Total Drama Bonanza
A Total DramaFanfiction by StoryCrafter12
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fanfiction. Total Drama and all of its characters are property of Teletoon and Fresh TV. Please support the official release.
Warning: This story is rated T for teen. It contains mild danger, language, brief nudity, and some crude humor and sexual elements. To be fair, though, these are teenagers I'm writing about.
Author's Note: Sorry about the wait folks, but my tablet kicked the bucket a few days ago, forcing me to buy an older model laptop so I can still get online. Hopefully chapter six makes up for it though!
Day Two, Part Three: The Truth Hurts
Samey saw her entire life flash before her eyes: learning to ride a bike weeks after Amy had gotten her training wheels taken off, getting fourth place in her elementary school's spelling bee while Amy won, being Amy's understudy in their middle school's production of Romeo and Juliet, making second-string on the cheerleading squad while Amy made first…
Okay, so maybe it wasn't a particularly impressive life, but it was still Samey's. And now it was about to end on the beach of some island in Muskoka, at the hands of a rampaging grizzly bear.
Figures. The one thing I get to do before Amy is die, a distant part of Samey's brain remarked as she screamed and raised her arm in a pitiful defense. It would be her final thought.
Or at least at would have, were it not for the massive figure that planted itself between Samey and Fuzzy, belting out a screeching roar that made Samey's eardrums ring. She clapped her hands over her ears as the roar continued, terrible, furious, and… oddly familiar.
Fuzzy stopped his attack and dropped back to all fours, momentarily stunned by the intervention. Beardo didn't let up, taking a deep breath and belting out another Godzilla roar and he stomped his feet and waved his arms wildly, trying to make himself look as big and intimidating as possible.
It only worked for a few seconds, but that was just enough time for Chef Hatchet, who had been fumbling with the tranquilizer gun in the seat beside him throughout the whole ordeal, to take aim and squeeze off a shot.
The dart loaded with sleeping chemicals sailed through the air, burying itself in Fuzzy's behind just as he started to realize that he was the stronger predator, not this fat thing with the crazy hair. The compound went to work immediately, transforming his bubbling growl into a yawn. Fuzzy's eyes went half-lidded, he swayed on his paws once, twice, and tumbled to the sand with a mighty thud.
For a few seconds, the beach was as quiet as the grave, Beardo's heavy panting the only sound to be heard. Once it was clear that the snoring bear was no longer a danger, he whirled around to the downed cheerleader and asked; "Are you okay?"
Samey blinked as Beardo extended a hand to her. Heart still pounding, Samey took it, and he clapped his other hand over hers and pulled her to her feet.
"I… I think so," Samey said, and idly reached down to brush the sand from her skirt. Her mind was still reeling for the whole "almost got killed by a bear" thing, and a single thought that was rather unusual considering the circumstances cut through the haze of adrenalin, planting itself firmly in the front of her mind. "Wait, did you just talk?"
Beardo took a few more deep breaths, his eyes widening as though he himself had just realized he had spoken using words and grammar instead of sound effects. He stammered a few times, but couldn't get a reply out before a frazzled-looking Chris McLean approached, fixing his hair with a pocket comb.
"Man, I'm glad that's over," he said, nudging the sleeping bear with his foot. "Nice shooting, Chef!"
"Wow, you were right, Chris," Scott remarked, his voice as dry as the Sahara as Sky, Jo and Mike ran down to check on Beardo, "that was completely, one-hundred-percent safe!"
"Yeah, asshole!" Amy shouted, throwing her arms up as Jasmine, Ella, Dawn and Brick went to comfort Samey. "You could have killed my sister just now!"
The other Wild Wolves still in the stands exchanged surprised and/or confused glances.
"Wait, you actually care about Samey's well-being?" Shawn spoke up. Amy scoffed at him.
"Um, duh! My sister might be a dork and a loser, but I don't want her to die!"
Confessional Cam: Well, nice to know she has a shred of sisterly love… Wait a second…
Amy: "I mean, what if I need a kidney some day?"
"Well, that was indeed an impressive display of bravery, Beardo," Chris said to the bearded teen. "Still you did run away first, so I'm afraid this challenge goes to Samey. Given the scare we just had though, I'll spare your team the shock since it might cause someone's heart to explode."
Beardo just shrugged, still panting and pale as he and his teammates returned to the Extreme Eagle's bleachers.
"Damn, Beard Boy, that was impressive," Jo remarked as she and Sky sat back down. "How'd you know to do that?"
"Saw it on a documentary," the trembling Beardo replied as he approached his seat. "If you're attacked by a predator, you wanna make yourself look as big and intimidating as possible, give yourself time to get away."
"Wow, and you weren't scared at all?" Mike asked.
"Oh no, I was terrified," he replied bluntly. "In fact, if it's okay with you guys, I'm gonna faint now, cool? Cool."
With that Bearo's eyes rolled to whites and he collapsed into his seat, his dreadlocks boncing as his head lolled back.
Chris glanced down at the bear, who grumbled in his sleep, and shook his head. "Glad that's over," he said. He started to turn to walk back to his podium, only to find his path blocked by a scowling Dawn and Ella. "Gah! Jesus, you girls trying to give me a heart attack?!"
"You need a heart before you can have an attack, Chris," Dawn said with a surprisingly unnerving glare as Jasmine and Brick led a shaking Samey back to their stands.
"Just what are you going to do with that sweet little creature?" Ella demanded, her friendly demeanor nowhere to be found.
"Sweet little…?" Chris muttered, glancing between Ella and the several-hundred pound apex predator of the forest. He rolled his eyes. "Ugh, animal lovers. Don't get your panties in a twist, you two. The bear lives right here on the island, Chef's gonna bring him back to his cave where he'll wake up safe and sound."
