Secret Life if Amy had the abortion (part 4)

When I woke up again, it was 9:30. "Well, no use in going back to sleep now." I thought. My stomach hurt still, and as I stood up to walk to the bathroom, it pounded with every step.

"Amy! Mom wants you!" Ashley called from downstairs.

"I'll be right there." I called back. When I got downstairs, my mom looked angry. I mean livid, like really pissed off.

"Mom?" My voice was so small I was surprised that I could find it. Did she know?

"Amy, I think your father is cheating on me, on us. We're leaving, and never coming back. We have a week to pack before I put the house on the market and sell it."

"What! Why do we have to leave?" I was so confused.

"Because I can't live here when all it does is remind me of him. If you really want, we can stay until you have the baby, and then leave." I didn't know what to think. The baby was the only thing that could have saved me and I killed it. I was such a coward.

"Yeah, I was thinking about giving the baby up, you know for adoption." I bit my lip. I was no good at lying, but right now it was easier. I'd had practice. "Can we stay just until it... comes out? Then we can leave and no one ever has to know in the new place."

"Yes, that seems fair. And I'm really glad you're responsible enough to know that you can't take care of a baby at 15. You took the moving news a lot better than Ashley." After that, she left to work, leaving me feeling defeated and dejected. So, I called the only person who could help me feel better.

"Hey Amy." He sounded happy, normal.

"Ben….are you still at school?" Tears were flying off my face and my voice was thick with emotion.

"Yeah, it's barely 3rd passing period. I have lunch next though. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" His voice was gentle and full of concern. I couldn't stop huffing and puffing, so for a few minutes we said nothing as I tried to get my breathing under control. Then finally I heard the warning bell that meant Ben had only two minutes to get to class on the phone.

"Just come to my house during lunch." Then I hung up and cried. The pain in my stomach, punishment for what I did yet not punishment enough.

An hour later, Ben came to my door. When I answered and saw it was him, I opened the door and fell into his arms.

"Sh, sh. It's okay." He stroked my hair gently and lifted me in his arms and carried me inside.

"Ben, I killed my baby. I killed it!" Aching sobs racked my body as I confessed. True Ben already knew, I mean he was there, but saying it made it feel better. If only ever so slightly. He had shut the door, but I still felt like everyone could hear so I whispered.

"Amy, what you did was normal. I may have been against it at first, but I support your decision; because, you know what's best for you. You're only 15, and did you really want to have Ricky's baby?" I shook my head. His words made sense, of course they did. He was Ben, the guy willing to marry me when I had been pregnant with another man's child.

"I know I sound so stupid, but that baby was a part of me too. And I miss her." I didn't have the right to miss her though, when I was the one who so mercilessly took her life before she had it.

"Her?" He sounded confused.

"I know we'll never know, but I think it was a her." Tear rolled down my face as I pictured a mini Amy stained with Ricky's features. "I just need something to do, some sort of distraction." Ben smiled. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. I missed his kisses, they felt like normal. They felt like love. I leaned into it, accepting the comfort of Ben's warmth. It was like balm to my wounded emotions. For a while we just stood in the hallway kissing. His hand was pressed into my hair, and mine was gently trailing his back.

"Whoa, don't want another one do we?" Ashley burst in, an awkward smile on her face and a brown paper bag in her hand. I pulled away, bright red, and Ben looked uncomfortable.

"Ashley what're you doing here? School's still in session." I asked, trying to put my older sister face on.

"I came to help solve your whole, not pregnant problem." I raised an eyebrow when she pulled a box from the bag. "I did some research online, and there are these pills that pregnant woman take to treat some genetic condition and it makes every pregnant side effect worse for them. But to someone who's not pregnant these pills will make it seem like you're pregnant. It'll give you swollen feet, a bloated stomach which might help a little but you should consider wrapping a blanket or something there, nausea, and mood swings (though I doubt you'll need pills for that)." She added that part under her breath. "If might make you throw up too, but not much."

"Will it fool the doctor?" I asked.

"Probably not. You should talk to her, tell her the truth, and then ask her to help you. Later we can say it was a miscarriage or something to Mom." I nodded. It wasn't a great plan in fact it was really bad, but it was all I had.

"Okay. Thanks Ashley. You should get back to school. Mom might suspect if you start ditching. I'll pay you the money back when you get home." Then Ben pulled a wad on twenties from his pocket and turned to her.

"How much?" He asked.

"Ben you don't have to do that-" I started to say.

"No, no." He cut me off. "It's the least I can do. I love you Amy." I sighed and kissed him lightly, reserving most of my passion for when Ashley left.

"It was 30 plus tax. Thanks Ben. I have to go. The gyno's number is on the fridge. Don't mess it up."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Bye Ashley." Then she left. And Ben and I were alone.

"Ben, when do you have to go back?" I tried to grin, but the thought of the abortion made me sad again.

"Not for another 45 minutes. And if you need me too, I can ditch study hall." He sounded so helpful, and I felt a pang in my stomach. I didn't deserve him. Maybe that's why I got pregnant by Ricky, it's what I deserved and I took a shortcut to get out of it.

"You really shouldn't skip school for me." I said, twisting out of his grasp. "I'm feeling really tired anyways, so you should go." He looked disappointed by the news, but at least he didn't look relieved. I know it was selfish of me, but I loved Ben. I just didn't deserve him. I'd just have to spend the rest of my life trying to be better, for him. I managed a smile and kissed him of the cheek. "Call me when you get home." He kissed me back lightly and told me he loved me again. I couldn't even say the words so I just said 'me too.'

The idea of this chapter is to show that without Amy's pregnant call to her mother, Anne feels like she doesn't need to try to fix things with George which may or may not spur her realization of her true sexuality. I love to read your comments, so let me know who you want Amy to end up with, and who everyone else should end up with.