Fandom: Loveless
Title: Resolution
Pairing: SoubixRitsuka
Rating: overall- NC17; this chapter- R
Timeline: Future AU Although there are hints at some events through volume 4/episode 12, there is no mention of Septimal Moon or Wisdom Resurrection in this story.
Summary: Can Ritsuka forgive Soubi in time to save him?
AN: My first Loveless multi-chapter fic. This story deals with some dark themes, including (but not limited to) graphic violence, abuse, and murder.
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Resolution
Chapter 2
"Predestined Horror"
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Seimei stared down at the dozing form of his little brother, letting his eyes trail across the length of his long, lean body, pausing in places that would have surely caused the young man great discomfort had he known he was being considered in such a way by his own flesh and blood. Even without his ears, Ritsuka's face still bore the remnants of the sweet, innocent child he had been when Seimei "died," leaving him to fend for himself… rather, leaving Soubi to fend for him.
A murderous surge of jealousy coursed through him as he looked at his brother's new earless features, his own ears twitching angrily in response to the sight of him.
But Ritsuka wasn't the one of whom he was jealous…
Or the one he hated.
Never you, Ritsuka, Seimei thought, turning around to glare up at the ashen, almost lifeless face of the Fighter.
His Fighter.
There was a small speck of red on Soubi's cheek. It could have been anything. Anything at all.
Except that it wasn't.
Seimei leaned closely to Soubi, smiling happily at the sharp intake of breath that issued from the older, taller man, never taking his gaze off Soubi's intense blue eyes which could only look down at the floor.
"Missed a spot," he whispered breathily, sticking out his tongue and slowly dragging it along the crimson splotch. Because it had dried, Seimei had to repeat the motion a few more times, running his tongue with agonizing deliberateness along Soubi's cheek and causing the man to shudder and moan helplessly.
"Meet me at our old place tonight," he said softly, nuzzling his cheek against Soubi's and running a hand down the blonde's chest.
Considering the heartbreaking horror of what was soon to come, Soubi opened his mouth to speak but, remembering his place, shut it immediately. He was promptly rewarded with a severe pain in his left nipple as Seimei pinched and twisted it hard. He bit deeply into his bottom lip to refrain from vocalizing his agony.
"Find a way." The statement left no room for question in its finality.
"Yes…"
I'm sorry, Ritsuka.
I'm so sorry.
"… Master."
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Ritsuka moaned softly and turned onto his side, throwing his arm across Soubi's chest and smiling to himself as he instantly felt his hand being enclosed in his lover's. He felt a dull ache in the lower part of his body but it was nothing, nothing at all, compared to the happiness in his heart. He could lie there forever….
His eyes flew open. He immediately knew he was in trouble not only by the quality of daylight filtering into the small apartment but also the suspicious feeling of restfulness that he only ever experienced on mornings he was able to sleep in. Ritsuka squinted and willed his eyes to focus on the clock, which indicated that his first class would be starting in ten minutes-
"Damn it!" he yelled, catapulting himself out of the warm bed and racing to grab his clothes, trying to ignore his internal discomfort. He would just have to wear the same clothes as yesterday.
After tripping himself up in the legs of his jeans and hurriedly yanking his shirt down over his head, Ritsuka caught his reflection in the small mirror that hung over Soubi's dresser. He paused, fascinated by the sight of himself.
For the first time ever, without the ears that had seemingly defined him for almost eighteen years.
He didn't feel that some mystical transformation into adulthood had taken place. He still felt like himself, just a bit… evolved. He glanced back at the ears and tail which were lying on the floor next to the bed; Soubi must have put them there during the night. He'd heard of some people holding onto them as weird, virginal keepsakes, but he found that he had absolutely no interest whatsoever in doing that. What was the point of it? To Ritsuka, losing his ears didn't feel any different than the initial wonder he felt when he began losing his baby teeth.
In his mind's eye, he could feel them twitch. It was a surreal sensation; he remembered learning about amputees who had the same phantom sensations in limbs that were no longer there.
Phantom twitch… he thought wryly.
He felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist. "Do you regret it?" Soubi asked, pressing his face into the crook of Ritsuka's neck.
"Of course not," Ritsuka said, leaning back against his lover's body and gazing at him through the mirror. "Never."
"But your mother…"
"I'll deal with it," the teen insisted, grateful that he'd overslept so that he would not have to face her just yet and even more grateful that he'd changed his cell phone number some months ago. It had become an embarrassment, her constant calling when he wasn't home, even before his curfew.