"Also, bears don't just attack like that for no reason," Dawn continued. "What did you do to get him so riled up?"
"Well…"
Earlier that morning…
"How's it going, Chef?" Chris asked. He stood near a large cave in the middle of the island, a TV remote in hand. Behind him sat a large cage where Fuzzy stood idly, licking his front paws.
"Almost ready," Chef replied as he approached, unspooling an extension cord that led all the way back to Camp Wawanakwa. He grabbed the power cord to the small TV that had been placed in front of Fuzzy's cage on a table and plugged it in to the cable. "Alright, go ahead."
Chris turned the TV on and wisely took a few steps away from the cage. Fuzzy stared at the flicking images on the screen as a voice blared from the speakers.
"We now return to our five hour marathon of Toddlers in Tiaras!"
A few minutes later, the first of many furious roars echoed across the island.
And back at the plot…
"You sick, sick man," Dawn said, aghast.
"Yeah yeah, I'm a horrible human being, yadda yadda yadda," Chris said with a dissmissive wave of his hand as Chef stuggled to push Fuzzy across the sand to his cage. "Look, the bear is going to be fine, so would you two kindly take your seats so we can proceed with the challenge?"
Dawn and Ella shot one last disgusted look at Chris before making their way back to the Wild Wolves' stands.
"I really wish that man wouldn't use so many animals in his twisted little games," Dawn said to Ella.
"I know, it makes me so nervous to see people with no respect for the welfare of animals placed in charge of them," the princess replied, shaking her head. "I've seen too much of that at the animal shelter I volunteer at."
Dawn's eyes lit up. "You do shelter work?"
"All the time! The staff love it when I sing to the animals, it calms down even the most unruliest of creatures. Do you volunteer as well?"
"Sometimes, but most of my experience with animals comes from working on my uncle's farm."
"Ooh! Does he have any horses?"
As the two girls continued to chatter, Chris rolled his eyes and pressed the selection button, silently hoping one of them would get picked and put an end to their pleasentries. Instead, it was Shawn that was chosen to perform a dare.
"As long as the dare doesn't involve zombies, I can handle it," Shawn said as he stepped down to stand before Chris, who drew a black card.
"Well that's a shame, because your dare is to walk a hundred-foot long tightrope over a pit of zombies while me and Chef shoot flaming arrows at you," Chris said, laughing mirthfully. He trailed off when he saw the stark terror on the boy's face, and frowned at him. "I'm kidding! All you have to do is dive off the thousand-foot cliff, jeez!"
Shawn's fear vanished with a sigh. "Oh, thank God! Yeah, I can do that."
"Seriously, Chris?" Jasmine asked. "Didn't we just do the cliff-jumping challenge yesterday?"
"Yeah, but I threw that card in on the off chance that one of the Wolves who didn't make the jump would get it." Chris cocked a thumb back at Chef, who had finished pushing the unconious Fuzzy back into his cage. "Shawn, go with Chef and he'll take you to the top of the cliff after he drops the bear off."
Chris pulled up a camera view of the thouand-foot-cliff on the podium's TV display while Shawn got into the truck with Chef and drove off. Several minutes later, Chef's truck - no loner hauling the cage - drove past the junk pile and up to the edge of the cliff, where Shawn stepped out, dressed in his swim trunks after a quick stop at the Wolves' cabin. He approached the edge, took one look at the water far below and quickly took a few steps back.
Chris pressed another button on his podium and spoke into it. "Shawn, can you hear me?"
Shawn jumped and looked around rapidly, until his eyes settled on the camera focused on him. "Oh, there you are," he said. "Yeah, I can hear you."
"Good." Chris pulled up the thirty second timer in the corner of the TV screen. "Thirty seconds to make the jump, starting... now!"
The countdown started to tick. Once more Shawn looked out over the cliff, clenched and uncenched his fists, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"Just pretend you're running from zombies," Shawn told himself the same motivational line he had used on Sam earlier. With a wild cry he ran forward and dove from the cliff, screaming all the way down until he hit the water with a splash.
"And the Wild Wolves are back in the lead with nine!" Chris announced, the Wolves cheering as Shawn surfaced with a gasp.
"Woo-hoo! That was wicked!" the zombie-obssesed boy cheered as he swam to shore where Chef was waiting with the truck. Shawn marched up onto the beach, shaking the water from his hair and looking to the nearest camera with a big grin, missing the look of astonishment that came over Chef's face. "Did you guys get all of that? Man, I felt like I was flying! It was the most awesome and terrifying thing I've ever done in my life and I... Hello?"
When no response came from the camera's speakers, Shawn frowned and tapped the side of the recording device. "Uh, hello? Anyone home?"
The speakers crackled to life, and Shawn heard the unmistakable sound of laughter.
"Um, Shawn?" Chris asked, stuggling not to laugh himself. "Do you feel a draft by any chance?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I do feel a little-"
Realization hit Shawn like a sledgehammer to the testicles. He whirled around and saw his dark brown swim trunks drifting along in the water.
"Yeah, that figures," Shawn deadpanned. He glanced back at the camera, the speaker relaying at least a dozen different cackling voices. "I'll be right back."
Back on the beach where the Truth or Dare chalenge was taking place, a number of campers continued to laugh as the naked Shawn quickly dove back into the water, frantically swiming for his shorts.
"Hahaha, I just knew something like that would happen," Chris commented as his laughter petered out. "Now Chef owes me twenty bucks; he didn't think we'd have nudity until at least the third challenge." Chris hummed and rubbed his chin. "Now if only I can get someone to vomit..."
It was a few more minutes before Shawn was dropped off, having stopped to change back into his regular clothes. Still red in the face (and confused as to why Chef kept glaring at him and muttering something about twenty dollars) he went to sit back down with his teammates, a number of whom were still chortling and chuckling.
