serum".
Next to the book shelf was a handmade wooden table that was covered with things like axes, saws, embalming tools, pliers, knives, and coils of rope, all of which were rusted with old, dried blood. On the other side of the cave there was a desk, and an old rickety chair. The desk was covered in papers and pencils, as well as two journals much like the ones back at the hut, and above it was a shelf that held a variety of books; most of which were old science text books that focused on things such as botany and biology.
The shape in the center of the cavern that I had thought resembled a coffin, however, was what really caused my blood to freeze. No, it wasn't a coffin. It was much worse. It was a stone boulder that was fairly flat, obviously Grisha must have spent a lot of time smoothing the surface somehow, and managed quite well.
Dry blood nearly coated the slab of stone, cascading down the sides and creating a large crimson stain on the ground. White scratch marks tore into the stone, obviously from someone desperately clawing at the surface, and a disturbingly large pile of skeletal limbs were cast in the far most corner of the cavern, filling the area with a putrid smell of decaying flesh.
My stomach lurched into my throat, and I swiftly yanked off my cravat and covered my nose and mouth with it to stop myself from gagging at the smell. I couldn't even mask the horrified look in my eyes as they raked over the scene again and again, wanting desperately to look away, but being unable to at the same time.
"Who was Grisha Jaeger and what the fuck was he doing out here?!" I mentally screamed and I could feel my free hand shaking at my side. I felt like I just walked into a torture chamber straight out of a horror story and I was torn between emptying my stomach or grabbing Eren and getting our asses out of here.
The thought, however, quickly snapped me out of it, and I turned, searching for the teenager. I didn't know if he remembered what happened here or not, but I had a strong urge to protect him from those memories. I just wanted to grab him and drag him back to the hut and insist this was a mistake.
However, when my eyes did land on him he was already walking forward, seemingly unfazed by the sight before him. Keeping his eyes hidden behind his bangs, he went straight towards the desk and started sorting through the papers, picking them all up and organizing them before carefully tucking them inside the two journals.
Then, with the journals in hand, he strode over to the bookshelf and reached under the table, pulling out a burlap sack I hadn't been able to see. He quickly but gently started placing two of each jar into the sack, however just as he was about to tie it shut, he stopped and added a few more jars of the "Titan Serum" and all the crystal pieces.
"I think that should be enough for your friend Hanji to look at, and I don't think the books on the shelf are important. We'll have to go through all his papers though and these journals," he suddenly said and lifted the hand he was holding the journals and papers in for emphasis. However, he didn't make eye contact, and instead focused on tying the tassels of the bag tightly.
"Right," I stated firmly, my voice sounding a lot more calm than I actually felt. I could tell he didn't want to talk about this place, and he was probably in an even bigger rush to leave than I was, so I quickly strode over to him and grabbed the bag, heaving it over my shoulder before turning on my heels. "Grab your lantern and let's get the fuck out of here," I muttered before stomping towards the entrance a little too hastily than I meant to.
"O-okay," Eren stuttered, and I heard him quickly trot to catch up with me. We walked in silence, my boots smacking against the ground and the jars clinking together loudly with every step I took. Eren stayed behind me, and even though I desperately wanted to turn around and check to make sure he was okay, I forced myself to face forward and keep walking.
Being a part of the Scouting Legion, I have seen many soldiers struggle to keep calm when facing something that terrifies them, and that's exactly what Eren was doing. Not only for my sake, but also his own, he was trying to control his emotions and not show any weakness, but I knew better. I knew he'd crack eventually, and if he didn't want me to see, then I wouldn't push myself on him. Sometimes the best way to comfort someone was to pretend you didn't see them trying not to break. I made a silent promise to myself that I would only acknowledge it if he wanted me to.
The entire walk back was met with silence besides our footsteps and the sound of crickets chirping happily in the forest. The sound reminded me of the Scouting Legion headquarters, and I briefly wondered what everyone was doing. It had been three days since I ordered Hanji to lead everyone to safety, and part of me was wondering if they were waiting for me to come back, or if they thought I was dead.
When we did make it back to the hut, I had to remind myself to be gentle as I shoved the sack under the table alongside of my 3D maneuver gear. Then, before Eren even had the chance to get inside the hut, I rekindled the fire and took a seat on one of the stumps. He came in only a few seconds later, his expression slightly shocked as he took a seat next to me.
"Give me those journals," I said gruffly, and he blinked, but didn't hesitate to hand them to me. "I'm going to try and read through these all tonight, but I think we should start heading to the Walls tomorrow morning. The longer I'm out here, the more they're going to give up hope that I'm still alive, and we really need to get this information to them so we can use it in our next exhibition. Are you okay with this?" I asked carefully, and I expected him to panic; to insist he wasn't ready to leave his childhood home.