"I can't … not… live my life… because of what she might do. Not anymore." Ritsuka sighed, feeling the heaviness of his proclamation weigh down on his heart. He wasn't afraid of Misaki, but the years of walking on eggshells to make her happy would definitely come to an end the minute she saw him.
He allowed himself the pleasure of being held in Soubi's backward embrace for another minute before reluctantly pulling away.
"I have to go," he said, wrapping his arms around the man's neck and kissing him softly.
Ritsuka grabbed his bag and walked to front door. He stopped and ran a hand along the top of his head.
"Yuiko is going to call you, you know," he warned Soubi.
Soubi smiled softly and, Ritsuka thought, a bit sadly. "I suspected as much," he said. "I'll see you tonight," he added.
Ritsuka nodded and stepped out of the room.
The Fighter stood there for very long time after Ritsuka left, after which he calmly stepped into the shower where he washed away not only any remaining traces of what he had done the night before, but perhaps the last vestiges of his humanity as well.
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Ritsuka walked quickly toward the school building. He didn't bother trying to concoct an excuse for his tardiness; the explanation was going to be obvious to everyone the minute he stepped foot inside of the classroom.
But what of it? He was a senior. Most of his classmates had long since lost their ears, including Yuiko and Yayoi. It wasn't a big deal at all; if anything, he was finally catching up.
Thinking nothing of the parked police car he walked past- sometimes officers came in to talk to students about the dangers of drugs and things like that- Ritsuka opened the door of the school's main entrance and stepped inside…
… where he quickly discovered that the loss of his ears was the last thing he would ever have to worry about.
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"They think I did it," Ritsuka said in a small, pained voice that hurt Soubi's heart. "They think I ki-"
"No they don't," Soubi reassured him, gently stroking the head that rested in his lap. "They had to ask you those things because you weren't home last night," he said, failing to add that he was fairly certain that even the police would be smart enough to figure out that there was no possible way someone of Ritsuka's size was physically able to do… what had been done.
He'd received the call about two hours after Ritsuka had left that morning and dutifully ran to his lover's side as news of the murder, and the horrifically gruesome nature of it, had begun to spread. He was able to corroborate Ritsuka's assertion that he was at Soubi's apartment the entire night, a fact that was even further supported by interviews with the boy's teachers, who were all able to testify that he'd had his ears up until that day.
In other words, he was too busy losing his ears to Soubi to have killed his mother.
"Seimei… Mom…" Ritsuka whispered shakily. His breath hitched a few times, but he managed not to cry. Yet.
Soubi moved his hand down to rub Ritsuka's back. He felt the teen let out a shuddering sigh against his thigh. "My dad hasn't returned my calls yet," he said of the man who had long since taken leave of his delusional wife.
Soubi nodded silently, having come to hate the man who abandoned his son to Misaki's verbal and physical abuse. "I'm sure they will find him," he said quietly. "It's just a matter of-"
"Soubi."
"… time…" Soubi finished.
Seimei. Seimei was calling for him, summoning him. The voice ransacked his brain, filled it, until it was the only thing there. He pressed his free hand to his temple, as if to contain the command that threatened to split his head in two. To his own horror, he almost dumped the heartbroken teen off of his lap and stood up, but he managed to control himself… barely.
He would not be able to do so much longer. Seimei's word was law, after all.
A law that he would never be free from, as long as the Sacrifice was alive.
"I'm waiting."
"Yes…" Soubi obediently answered, dangerously close to adding "master" to his reply.
"Hm?" Ritsuka raised his head and looked at Soubi, who smiled warmly at him.
"Nothing," he said kindly. "I was just… thinking out loud," he replied. He leaned over and kissed Ritsuka's forehead, using the opportunity to slide from beneath him and stand up.
"I'm going to go… and pick up some of your things," he managed. "You've already worn those clothes two days in a row."
"But it's… it's… a… crime scene," Ritsuka said. "You can't just go in there."
"I'm going to ask if someone will go inside for me," Soubi said, having absolutely no intention of doing so. He gently pushed Ritsuka's head down on a pillow and covered him with a blanket. Just try and get some rest; I won't be long."
Please, Ritsuka, please don't ask me to stay…
"Oh… okay," the amethyst-eyed teen said uncertainly, looking up at the older man with hesitation.
Soubi ran his fingers through Ritsuka's hair. "Everything is going to be alright," he said. "I'll be right back."
