Fandom: Loveless
Title: Resolution
Pairing: SoubixRitsuka
Rating: R overall
Timeline: **Future AU** Diverges from Volume 4/Episode 12. No mention of Septimal Moon or Wisdom Resurrection.
Summary: Can Ritsuka forgive Soubi in time to save him?
AN: **This story deals with some dark themes, including (but not limited to) graphic violence, abuse, and murder. ** Enter at your own risk.
Contains chapter 9 and an epilogue, which picks up right where the prologue left off.
It's been an interesting and utterly depressing ride. For those of you who came along with me, thank you.
Resolution
Chapter 9
"Sacrifice"
Soubi rocked dizzily on his feet, the world and everything in it seeming to spin around at an alarming rate. The pain from the stab wound was incredibly immense, and he thought that he might pass out from it very soon. But it was just as well, as far as he was concerned. All he needed to do was stay conscious long enough to set things right. After that… well, after that didn't matter anymore.
Just a little while longer. Then he could retreat to the darkness forever. It would be a welcome relief.
He staggered towards Seimei until they were face to face, looking at him, seeing him for the first time without the fear and dread that had dominated him since the day they met. Now that he was viewing things clearly- albeit too little, too late- he found it hard to believe that he had been so unwaveringly beholden to such a reprehensible human being.
All the damage, the hurt, the grief… the murder… all of it… for him?
"Oh, Seimei."
Soubi reached out and gently stroked the young man's cheek, and he wasn't the least bit surprised when a small, dark corner of his heart rejoiced upon contact. He knew that he still loved Seimei, in an extremely twisted sort of way, the kind of love that poisoned, ruptured. The kind of love that really wasn't love at all, at its core. And he would always feel that love, to some degree. It couldn't be helped. But even that held no sway over him anymore.
"You should have never come back."
Seimei cringed against the fingers that traced down his jawline. It was all he could manage because of the spell that bound him in place.
"You… can't… hold me… forever," he spat through clenched teeth, his fury emanating like scorching heat.
Soubi lowered his hand and nodded in agreement. He could feel the Sacrifice trying to break the spell. Considering Seimei's power, it wouldn't be long before he did. Soubi moved behind him and swept him into a backwards embrace, joining his hands around Seimei's stomach. He nuzzled his face against dark hair and the ears he had once so desperately wanted to take. There was a time when it was the only thing that he ever wanted, a time before he discovered that love did not have to be synonymous with hate. A time before Ritsuka.
Ritsuka…
A bolt of pain tore through Soubi upon thinking of his name, one that cut deeper and hurt far more than Seimei's knife. There he was, about to do yet another thing that was going to bring the boy heartache. Maybe Ritsuka would never be able to forgive him for what he was about to do. But at least he would be able to move on.
Hopefully.
"Just a little while longer," the Fighter said. "That's all I need."
Realization dawned in Seimei's eyes.
"… command you… let… me… go."
"No."
Soubi winced as a hand clamped over his arm. His spell was unraveling quickly. He pulled out of Seimei's grasp and stepped around to face him. Soubi pulled Seimei into his arms and pressed his forehead to the Sacrifice's. He then closed his eyes, his mind overrun by so many regrets and could-have-beens, all the things that might have been different in his life if not for the misfortune of his destiny. But it was because of that destiny that he had come to know Ritsuka, and for that, if nothing else, he was grateful.
There were things that Soubi wanted to say to Seimei. So many things, rising to the surface of his being after years upon years of repression and denial. But even if not for lack of time, what difference would it make? No words or expression of sentiment would ever break through the Sacrifice's hatred and madness. Plus doing so would only prolong the inevitable.
No. Best not to delay any longer.
Seimei Aoyagi was said to have died by fire once. Perhaps it was only fitting that such be the case again. This time for real.
Soubi opened his mouth and began to speak.
Shortly after that, flames bloomed to life inside the barrier.
xxXXxx
While Ritsu could not see Ritsuka, he could feel him out there, somewhere in the darkness, in the place beyond sleep and dreams.
