NOTE 3/25/15:

I HAD TO SPLIT CHAPTER 5 IN TO TWO PARTS BECAUSE THIS SITE COULDN'T HANDLE HOW BIG IT WAS. PLEASE READ THIS CHAPTER FIRST!

A/N: Hi again lovelies. Thank you for the overwhelming response to last chapter! I hope I answered most of the questions you all had.

I'm sorry this chapter has taken me so long to get out. My schedule has picked up and this chapter is a long chapter. I contemplated cutting the chapter in half, but the first half of this chapter is EO and I felt that I would make your AO loving hearts explode if after waiting so long I gave you a just EO chapter. From now on I will chop up the chapter to get them out faster to you all.

The break up will be addressed in this chapter finally. FYI, this is a major turning point chapter. I've been waiting to get to this point for a while. It should be fairly apparent which couple this story is going in after this chapter. Also there is some lemony goodness (i.e. smut) at the end of the chapter, for my younger readers beware!

As always let me know your thoughts. I live and write for your comments and reviews.

Chapter 5a

Olivia nervously adjusts Noah on her hip. Dr. Lindstrom's words echo in her head. Maybe that's where you need to start. Finding a resolution with Elliot.

Determinedly, Olivia knocks on Elliot's door. It is Christmas Eve and she has brought her son to spend Christmas Eve with Elliot and Eli. She is not sure how this will go or if she should expose her son more to her precarious relationship with Elliot.

"Hey, Liv," Elliot beams at her as he opens the door. The wrinkles around his eyes may have changed, but his eyes are still the same eyes; they're the same eyes that lit up whenever he had seen her. Just like that her nerves settle. This is Elliot. Three years have gone by, but this is still Elliot Stabler. Her partner. She returns his smile. Maybe today will be like all those other Christmas Eves they spent together. "Hi, Noah." He addresses her son.

"Say 'hi', Noah." Noah snuggles in to her shoulder and shyly smiles at Elliot.

"Hi, Miss Olivia! Hi, Noah! Welcome!" Eli comes running out of Elliot's apartment. He holds a sign up to Olivia. It is a hand-painted banner that says 'Merry Christmas, Olivia and Noah!' There is also a picture of a man, a woman, a boy, and a baby holding gifts on the banner. Olivia assumes that it is a picture of the four of them exchanging gifts.

"He's very excited for you two to spend Christmas Eve with us." Elliot murmurs. Olivia is deeply touched by Eli's display. Part of her had worried that Eli may have felt as if Noah and she were intruding on the time with his father, but it seems that Eli is truly glad to have them.

"Come in! Come in! Time to make Christmas tree pancakes!" Eli runs back into the apartment.

"He's planned out every minute of today. He's…bossy." Elliot shrugs sheepishly.

"Must have gotten that from Kathy." Olivia ribs as she steps into Elliot's apartment.

"Ha ha." Elliot helps her take off her coat. Olivia sets down Noah's baby bag and the gifts that she had bought.

"Need help?" Elliot gestures to Noah. Before Olivia can agree, Eli comes rushing back into the living room.

"I'll help!" Eli volunteers. He smiles a big toothy smile that is missing one of his two front teeth. His mane of golden curls has grown out even more and is even more unruly than when he was a baby. Olivia marvels at how big he has gotten since she has seen him last. He was a toddler the last time she had seen him and now he is a seven-year old boy. Olivia lowers Noah to Eli's level.

"Noah, this is Eli. Can you say hi to him?" Noah smiles widely at Eli.

Eli smiles back at him. "Hi, Noah, wanna be my friend?" Noah reaches for one of Eli's long, golden curls and pulls. "Ouch!"

Olivia tries not to laugh as she untangles her son's hand from Eli's hair, "I think that's a yes."

"Can you put him in my old baby high chair?" Eli points to a high chair in the center of the living room. "My dad says you got it for me when I was a baby." Olivia feels her throat close up with emotion. Like a blast from the past, there is the high chair she had bought for baby Eli. At the time, having never spent significant time with a baby, Olivia had not known what to buy for Eli's first birthday. Eventually, she had settled on this blue high chair, which she decorated with train stickers. Eli had loved it. She is surprised by how well kept the high chair is after all these years.

"Kept it up in the attic. Figured you'd need it one day." Elliot says softly to her.

"Or you're too cheap to buy me a baby gift." Olivia jokes as she takes off Noah's jacket and puts Noah in to the high chair.

Elliot rolls his eyes, "So you've become a comedian recently."

"Pancakes!" Eli reiterates as he wheels the high chair and Noah into the kitchen. Noah squeals happily.

"I swear Kathy gave him sugar before she dropped him off. Some form of payback." Elliot says fondly.