"I can't believe I was just naked in front of millions of people," Shawn grumbled as he took his seat beside the smirking Jasmine, not noticing her eyes travelling up and down his body.
"Well actually, Chris said these episodes won't actually start airing until around the middle of the season," Topher pointed out, "so you weren't naked in front of Total Drama's entire audience just yet."
"Not helping, Topher."
"Ah, don't worry about it," Jasmine said, patting Shawn on the shoulder as Chris picked the next camper. "You were really brave up there and brought us back into the lead, and that's the important thing."
Shawn gave her a small smile. "Wow, hearing the girl who kicked a shark in the face call me brave is quite an honor. Thanks, Jasmine."
"No problem. Nice piece, by the way."
"Okay," Chris said loudly as Shawn blushed deeper and Jasmine giggled, "up next is Dakota telling a truth for the Eagles!"
The fame seeker frowned as she placed her wrist in the Truth Band and the cold metal clamped around her wrist. "This better not leave a mark on my perfect skin, McLean!"
Chris rolled his eyes and drew a white card and pulled up the countdown. "Dakota, besides winning a whole lot of money, what is your main reason for joining Total Drama Bonanza?"
"If you must know," Dakota said with a smirk, "this show going to be the launch pad for my television career. I plan on sticking around long enough to show the world what I can do, and by the time I leave this island, I'll have network executives lining up around the block to sign me on for my own spin-off series!"
The truth bell dinged, and Dakota's hand was freed.
"Wow, those are quite some impressive goals," Chris remarked. "I'll bet a million would go a long way towards financing your own spin-off."
Dakota shrugged. "I guess. To be honest, I never really cared about the prize money."
Almost everyone on the Extreme Eagles (and the Wild Wolves for that matter) turned to stare at Dakota.
"You don't care about a million dollars?" Jo asked, emphasizing the money that was at stake.
"Nope," Dakota said bluntly, pulling a file from her pocket and starting to work on her nails. "Sure it's a lot by itself, but it's small change compared to what my daddy rakes in from his hotels."
"Hotels? What are you..." Scarlett started to ask, then her jaw dropped as the puzzle pieces clicked into place. "Wait, Dakota Milton? As in the biggest, classiest hotel chain in Canada? You're that Dakota Milton?"
"The one and only," Dakota said, holding her nails up to admire them.
"We've got a freakin' hotel heiress on our team?!" Scott asked, eyes bugging out in shock.
Anne Maria smoothly slid up next to Dakota an threw her arm around her shouders.
"Say Dollface," Anne Maria said with a too-big smile to the confused heiress, "did I ever tell you that that shade of lipgloss looks fantastic on you?"
Confessional Cam: Come stay at the Milton today! A deluxe two-bedroom suite with a hot tub for only $599!
Anne Maria: "I think I just found myself a new BFF."
Dakota: "I guess it isn't too surprising that the others didn't realize they had a celebrity amongst them. I may just be the daughter of Harrison Milton right now, but once my career kicks off, everyone in the world is going to know my name."
Jo: "Seriously? A spoiled brat who probably got more money for her last birthday than most of us will see in our whole lives is competing on a show like this? And she claims she doesn't even want the prize money?! Yeah, I know who I'm voting for the next time we lose!"
Dave: "Okay, maybe I'm just cynical, but what kind of television career can you expect if you get your start doing ridiculous challenges on some reality show?"
Scott: (holding his sides and cackling) "Oh, I feel like the only hunter in the woods, and all the deer just keep painting themselves with targets!"
"Alright," Chris said as he pressed the selection button again, "We're at a nine-nine tie, but the Wolves still control the game. Let's see if... Zoey can maintain it by telling us a truth!"
The indie chick sighed and placed her hand in the Truth Band as Chris drew another white card.
"Okay Zoey, what song do you want playing when you lose your viriginty, or if you already have lost it, what music ws playing at the time?"
Zoey's cheeks turned as red as her hair as the timer started to tick down. "Well, I still haven't... done that yet. But when it does happen, the song I'd like playing is... Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly."
The truth bell dinged, and Chris chuckled as Zoey pulled her freed hand protectively close to her chest.
"Well, someone's got high hopes for their first time," the host commented. "That's a seventeen minute song, dudette."
"Just what the hell is an Iron Butterfly?" Amy asked, confused.
"Oh, it's a progressive rock band," Dawn said, momentarily breaking her conversation with Ella. "One of the godfathers of the genre at that, and that impressive peice is their magnum opus."
"Better make sure you find a guy who knows what he's doing," Sam commented, chuckling, "or you'll lose your virginity to the first minute and spend the next sixteen being apologized to."
Zoey's blush deepened as Chris picked the next contestant to go. The computer selected Anne Maria to do a dare.
"Anne Maria," Chris said to the Jersey girl standing before him with her hands on her hips, "your dare is to break this board with no tools or help from other people."
Anne Maria frowned as Chef approached, holding out a foot-long piece of timber. "Seriously, Chris?" She asked. "Do I look like one of them old kung-fu guys? How am I supposed to break this thing myself?"
"Don't know, don't care." He pulled up the timer. "You got thirty seconds to figure it out though. Go!"
The countdown began, and Anne Maria narrowed her eyes, cocked her fist back, and punched the board as hard as she could. Chef Hatchet didn't budge an inch, the wood didn't even crack, and he laughed as Anne Maria's face contorted in pain.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" She howled, shaking her already-swelling knuckles. "Damn it, that hurts!"
"You can do it, my love!" Rodney called out from the stands.
Anne Maria glowered at the lumber in Chef's hands. "Oh, you're gonna get it now!"