Instead, however, his eyes scanned the hut, memories flashing behind his irises before he turned to stare into the fire, and nodded his head. A sad smile crept onto his face as he watched the flames dance in front of him before turning back to look at me.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Your friends are probably really worried about you. I can even dig up one of the plants and put it in a pot so Hanji can see it. There's not really much I have to pack to take with me anyways besides my clothes," he chuckled and I wrinkled my nose.
"Hell no, you are not taking those grimy ass clothes with you. You're only taking whatever you're wearing and when we get back I'll buy you new clean clothes," I insisted and he blushed slightly before looking down at his shirt and muttering something like "are they really that dirty?"
"They're disgusting. Now I'd suggest packing whatever you want to bring with you now so you don't forget anything," I muttered, rolling my eyes, and turning towards the journals in my hand. I set all the loose paper on the floor next to me before opening the first journal and focusing my attention on the messy handwriting that was scribbled across the page.
"Eren turns ten months old tomorrow. I believe I've waited long enough to start experimenting on him, and hopefully his immune system will be strong enough to handle the serum. To think, if this actually works I could create my very own army of Titan shifters to take back the world for humanity and prove everyone who doubted me wrong.
The serum is simple. It is six parts Titan blood, three parts liquefied crystal pellets, two parts of the crystal coating, and one part water to keep the blood from evaporating. I plan to inject him with eight ounces every night until I see development. For now, I must go before Carla gets suspicious."
"What the fuck?" I thought, cringing as I read through the short passage again. The fucker was injecting his ten month old son with Titan blood when he didn't even know what the outcome would be? How insane was this man?
Flipping through the next few pages, they were all small entries talking about the injections. It described how Eren would scream and cry hysterically as soon as the serum entered his body and wouldn't stop for hours, which was why Grisha would only bring him to the cave at night. Many of his entries were small, and he didn't write every night so I skipped ahead until I found a longer one.
"I believe it's safe to start my experiments on Eren. I've been successfully injecting the serum into him every night for the past six years and I am growing impatient waiting for something to happen. Perhaps he's already changed, just not as obviously as I would have liked. I suppose it's for the best however, because if that's the case then Carla should never find out about what I've been doing. I plan to bring Eren back to the cave after Carla falls asleep, until then I'm going to take him hunting.
…
Carla took longer than usual to fall asleep tonight, but I was finally about to sneak away with Eren. Like always he was confused on why he was here, but I'm not worried. He always forgets about our nightly visits; a side-effect of the serum.
Eren fought when I tied him to the stone table, but I was able to secure him down and gag him to keep him from crying out. Though it's not like Carla would be able to hear him anyhow, I've made sure of it. It really was amazing. I made the first laceration on his right thigh. I had to be careful not to cut too deeply, in the case he didn't heal, but within ten minutes the cut was gone. It was outstanding. I made a few more lacerations on his arms legs and stomach, all a little deeper than the last, and just like the first they all healed within ten minutes of being inflicted. Tomorrow night I plan to test the limits of his regeneration abilities, and maybe then I can find out how to make him shift."
My brow furrowed as I flipped the page, only to find it was the last one, so I swapped the journals and began reading where I left off. However, I had the sickening feeling Grisha was only just getting started.
I had only read the first few sentences when I felt my stomach lurch for the second time that night. The entry explained in vivid detail how Grisha tied Eren to the rock again, despite his screams and cries for help, and once he was secure he gave him that night's injection.
It then continued to explain how he began his experiments like the day before, with shallow cuts on Eren's arms, legs, stomach, and chest. Once those healed, however, he didn't stop. He started cutting off Eren's toes using the various instruments I saw on the table back in the cave. It described every scream of pain, and how Eren begged him to stop, begged for the pain to stop.
"It only took half an hour for Eren's toes to grow back. Just like a Titan, his flesh produced steam until the healing process was complete, and it left Eren breathless and exhausted. Once he calmed down, I used the saw to sever his right leg. Like before he started screaming and thrashing around, begging me to stop. His screams were bloodcurdling and he ripped his nails off by clawing at the surface of the stone so hard. His crying had actually gotten so loud I had to gag him because the volume was damaging my ears and causing the stalactite to start crumbling from the roof of the cave.