Olivia marvels that there is no trace of bitterness in his tone for his ex-wife. Maybe the divorce had not been too bad between them. Olivia decides to push her luck. "How is Kathy?"

Elliot shrugs, "Good. Already dating apparently. Younger guy. Kathleen has been calling her Stella."

"Go Kathy." She murmurs. It makes her feel slightly better to hear that Kathy is dating and moving on with her life. Rationally, Olivia knows that Elliot and Kathy had problems, other than her, that contributed greatly to the downfall of their marriage. But she cannot help feeling that Kathy and Elliot would still be married if she had never been partnered with Elliot. It is part of the reason she had always worked so hard to keep them together- even when Kathy and Elliot were not fighting for their own marriage.

"How are you?" Elliot asks. Intuitively, she knows he is referring to the episode she had the last time he had seen her. She rolls her eyes. Compared to the mental case she had been right after the attack, she is finally starting to feel whole again. He would know that if he had been around. She does not answer his question; she merely follows Eli and her son into the kitchen.

Eli has already taken out all the ingredients necessary for pancakes and has them out on the counter. "This is a spatula. Noah. It's for flipping pancakes over." He explains to Noah as he hands him the instrument. Noah bangs the spatula against his tray.

"We're ready!" Eli says excitedly. He pushes a chair to the counter and stands on it to reach the counter.

"Do you know how to make pancakes, Eli? Are you going to show Noah and me?" Olivia asks.

"Yep! First you measure two cups of flour." Eli sticks the measuring cup into the flour and scoops out some flour. More of the flour ends up on the counter than in the mixing bowl, but Eli smiles proudly. "Then you crack three eggs. Watch, Noah! 'S'all in the wrist!" Eli cracks the three eggs. Eli is better at cracking eggs than he is at scooping flour, but a few pieces of eggshell still manages to get into the batter. Eli frowns.

"You're doing a good job teaching Noah, Eli." Elliot placates as he uses a spoon to fish out the shell pieces.

"I have to practice. I'm going to be an uncle soon." Eli says distractedly as he measures a tablespoon of oil. Shocked, Olivia glances at Elliot. Elliot is as shocked as she is. She realizes that Elliot had not known one of his children was expecting.

While still fishing out eggshells, Elliot casually asks, "You're going to be an uncle to whose baby, Eli?"

Eli's eyes widen comically and he claps his hands over his mouth. "Oh no! I wasn't 'posed to tell! It's a secret!"

"It's ok if you tell me. I won't tell anyone else. I'll keep the secret too," Elliot tries to coerce his son.

"No! It's a secret!" Eli yells. His eyes well up with tears.

"Okay. Okay." Elliot soothes, "Let's continue making pancakes." Sniffling slightly, Eli returns to adding the ingredients to the pancake batter. Over Eli's head, Olivia and Elliot exchange looks and have one of their famous, silent conversations.

Oh shit, one of your kids is pregnant!

Oh shit, one of my kids is pregnant!

Do you know which one?

Elliot shrugs and answers out loud, "Hopefully Elizabeth or Maureen. They're married."

It does not surprise Olivia that Maureen is married. Maureen is nearly thirty years and has always been very social and outgoing. It does surprise her that bookish, shy Elizabeth- who had to be twenty now- is already married.

Glancing over to check on Noah, who is still entertaining himself with the spatula, Olivia asks, "Lizzie's married?"

Elliot laughs drily, "Few months now. She sent us a group text saying 'Getting married in the courthouse at 2pm. Hope you can make it.' Verbatim."

One of Olivia's eyebrows rises in shock, "Wow."

Eli begins stirring the batter enthusiastically, some of batter spills over adding to the mess that is already on the counter. Elliot continues, "Yep, got hitched to her boyfriend of a month."

Olivia's other eyebrow rises to meet the first. "A month? Did you know him?"

"Nope, only Richard had meet him at the time." Elliot turns on the stove, warming the griddle up.

Olivia grabs some paper towels and wipes up the mess, "Wow…That doesn't sound like Lizzie."

"Yea, she turned twenty and in less than a year, she has managed to make up for all the headaches she didn't give me during her teen years- unlike her siblings." Olivia smiles fondly. She remembers the growing pains of Maureen, Kathleen, and Dickie-Richard. Between the cases, Elliot used to regale her with tales of one of their latest misadventure. She had loved it. It had made her feel connected to them. Like she was part of the family.

"Maybe Lizzie's the one that's having the baby…maybe that's why she got married so hurriedly." Olivia suggests.

Elliot's eyes widen in realization, "Shit!"

"Ooo! You said a bad word! You hafta put a dollar in the swear jar." Eli points to the almost full jar on the corner of the counter, "And Lizzie's not having a baby, silly! She just got married. You hafta be married long time to have a baby."

"I see that Catholic school education is paying off." Olivia teases. Elliot pokes Olivia in her side teasingly.