She pulled her foot up an struck the board with her heel. Again Chef didn't move, again the lumber didn't break, and again the cook laughed as Anne Maria lost her balance and fell back in the sand.
"Just pretend it's Jo's face," Dakota offered, earning a glare from the jock-ette.
Anna Maria picked herself up and threw her elbow into the board, putting all of her weight behind the blow. When it still didn't break, she did it again, and again, and then jumped back with a yelp. "Gah! Splinter!"
"Use your head!" Cameron shouted.
Anne Maria gingerly plucked the splinter from her elbow, and her eyes lit up. "Oh!"
She grinned, cocked her head back, and slammed it forward as hard as she could. A loud crack echoe across the beach and Chef stumbled back, staring in shock at the broken pieces of wood in his hands.
"... Not quite what I meant, but that works too," Cameron said as Anne Maria reached up to steady her shaking hair with a triumphant smirk.
"And the Eagles are up to ten," a flabbergasted Chris said. "Okay, I've got to know: howdid you do that?"
The Jersey girl chuckled and pulled a can of hair spray from her pocket. "Gaurenteed all-day hold, and completely waterproof."
Anne Maria applied more of the spray to her pouffe as she wlked back to her seat, either not hearing the coughing of the teammates she passed or not caring.
"We're on the home stretch, people," Chris said, slamming his fist down on the selection button. "Time to wrap things up!"
This time Leonard was chosen to perform a dare.
"Run across these hot coals in your bare feet!"
Leonard rubbed his chin as Chef poured glowing coals from a large pot onto the beach. Then he grinned and snapped his fingers. "A 'resist fire' spell will make this quest effortless! Infernus Negatus!"
Then he took off at a sprint across the bed of coals, and his look of confidence was instantly replaced by agony. "Ow ow ouch ouch! Oh God, I was wrong! I was horribly, horribly wrong! Ouch, ah, ahhh!"
Chris pressed the selection button again.
"Scarlett, your dare is to jump from this trampoline through a flaming hoop!"
Scarlett watched as Chef set up a trampoline several feet away from a steel hoop welded to a metal stand, then grimaced as he doused the hoop with gasoline and took a lit match to it. As the timer appeared and began to count down, Scarlett pulled a small notebook and pen from her pocket and started to scribble on it.
"If I hit the trampoline at a speed of aproximately four-point-five-eight miles per hour..." she mumbled, "... jump at an angle of thirty-nine-point-seven degrees... distance is roughly twelve feet and three inches..." She made a few more calculations, then put the pen and paper away and took a deep breath. "Okay, here I go."
Scarlett ran across the sand, jumped onto the trampoline and sailed graefully through the hoop, feeling the intense heat washing over her as she passed through, the flames just barely licking her skin and clothes.
The Extreme Eagles cheered as Scarlett picked herself up and dusted the sand away, inspecting herself for scorch marks. When she found none, she smirked. "Flawless calculations as always."
Chris hit the selection button once more.
"Ella, if you were trapped on a deserted island for a year with only one of your fellow contestants for company, who would you pick?"
The princess drummed her fingers against the table, a Truth Band shackled around her other wrist. "Everyone here is so nice," she said, "I'd take all of them if I could. But if I had to pick just one, Dawn and I seem to be getting along really well."
The conformation ball rang, and Dawn gave Ella a warm smile. "Aw, thank you."
The selection button was again pressed by Chris.
"Scott, what is your biggest sexual fantasy?"
Scott blanched and was silent for a few seconds, but quickly realized there was no way out of it without losing the point and getting his team even more mad as him.
"That would be a threesome," he finally admitted. "A threesome with... twins."
The bell rang, and everybody turned to stare at Amy and Samey, both of whom turned bright red; the latter in embarassment, the former in rage.
"Not. Even. In. Your. Dreams," Amy snarled at him, making the scheming boy flinch and scoot back in his seat.
Chris's fist smacked the selection button.
"Brick, you must spend thirty seconds wearing a beard of bees!"
The cadet stood still as a statue, his pulse pouding as dozens of honeybees crawled along his honey-coated cheeks and chin. He kept his eyes trained on the timer for the entire length of the dare, amd sighed in relief when the clock hit zero.
"Oh thank God," he said, talking loud enough to be heard over the buzz of the bees, but not so loud as to startle them. "Now, uh, how do we get these guys off?"
In reponse Chef chuckled and lobbed a smoke grenade at Brick's feet, which released a thick cloud of dark purple smoke. The bees tumbled from his face almost instantly, lulled to sleep by the chemical mist. A few seconds later, Brick joined them.
"Nighty night..." he manged to say with a dopey smile as his eyes rolled back and he pitched face-first into the sand.
Chris pressed the oh, who am I kidding? You should know how this goes by now!
"Sky, your dare is to eat this mixture of mustard, vinegar and horseradish without puking!"
"Oh, seriously?" Sky asked, frowning as Chef handed her a jar of pale-yellow paste and a spoon. "My naseua just went away."
Chris started the countdown, and Sky groaned and started shovelling the unholy mixture into her mouth in big, heaping spoonfuls. Her eyes welled with tears, and her face contorted with each bite, but she nonetheless managed to get most of the jar down.
"Okay, just one more bite," Sky told herself, looking pale as she held up the last spoonful. She opened her mouth wide, then froze as her stomach lurched. "Uh-oh."
The jar and spoon fell to the sand, followed swiftly by Sky dropping to her knees and vomiting up the contents of her stomach. "Oh God, it tastes worse coming back up," she cried between heaves, vauguely aware of the screams of her team being electrocuted in the background.
"We're gonna need a bigger boat!" Beardo screamed, startled back to conciousness by the shock. He groaned and shook his head, smoke wafting from the tips of his singed dreadlocks as they bounced. "Ugh, what happened?"