"For goodness sake, Loveless," he muttered. "You could have at least tried to deflect his spell."
Although to be fair, Ritsu did realize that Soubi's spell was a strong one, designed to keep the boy unconscious long enough for the Fighter to do what he intended to do. And surely whatever strength Ritsuka did have was all but nullified by the emotional devastation of learning that the two people he loved most in the whole world were also the ones who betrayed him in such a horrific way.
Ritsu did not know the specifics of what Soubi was about to do, but he had a very good idea of the end result.
"So this is your intention, Soubi? To deny the world your existence?"
He shook his head in firm denial.
"I cannot allow that to happen."
Ritsu closed his eyes and concentrated until he was able to zero in on Ritsuka's presence. It would take every single ounce of his remaining power to break the spell, which would ultimately prove catastrophic when combined with the events that took place at the Aoyagi house, where his body still was, as yet undiscovered. In other words, on the off chance that Ritsu did recover from his physical injuries, which would be a miracle in and of itself, he would be useless as a Sacrifice for the rest of his life.
A Sacrifice's sacrifice. How tragically poetic.
"Wake up…"
xxXXxx
… Ritsuka.
Ritsuka's eyes flew open and he sat up with a start, knocking back Youji in the process. He shook his head to clear the fog in his mind and then looked around at the group of Fighters and Sacrifices who were licking the wounds of Soubi's previous assault.
Soubi and Seimei were nowhere to be found.
"Where's Soubi?" he asked the green-haired Sacrifice.
Youji did not respond… but his expression was answer enough.
The young man turned to Youji's partner. "Natsuo?"
A single eye regarded him with sorrow. "He's inside the barrier," he said. "And I don't think he plans on coming out."
Panic ripped through Ritsuka's core. It was already bad enough that Soubi was injured, perhaps gravely, because of Seimei. If he really meant to...
His mind did not allow him to finish the thought. In spite of all the things he had come to know, Ritsuka found that he could not, would not try to fathom a world without Soubi in it.
He shook loose of Youji's arms and rose to his feet. He wavered for a moment but forced himself to move, snatching away from the hands that tried to detain him. After a number of wobbly steps, he was met with invisible resistance, as if someone had placed an unseen wall in his path. It was the barrier, which contained the two people who had most defined his life, such as it was.
"Ritsuka, please don't," Youji pleaded with him.
"This is what Soubi wanted," Natsuo added.
"Save him."
Ritsuka, Youji, and Natsuo turned and found that Kio had now joined them.
"Save him," the blond said to Ritsuka again, nodding his desperate encouragement. "Hurry."
xxXXxx
It wasn't the fire that killed Seimei, but his very own knife.
He finally broke free of Soubi's spell before the flames could reach either of them. But without the psychological hold that had been the foundation of their warped union for years, he was no match for the larger and stronger man, who was able to turn the attack in his favor with relative ease, even with his injuries. Unsurprisingly, there were no grand epiphanies or moments of truth; Seimei's wrath held firm until his last breath.
A monster, through and through, right up until the end.
Soubi cradled and rocked the lifeless body in his arms, his heart aching like never before. He had killed before, without hesitation. How ironic was it, then, that the death of the one person who deserved it the most- besides himself- affected him so deeply now that he could act of his own free will?
The flames slowly drew closer and he waited patiently for them to reach him. He would not take the cowardly path and quicken his own demise; he wanted to feel the pain, every agonizing second of it. It was a suitable penance for all the suffering he had caused. Soubi wrapped his mind around the image of Ritsuka, and it was enough, to die like that, with his memories to see him off into the beyond.
Yes, it was enough. The only thing that Soubi would have liked more was to hear Ritsuka's voice one last time-
"Soubi!"
For a moment, Soubi thought that he was imagining things, thinking so hard about the sound of Ritsuka's voice that his brain was causing him to hear it. Then Ritsuka called out to him again and he knew that it was for real, that somehow, against the odds, the boy had managed to find him.
