Disclaimer: One Piece and all the characters belong to Eiichiro Oda. I don't profit from this or own it.
A/N: So this started out on tumblr. I had people giving me Christmas prompts. One word representative of the whole month of December. laughsandgiggles01 gave me the word "Scrooge". This was the end result. All of these fics won't be from the Christmas Prompts. Some of these will be just from other inspirations that come to me and my ZoSan Christmas Exchange fic might go here too.
"I fucking hate Christmas!" along with the slam of the front door let Sanji know that his boyfriend of six months was indeed here….Finally. It wasn't officially Christmas yet, but Sanji wanted to have a Christmas date night and exchange more…. intimate presents, along with a romantic dinner and a marathon of Christmas snacks and movies.
Sanji put down the bowl of frosting he'd been mixing and walked out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on the towel he'd originally had slung over his shoulder. Raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend who was currently stomping his feet and brushing the snow off his body, he asked "What the fuck's gotten into you, you scrooge? Don't tell me you don't wanna fucking celebrate our Christmas date tonight either?"
Zoro looked up, face flushed and looking rather angry. Not the angriest Sanji had ever seen him, but angry enough. Zoro snarled "I don't give a flying fuck if I'm a flying scrooge. Fuck Christmas. I just want fucking New Years eve to come around so that I have a legitimate excuse to fucking drink myself under the goddamn table and then some. Fucking Christmas!" Zoro practically ripped his winter coat off and hung it viciously on the coat hook along with his scarf and gloves. Sanji didn't bother to mention the snow in his hair. Zoro would get that or it'd melt.
Sanji walked over to kiss his boyfriend as Zoro explained "I managed to get to the fucking supermarket this morning and went to go buy your prissy fucking champagne for dinner tonight. There was one bottle left. I had it in my fucking hands when this goddamn cow ripped it from my hands and accused me of taking it from her goddamn cart! I told her to fuck off and that I took it from the goddamn shelf. Security kicked me out for 'causing a scene'. Fuck them. So then I was walking to my car when this shithead threw a snowball at me. When I looked at the brat and told him to fuck off, he went crying to his goddamn mother who turned out be that fucking bitch."
Sanji chose to let Zoro curse his black little heart out as he walked back into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Opening a bottle of Zoro's favorite beer, he said "Come on marimo, it couldn't have been worse other than that. Besides shithead, if that's all that happened, you're being a fucking scrooge." Sanji walked over to the couch in the living room where Zoro had plunked himself down. He handed the bottle of beer over to Zoro who took a few liberal gulps as Sanji sat on the armrest next to Zoro.
After swallowing, Zoro snorted and said "I fucking wish! That cow came storming out, screaming at me, and cussing like a bitch! When I told her what her fucking dipshit spawn of Satan had done, she accused me of intimidating her son and 'targeting' her for reporting me for being a thug to security! I told her she was a delusional sack of shit, and next thing I fucking know, I'm banned from the goddamn store for life! Merry fucking Christmas my ass!" Sanji bit back a snicker. Poor marimo, to day just wasn't his day.
Zoro took another swig from his beer and said "I went to four different fucking stores and the bottles were fucking sold out or I had the last bottle snatched from me by some prick!" Zoro sighed heavily, still tense from his encounters earlier.
Luckily, Sanji still had a bottle in his pantry. Well, it was mostly an emergency celebratory bottle. However, in this case, it'd be an emergency date bottle. Sanji reached out and dusted Zoro's hair off and said "Shit happens, Scrooge. It's fucking Christmas, calm your goddamn tits asshat."
Zoro snorted and said moodily "Fuck you!" before he folded his arms across his chest, a sullen expression on his face. Allowing a long-suffering sigh to escape his lips, Sanji could tell that this was already going to be a long night.
He said "Alright then marimo, out with it. What else happened that pissed you off so goddamned much?"
Zoro glared up at his boyfriend and said "Well, after the fucking champagne disaster, I said fuck it and got some bottle of fancy ass wine you liked, and that went okay. But then I went to get your fucking Christmas present and the store was robbed the night before! ROBBED! FUCKING ROBBED!" Zoro snarled and said "Fuckers wouldn't even give me a goddamned refund." Zoro exhaled noisily and continued "So I said fuck it and came straight here."
Zoro reached out and pulled Sanji into his lap, and said after taking another gulp of beer "After parking my car, I got out of the car and halfway to the door, this kid and her fucking cat…thing, come skidding by on their sled knocking me over and the wine fucking broke on the ice. Fucking shit. I fucking hate Christmas. I don't give two flying fucks if that makes me a fucking scrooge! I'm gon-Mmph!"
Sanji's lips pressed against Zoro's cut the male off from the rest of his tirade. Breaking the kiss, Sanji smirked and said suggestively "Fucking Scrooge? I like the sound of that, shithead." Sanji pried the half-empty bottle of beer from Zoro and set it on a coaster on his coffee table. Getting off of Zoro's lap, he yanked the male to his feet and said "Lets go then."
Zoro looked puzzled, eyebrows knitting together as he said "What the fuck does that have to do with anything." Sanji sighed at this and yanked Zoro into a kiss.
Breaking the kiss, he said "I'm going to say it slowly for you marimo. I. Am. Going. To. Fuck. My. Moss-headed. Scrooge. Get the goddamn picture now?"
Zoro by then was smirking and hiking Sanji over his shoulder. He said happily "Fuck yes." Walking towards the bedroom, it didn't take long before there was a loud thud.
Said loud thud was then followed by an explosive roar of "MOTHERFUCKER! I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS!"
In the background, Sanji's laughter echoed as he said "I'll get the car keys and drive us to the hospital then, shall I, marimo?"