Author's Note: Sorry again guys, the end of the school year is hectic for me. I'm hoping things will calm down and I'll be able to return to updating semi-regularly during the summer.
This is a short chapter, but a little fluff goes a long way.
Thank you all again for all your lovely reviews! They make my day and keep me motivated!
Olivia shoots up out of her sleep and out of what was a very pleasant dream about Alex and her. Very pleasant indeed. She runs her hand along her collar and realizes that she has no shirt on. Olivia glances down; she is naked. Not a dream then.
Olivia looks around the room. She is alone in Alex's room. If that wasn't dream, then where is Alex? Without conscious thought she slides out of Alex's bed and grabs her robe off the hook in the walk-in closet. It does not matter that Olivia had moved out three months prior; her robe still hangs where it had when she had lived here. It is almost as if Alex had never given up faith that Olivia would one day return.
Olivia walks out of Alex's room and suddenly she remembers: Noah! It had been early afternoon when she had arrived at Alex's apartment with a sleeping Noah. Now it was dark outside. It was not possible that Noah was still sleeping.
Olivia rushes to the guest room where she had lain him down earlier. How could she have left him alone for so long? It is as she had always secretly feared, that she had not been blessed with a child before now, because the universe had known that she would not be a good mother.
As she gets closer to the guestroom, she notices that she does not hear any crying. Instead of reassuring her, it makes her worry even more. Sixteen years of working in SVU and working child cases has made her prone to paranoia. Olivia prays to whatever entity above that Noah is alright.
"The key to changing a baby's diaper is you want the clothes up high and you want to put the new diaper underneath the old one." Olivia hears an unfamiliar voice say as she nears the guest bedroom. Olivia pauses by the entrance of the guestroom and barely peeks her head in. In the guest bedroom, Noah is laying on the bed and Alex standing at the foot of the bed. Alex unbuttons Noah's onesie and pushes it higher up his body. Then, she grabs both his legs lifts his bottom half up and slides a fresh diaper underneath. Alex is changing Noah's diaper, Olivia realizes. This moment is surreal for many reasons.
Alex reaches over to her phone, which is on the bed next to Noah, and presses the screen. The unfamiliar voice continues, "Now, unlatch the tabs of the soiled diaper." Alex does as instructed. Alex is changing Noah's diaper… using video instructions. Olivia covers her hand with her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud and disrupting the moment.
"Oh thank God, you only peed. I can handle a pee diaper." Alex's eyebrows are scrunched up, denoting her immense concentration.
Alex presses play on the video again. "Lift the baby by the legs and remove the soiled diaper. Then, roll up the diaper and reattach the tabs." Again, Alex does as instructed, but as soon Alex lets go of Noah, he turns over and crawls away from her. Alex drops the still open, soiled diaper on her very expensive duvet and grabs Noah before he can crawl off the bed.
"No no no-let's not fall off the bed. " Noah laughs as Alex picks him up and lays him back on the diaper, "Oh you think falling is funny? I bet your mama wouldn't." Olivia is inclined to agree. Alex reaches for the baby wipes. Again seeing a chance to escape, Noah rolls over. Before he can go anywhere this time, Alex grabs him and flips him back over.
"The baby in the video doesn't crawl away. Here watch and do what he does." Alex gives Noah her iPhone. Enthralled, Noah takes the iPhone and remains on his back. "Oh, so bribery works with you. I'll make a note of that." Olivia smiles and remains mostly hidden, she does not yet want to interrupt Alex and Noah's first interaction. They are cute together.
"Could you replay the video for me, I missed the last of the instructions?" Alex asks facetiously. In response, Noah opens his mouth and brings the iPhone to it. "No no no- don't put that in your mouth. Germs! Yuck!" Alex wrinkles her nose. Noah laughs at her and tries to scrunch up his face like hers. Alex laughs at the attempt. "You're quite charming." Noah smiles at her mischievously. Suddenly an arch of golden liquid appears and sprays Alex. Noah is peeing on Alex! Alex shrieks and tries to stem the stream with her hands. Olivia bites her fist to prevent herself from laughing loudly. Noah had done the same thing to her the first time she had changed his diaper and a few times after.