Wanna guess what Chris did after he collected another twenty dollars from Chef? Here's a hint: it involves the selection button.
"Lightning, what is your ultamite goal in life?"
The athete gave him a cocky smile. "Be the first man to win the Super Bowl and the World Series and the Stanely Cup and the NBA championship!"
The truth bell gave a ding, and Chris whistled. "Lofty dreams you've got there," he said. "You sure you don't wanna throw in the World Cup for good measure?"
"You know, now that I hear them all out loud," Topher remarked to no one in particular, "I noticed something: how come all of the championship games for the major sports leagues have fancy names except basketball?"
Lightning frowned and rubbed his chin. "I'm not really sure." His eyes lit up and his lips curled into a big smile. "Ooh, maybe after I win a couple and get put in the Basketball Hall of Fame, they'll name the championship after me! The Lightning Cup! Oh yeah, I like the sound of that!"
Blah blah blah Chris blah blah blah button.
"Dave, what's your favorite type of porn?"
Dave grimaced. "Seriously? Chris, my parents are going to watching this!"
"So are all of ours, but you didn't hear us complaining," Cameron said, who had gone back to rubbing the woozy Sky's back.
"Yeah, we all took our lumps," Mike added, crosing his arms.
Scott glanced over at the stammering Dave and grinned as he finally saw his opening.
"Ah, he shouldn't have to say it if he doesn't want to," Scott said, plastering a dissapointed frown on his face as he motioned to the other team. "I mean, the Wolves have fourteen points and it's their turn next, so we've already lost. No sense in Dave humiliating himself for no reason."
"Hey, we could still get one of those verses cards," Jo pointed out to Scott before before turning her attention to Dave. "The game's not over yet, String Bean. Time to man up."
"But I..." Dave started to say, but a fierce glare from Jo made him bite back the protest. He sighed. "Oh, fine. I like... Japenese girls in schoolgirl outfits."
The truth bell rang once more, and Chris nodded. "Nothing wrong with enjoying the classics," he noted as he pushed the selection button for what was potentially the final time. "But admitting that be worth it? The Wolves need just one more point to win it all... and it all falls on Topher performing a dare."
The fanboy smiled as he strode down to the sand. "Ready, willing and able," he said. "And might I just say that these are some brilliant questions and challenges you've come up with today, Chris. I'm almost sorry it has to end."
"As am I," Chris said as he drew a black card, "but all good things must sooner or later." He read the card's text and looked up at Dave. "Hey Dave, we've got another wild card in the house. You get to choose Topher's dare."
Dave's eyes widened in surprise, but before he could say anything he was bombarded by suggestions for impossible dares from his teammates.
"Uh-uh-uh!" Chris said loudly, waving a finger. "The dare must come from Dave and no one else."
"Just remember what I said," Jo whispered to the germaphobe. "Play to your opponent's weaknesses!"
Dave rubbed his chin as he pondered this. He looked between Chris and Topher, the former looking his way and waiting for a dare, the latter still staring at the show's host with undisguised admiration.
Dave smirked. "How about this? I dare Topher to insult you!"
Topher's smile was gone in a heartbeat. "What?!"
Chris glanced between the shocked Topher and the confident Dave, and shrugged. "Okay, not crazy on who you're asking Topher to insult, but given his personality, I guess I'll allow it."
"Aw yeah!" Lightning said with a fist bump, the other Wolves cheering along with him as Chris brough up the thirty-second timer. "We've got this challenge in the sha-bag!"
"Hey, wait just a second," Topher said to them, crossing his arms with a frown. "I'm not gonna insult Chris!"
The Wolves' collective good mood quickly went south.
"Um, excuse me?" Amy snapped, slamming a fist on the counter in front of her.
"Dude, we're one point away from a win!" Shawn said.
"Yeah, but Chris McLean is my idol!" Topher replied, which made the host in quetion beam. "Dave might as well have dared the Pope to spraypaint a dick on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel! I can't do it. I won't do it!"
"It's just one insult," Jasmine said, her eyes glued to the screen as the seconds ticked by. "Call him a sociopath who gets off on our misery and suffering!"
"Or say he's so narcisistic that he'd probably marry a mirror," Sam offered.
Chris's smile droped. "Um, guys-"
"Tell him that he spends enough money on hair gel to feed a family of four for a year," Dawn added.
"Or remind him that he was in that one-hit-wonder boy band from the mid-nineties," Zoey threw out. "What were they called again?"
"Fame Town, I think," Ella said.
"Yeah, those guys!"
Chris's frown deepened. "Guys-"
"No, talk about how badly it went when Chris tried to go solo after Fame Town," Samey countered.
"Tell him that his heart is as cold as the Scanadavia, the frigid land of the Frost Giants," Leonard interrupted.
"Point out his crow's feet and age lines," Amy ordered.
"Or how his personality is as vile as Chef's cooking," Brick proposed.
"Wait, I've got it!" Shawn shouted. "Remind him that he was born in nineteen-seventy-"
"ENOUGH!" Chris screamed and slammed his fist down on the yellow button, making the Wolves scream as the electricity shot through thier bodies. He let the power flow for a few seconds longer than usual before turning it off, glaring at teens the whole time. "The dare was for Topher to insult me. Since the thirty seconds have gone by and he's the only one that didn't, you do not get a point!"
His temmates glared at him as Topher sat back down, which he returned. "Hey, don't look at me like that," he said. "The Eagles only have thirteen points, so we'll still win during our next turn."
"Yeah, but we could have won just now," Jasmine snapped.
"If we lose this 'cause of you, Lightning will break every part of your face," the jock said with a snarl, punching his palm with his fist.
"And up next for the Extreme Eagles," Chris said loudly, looking at the random selection on the screen, "it will be Dave telling us a truth!"
