Thank you all for the lovely reviews! They make my day and keep me encouraged. You guys are the best!
The love for AO is so overwhelming; I'm thinking that I should give the people what they want… though a little more convincing (reviews) couldn't hurt….
Bolded words are words from my lovely reviewers that I have integrated in to the story. Just a little show of appreciation from me to you all.
"Benson, you're late." Casey Novak chides as Olivia slides onto her barstool in between Casey and Melinda Warner. It's Saturday night, the end of a long, confusing week, and Olivia wants nothing more than to drink and to forget her love life drama for a few hours.
"I had to put your godson to bed." Olivia says as she takes off her jacket. Casey beams at Olivia and Olivia cannot help smiling back at her.
Not particularly religious, Olivia had not planned on appointing godparents for her son, but Casey and Nick both had been insistent on being Noah's godparents. She is touched that they have taken such an active interest in Noah. With no extended family of her own, Noah can use all the family she can scrape together.
"How is my precious godson?" Casey asks softly. Olivia smiles for what she feels is the millionth time in the three weeks since she has had him; her cheek muscles have never had such a work out before.
"I'd be careful when you let her babysit him, Liv. The way she talks about him, you may not get him back one of these times." Melinda flags down the bartender and orders Olivia a shot of bourbon. The bartender sets down a glass of bourbon in front of Olivia and gives her a flirtatious smile. Olivia purposely averts her eyes to not encourage his advances.
"She already has enough suitors." Casey mumbles into her drink. Olivia narrows her eyes at Casey.
"What do you know?"
Melinda answers for her, "You think Elliot Stabler can walk back into the 1-6 and we wouldn't hear about it through the grapevines? And I heard he sent flowers too."
Olivia's eyes widens, "How did you find out?!"
"Girl, Fin may pretend to be above the gossip, but he spills his little heart out during pillow talk. I know everything going on in the 1-6. I know about Amanda and Nick, Alex and you, Elliot and you, Alex, Elliot, and you-"
Casey jumps in, "Melinda told me. If it wasn't for Fin and Melinda, I would know nothing about your life. I can't wait until Noah starts talking so he can tell me what's going with you."
"And now I have to kill Fin as well. I'm running out of detectives so quickly." Olivia mumbles as she shoots the bourbon. So much for escaping her love life for a few hours.
"Yea-yea now spill. Whatcha gonna do? Who you gonna pick?" Melinda leans in conspiratorially.
Olivia flags down the bartender, "Another please. And a water."
"Yes, drink more, loosen up those lips," Melinda jokes.
"We're not discussing my love life."
"Fine, then Melinda and I will discuss your love life." Casey turns to Melinda, "Mel, who do you think she should pick?"
"Are you guys really going to discuss this like I'm not here?"
"Alex." Melinda answers simply. Olivia is not surprised by her answer. Melinda has always been supportive of her relationship with Alex, even more so after the last year.
"Really?" Casey asks scornfully.
"No matter what, they always get back together. They're drawn to each other- like moths and a flame. " Melinda starts ticking off her fingers, "Alex got shot and went in to Witness Protection, mind you who did she make sure knew that she was alive; she returned from the dead, they got back together; she left for Africa, they got back together; Elliot left and they got back together… and here we are."
Olivia can admit that Melinda has a valid point; no matter who she had been dating, whenever Alex was in town, it was only a matter of time before they got back together. Sometimes it feels like Olivia dated just to fill the time between when Alex was in town and when she was not. But now it seems that Alex is in town indefinitely; Olivia is not sure what that means for their relationship.
"They also broke up all those times too." Casey points out interrupting Olivia's musings.
"You just don't like Alex." Melinda accuses. It is true. On the best of days, Casey and Alex's relationship can best be described as acrimonious. Olivia suspects much of their discord stems from the fact that both are on a similar career path, but had arrived in very different fashions. Alex came from a long line of lawyers, judges, and politicians and had had a spot in the DA's office before she had even been accepted to law school, while Casey had come from a working class family and had to fight for every position and every little bit of recognition that she had earned.
Casey waves her hand dismissively, "This isn't about that."
"Isn't it? What is your problem with her?" Melinda inquires.
"Hey, I have tried to be nice to her. She has a problem with me." Olivia had once asked Alex why she could not just be civil to Casey, and Alex had responded 'I'll be nice to her when she stops trying to replace me.' Despite Olivia's reassurances, Alex has always seen Casey the one who replaced her as SVU's ADA, replaced her as the squad's favorite ADA, and replaced her as Olivia's best friend. Olivia is sure that Alex's report cards used to say 'does not share well with others.'