He quietly walked out of the apartment, leaving Ritsuka alone with his thoughts.
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Ritsuka pulled the blanket over his head and curled into a ball, letting the darkness consume him. He hadn't wanted Soubi to leave, even if it was just for a little while.
First Seimei and now his mother, both of them murdered in unthinkable ways. Misaki had been… most difficult. But he loved her all the same.
His breath hitched again; his body seemed to be fighting the inevitable onslaught of tears, not just for his mother, but his entire family. They were all lost to him now. He was so grateful that he had Soubi-
A sudden thought sprung to his muddled mind with almost alarming clarity:
Soubi hadn't told him that he loved him when he left… neither had he said it that morning.
… it was nothing. Surely. Wasn't he the one, after all, who had always made an issue about how often Soubi did say it? Maybe he had just finally decided to respect Ritsuka's wishes…
Still…
The young man let out a sad gust of breath and closed his eyes, falling into a fitful sleep while waiting for Soubi to return home.
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The old place.
The place Soubi had prayed he would never have to see again as long as he lived.
The place where he now stood, his wrists bound over his head by cuffs which were attached to a chain. He remembered this rather well; suspension bondage was one of Seimei's favorite games.
The demonic angel himself slowly circled his shirtless victim. Soubi closed his eyes and lowered his head as a sea of conflicting emotions- love and hate, devotion and fury, excitement and fear- ran throughout his body.
His years with Ritsuka already seemed like a beautiful dream; this was his reality. Seimei had never died. He had always been Beloved.
Damned.
Seimei still had his ears and his tail. His virginity was something he seemed to treasure very much, though it was something Soubi was once willing to have at any cost.
That was not to say, however, that he had no knowledge of another man's body. Seimei knew Soubi's body quite well, in fact. And Soubi didn't have to see the table behind him to know the things on it, laid out with all the care of a surgeon preparing for an operation, devices that would cause him great pain and pleasure.
But mostly pain.
Almost always pain.
"I feel like you've forgotten me, Soubi," Seimei said. Soubi could hear clinking sounds coming from the table and wondered what would be used against him first.
"You've forgotten your name," Seimei continued, walking in front of Soubi with one arm concealed behind his back. He used his other hand to unwrap the bandage from Soubi's neck, letting it fall to the floor and revealing his namesake, carved into the Fighter's smooth flesh.
"I forgive you. I do understand my brother's charm, after all." He ran his fingers along the jagged letters of the Beloved scar that he himself had branded onto Soubi's body at such a young, tender age.
Soubi squeezed his eyes shut against Seimei's touch, not wanting to want it and hating his body for reacting to it.
"So let's start over, shall we?"
He didn't need to open his eyes to know that the knife was there, poised above his throat.
Ritsuka…
He tried to find solace in the boy's name, knowing in his heart it was much too late for such comfort.
If only I could have belonged to you from the start, he lamented, gritting his teeth against the sensation of being carved like a piece of meat.
Ritsuka!
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"Soubi?"
Ritsuka sat up with a start. He could have sworn he heard…
He shook his head. He checked the time and frowned; Soubi had been gone almost two hours now.
Fumbling for his cell phone, he tried calling Soubi and was only able to reach his voice mail.
"Where are you?" he whispered.
Ritsuka flopped back onto the bed. A thought that he hated himself for even considering surfaced in his mind and he pushed it away in anger.
Soubi was with him last night. All night.
He was certain of it… even if he had slept like a log.
… and even if not, Soubi would never…
… could never…
… how could he even consider it? What kind of boyfriend suspects his lover, even in passing, of such an atrocity?
Ritsuka ran his hand over his eyes, ashamed of himself for letting his mind wander in such an impossible direction.
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If… if Seimei came back to life…. If he ordered you to kill me…. What would you do?
Soubi would never do anything to hurt him. Period.
He was willing to bet his life on it.
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At that moment, something was beginning…
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I lie awake, unable to move
Within myself battle reigns supreme
I've fallen victim to my own reality
Destined is the broken path that I contemplate
It sadly brought me here spawning this grievous fate
Remorse won't suffice
So it must be
... that nothing lies ahead for me
Nothing but horror.
"Predestined Horror" by Vasaria
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AN: Well, then… I suppose it's a bit too late to inject some shiny happiness into this story, eh?
Thanks for coming along for this dark, dreary ride. See you in Chapter 3.