"Again?" Dave asked, binking. The Truth Band rising up before him was the answer, and he winced and placed his wrist into it. Please don't let this one be as embarassing as the last...
Chris drew a white card. "Okay Dave, what is the most embarassing thing your parents have walked in on you doing?"
Of course. Dave gave a heavy sigh. "Well, this one time in the bathroom..."
Sexy Flashback Time
"David?" Dave's mother asked, opening the door to their bathroom without knocking. "Have you seen my-"
Her words died on her tongue and her eyes widened at the sight before her.
Dave stood in front of the sink, a towel wrapped around his waist and a hairbrush in hand. His smartphone sat on the counter, synthesized pop music blaring from the speakers, and Dave held the hairbrush up to his lips like a microphone as he sang along.
"Because they built Gwen's face," he belted, eyes closed tight in concentration, "We built Gwen's face! / We're gonna take first place! / Because we built Gwen's face!"
Dave opened his eyes slightly, and they widened at the sight reflected in the mirror: his mom standing in the open doorway, confused and disturbed. Confusturbed, if you will. Dave dropped the hairbrush and whirled around, screaming; "Don't come in, don't come in!"
Sexy Back-to-the-Present Time
Everyone stared at the blushing Dave like he had just grown fur and a tail and started howling at the full moon. The ring of the truth bell shattered the silence.
"He's... telling the truth," Chris said hesitantly. "Funny, I thought you were going to go a whole other direction with that story."
"We Built Gwen's Face?" Jo asked with an amused smirk. "Seriously?"
"What?" Dave asked defensively. "It was catchy, dang it! A lot of the Total Drama World Tour songs were!"
"I know, right?" Ella called from the opposite bleachers. "This is How We Will End It was amazing, and Oh My Izzy made me cry so much. Oh, how I wish I could have been a part of the last season!"
"So do I," Amy said dryly, "then you could have annoyed the original cast with your nonstop singing instead of us!"
Chris whistled sharply, getting everyone's attention as he selected the next camper. "This is it, kiddies," he said, "the game is tied at fourteen, and the Eagles better hope for a failure from the Wolves or a verses card if they still wanna win this."
The screens stopped moving, and Chris grinned. "And they might still have a chance, 'cause Sam has been chosen for a dare!"
The Wild Wolves groaned, and Sam gulped. "Oh boy..."
Chris drew a black card, and his grin grew even bigger. "Oh, yes! It's a verses card, everybody! Dave and Sam, front and center! One way or another, this will be the final dare!"
Confessional Cam: It's the Final Countdown! Do-do-do-doo, do-do-do-da-doo!
Sam: "Okay, I've already lost two dares, so I can not screw this up! I'm down to my last life, and something tells me that if I lose now, I won't get to reload my save."
Dave: "Great, now our victory is resting on my shoulders! Have I mentioned that I don't do well under pressure? Because I really don't..."
Dave and Sam faced one another on two narrow balance beams a few feet apart, watching as Chef sprayed the ground beneath them with a garden hose. He kept going until the sand was nice and soupy, a sight that made both boys cringe, one more than the other.
"Okay guys, this challenge is simple," Chris said as Chef handed Dave and Sam two dueling sticks, each one as tall as them, the ends topped with heavy foam cylinders. "When I give the word, you start wailing on each other. Last man standing wins the challenge for their team."
"You'd better not screw this up again, Gamer Boy!" Lightning jeered, the rest of the Wild Wolves looking at Sam with uncertainty.
"Don't worry guys," he assured them. "The last two dares weren't my thing, but this time my size is gonna work for me instead of against me."
"I hate to say it," Scarlett said as the trembling Dave stared at the mud below him as though it were a pit of needles, "but he's got a point. Sam has to be double Dave's weight, if not more."
"It'll take more than physical size to win this, Scarlett," Cameron countered. "There's also reflexes and strategy to consider."
"Just remember what I taught you, String Bean," Jo yelled. "Exploit your opponents weakness!"
"W-w-weakness, right," Dave stammered, not taking his eyes off of the mud waiting below. "Oh, I really don't wanna fall..."
"Okay, I want a good fight," Chris continued, "so if you're thinking of using cheap shots and dirty tricks..." He smiled widely. "That'd be great! Ready... set... go!"
Sam reacted instantly, lashing out with a straight jab from his dueling stick. Dave looked up just in time to sidestep the attack with a high-pitched yelp. Sam followed it up with a diagonal swipe, forcing Dave to step further down the beam to dodge.
"Don't let him back you into a corner!" Max shouted, noticing how close Dave was getting to the end of his beam.
Stepping carefully to follow his opponent, Sam threw another swipe at Dave, this one a horizantal attack. Dave raised his own dueling stick in an attempt to parry the blow, but the sheer force behind Sam's strike forced him a few more inches down his beam.
Both teams cheering loudly for their respective players, Dave grit his teeth and went on the offensive, throwing a clumsy diagonal slash Sam's way. The gamer caught the strike with his dueling stick and pushed back, forcing Dave to quickly pull back or risk being shoved into the mud.
Sam's gaming reflexes kicked in and he quickly made another horizantal swipe, grunting as he threw his weight behind the attack. Again Dave tried to block, and again the power of the blow was too much. Dave was forced back again, and now only a few inches stood between him and a short drop to a very sudden and dirty stop.
"You've got him on the ropes now, Sam!" Jasmine cheered, the rest of her team whooping and hollering.
"Don't give up, Dave!" Mike called out, the rest of the Eagles sitting in nervous silence, gripping their seats or biting their bottom lips or furiously filing their nails (in Dakota's case).