Once Noah is done peeing, Alex murmurs as she wipes her hands and Noah with the baby wipes, "I retract my previous compliment." Noah returns to playing with Alex's phone.
Next, she tries to powder his bottom. Unfortunately, Alex squeezes too hard and powder spills out over Noah and the bed. Poor Alex. Poor Alex's duvet. "Crap!" Alex quickly diapers Noah before any more incidents can occur. A diapered Noah rolls over and sits up. He looks up at Alex expectantly.
While wiping her hands, Alex says, "Ok, your diaper is changed with only mild destruction to my duvet and my self-worth. Let's consider that a win overall. What else do you do with a baby?" After a moment of thought, "Are you hungry?"
Noah nods vigorously, "Oh! You can understand me- great! Ok, what do you want to eat?"
Noah stares up at her curiously. "Yes or no questions only I see. Um… you want a bottle of milk? Milk?" Again Noah nods vigorously. "Ok. Do you think there is any YouTube videos on how to make baby formula?" Noah stares at her blankly.
"I'm joking… Kind of." Alex searches through Noah's baby bag. She finds the compartmentalized formula dispenser and bottle of water that Olivia had packed. "Your mother is a wise woman." Alex fixes Noah a bottle and shakes it up.
Alex holds the bottle out to him and Noah opens his mouth and suckles eagerly, "Can you hold the bottle yourself?" Noah whines when she tries to make him hold the bottle himself. Noah can hold the bottle himself, but he prefers not to.
Alex sits on the bed, pulls Noah onto her lap, and holds the bottle for him while he drinks. "Despite the fact that you peed on me, you're not that scary." Noah looks up at her and continues to suckle. "Can I tell you something? I… was afraid to meet you." Alex admits softly. Oh Alex.
"I don't know if you can tell… I'm not the best with kids." To put it kindly, Olivia thinks. But she finds it endearing that Alex is trying.
"I have 'two nephews '- well, I'm an only child, they're my cousin's children, but I consider my first cousin my brother… I've never really spent any time with them. I've bought them gifts and they're always excited to see me…and what I've bought them-I'm not very good at loving people, ok?" That's not true. Olivia wants to argue, she had never been loved like Alex loves her. But she doesn't disturb them; she lets Alex continue bonding with Noah.
Touching Noah's hair softly, she confesses, "I feel like… I just got good at loving your mama. And it took me fourteen years to get that right….And then you come along…and there's a whole other person I have to be good at loving. But I'm going to try, ok?"
Alex pauses for a moment and then continues explaining to Noah, "You, your mama, and I are a family. Unconventional- but a family nonetheless, so we have to help each other out. So I need you to help me out a little, ok? Go easy on me." Still sucking enthusiastically, Noah looks up at Alex curiously. He does not understand she is saying, but he smiles up at Alex from around the nipple. A little bit of milk slips out the corner of his mouth. Alex smiles down at him and wipes the milk from his mouth.
You, your mama, and I are a family. Noah, Alex, and she were a family. Olivia has spent most of her life searching for a family and here she had stumbled into one. Her vision blurs with tears. This is her family. Finally, she steps into the room to join her family.
Before she can alert Alex to her presence, Noah spots her. He releases the nipple from his mouth, reaches his hands out to Olivia, "Ma!" Mama.
Olivia freezes. Nick and Casey had been trying to teach him to call her mama ever since she had been awarded temporary custody of him. Olivia had secretly wanted to teach him to call her that, but she felt foolish-guilty- for daring to hope that this sweet boy would ever call her that. Also, deep down, Olivia worries that if she gets attached to this little boy, somehow he'll be taken away from her. Like Calvin was.
But, as much as she loves Calvin, Calvin was never meant to be her son. Noah is meant to be her son. Olivia had suspected that from the moment she had picked him up out of the drawer and rescued him.
For the second time that day, Olivia's tears fall. Alex looks to her. Alex is mildly alarmed to see Olivia standing in the doorway, crying, "Liv?" Alex asks worriedly.
"Ma!" Noah repeats again impatiently. He struggles out of Alex's hold and starts crawl towards her- to the end of the bed. Olivia rushes to the pick him up before he crawls off the edge.
She is mother. He is her son.
Noah babbles at her happily. She wonders if he is telling her about how he peed on Alex.