"Both of you have stop trying." Olivia corrects. Previously, Olivia had wanted them to work through their differences and be civil with each other; now, Olivia just hopes they do not kill each other.
Never one to hold her tongue for long, Casey deadpans, "She's a bitch."
Melinda laughs. "Well damn, Case."
Defensively, Olivia cuts in, "Hey, hey, I know she can be ruthless at work-"
"-She left ruthless in rearview mirror when she ran over on all those people to get the EADA position."
"Maybe they should have gotten out of her way faster." Melinda chimes in.
"I forgot I'm dealing with Alex's fan club. All of Alex and my BS aside, I just don't get you and her. You date men, you say you're straight-"
"I am straight." Olivia objects. She has always considered herself heterosexual. She has always been attracted to only men.
"That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't sleeping with a woman." Melinda murmurs as she sips her drink.
Casey continues, "Yet, Alex is the exception. Why her? What is so special about her?" Always attracted to only men…until Alex that is. When Olivia had first met Alex, she had thought her beautiful, sure, but she had not been attracted to her. Alex, on the other hand, had been up front from the beginning that she was attracted to Olivia, but she had assured Olivia that attraction would never interfere in their professional lives or their budding friendship. And it had not… until found Olivia had found herself jealous every time she saw Alex flirting with another woman. Almost a year to the day they had first meet, drunk on tequila and jealousy, Olivia had kissed Alex. In return, Alex had taken her home and given her four mind-blowing orgasm before the morning sun.
What is so special about Alex? It is a question that Olivia asks herself every time she found herself slipping into Alex's bed or every time she cancelled a date with someone else because Alex was back. "You really don't like her." Olivia evades the question. If she does not have an answer for herself, she surely does not have an answer for Casey.
"I'm just trying to understand. I can conceive that Alex may be a nicer person outside the office, but why Alex Cabot?"
Olivia thinks for a moment, there are many answers, but only one seems right, "She loves me." There had many people in her life that had said those words to her, including her mother and Elliot…but, Alex is first person that Olivia thinks may really mean it.
"Even I can admit that she loves you." Olivia looks at Casey surprised, "I mean, I doubted before…" Casey trails off.
Lewis Williams. "You can say his name." She is tried of everyone treating her with kiddie gloves.
"When Lewis had you those four days…her faith that you would return never wavered," Casey admits.
"Not once." Melinda echoes. It is what everyone had told her- Nick, Munch, Don, Amanda- all of them had told her that Alex had been infallible during the ordeal. Even after- it had been Alex who had been there when they had wheeled her into the hospital. It had been Alex who had convinced her to get the rape kit. Alex who had held her hand through it. And Alex had held and cried happy, relieved tears when the results confirmed, what she had told everyone; that she had not been raped.
"She loves you, yes. But is love enough? You're a mother now, Olivia. The choices you make don't just you affect anymore. Alex comes and goes out of your life at will, but she won't be coming and going out of just your life now. Now she will be coming and going out of Noah's life as well-have you thought of that? " Olivia glances away from Casey. Her head is spinning with questions that Casey has been shooting out.
"Bureau Chief ADA of SVU Novak has awakened," Melinda murmurs.
"No, Godmother Casey is trying to make sure you don't jeopardize your chances of keeping Noah. Have you thought about his emotional well-being? Children need stability. Adoption agencies need to see stable home situations." Barely stopping to take a breath, Casey continues on, "Or are you two going raise Noah together? You may consider yourself straight, but the world will see you as two as a lesbian couple raising a child. Are you prepared for what that will mean for him, you, your sexuality?" Casey finally pauses.
Seizing the opportunity, Melinda jumps in, "Let me interject here, while I do agree that you need to give serious consideration to how your relationship with Alex will affect Noah, I don't think Alex will be leaving New York anytime soon. Everyone thinks she is going to be the next DA - she's not going to up and leave all the progress she has made here in New York."
Casey counters, "OK, let's say, she gets elected DA- what does that mean for your relationship? New York is liberal and progressive, but it is not ready for an openly gay DA. Or are you going to be the DA's dirty little secret?"
Melinda gives Casey's mostly untouched drink to Olivia. Olivia gratefully accepts it and downs it in one gulp. "I think it's time to rest your case, Counselor."
"After I introduce an alternate theory. Elliot was your partner, your best friend, and the person with whom you were in love with for more than a decade. He loves you too. He was there every day for you for thirteen years. He loves children and he's an excellent father. And he was this stable presence in your life…before his three year…hiatus."