Oh, this is really bad, Dave thought as he and Sam squared off, each waiting for the other to move. If I don't think of something soon, our team's going to lose. And even worse: I'll be filthy! I need to exploit his weakness, exploit-
Another horizantal swipe came Dave's way, this time at head height. Dave yelped and ducked, the foam cylinder sailing over his head. As the dueling stick finished its arc, Dave looked to Sam and saw his opponent stumble ever so slightly, then quickly balance himself again.
... Or maybe I should use his strength against him!
"Take this!" Dave shouted and threw a feeble straight jab Sam's way. The gamer smirked and dodged it effortlessly, and Dave made a show of leaning too far forward and flailing his arms wildly. "Whoa-oa-oa!"
The Eagles gasped.
The Wolves cheered.
Sam narrowed his eyes and gripped his dueling stick with both hands, bringing it up over his shoulder like a baseball bat.
"Super grand slam attack!" He shouted as he swung, putting every last ounce of strength he had into the blow.
Upon hearing this, Dave stopped flailing and went still as a statue. He planted the end of his dueling stick on the beam and, with all the strength his skinny legs and narrow back could muster, hauled himself back into a standing position with a grunt of effort. His opponent's dueling stick whizzed through the air in front of him, and Sam cried out as he stumbed again, struggling to stay balanced and regain his footing.
But Dave never gave him the chance. With a warrior's cry of bloodlust (or as close as a teenage noodle like Dave could manage) he threw another jab, a real jab, striking Sam in that sweet spot between the stomach and the ribs. The gamer's cry became a wheezing gasp as the air was forced from his lungs, and he unceramoniously tumbled forward, landing face-first in the mud with a splat.
The beach went so quiet you could have heard a gnat clear its throat.
"It's over!" Chris announced to the stunned silence. "Dave wins it all for the Extreme Eagles!"
The team in question burst into wild cheers and applause. Dave stood with his dueling stick extended for a few more seconds, then blinked and lowered it.
"I... I won?" He asked. He looked down at Sam's twitching form in the mud, and Dave grinned and raised his weapon in triumph. "I did it! I actually did it!"
"Indeed you did, Dave," Chris said with a nod. "In addition to winning food, you and your team are also getting brand new beds and accessories! No more lumpy pillows, itchy blankets and bed bug-infested mattresses for you guys!"
Turning to the stunned Wild Wolves (and ignoring several cries of "Wait, we have bed bugs?!"), Chris said to them. "As for you all, go cast your votes and meet me at the bonfire tonight, 'cause one of you is out of here! Oh, and once more for good measure..."
Sam raised his face from the goop just in time to hear his teammates being shocked. He winced at their screams and sighed, spitting some mud from his mouth in the process.
Confessional Cam - Game Over. Continue? Y/N
Sam: "Well... I think I'm screwed."
Lightning: "I can't believe we lost! Teams don't lose when Lightning's there to lead them to victory! It just doesn't happen!"
Topher: (arms crossed and frowning)"Nice going, Sam. The whole team was counting on you today, and you blew it!"
Amy: "Well, I think it's obvious who's going home tonight."
Ella: "I hate having to do this... but after what happened today, I feel I have no choice."
Samey: "Well, guess Amy's not leaving yet. (sigh) Only one person to vote for now."
Shawn: "I can't believe I got naked on national TV for nothing! I know who I'm voting for, that's for sure!"
B: (shakes his head in dissapointment.)
Jasmine: "Well crap, I really thought we could pull off two wins a row there. Oh well, at least this gives us a chance to cut some of the dead weight from our team so we can perform better in the future. The Wild Wolves aren't going down without a fight."
The bonfire crackled, casting its warm light over the Wild Wolves' first elimination ceremony. The thirteen teenagers sat in silence, some content and at ease, others fidgeting nervously as they awaited judgement.
"Campers," Chris said, standing at his podium with a tray of marshmallows in hand. "I hold here twelve fluffy marshmallows. At a normal camp, they represent fun; here, they represent survival. If I call your name, it means you're going to compete on Total Drama Bonanza for another day. The person whose name I don't call will walk the Dock of Shame and take a one-way ride of the Boat of Losers. Let's start things off with... Jasmine."
The Aussie smiled and went up to collect her marshmallow.
"Shawn."
The zombie-survival took his treat with a grin and plopped it in his mouth, chewing loudly.
"Dawn."
The moonchild offered Ella a supportive smile before going up to accept her marshmallow.
"Lightning."
"Sha-yeah!" He cheered, running up and taking his marshmallow, holding it in the air for all to see. "Lightning scores again, baby!"
"Amy and Samey."
Both twins went up and claimed a marshmallow, the former walking quickly to make sure that she got hers first.
"Zoey."
The hipster chick let out the breath she'd been holding and joined her team.
"Leonard."
"Huzzah!" The LARP-er exclaimed. He tried to levitate one of the marshmallows off the plate, until Chris got annoyed and just handed him one.
"B."
The silent genius silently took a single marshmallow. Silently.
"Brick."
The cadet nodded, giving Chris a salute before plucking a marshmallow.
"And the there's the three of you," the host said to Ella, Sam and Topher. Ella drummed her fingers against the stump she sat on, Sam was sweating bullets as he stared at the remaining two marshmallows, and Topher just crossed his arms with a confident smile. "Ella and Topher failed some the day's easiest dares, and Sam dropped the ball not once, not twice, but three times!
"Your team has decided that one of you must pay for your failure with elimination. Who's it gonna be? I'll tell you who it's not..."
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"Ella!"
The princess gasped, then smiled and stood up.
"Oh, thank you thank you thank you!" She said as she went up and took a marshmallow. She glanced back at the remaining boys, both looking distraught, and her smile fell. "Oh. Um, sorry..."
