Fandom: Loveless
Title: Resolution
Pairing: SoubixRitsuka
Rating: PG13 (fluff and angst, mentions past unpleasantness)
Timeline: **Future AU** Takes place one year after the Epilogue.
Summary: While preparing for the future, Soubi contemplates the past.
AN: This is a quick one-shot I wrote because I was in the mood to revisit this story. After all the time I spent avoiding it, go figure.
Resolution
"A New Beginning"
A very amused Soubi watched as Ritsuka fought with the overstuffed suitcase that was lying on top of the bed they would no longer share after tonight. After almost fifteen minutes of struggling, the suitcase was still winning by a rather sizable margin.
Eventually, with considerable effort and a shocking amount of profanity, Ritsuka managed to zip it closed. He grabbed the handle and came dangerously close to throwing his back out while trying to drag it down to the floor. Soubi grinned at his misfortune and immediately found himself on the receiving end of an adorably agitated glare. Naturally, this only made him grin even more.
"I'm glad you think this is so funny," Ritsuka growled. "I bet you won't think that when I'm stuck on my back in our new bed."
A lecherous smile spread across Soubi's face as he considered such a delightful scenario. "Actually…"
"Never mind. Pervert."
Ritsuka quickly turned away, but not before Soubi spotted the redness in his cheeks. After everything they had done to each other over the year since their reconciliation, every inch of skin between them that was touched and stroked and kissed and licked without the first hint of shame, how was it even possible that he could still blush like that?
As tempted as Soubi was to question this, he decided to save it for later. "I'll get it," he said, gently nudging the young man out of the way. He lifted the suitcase off the bed and placed it down on the floor, doing so with ease even though it was about to burst due to almost every piece of clothing Ritsuka owned being crammed into it. "You should get going," he added. "Kio is waiting for you."
"But I was going to help you finish packing," Ritsuka pointed out.
Soubi shook his head. "Most of it is done and I can handle what little is left by myself. Besides, studying is far more important."
It was actually the most important thing as far as Soubi was concerned, but he was always very careful not to sound too parental in his advice. For painfully obvious reasons.
Four years had passed since the series of tragic events that drove Ritsuka away. Tragic events… it was a polite way of stating that Soubi had brutally murdered Ritsuka's mother and Ai and Midori before finally killing the one who made him kill the others in the first place. Though not expressly forbidden, Seimei's name was almost never spoken between them. However, the permanent reminder of his cruel and sadistic ways was still carved into Soubi's skin, never allowing him to forget his part in the destruction caused by Beloved. Soubi could barely stand to look at himself in a mirror at all, let alone without the bandages that concealed his mark. That Ritsuka was willing and able to touch him there, to taint his fingers and lips by caressing those jagged scars every time they made love, was a testament to the forgiveness that Soubi would never feel that he deserved.
It had been extremely slow and awkward going at first as both men tried to resume their relationship while understanding that it would never be the way it used to be. All the while, Soubi had kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, convinced that Ritsuka would suddenly announce his inability to be with him, regardless of the young man's insistence that such a thing would never happen. And twelve months later, miraculously, it still hadn't happened. There had been times when Ritsuka had occasionally fallen silent, his purple eyes staring thoughtfully into space as if contemplating something profound, and Soubi had kept his distance, worried that his very presence would trigger something dreadful. But then Ritsuka would snap out of it and carry on as if it hadn't happened at all. It wasn't until last month when he finally revealed the two things that were burdening his mind: he wanted to move out of the apartment and he wanted to go back to school.
Soubi completely understood wanting to move. For all of the fond memories created in the apartment, from those first tentative weeks as Fighter and Sacrifice ages ago right up until their first night together as lovers, there were just as many bad memories to overshadow them. And as for Ritsuka going back to school, Soubi couldn't have been more pleased to hear that. In spite of his own failure at higher education (one day he would try again… perhaps), he took Ritsuka's desire to move forward with his own as a good sign, an indication that he had truly put the past behind him and wanted to make something out of the shattered pieces of his life. Kio had even offered to help him relearn a number of things he had forgotten since giving up on the idea of college, hence Soubi's insistence that he get going and leave the rest of the packing to him.
It was hardly the life he had imagined for them back before Seimei resurfaced for the last time. But even so, they were still together. That was all the reason Soubi needed to wake up every morning, even if he didn't feel worthy of doing so. It was the reason he could swallow his self-loathing and be the partner that Ritsuka needed him to be.
"Fine," Ritsuka said, lightly kicking at the suitcase that had wronged him. "I won't be too long, though. Tonight's our last night here and I want it to be special."
"It will be," Soubi promised. He had an entire evening of special in mind for him, starting with dinner and ending with… other things.
Ritsuka stepped closer to him and kissed him gently. "I'm not saying it first this time," he told him after they parted.
Soubi pressed his forehead to Ritsuka's as he struggled with the words he longed to say, the words he had said so frequently once upon a time. What right did he even have to say such a thing after everything that happened?
But if Ritsuka wanted him to say it…
"I love you, Ritsuka."
"I love you, too, Soubi." Ritsuka cupped the older man's face in his hands and forced him to meet his insistent gaze, begging him to understand, to believe. "I love you, too. Okay?"
With a shaky sigh, Soubi nodded. He kissed the palm of Ritsuka's left hand while the right swept along his cheek and neck. "Go on," he murmured, reluctantly pulling away.
Ritsuka planted one last kiss on Soubi's cheek. After watching him leave, Soubi sat down on the bed and allowed himself a moment to bask in the joy that Ritsuka's affection brought him, letting it temporarily blot out all of the bad feelings that hung over him in a constant cloud. He didn't know if the day would ever come when he could fully embrace his happiness without any underlying guilt. It didn't seem possible but he could always hope.
But enough of that for now. There were many things that needed to be done before Ritsuka returned home and Soubi didn't want to waste any more time. He stood up and headed for the kitchen to start dinner, then realized that he needed a hair tie lest their last dinner in the apartment end up garnished with strands of blond hair. Soubi headed toward the bathroom to grab one of Ritsuka's, whose black hair was almost as long as his now, and he paused just outside of the closed door, frowning.
Wondering.
And then remembering.
Ritsu's words from his days of training, etched onto his soul with each brutal lash of a whip.
Destiny cannot be altered. This is your destiny.
Soubi knew. He knew before he raised his hand to the door and he knew before a quietly uttered phrase caused it to open without being touched.
His power had returned. He could feel it lurking just beneath flesh and bone, like some great and terrible beast waiting to be unleashed onto the world. And to Soubi, that was precisely what it was—a beast, one that had no business or right existing after having destroyed so many lives, including Soubi's. But this particular beast was a part of him, no different than his heart or lungs or any other vital component of his being. While it could be forced into a dormant state, as had been the case when he pulled Ritsu from the brink of death, Soubi realized now that it could never, would never, be completely eliminated.
He wondered what Ritsuka would say about it. Not telling him was not an option as he had vowed to never lie to him again. As for Ritsu and Septimal Moon, the less they knew, the better. Soubi's fighting days were over, and even on the off-chance that they would ever welcome him back into that world without fear of what he was capable of doing, he had no desire whatsoever to return. He was no longer a mindless Fighter with no will of his own, and his life was no longer defined by wordspell. Ritsuka's words were—
(law)
—the only ones that held meaning for him anymore.
Soubi stepped into the bathroom and spotted a hair tie on the sink. He swept his hair into a ponytail (while carefully avoiding his reflection), then went into the kitchen to start dinner, smiling to himself as he cooked and anticipating not only tonight, but a brand new beginning in a brand new apartment.
A brand new life.
And this time around, he planned on getting it right.