But how?
He sensed a rift in the barrier and gaped in awe as Ritsuka forced his way inside. Soubi could not believe what he was witnessing, and in his amazement he almost forgot the incantation that would keep the young man from succumbing to the fire that he was blindly and brazenly determined to breach with no consideration whatsoever for his own safety. While Ritsuka never had any idea about the power inherent with his family name, nor showed it for that matter, it was clearly evident now in the way he so easily penetrated Soubi's defenses.
Would that he had been able to wield his true power all along. Things might have played out differently in all of their lives.
Their eyes met across the fire-filled barrier.
"How did you…?"
Soubi's voice trailed off as the answer to his unfinished question became abundantly clear.
Ritsu. Ritsu was the reason that Ritsuka was there.
Which meant that he was still alive. Or rather, had been, long enough to reverse Soubi's spell.
Ritsuka's gaze lowered to the body of his older brother, his face contorting into an expression of sadness that no human being should ever know. Soubi waited for the anger, anticipated the rebuke. But when Ritsuka looked at him again and spoke, his voice was, of all things, calm.
"This is your plan? To burn yourself up?"
"Yes." Soubi saw no reason to mince words, not when he was sitting there with a corpse in his grasp.
Ritsuka shook his head. "Is that supposed to make everything better?"
"Not right now, but someday," the Fighter replied. He sighed heavily, and not without some difficulty as Seimei's attack had very likely pierced his lung. "You saw what Seimei is capable of and you know… what I did. You're better off without either of us in your life."
"That's not up to you, Soubi," Ritsuka shot back, his voice on the verge of cracking and his eyes full of tears. "You don't just get to… go away. That's not fair."
"Ritsuka-"
"Shut up!"
Soubi's heart wrenched at the sight of Ritsuka's tears and he wanted nothing more than to go to him and wrap his arms around him and take all of that agony into himself. He would have gladly accepted an infinity of pain if it meant that Ritsuka wouldn't have to. What was all of his power good for if he still couldn't ease his lover's suffering?
He waited, not moving, not speaking, just watching as Ritsuka crossly wiped at his eyes. The fire continued to roar around them, holding steady until commanded otherwise.
Eventually, after minutes that felt more like hours, Ritsuka spoke again.
"You're my…" He paused for a moment. "You were my Fighter. Once. A long time ago."
Soubi nodded slowly. In his heart, he never stopped being Ritsuka's Fighter. But there was precious little he could have done about it since Seimei controlled his mind and his body.
"Fight for me now. Don't do this."
The blond blinked at the Sacrifice, whose furrowed brow and glaring eyes seemed in direct conflict with what he was requesting. But the words were spoken loud and clear.
For whatever reason, even after everything that Soubi had done, Ritsuka wanted him to stop what he had set out to do.
Ritsuka wanted him to live.
xxXXxx
The man in the hospital bed was, for all intents and purposes, dead to the world, except for the machines connected to him that were keeping him alive in body. Soubi slipped into the room and approached the bed. He wasn't worried about staff wandering in and questioning his presence. If asked, he would simply state that the man was his father. And in some ways, it was true; aside from their uncanny general resemblance, Ritsu had been more of a parent to Soubi than his actual parents, even when their relationship had taken a sexual turn.
He stared down at the older man's sleeping face and felt that old familiar rush of love and hate wash over him. Not unlike his feelings for Seimei but far, far less toxic. Ritsu had raised and trained him after all, and when all was said and done, Ritsu actually cared about him, as evidenced by his present condition.
Soubi lowered a hand to Ritsu's forehead. He wanted to act fast. Not out of any real fear of getting caught but because even now, he much rather preferred to keep his time with Ritsu as brief as possible. Some things could not be forgiven overnight, no matter the effort expended to do so.
A lesson he would learn himself, soon enough.
"Ritsu. If I have to live with what I've done, then so do you."
Soubi reached out into the vast and endless darkness until he found what he was looking for. What he was about to do was never meant to be done. But Ritsu hadn't been the only one seeking penance.
