Well hey there, and thanks for the faves/follows/reviews last chapter. I am so glad that you liked the beginning of the story, and I hope the second half lives up to your expectations. Before we get into the chapter, I would just like to make it very clear that I do not own the song that comes up in this chapter. I redid the words, but the original lyrics, tempo, and everything else do not belong to me, at all. Now that's out of the way, here's the chapter, and I hope you all enjoy it! Don't forget to let me know what you think.
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Vega household, evening.
It's not until I'm standing on Tori's doorstep, fist raised to knock and something that I hope passes for an apathetic smirk on my face, that I realize just how ridiculous this all is. For the first time I can remember, I have totally let my emotions get the better of me. I take a step back, lowering my fist and mentally kicking myself. Of course Tori and Andre are together. Why shouldn't they be? It's not like my feelings for her mean that she should have feelings for me too. I mean, it would be the first time I've been on this side of a one-sided crush, but that's not Tori's fault.
And just like that, my anger – although it had been more like indignation anyway – fades. I cross my arms, lost in an internal debate. I don't want to leave things hanging with Tori, but I shouldn't just barge in on her if she's with Andre. That wouldn't be fair, and despite all my complaining and apparent disdain for her, she's never actually done anything to me. Heck, she's even done things for me, like that time when she refused to kiss Beck because she couldn't do that to a friend. So I guess we're friends, and I have no place being here.
As I turn to leave, the door opens. I spin around, my heart suddenly pounding, and am surprised – and almost disappointed – by who I see.
"Jade," Andre says, his eyebrows almost flying off his forehead. He's staring at me like he's never seen me before, and I stare back, as confused as he is surprised. He stares at me a moment longer and then calls over his shoulder, "Hey Tori! Jade's here."
He turns back to me, his eyebrows still raised, but his expression is melting into a smile. I can hear Tori shout something in response but I can't quite hear what it is, since I'd taken a couple of steps away from the door.
"You can go in," Andre says, pushing the door wide open and stepping around me. "She's expecting you."
And then, with a secret kind of smile like he knows something I don't, he leaves. I stay. Right where I am. For several long minutes.
Although I know I embarrassed myself last night, I really want to see Tori. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. The door is still open, and I stare at it, trying to make up my mind. I shouldn't be here. Tori and Andre are together; Tori clearly doesn't want to talk to me; Cat and Beck knew about Tori and Andre, and probably know about my feelings too. I shouldn't be here.
As I reach for the handle to close the door before I leave, a hand wraps around my wrist. I bite back a yelp and then have to catch my breath as that familiar smile greets me.
"Jade," Tori beams, "you're here. Come in."
She doesn't give me a choice, because she drags me inside and kicks the door closed behind us. I flinch, bracing myself for what's coming next. I'm expecting anger, disgust, confusion. But all I can see in her face is friendliness. Go figure. Even when she has every right to be pissed, Tori's still playing the nice girl act.
I yank my hand out of her grasp and cross my arms, giving her what I hope is a withering glare. I want to say something about Andre being here, about Cat and Beck covering for them, but I know that wouldn't be fair. "I didn't see you at school today," I say instead.
"Oh." Tori seems faintly disappointed, as if she'd expected – or hoped – that I would say something different. A sudden thought flashes through my mind: maybe she wants me to bring up last night. She's waiting for me to explain that message, to apologize, to swear I'll never do it again. "Do you want something to drink?" Tori asks, catching me off-guard. She hasn't offered any explanation for her absence today, which is as confusing as it is unnerving. She's normally so transparent – it's one of the things I really like about her, although I've never told her, or anyone, that.
"I'm good, thanks," I say with a shrug.
"Suit yourself." Tori shrugs too, but hers is bouncy, playful. She all but flounces over to the kitchen to get herself a drink, leaving me standing awkwardly in the living room.
While she's in the kitchen, I take a moment to consider her appearance. I'm trying to figure out what it is about her that I like. I don't normally let my mind wander this way, but the damage is done so I may as well see this track through. She's pretty, there's no denying it; I'd even told her as much one time, when we were on our fake date at Nozu. But it's not just her looks. It's… her. The way she speaks. The way she holds herself. The way she's always unashamedly who she is; no masks, no facades, nothing. She's just Tori.
As I'm contemplating the intricacies of Tori, I realize what she's wearing. Normally when we come to her house to work on group projects or performances, she doesn't bother dressing up. She wears jeans and simple, almost plain shirts; a couple of times she's even worn sweats. Sometimes she wears her glasses too. But not now.