Chris smiled as he held up the last marshmallow. Sam bit his bottom lip and dug his nails into his stump, and the cocky smirk had vanished from Topher's face. "And the final marshmallow of the evening goes to..."
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"... Sam."
Both boys gasped in perfect unison.
"I'm still in?" Sam asked, jumping to his feet. Chris nodded, and the gamer laughed and ran up to grab the marshmallow. "All right! Looks like I had an extra life after all!"
"Wh-what?!" The stunned Topher cried, mouth agape. "You guy voted for me over Sam?! You heard Chris: he lost three dares today! Including the one that could have won us the game!"
"Yeah, but at least he tried," Jasmine said, glaring at the fanboy. "And he wouldn't have lost the last dare if it weren't for you!"
"Yeah, man," Shawn said, crossing his arms, "I can't believe you picked not badmouthing Chris over your own team!"
"No. No no no no no this can't be happening!" Topher said, shaking his head with his hands clenched in his hair. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go! This isn't part of the plan!"
Topher ran up to his idol, desperation written in his features. "Chris, you're not gonna let them do this, right? Y-you can just ignore the votes like you did last season, right?!"
Chris sucked in a breath through his teeth, looking away as he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, about that..." he began. "Uh, due to the uniformly negative fan reaction to me excersizing my hosting veto powers, particullarly after the London and Greece episodes, the producers have ordered me to accept all the votes as they are. And I'm sorry to say it, Topher, but your team has voted you out of the game."
"Please Chris, there's gotta be something you can do!" Topher dropped to his knees. "I've been your loyal fan my whole life, sticking by you even at the lowest points of your career. Your Sci-Fi Channel original movies! Your non-stick cooking spray addiction! Your country album! You can't let them kick me off now, you just can't!"
"Whoa, settle down there, kid," Chris said, grabbing Topher's shoulders and hauling him back to his feet. "I said you were out of the game, but I didn't say you were leaving!"
The rest of the present teenagers exchanged confused glances.
"Um, beg pardon?" Zoey asked.
"You see," Chris continued, turning to them, "I was watching some entertainment news the other day, and I realized something. What do all of the great celebrities of Hollywood have that I don't?"
The Wolves blinked.
"Um, greatness?" Shawn guessed. Chris scowled at him.
"No. They have people! A whole team of yes-men and stylists and managers and bodygaurds following their every move. Every celebrity worth his fame has people, and all I've got is Chef. Well, that changes today! I'm going to start building my entourage, starting with my biggest fan over here."
With that Chris back to the biggest fan in question and held out a hand. "Congradulations, Topher! You're my new personal assisstant. Can you start immediately?"
"F-for real?" Topher asked in a quiet voice.
The host nodded, and Topher gave a joyful squeal and took Chris's hand, shaking it rapidly. "Thank you! Thank you so much for this honor, Mr. McLean!"
Everyone else stared, dumbfounded at the sudden turn of events.
"Wait, you're really gonna hire Topher as a part of the crew," Brick said slowly, raising part of his unibrow, "just so he can stick around and constantly praise you?"
"Yes," Chris answered bluntly.
Brick blinked, then shrugged. "Well, at least he's being honest for once."
Chris grinned and looked directly into the camera. "Well, that wraps up another day here at Camp Wawanakwa. The Wolves have lost a player, and I've gained an assistant. What perils and dangers will tomorrow hold for our remaining twenty-four campers?
"Find out next time on Total! Drama! Bonanza!"
End of Day Two, Part Three
Bonus Voting Confessionals
Sam: "Oh, I've got a bad feeling about tonight... I'm gonna cast a vote for Topher and hope I still have an extra life to spare."
Topher: "Of course I'm voting for Sam! It's all his fault that we lost today!"
Lightning: "Lightning doesn't like losing! And after Gamer Boy screwed up today, Lightning wants him outta here before he drags the whole team down even more!"
Amy: "Sam, duh. Even Samey managed to score more points today than that loser!"
Ella: "I'm sorry about this Topher, but even if Dave's dare was mean, your reluctance cost us the win today. Oh, I just hope you won't be mad at me."
Dawn: "Sam's sincerity in his attempts trumps Topher's adamant refusal, so I'm voting for Topher.
Samey: "He may be cute, but I'm gonna have to vote for Topher after what he pulled today."
Leonard: "I have a single banishment spell at my disposal tonight, and I cast it on Lord Topher!"
B: (frowns and holds up a picture of Topher)
Brick: "If I've learned one thing in my training, it's that a unit cannot function unless everyone is committed to the goal. So I'm voting for Topher."
Zoey: "Topher lost a really easy dare, but Sam lost three times... Um... I guess I'll vote for Sam."
Shawn: "There may be safety in numbers during the zombie apolcalypse, but all it takes is one moron getting careless to get the whole group killed! If we wanna have any hope of surviving, Topher has got to go."
Jasmine: "Sam tried his best, which is more than I can say for that whacker Topher. He gets my vote tonight."
Votes
Topher: 9
Sam: 4
Voted-Off List: Sugar, Topher (made Chris's assistant)
And there you have it! Day two has come to a close, and Topher got the boot!
As to why I chose him to go second, it's because I had mixed feelings about his subplot in Pahkitew Island. Sure, it was funny to see him messing with Chris, but he hardly interacted with anyone else and didn't really contribute to anyone else's plotline. I was struggling to figure out what to do with him, and it just hit me to have Topher voted off Chris bring him on as part of the Total Drama staff just so he doesn't lose his favorite butt-kisser. This way, Topher can continue with his personal subplot and still have a significant impact on the story! What will that be? Well, you'll just have to wait and find out.
Next time on Total Drama Bonanza: We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot! / Drink up me 'earties, yo ho! / We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot! / Drink up me 'earties, yo ho! / Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!
- StoryCrafter12