The man forfeited his power to save Soubi. Now it was Soubi's chance to return the favor.
It would be his final spell.
A Fighter's sacrifice. How tragically poetic.
xxXXxx
There was no formal punishment for Soubi's crimes, thanks largely in part to the insistence and influence of Ritsu, whose miraculous recovery had stunned everyone. Ai and Midori were considered unfortunate casualties of a war that should have ended years earlier. Misaki's case was a civilian issue, and there was no way to explain to authorities how Soubi murdered her without introducing the general public to the private world of Fighters and Sacrifices and word spells. And since Seimei was already officially dead, his actual death was far easier to sweep under the rug.
But there was plenty of informal punishment. Soubi lost everything as a result of his carnage- his power and thus his status as a Fighter, his friends (he would be surprised if Natsuo and Youji ever talked to him again, which stung more than he expected), and most of all, worst of all, Ritsuka.
Two weeks had passed since that day, and they hadn't spoken since. Ritsuka stayed at Kio's place while Soubi returned to the apartment to heal, which he did with astonishing quickness. Physically, anyway. He barely ate and he barely slept, and as for school? Forget about it. It was all he could do to just get out of bed in the mornings, let alone worry about his education. He was shrouded in remorse, all day, every day, and it was compounded by his newfound clarity of conscience. Ai… Midori… Misaki… and yes, even Seimei. Four lives brutally snatched from the world. Four lives that would never come back. Because of him. What right did he have to any sort of existence, let alone the pursuit of a decent one?
And just when Soubi was beginning to think that he had it all wrong, that Ritsuka really didn't care whether he lived or died, the young man showed up at his door.
With a suitcase in his hand.
xxXXxx
As much as he had tried to prepare himself beforehand, Ritsuka was still bowled over by the emotional impact of seeing Soubi for the first time since that day.
"Um…" He gripped the suitcase handle and stared down at the floor, contemplating Soubi's bare feet. "I-I'm just here to get some of my things. I'm… going away for a while."
Ritsuka braced himself for the inevitable question of where he was going. The thing of it was, he had no idea. All he knew was that he needed to leave.
But instead of interrogating him, Soubi merely stood aside, allowing him entrance. Not quite what he had expected but probably for the best.
Ritsuka stepped inside, tensing as he walked past Soubi. He placed the suitcase on top of the unmade bed and opened it up, then quickly removed his clothing from the drawer that Soubi had reserved just for him. After he killed Misaki.
The teen winced as if struck. The past two weeks had been full of moments like that, moments when his brain would cruelly bombard him with random horrors of Soubi's doings. It was the worst at night, when Ritsuka would curl up on Kio's sofa and try not to imagine exactly how those things occurred.
When he was finished packing, he turned and found the older man still standing by the door, looking everywhere except at him.
"Soubi," Ritsuka began shakily, trying to get a handle on all the things he felt he needed to say. "I just want you to know that I know that you couldn't help it. I don't understand, but I know. Kio… he told me how things used to be when you were with Seimei, what he put you through. I didn't want to believe it. Even though I knew about…"
He motioned towards his neck in reference to the wretched word that was carved into Soubi's flesh.
"… and that day… the way he hurt you… and…"
The teen exhaled sharply, his composure slipping fast.
"… and it's all my fault."
Soubi's head snapped up, his eyes wide with disbelief.
"Everything he did… everything he made you do…" Ritsuka blinked against the sting. "It's all my fault," he said again.
"No." Soubi crossed the room and grabbed him by the arms, pulling him close. "Ritsuka, no. That's not true at all."
"Yes, it is! If it wasn't for me, then none of this would have ever happened."
Soubi swept a hand along Ritsuka's cheek. Ritsuka's eyes fluttered shut; he didn't want to want Soubi's touch, but old habits died very hard.
"Ritsuka, if you hadn't intervened, there's no telling how many others would have died. By my own hand. I know it doesn't change what happened to Breathless… and your mother… but the others are alive because you stopped me. If it wasn't for you…"
Soubi let the implication speak for itself.
