AN: breathe Izzi, breathe. Just makes me giggle this one. This, and what happens as a result of this, is really the main source of humor in the story. I love how he tries so hard to remain detached but fails so miserably. I can't decide whether they are perfect for each other or completely doomed. Anyway… don't go choking on anything. Whoops, in joke. Well you'll understand in about two chapter's time. I don't know how I came up with "it" so don't ask me. Disclaimers still apply.

1318 words in this chapter

Missing in Action

Chapter ten- Rock hard

As he lay with her hands wrapped around his waist, he couldn't help but be amused. She had fallen asleep against his chest in the bed hours ago, claiming that she "found his smell so relaxing" or some junk like that. He understood exactly what she was doing and it hadn't taken him long to figure it out, but as he was told he just let it happen.

Being the lazy guy he was, he wasn't going to protest to something that wasn't immediately life threatening so he just lay there.

Sure, her actions were disorientating him, but she was always an expert at that. Every time she went into another body with her mind body switch technique, he was left with her limp body in his arms and that unsettling feeling that he couldn't keep track of her. Having her live hands on his skin wasn't much different to when they were limp and he knew it meant nothing more than a mission objective to either of them, so he left it alone.

What bothered him more was her choice of conversation topic when she was awake. She had gone from yelling at him for anything and everything to suddenly loving everything he did in about two seconds. That was an appallingly bad tactical move as far as he was concerned, as it made the change in attitude very obvious and even more insincere.

She obviously intended to flirt with him in a very obvious way in order to get the information she needed, but other than giving him some much needed amusement in this Shogi and Go-less pit of inside torture, her actions did nothing for him. He just wasn't attracted to women that were that in-your-face. He much preferred the average ones. Not too strong, not too weak. Not too clever, not too dumb. Not too beautiful, not too ugly.

Unfortunately for Ino, she fell into none of those categories. She was strong, clever, and beautiful. She was also far too bossy and far too troublesome.

For this mission though, he'd let her have her fun… just so long as it doesn't go too far.

She began to stir beneath him and he took the opportunity to move her move slightly on the bed so he could get out from under her. Instead of her rolling over though when he pushed her over, she gripped onto him tighter with a mock-sleepy moan. He gasped with the restriction he felt on his inner organs.

"You're awake"

She didn't reply, but reached down to place a hand on his now-exposed backside. That's too far, already! Screw Tsunade, troublesome woman. I'm not going to just let this happen.

He politely removed it and tried to pry her off. "Stop it"

"Gomen Shika-kun. You're just so rock-hard sexy" she mumbled out, still pretending to be half-asleep.

"I… I need to go to the bathroom Ino. You'd better, um… get up and eat something from the kitchen, ok?" he stood from the bed.

"Hmm… I'd much rather eat something from you, Shika-kun"

It's just an act Shikamaru. She doesn't really mean it. It doesn't matter how smooth and gorgeous her voice is. It's just an act. Nevertheless, a blush rose to his cheeks as he walked out into the bathroom.

He paced up and down the room a few times, trying to get the image and sound of Ino out of his head. She always looks like that when she wakes up. She always has. It's the best part about her. It's when she's most confused, most vulnerable. It's when she's still relaxed and her voice has that lovely velvet tone to it. I love Ino in the morning. To have that every morning… well that would be the only thing less troublesome about marrying her.

No. Stop that trail of thought, right now! Troublesome woman! I can't let her win.

He looked over to the far wall of the bathroom and noticed a small flash of orange from the corner of his eye. Locking the bathroom door, he looked down to see the edge of one of Kakashi's Icha Icha books poking out of the wall at floor level.

Pressing on that section of wall, he found the Gen-jutsu collapse enough to let him into the secret adjoining room that was set up for tactics meetings between the two guys. This was a part of the agreement between them and Tsunade, so that they wouldn't feel like they were being as isolated as the girls, especially seen as they were receiving no training or useful experience as a result of this little "mission".

He bent down and picked up Kakashi's book before walking further in to greet the older jonin.

The room was really small but had two comfy looking armchairs set out in the middle of it. Kakashi looked up at him from his thoughtful position in one of the chairs. "Yo"

"Hey" Shikamaru slumped down opposite him. "How are things with Sakura?"

"Hmff" was all he could come up with

"Troublesome?" he suggested

"Hai"

"Well, same here."

"What's the problem?"

"Ino."

"Well obviously" He rolled an eye

"Can I ask you something Kakashi, as an older and, presumably more experienced male?" his speech began to grow slower and more hesitant.

"I guess"

"How the hell do you respond to lewd comments in bed voice?"

Kakashi's visible eye widened in interest "What kind of lewd comments?"

Shikamaru cringed, hoping he wouldn't ask that question. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"If I do it'll be at Ino, not at you. I promise"

"Shika-kun. You're just so rock-hard sexy" he repeated quietly

Kakashi did laugh. He really couldn't help it.

"Are you gonna help me or not?" Shikamaru frowned at him

"Gomen. That one's out of my experience. I've never been called anything like that"

"Seriously? You?"

"Yeah, me. Why would anyone call me that?"

"Gomen Kakashi. I honestly thought that you would have been."

"So Ino is being a bit forward about it then?"

"That's an understatement. There's groping and food innuendoes and… dear Kami, she is Sasuke-ising me. I just don't know how I am going to last much longer."

"Groping? Really? I'm fairly sure she never…Gomen, um… you only have to last another day really, remember. You really think that you won't be able to hold out?"

"Not at the moment, no. Half of me wants to tell her now just so she'll stop torturing me."

"Torturing?"

"Yeah." He took a quick gulp "I really think I…no. I'll figure something out. I doubt that Sakura's being this difficult."

Kakashi went oddly quiet for a second before replying. "No. Quite the opposite."

"Can we swap for a while then because…" he looked at the exposed part of Kakashi's face and drew enough to let him know to shut up "Gomen. Carry on"

"She's being so, mature and calm and sensitive and… not Sakura."

"That is Sakura Kakashi-san" Shikamaru pointed out with a frown. He really does pay no attention to the girl at all.

"Hmm… I feared as much. I'm afraid that I've been neglecting her for my other students. I never realized just how much she had grown."

"So she's not being forceful, or flirting, or saying inappropriate things or anything like that?"

"No. Nothing. She just cooked the most amazing meals and kept quiet and left me alone to my book."

"You did check the food for poison, didn't you?"

"What do you think I am? Three?"

"Gomen. Maybe she's just nervous about trying anything."

"No. She doesn't seem worked up by anything at all. She just seems… content"

"So this is what happens when you lock Ino and Sakura in separate rooms and take away the doors. I've always wondered…"

"Yup. One turns into a sex-driven animal and the other turns into a perfect housewife."

"Let's hope they switch roles tomorrow" Shikamaru gave him a crooked smile

Kakashi gave him a happy eye in return.