She's wearing jeans, but they seem to be shimmering, like they're covered by a light dusting of glitter. And, I realize with some amusement, there's the same shimmer in her hair. Her shirt is like the one she wore the first time we performed in Yerba – plain from the back, but with sequins on the front. It's a deep purple that, cliché as it sounds, really does bring out her eyes. Her hair is down, slightly curled at the ends, and she's wearing feather earrings that match her shirt. As she turns back around, I take in her full appearance, and I realize: she'd gone to a lot of effort.
My first thought is that it was for Andre's benefit. If she'd ditched school to hang out with him, of course she'd want to look good. Not that she doesn't look good anyway (yet another thing I've never admitted aloud), but this is performance-level pretty. Like she'd been putting on a show.
"You sure I can't get you anything?" Tori asks, waving her hand vaguely at the kitchen around her. When I shake my head she finishes off her drink, sets her cup down, and starts making her way back over to me.
Since she doesn't seem like she's going to bring it up, I do. "Look, Tori, about that text I sent you -"
"Don't," Tori interrupts quietly. She's smiling, the same kind of secret smile that Andre had flashed at me before he left. She's up to something, and I'm not sure I want to know what. "Don't talk," she says, still in that gentle, quiet tone. "Just listen."
Before I can protest she's pushing me toward the sofa, and I don't bother fighting as she pushes me down onto it. She holds my shoulders for a moment more, squeezes them slightly, and then lets go.
"Wait here," she says, skirting around the back of the sofa.
I stay sitting where I am, confused by where this is going. I'd thought Tori was going to be upset, or angry, or any of the other emotions that I actually understand. Instead she's secretive, almost… seductive. But that doesn't make sense. I shake my head slightly, trying to convince myself that I misinterpreted. Her smile was friendly; that's all. She wore that outfit for Andre; not me. And the way she winked at me as she walked away just now… that had to have been accidental.
When she comes back she's holding a microphone of all things, and that's when I accept the fact that I have no idea what she's doing.
"Andre helped me with this," she says, twirling the microphone in her hands. If I'm not much mistaken it almost looks like her hands are shaking, but that can't be right. "We've been working on it all day."
The microphone. Her outfit. Andre's help. At last I think I have an idea of where this might be going, but the last pieces of the puzzle haven't fallen into place yet.
Tori clears her throat, pulls a remote out of her pocket, and then meets my eyes. "So, Jade," she says, her voice low – almost seductive, I think again – and slightly hesitant, "this is for you."
A click, a smile, and then music starts playing. I recognize it after a bar or two, and then I'm back to being utterly lost again. It's You Don't Know Me, the song I sang for the Full Moon Jam. The one I accidentally used to win Beck back, a few months before we broke up again (this time for good). Why is Tori going to sing this, of all songs?
But then the lyrics start, and I realize she's changed them.
She sits down on the table in front of me as she sings the first verse, her voice growing in volume and confidence with each line.
"I thought I knew you but I don't know you
I thought you'd hate me but you don't, do you?
I look at you and there's just one thing that I see…"
The beat is slightly slower, the words softer. More of a ballad than a pop song, but somehow she makes it work.
As she sings, Tori's watching me. There's an unspoken question behind her words; she's waiting for my reaction. She isn't singing this for me, I realize; she's singing it to me.
As she dives into the revamped chorus, I don't know what to expect. It's faster than the verse, the music swelling as Tori gets to her feet, moving in time to the beat. I've always loved the way she performs, somehow caught between being spurred on by the crowd and being completely lost in the music.
"So listen to me,
listen to me."
Tori's still moving in time, her body twisting and turning sensually, almost sexually. I'm utterly captivated, suddenly wondering how on earth I'd never gotten around to telling her what an amazing performer she is.
"You told me how
you feel for me.
Oh oh, oh oh.
I know enough
and I can see
clearly, c-c-c-c-clearly."
I try to focus on the words but it's difficult when Tori's right in front of me, singing like that, moving like that… giving me my very own private concert. My gaze has dipped slightly lower and I quickly jerk it back up to her face. She catches my eye, winks, and keeps singing.
"You're dangerous, they're warning me.
Should I be afraid of you?
Or should I believe that
you could love me?"
My heart is pounding in earnest now, my entire body transfixed by the sight before me. This is not how I expected my evening to go, but it's so, so much better. Tori catches my eye again, and she must see something she likes because she moves closer, singing directly to me, her hand drifting out every now and then to rest on my knee, my thigh, my hips as she sits down beside me.
"They said you'd hurt me but I don't believe it.
I think you're worth it even if nobody else believes it.
There's so much more to you than what you let me see…"
That verse is softer, less volume and more feeling. She's sitting beside me now, not touching me but close enough that she could if she wanted to. The thought thrills me more than I would ever admit. As the song circles back to the chorus Tori squeezes my knee one more time as she stands up, stepping backwards onto the table with grace that I hadn't known she possessed.
"So listen to me,
just listen to me."