Slowly, regretfully, Ritsuka extracted himself from Soubi's arms. He had to get out of there before he broke down. "I have to go," he said thickly, grabbing the suitcase and walking towards the door. "I'll be in touch with Kio," he added. "Just… so you know. In case… whatever."
Ritsuka's hand closed over the doorknob-
"I love you, Ritsuka."
There was a time when hearing Soubi say those words hurt Ritsuka for reasons he could not understand. Now it hurt all over again, worse than ever, because things would never be the same again between them.
Never.
But that still didn't change how he felt.
"I love you, too."
And then he did break down, irreparably, and he bolted out of the apartment in tears, running away as fast as his legs would carry him, away from Soubi, away from his lie of a life, away from all of it.
xxXXxx
Three years would pass before he finally stopped running.
xxXXxx
I cannot breathe. The way I feel about you suffocates.
I will not speak. The words I feel about you go to waste.
Close your eyes to fight the demons deep within your mind.
…I'm your sacrifice.
"Sacrifice" by Silverstein
Resolution
Epilogue
Soubi paused, the tip of the knife's blade hovering ominously over the B that was etched into his skin.
He thought that perhaps he should leave some sort of note. But then again, who would care to read his final thoughts? Well, Kio. Kio would care. Since Yuiko moved away, Kio was Soubi's only link to humanity. Or something sort of like it. And maybe Ritsu would care. The man had humbled considerably over the years, to the point where he and Soubi were almost amicable with one another.
Ultimately, however, he decided against it. If he stopped now, then that tiny sliver of self-preservation might triumph, holding him hostage to a life he no longer had any real desire to live. He had promised Ritsuka that he would fight, if only for him, but the truth of the matter was that Soubi had no idea how to fight anymore. And even if he did, what was he fighting for? Ritsuka was gone. Soubi had nothing. Soubi was nothing. Not without him.
"I'm sorry, Ritsuka," he whispered, pressing the blade against his neck. "I… I tried."
"Not hard enough, obviously."
The knife fell to the floor, where it came dangerously close to stabbing Soubi in the foot. Not that he would have noticed, being too overcome with shock at the sight of the man standing in the middle of the apartment. He was a little taller now, his hair a little longer, and his eyes a little less lively. But it was still his beautiful Ritsuka.
Ritsuka came towards Soubi and picked up the knife and the bandage that had pooled around Soubi's feet when he removed it from his neck. A frown passed over his face as he looked at the knife, as if contemplating all the things it had done over the years, all the lives it had ruined. He wrapped the bandage around it, concealing it from view.
"I wasn't going to come in," he began. Soubi noted that even his voice was a little deeper. It made perfect sense, though, seeing as how Ritsuka was now twenty years old.
"I stood out there… I don't know how long… but I didn't think I could deal with seeing you again just yet." Ritsuka moved away from Soubi and took a seat on the couch, placing the wrapped knife down beside him. "But then I felt… something. I don't know. I guess that bonding crap never really goes away, does it?"
Purple eyes glared at Soubi, full of hurt and accusation.
"Did you think that I wouldn't care if you died? Why do you think I stopped you the first time?"
"I…" Soubi leaned against the dresser, his head hung low and his hair falling into his face. "I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't know if I would ever see you again."
Ritsuka ran an agitated hand through his long black hair. "Well, I'm here now. So promise me. Promise me that you won't ever try to do that again. And I don't mean promise me and then lie to me like you used to do when I was a kid. Promise me for real, Soubi."
Optimism bloomed in Soubi's heart, despite his better judgment. He knew better than to believe that they could ever be together again.
But Ritsuka was there. That was something.
Right now, that was everything.