"It took a while to cut through the bone since he was struggling so much, but by the time I managed to completely saw through and remove the limb he had completely given up and just laid there, crying quietly and starring at nothing. He didn't even struggle when I started sawing off his arm and-"
I quickly turned the page, unable to read anymore as I ground my teeth together. The realization that the pile of decomposing arms and legs in the cave had all been Eren's had me torn between pulling him into my arms to check and make sure he was whole and safe, and hunting down that bastard Grisha and making sure he experienced all the pain he put Eren through tenfold.
However, pushing back the possessive need to protect him, I flipped through the rest of the journal only to find that each entry described more ways Grisha tortured Eren, and explained that this went on for years, probably until Eren transformed for the first time when he was ten.
I clenched my fist angrily, wanting nothing more than to destroy Grisha Jaeger but instead I turned to Eren, who was currently loading wood onto the fire. His eyes looked like melted gold due to the glow of the flames, and I couldn't imagine anyone ever wanting to hurt him. When he looked up, he smiled gently at me, however when he registered my furious expression, he immediately frowned and his brow knitted together in concern.
"Levi is something wrong?" he asked innocently, sitting himself on the stump next to me. His kindness despite everything he's been through only made me angrier, and I lifted the journal, holding it in a death grip, while his eyes widened and he quickly looked away, focusing on the fire once more.
"Eren, do you remember the things your father did to you?" I nearly snarled and saw him flinch before bowing his head so his bangs covered his eyes. "Dammit, Eren, tell me! Do you remember what he did to you!" I asked again putting my hand on his shoulder and forcing him to turn towards me only to freeze when I saw tears streaming down his face, and his mouth set in a hard line.
"Yeah…" he muttered, bowing his head once more and feebly wiping away at his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't remember everything exactly, but I remember enough…" he whispered and I could hear the sorrow in his voice. All of my anger immediately disappeared somehow, and instead was replaced with immense concern and guilt for making him talk about it when I promised myself I wouldn't unless he wanted to.
Mentally cursing myself, I pulled away from him and ran my fingers through my hair, staring blankly at the fire. We sat in silence for a few minutes starring at the fire, and I absentmindedly started humming the tune Eren had been singing when I first woke up. In fact I didn't notice until Eren turned and smiled at me.
"I didn't think you heard me sing that," he chuckled, his eyes slowly starting to shine again while I forced back a light blush. "My mom use to sing that to me every night when she put me to bed. It's a lullaby. It always calmed me down whenever I had nightmares," he mused, and I was grateful he was remembering something pleasant.
"What was your mother like?" he asked suddenly and I froze. I never talk about my mother or my family life in general. Even Hanji and Erwin didn't know about it, but when I saw how our conversation was distracting him, I wanted to just go ahead and tell him. He already trusted me completely, even to the point of telling me all of his demons without second thought, and I wanted to trust him in return.
However, that wasn't just it. Another part of me just wanted him to know more about me. It sounded crazy, especially for someone who has a reputation for pushing others away like myself; but I wanted to have a close relationship with him. Something I never really cared for.
"She was amazing," I stated vaguely, turning back to look at the fire when his eyes softened. "She died when I was young, so I don't really have that many memories of her, but I know she was beautiful and by far the kindest woman in the world. She always went out of her way to make people happy and take care of me," I explained, and he smiled sadly.
"How'd she die?" he muttered, and I knew immediately that he thought it had something to do with Titans eating her.
"She got sick. A plague hit the Wall years ago and killed a lot of people. Some doctor was able to find a cure for it but it wasn't until after it took a little over two hundred lives, including my mothers," I told him, and he frowned, his brow furrowing in sympathy while I gave him a look saying it couldn't be helped.
"What about your dad?" He tried, and I frowned, my eyes narrowing at the topic. "Ah, s-sorry, never mind," he stammered hastily, but I looked at him and shook my head.
"No, it's fine. I don't know him. He walked out on my mother before I was born so we never met," I stated dismissively and he pursed his lips together and nodded. "You'll like Hanji and Erwin when you meet them. Hanji is bat shit crazy and Erwin has a permanent stick up his ass but they're good people," I blurted out, surprising both of us while his mouth fell open in confusion.
"Wait, they what?" he exclaimed, his eyes widening and I realized he thought I was being literal and was genuinely concerned for their well-being.
"Shit I forgot you've lived out here all your life. I mean she insane and he's too professional about everything. I just said it a different way which you'll have to get used to," I explained, smirking at him.
We stayed like that well into the night. Me rambling on about other members of the Scouting Legion, and Eren listening eagerly with wide bright eyes, occasionally asking questions or wondering about something I said. We only stopped when my jaw actually began to ache from talking so much, then we both crawled into the bed utterly exhausted and ready to end our night.