As the music swells again her dancing becomes more energetic, and she's holding the microphone like an honest-to-god rock star. Out of all of us she's probably the most likely to get a big break, especially after the Platinum Music Awards show, and moments like this remind me why she deserves it.
"If you like me,
should I like you?
Oh oh, oh oh.
If I like you,
and you like me.
Oh oh, o-o-o-o-oh."
Her voice is teasing now, the words edged with amusement. As the next verse starts she jumps down from the table, one hand holding the microphone and the other tossing her hair back in a way that literally makes my heart skip a beat. She stays in front of me as she sings the next part, her body moving in ways that fascinate me and keep me spellbound.
"You're dangerous, but I don't care
'cause I'm not afraid of you.
And you might convince me
that you love me."
The words shiver through me, as scintillating as Tori's performance itself. The light catches on her shirt, her hair, her eyes. I can't look away. As the song mellows slightly she actually kneels down in front of me, her beautiful voice washing over me in cascades of emotion as she rests her free hand on my knee.
"And the longer that you stay,
my heart is melting.
But the world feels okay,
it feels okay.
He-ey…"
I wonder if she knows that I'm trembling beneath her touch. I'm not one for showing emotion, but damn can I feel it. And right now my feelings for Tori are rushing through me with such force I actually feel dizzy. She stays there during the next verse, lightly touching me, her eyes never leaving my face as she finally makes her confession.
"You like me and
I like you too.
You're here for me.
I'm here for you."
It's sappy as hell, but her words make me melt. I think that there's nothing I wouldn't do if Tori asked me to, and the thought scares me. But here it is, the truth that I had never even considered: Tori likes me too. Tori freaking Vega has feelings for me. As she sings the next line she reaches out, standing up and pulling me to my feet in one fluid movement, silently coaxing me into dancing with her. To be honest I don't actually need all that much convincing.
"Let's go, let's go."
By this point we're both dancing, our bodies close but not touching.
"Let's go, let's go."
The music is swelling again, Tori's voice surrounding me in a blissful haze, my mind whirling with thoughts of her.
"Let's go, let's go."
We've performed together before, in groups and even duets, but it's never felt like this before. This is personal, private.
"Let's go, let's go, let's go…"
This is something that is, quite simply, ours.
"If you let me
I can show you
what my heart knows.
You say it's real
and I can feel
changes, ch-ch-ch-ch-changes."
We're still dancing, closer together now. Tori is all I can see, all I can hear, all I can feel. Our bodies brush up against each other, her words still washing over me, her hip bumping against me, her shoulder against mine, always moving, somehow perfectly in sync. This feels natural. This feels good. We're completely in sync, weaving around each other as if we've been doing it all our lives.
"You're dangerous, but so am I
and I'm not afraid of you."
As the last verse wraps up Tori nudges me toward the sofa, gently pushing me onto it like she did before the performance began. I sink down onto it, breathing heavily. I'm sure my face is flushed and energy is coursing through me and I think that I've never felt more alive. Tori kneels down in front of me again, her eyes locking onto mine, holding me captive.
"How can I convince you,
oh, that I love you?"
Her voice shivers slightly on the word love, a faint pink blush spreading across her cheeks. But her voice is steady as she sings the final line, so softly I almost can't hear her:
"I think you'll find out."
The music fades, and it's just me and Tori, eyes locked, hearts racing. A beat passes, and then we both move at the same instant. Tori tosses the microphone aside as she gets to her feet, and I stand up too, just in time to meet her in a fierce kiss that leaves us both even more breathless than the song had.
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Tori's bedroom, night.
We're lying on the bed, Tori's head resting on my chest, my hand entwined in her hair.
"You know," I tell her, and she twists around so that she can meet my eyes, "if you wanted to tell me how you felt, you could have just told me, like any normal person would have done."
Tori snickers. "Yeah, but normal's boring," she says dismissively, and then after a beat she leans up and kisses me again, catching me off-guard in the best way possible.
As we lie beside each other I think of the past twenty-four hours, of how the expectation and anticipation of Tori's reaction to my confession had made me feel almost physically sick. How even now the sight of her makes my insides squirm and my heart race and about a dozen other clichés. How she ties me up in knots without even realizing it.
This is a new kind of pain. And, in all honesty, I think I kind of like it.
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Okay, so that's it for this story.
BUT.
I am working on another story. It's a supernatural AU (you know the type: werewolves and hunters and whatnot) but there is kind of a twist (which I'll explain when I post the story). It's definitely a Jori story but it will include the entire ensemble, with particular emphasis on Cade and Bori friendships. So if anyone's keen for that, it's called 'not all monsters' and I'll probably start publishing by the end of the week. I hope to see some of you there, and thank you for making my first experience writing for this fandom a very pleasant one. See you all around.