"Liv?" Alex asks again. She wipes Olivia's cheeks with her hand.
Through her tears, Olivia smiles at her. This is her family. She hugs Noah to her. She whispers in his hair, "I love you." It is the second time she has said these words out loud in decades.
"He's your son." Alex whispers to her repeating her words the week before.
"You're my family." Olivia murmurs shyly. Alex smiles radiantly at her, tears in her eyes as well. She nods and kisses Olivia sweetly. "Merry Christmas." Alex whispers.
Glancing out the window, trying to guage what time it is, Olivia asks, "Is it Christmas already?"
"Not quite, but I think Christmas came a little early for us this year, no?" Alex murmurs. Olivia has to agree. Finally, Olivia had what she had always wanted. A family. Even when her mother, Serena, had been alive, Olivia had always felt famililess on Christmas Day.
It is as she had told Dr. Lindstrom: in her old apartment- in her life before Lewis-she had not thrived in a long time. Without even realizing it, she had let herself become stuck, with only her job to live for.
After all she had been through earlier this year, she now had been promoted and is Commanding Office of the squad she loved. She and Alex now are more than just occasional lovers. Finally, but most certainly not last, she now is a mother. She now is thriving again.
Alex interrupts her thoughts, "The presents in the piano room are for you and him. I wanted- I want you both to spend Christmas with me. I was going to ask, but.." Olivia cuts a nervous, rambling Alex off.
"Our family's first Christmas." They smile at each other. Together they take Noah into the piano room and set him down next to the mountain of gifts. He stares at the large pile of shiny wrapped gifts in awe.
"Merry first Christmas, Noah!" Olivia kisses him on the top of his head, "Santa bought you many gifts this year, my good little boy."
Alex sets some pillows on the floor for them to sit on the floor with Noah. Olivia shows Noah how to tear the paper on a gift. He laughs happily and tears at the paper. Once the paper is torn off the first gift, Noah frowns and looks at Olivia expectantly as if saying, 'now what?' Olivia helps him open the box to reveal a teething ring in the shape of a police badge. Alex and Olivia exchange smiles. With Noah, they continue unwrapping gifts. The next few gifts they open are onesies and little shirts with various sayings such as: 'If you think I'm cute, wait until you see my mama'; 'Back off my mama is taken' ; 'Future lawyer here'; 'Or NYPD.'
A quarter of a way through the pile of gifts, Olivia murmurs, "Alex this is too much."
"Most of it is baby furniture and things for the nursery. If it's ok…I thought we could convert the guestroom…so he'd have a place here." Alex murmurs shyly. Olivia smiles and nods. She wants nothing more than for Noah to have a place at Alex's apartment, and hopefully one day, in Alex's heart as well.
"Your gifts are at my apartment, and they're not nearly as much as all this…" Olivia gestures to the mound of gifts. To know Alex is to know that she came from money, but in all their years together or not together, Olivia had never felt comfortable with the reality of how much money Alex had.
"You gave me a pretty great gift earlier." Alex counters. She is referring to Oliva's words of love. Alex continues, "Actually, there is one thing I want from you."
"Name it." Olivia responds automatically.
"I want you to come with me to my father's funeral." Before Olivia can interject, "I can't-I won't lie anymore, Liv." Alex says earnestly.
Olivia easily concedes, "Alex, I will go with you. I just don't know if a funeral is the best place to come out to your family." She had only heard legends and stories of how conservative and strict the Cabots were. Olivia could imagine that Alex bringing her girlfriend to any family function-much less a funeral- would not go over well with them.
"I'm not lying anymore, Liv. I'm not going to go to Boston and to pretend to be the perfect, straight daughter to a man that only loved money more than himself. Either we go there as girlfriends or we don't go at all." There is that look in Alex's eye, that look she gets when she is about to go to war in the courtroom. Olivia knows better than to stand in Alex's way when she has that look in her eye.
"Ok. We'll go to Alexander Cabot's funeral." Olivia concedes. She hopes this won't be as much of a disaster as she thinks it will be.
Read and review please! Thank you again for all the kind reviews!
Next chapter Alex comes out to the Cabots. How will she be received? Also Uncle Bill makes an appearance next chapter. Should make for an interesting chapter.