"That's right, Eli. You need to be married to have a baby." Elliot agrees.

"Dad, it's ready!" Eli hands Elliot the bowl. Then he looks at Noah, "We need the spatula now, Noah." He reaches for the spatula, but Noah shakes his head and pulls the spatula away.

"You have to trade him for something else." Olivia gives Noah a soup ladle. Noah eyes the new utensil curiously and then reaches out for it. Olivia gives it to him, while taking the spatula. Too entranced with the new object, Noah barely registers the exchange. Typical man, Olivia muses, distracted by new and shiny things. Noah opens his mouth and tries to fit the soup ladle in it. Olivia chuckles. Noah laughs at her laughing at him.

"You're good with him." Elliot compliments. Olivia smiles warmly at the comment. To be complimented on her mothering skills is one of the best compliments she can ask for.

"He's a good kid." Olivia smiles fondly at her son.

Elliot begins pouring the batter on the griddle, "Eli, can you get the green and red frosting out?"

"Sure, Dad!" Eli jumps down, pushes the chair over, hops back on, and takes down the two cans of frosting from the cupboard. He opens one and scoops out some with his fingers into his mouth.

"Eli!" Elliot scolds. Eli gives him a wide-eyed puppy dog look.

"I was just checkin' it was still good." He defends.

Trying not to laugh, Olivia hands Eli a spoon. Olivia is impressed at the ease with which Elliot flips the pancakes and makes almost perfect, round pancakes of different sizes. Olivia holds the plate for him to plate the completed pancakes. They are all perfectly golden.

"Adapting well to bachelorhood, I see." She compliments.

Elliot gives her a flirtatious smile, "Hopin' I won't be a bachelor for long." She blushes. She is not yet used to him openly flirting with her. His flirting makes her feel one part terrified, one part desirable. She ducks her head and smiles shyly at him.

"You hafta to put the big cakes on the bottom and the small ones on top. So it look like a tree!" Eli shows her how to arrange the pancakes in one pile by size. It does kind of like a tree. Kind of. "Then you cover'em in green frosting!" Eli vibrates with energy and excitement. "Can Noah help me paint the pancake tree?"

"Sure, but he'll probably try to eat it or destroy it."

"That's okay. It's meant to be eaten." Together Eli and Noah-by far mostly Eli- paint and decorate the pancake tree. She tries to prevent Noah from eating too much sugar, but she cannot say she is too successful.

She sits at the kitchen table with Elliot, Eli, and Noah- trying to eat the parts of the former pancake tree that are not covered in sugary sweet frosting- lost in memories. In so many ways this is like the many Christmas Eves she has spent with Elliot in the past, but in so many ways, this one different. For the first time, it is not Elliot sharing his family with her or her living on the outskirts of his family's life. For the first time, in a long time, she has a family. And for once, she is sharing her family with Elliot. It is the fulfillment of dreams she had a long time ago. The realization of how monumental this moment is makes her emotional.

Always able to read her emotions, Elliot covers her hand with his. "You 'kay?" Olivia flips her hand over and weaves her fingers through his. They have never held each other like this. It is…different. She is not sure what kind of different. She glances at him. He's staring at her intensely, like he wants to devour her soul and body. She flushes. Different good, she decides.

With breakfast finished, they settle in to Elliot's living room. Olivia and Elliot sit closely and comfortably on the couch. Olivia watches fondly as Noah and Eli play on the floor in front of them. Noah sucks on the Build-a-Bear police bear that Elliot and Eli gifted Noah. The badge on the bear has her detective badge number etched on it. 4015. Olivia barely managed to hold it together and not tear up when she saw the badge on the bear. Lying on the floor next to Noah, Eli plays with the racecar track set she bought him for Christmas. It is similar to a racecar track set that she had bought for Richard some fifteen years ago. Richard had loved it, so she thought maybe Eli would like something similar. Turns out the two brothers were similar in that aspect.

Thoughts of Richard, remind her that one of his children is expecting. She realizes that Elliot is going to be a grandfather. Here she is just starting her family, while one of Elliot's children is already expecting a child. Melinda's words come back to Olivia: He already has a family. What makes you think he wants to start all over again- for the sixth time? And with a child that is not his biologically?

Elliot interrupts her thoughts by reaching over and playing with her hair. Forcing herself to leave those serious thoughts behind, she jibes, "Congrats, Grandpa."

He laughs, but she can see that he is very happy about the news, even without knowing who is pregnant yet. "I prefer Pop Pop. Thank you very much."

She smiles warmly at him. "Well, Pop Pop, you're officially an old man now." They both laugh.

He slides a little bit closer to her. Olivia feels butterflies erupt in her stomach. Elliot whispers to her, "I've missed this…you."