"… I promise."
xxXXxx
They talked for the next two hours, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. The conversation was guarded, but informative. Ritsuka had gone to live with his father for a while. When the man announced his plans to remarry, he struck out on his own, working at random part-time jobs and living in a small room that made Soubi's apartment look like a mansion in comparison. He eventually graduated from high school but beyond that, the inspiration just wasn't there. There were no aspirations, no dreams, no goals. Nothing. His entire life, full of nothing. Not unlike Soubi, who had also given up pursuing his education. He tutored occasionally, thanks to Kio's connections, and was able to pay the rent but that was the extent of his contribution to society.
Later on, Ritsuka left and headed over to Kio's to impose on his sofa. He returned the next day, much to Soubi's surprise, and they talked some more, with Soubi listening eagerly to tales of ignorant co-workers and questionable landlords.
And then the next day.
And the day after that.
On the fifth day, Ritsuka asked if he could stay for dinner.
"I don't really keep much food in the house anymore," Soubi informed him, apologetically.
Ritsuka opened the refrigerator and peered inside. The man wasn't lying.
"There's nothing in here. Do you even eat?" he demanded to know.
"Every now and then," Soubi replied somewhat guiltily. "I'll order a pizza if you want."
"I've been pretty much living off pizza for the past year. And Kio's cooking…" Ritsuka shook his head.
"I know," Soubi agreed, knowing all too well what destruction his best friend was capable of in the kitchen.
"I want real food for a change. Come on."
Ritsuka walked to the door and waited for Soubi to follow.
"We're going to the grocery store."
xxXXxx
While Soubi hadn't been confident that his culinary abilities still passed muster, Ritsuka ate with a gusto that spoke otherwise. It made him feel good. Also, for as much as Ritsuka harped that evening about Soubi being skin and bones, he looked as if he could have stood to gain a few pounds himself, which he might have very likely done in that one meal alone.
They stood at the sink, washing and drying dishes, much like a long ago night when they made love for the first time. For Soubi, the déjà vu was overwhelming and painful.
"Do you miss it?" Ritsuka asked.
"Miss what?"
Ritsuka scrubbed a stubborn splotch from one of the plates they'd used and offered it to him before replying. "Your power."
"No, I don't." Soubi took the plate and tried not to think about the way their fingers brushed against each other. "Ritsu thinks that it might come back one day but it's probably for the best that it doesn't. Nothing good can come of it."
"You saved Ritsu's life," Ritsuka pointed out. "That was a good thing."
"It doesn't make up for everything else," Soubi responded quietly.
The bowl that Ritsuka had been working on slipped through his fingers and dropped into the water. Soubi risked a glance at Ritsuka's downturned head and felt a sudden and fierce urge to hold him. After years of missing Ritsuka, longing for him, it was beyond maddening to have him right there in front of him and not be able to do so.
"That wasn't your fault. If Seimei hadn't… if he hadn't made you…"
Soubi froze, towel in hand. It was the first that either of them had spoken of Seimei, and Soubi couldn't help but to wonder if Ritsuka's frustrated sigh signaled the beginning of the end of whatever tentative peace there had been between them since his return. He didn't want to have this conversation, not when things had been going so well. But he also couldn't keep quiet any longer.
"When you stopped me from hurting the others… it felt like this veil was lifted… from my eyes, from my mind, from everywhere." Soubi fidgeted with the corner of the dish towel. "I could feel everything that I had ever done. Not just… then… but back through all those years with Seimei. All the people I hurt. I was only following orders, but it doesn't change what I did. How can you not hate me for that?"
"I wanted to," Ritsuka admitted, turning around from the sink and resting his back against it. "I tried to. I think that one of the biggest reasons I stayed away for so long was because I knew that the second I saw you again, I would realize that I couldn't. And that's exactly what happened. I will never understand the kind of hold that my brother had over you. But I can't judge you for that. He had a hold over me, too."
He sighed again, a long, slow exhale that seemed to come from deep within. Soubi stretched out his arm, cradling a cool cheek in the palm of his hand and wondering if Ritsuka would pull away.
He didn't.
"Soubi?"
"Hm?"
"Can I stay here tonight?"