Melinda scoffs, "Hiatus? Is that what we're calling cruelly excommunicating your partner and best friend of thirteen years? She cried for weeks!"
"Hey!" Olivia objects. She can feel her cheeks coloring.
"Oh please, we all pretended not to notice your red eyes, but we knew. His departure broke your heart. Let's not whitewash history here. I like Elliot, but what he did to her is unforgivable. Did he apologize?" Both of them look at Olivia expectantly.
"Um…kinda, in his own Elliot way."
"Kinda?! So he just shows up like nothing happened and just says 'I want a chance?' That's some bull. No one with any respect for themselves would let someone like that back in to their life. "
"Wow, that was harsh." Casey says as she orders another drink. The bartender places another scotch in front of Casey.
"You introduced the alternate theory, now it's time for the cross-examination. Yes, Elliot is a great father-to his FIVE children. That man has been a father since he was nineteen years old; he is almost fifty- what makes you think he wants to start all over again- for the sixth time? And with a child that is not his biologically? He already has a family. Can you and Noah compete? How is Noah going to feel playing second fiddle to his 'real' family?"
"These arguments seem well thought out, were you two sitting at home preparing these arguments?" Olivia jibes. She is not ready to face some of the hard truths both Casey and Melinda have bought up. Tonight was supposed to be her escape; instead she has gotten more truth than she can handle.
Undeterred Melinda continues, "He also already has had a wife. Of nearly thirty years. All those milestones, he's already shared with another woman. How would anything you two would share be special?"
"Should I have been taking notes during this?" Olivia mumbles.
"And he's very Catholic; the Catholic Church does not recognize second marriages. So what, you two will never get married? Or will you ask him to go against his faith, get married outside the church, and be in a marriage that the rest of his very Catholic family will never recognize or respect? To them you will always be the homewrecker that he left his good, Catholic wife for."
"I feel like I wasn't this hard on Alex." Both Olivia and Melinda scoff at Casey.
"Elliot's return is a great test of Alex and your relationship, but don't let Elliot ruin the good thing you have going with Alex. She's finally ready to settle in New York and she's finally ready to get serious."
Déjà vu hits Olivia. "Have you been talking to Alex?"
"Fin invited her to his place for dinner, but in reality, he invited her so that I could grill her. He even gave me a list of questions to ask and then he pretended to watch football while eavesdropping. He was happy with her answers."
Olivia throws her hands up in the air, "Amanda's my favorite now."
"Anything else you want to add, Madam Medical Examiner-turned –Lawyer?" Casey quips.
"Yes: Alex and Olivia all the way! Now I'm done."
"Eloquent, Mel. Even I, reluctantly, have to admit that Alex does seem to be all in this time around. She turned down that job in United States Attorney's office; she claimed she didn't want to leave New York. But we all know, it was because she didn't want to leave you." Casey reveals casually.
Olivia chokes on her drink, "She did what?! When was this?!" She cannot believe it. Alex would never turn down such a big opportunity. Working for United States Attorney could have been an even bigger step for Alex's political career than even being DA.
"During your trial… You didn't know that she turned down the Attorney General? It shocks me to say this, but I think Alex would choose you over everything, even her career. Being with you, out and openly gay, may cost her career. I just hope she doesn't resent you for that one day."
"Well played, Counselor," Melinda murmurs.
Casey flashes her a victorious smile, "Winning arguments is what I do for a living."
"I need to go." Olivia throws two twenties on the counter, grabs her jacket, and leaves.
I think Alex would choose you over everything, even her career. Being with you, out and openly gay, may cost her the career. I just hope she doesn't resent you for that one day. Of all of the things said tonight, Casey's last words echo loudest in her head.
Olivia steps outside the bar, pulls out her phone, and presses Alex's name in her contact book. She knows what she has to do. "Hey, it's me. Are you at your apartment?"
Olivia can hear some rustling in the background. Distractedly, Alex answers "Yes, I am, but I have to catch a flight in two hours."
"A flight? I thought you were going to be here for Christmas-never mind. Can I come over?...We need to talk ." Olivia bites her lip nervously.
"We need to talk? That's never good. Are you breaking up with me, Benson?" Alex jokes.
"Yea." Olivia whispers.
I know, I know I am evil. I'm even more of an evil person because I leave for vacation next weekend and I will be in Asia for two weeks, so it's unlikely you will get an update from me until early next month. Sorry! I promise to make it better when I come back.
Please read and review! Reviews will keep me safe and bring me back to pump out more chapters.
Special thank you to Hope03, Cookies03, and basically everyone who reviewed, because I used their reviews/words in this chapter.
See you guys soon!