"Then why didn't you talk to me for three years?" She does not want to ruin the good time that they were having, but this is something she needs to know if there is ever going to be a hope of them moving forward.

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Liv…" He clearly did not expect this to be her response.

"You hurt me."' This is the most honest she has ever been with him. In this moment, she needs to be honest with him. She needs to understand his motives. He looks devastated by her admission.

He glances at Eli and Noah before answering. Despite all the sugar, the morning's activity has tired them both out. Noah is asleep on the floor, curled up with his new bear. Next to him, Eli is lying down fighting sleep and quickly losing."Liv, I never meant to hurt you."

His answer is not good enough, "Well you did. I just want to know why." She is a police officer, she needs to understand the motives behind his cruel behavior, " Why didn't you talk to me for three years? How do we go from talking every damn day to not a word for three years?"

He sighs, searches somewhere deep inside of himself for the answer, "I had to give it a real go with Kathy. I had to close that door with Kathy once and for all." She can tell he is struggling to answer her questions, but she does not let him off the hook; she waits patiently for him to continue, " I feel like since she left me ten years ago, I've been straddling this fence… between her and you…my family and you…my responsibilities and you. I had to know for sure, that even without you in the picture, Kathy and I were done for good. "

It is the most honest he has ever been with her. Elliot of old would have never told her this much. He would have grunted and stomped around and expected her to figure it out. She may not know this new Elliot as well, but she may get to like him more.

"You couldn't have told me that you needed space? You think I wouldn't have respected that?"

"Like you coulda told me when ya transfer to Computer Crimes?" He holds a hand up before she can yell at him, "I'm not tryin' to start nothing. I'm just using that as an example. It's just how we do, Liv. We never say goodbye because… we're never going to be done with each other. "

He pauses, takes a deep breath, and takes the plunge, "And now that I know that despite, sharing thirty years of marriage and five children, Kathy's not it for me. It's you, Liv. It's you." Olivia is overwhelmed by his declaration. She does not know quite how to respond.

Before she can ponder her response more, he leans towards her slightly and hesitantly. He is going to kiss her she realizes. Sixteen years and he is finally going to kiss her. She has lived in fear and in anticipation of this kiss for years. She wants to know what it is like to finally kiss Elliot Stabler. Sensing no resistance on her part, he closes the distance and presses their lips together. She lets him kiss her.

The kiss is sweet, reverent, and tender…and not what she expected from intense, temperamental Elliot Stabler. She leans more in to him and deepens the kiss. She is no fragile wallflower. Elliot moans in response to her aggression. He nudges her lips apart and slides his tongue into her mouth when she opens it. She responds in kind. His kiss is good.

While kissing him, she cannot help comparing his kisses to Alex's kisses. Alex's kisses were always fierce and possessive-like she is claiming Olivia's soul with them and leaving room for no one else. She had always expected that level of intensity from Elliot.

Her phone rings loudly interrupting the kiss.

"Shit." Elliot murmurs. She pulls back from him slightly out of breath.

"Sorry." Olivia gets up from the couch and digs through her purse for her phone. She checks her caller I.D. She has just missed a call from Bill Hermann. Bill would not call her unless something is wrong with Alex. She has a sinking feeling. She redials his number. She glances and sees Noah and Eli are both still asleep on the floor.

She moves into the kitchen so Elliot cannot hear the conversation. She does not want him to hear if anything is wrong with Alex. Alex is intensively private. Olivia always respects and protects Alex's privacy. "Hi, Bill. You called? Is something wrong?"

"Olivia, is Alex with you?" She can hear the worry thick in Bill's voice.

Her hackles rise even more, "No, why?"

"Alexander Cabot died this morning. Complications from a heart attack. Alex went up to Boston to be with him two days ago when he had the attack, but she left immediately after he passed. The Cabots have not been able to find her or contact her since. Have you talked her?" Olivia feels the air leaves her lungs. It is as if the air in the room is too thin to breathe. Alex's father was dead. And now Alex was missing.

Instinctively, Olivia knows where Alex is. She replies to Bill, "No, but I know where she is. I will text you when I find her." She hears him sigh in relief.

"Thank you, Olivia." She hangs up and returns to the living room. Elliot is still on the couch; Eli and Noah are still asleep on the floor.

Olivia starts to gather Noah's things, "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

Elliot frowns and rises to help her, "Work?"

"No. " She gives him no further explanation. She picks up Noah careful not to wake him, straps him in his stroller, and covers him.

Frustrated by her lack of explanation, Elliot prods, "Then what?"

She slips on her jacket, "Elliot, I need to go."

"You running again?" Ha. Pot. Kettle.

She whirls to face him furiously. "Elliot, this is not about you." It's about Alex. "I'll call you."

Without any other fanfare, she leaves pushing her son out the door.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO THE NEXT PART IN CHAPTER 5B.