Soubi fell silent. Not because he actually needed to think about the question, but because he wasn't sure if he was physically capable of speaking on account of the swell of emotions churning through him.
"Of course," he finally managed. "You can stay as long as you want."
xxXXxx
The couch wasn't nearly as comfortable as Kio's, but that wasn't the reason that Ritsuka couldn't sleep. After an hour of tossing and turning, he gave up and blinked into the darkness, wrestling with the decision that, deep down, he knew he had already made.
"Soubi? Are you asleep?"
"No."
Ritsuka got up and crossed the room. He crawled into the bed and slid into the arms that waited for him, and in that one simple yet monumental moment, years of hurt and anguish and guilt and sadness came undone.
"Ritsuka," Soubi whispered, crushing him in his embrace. "Please forgive me."
Ritsuka buried his face in Soubi's chest. It felt like home.
"Idiot. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."
They clung to one another, two ravaged souls that had nothing save for each other. Ritsuka shuddered as Soubi pressed his lips to his hair, breathing him in. Then his forehead. Then his cheeks, which were suspiciously wet. And then lastly, finally, his lips. What was at first a timid joining of mouths soon became deeper and more desperate as their bodies took over where their hearts left off. Soubi moaned as Ritsuka's hands roamed along his chest and back, fingers clutching greedily. Ritsuka felt heat against his thigh, a hard and urgent heat, and with a subtle thrust of the hips, responded with his own.
"Ritsuka, wait…"
Soubi tried to pull away from him, even though his body was now trembling openly with desire. But Ritsuka was having none of it. After all the years it took for them to get to where they were, he was done waiting.
"Don't talk," he murmured against Soubi's neck. "Just touch me. Please."
Ritsuka seized Soubi's hand and guided it downward.
Soubi needed no further encouragement after that.
xxXXxx
Daylight filtered into the apartment. Soubi opened his eyes and squinted into the offensive brightness. He needed to use the bathroom but decided that he would much rather enjoy the warmth of the arms and legs draped over him a little while longer.
Last night wasn't a dream.
About a half hour later, Ritsuka finally stirred.
"Good morning," Soubi said.
"Morning," Ritsuka croaked.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah."
But instead of getting up, Ritsuka scooted closer to Soubi and let his head fall on the older man's chest. Soubi ran his fingers up Ritsuka's bare back, resulting in a delightful shiver, before weaving them through a nest of unruly black locks.
"Your hair is so long now," he observed.
"You don't like it?"
"I love it."
Ritsuka propped his chin on Soubi's chest and looked at him. His hair was a mess and the corners of his eyes were crusty with gunk and still, Soubi thought that he had never seen anything lovelier.
"I spoke with Natsuo and Youji the other night."
"Oh?" Soubi had been correct in his prediction. The Zero boys had not contacted him since that terrible day. While Soubi could hardly blame them, he actually missed the little jerks quite a bit.
"I'm going to go see them," Ritsuka continued. "And I want you to come with me."
The digits that stroked Ritsuka's hair came to a halt. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
"Why not? They know why I came back, so it shouldn't be that much of a surprise." Ritsuka nudged his head against Soubi's fingers, urging him to continue. "Besides, if they want to be a part of my life, then they'll need to accept the fact that you're in it."
"… Am I?"
"I'm still here, aren't I?"
Soubi swallowed hard. A week ago, he had been prepared to slit his own throat. Today, he was the happiest that he had ever been.
He still had to live with his sins. Every single day, for the rest of his life. Such was the price he would have to pay.
But Ritsuka had forgiven him. One day, he might even be able to forgive himself.
Not today.
But one day.
"How have they been?" he asked, steering the subject away from things that were certain to make him react embarrassingly.
"Same as ever."
"You mean rude and nosy and sexually inappropriate?"
Ritsuka smiled. For the first time in years. He met Soubi's stunned gaze and shrugged in resignation.
"It's okay to smile, Soubi," he reassured him softly. "Why don't you try it?"
Soubi looked upon eyes that were filled with affection.
And then he did.
The End.