Chapter 2
The Worst House on the Campus
"I don't know, Zidane. I don't think you're trying very hard," Vivi said to Zidane as they walked down to the next frat house.
"I hate this," Zidane said with annoyance.
"Look, no sweat. My older brother Lan was a Delta, so that makes me a legacy. They have to take me, it's like their law, don't worry, I'll put in a good word for you," Vivi said reassuringly.
"Great, I heard that Delta's the worst frat house on campus," Zidane said. The two walked toward the next frat house, but it wasn't a frat house. It was a theater ship that had been repurposed into a frat house. Suddenly, an old wooden beer keg came flying out smashing through one of the windows and shattered into a number of pieces on the ground at Zidane and Vivi's feet. Loud, upbeat nightclub disco rave dance music-the kind that played at the Rock Solid from 'Conker's Bad Fur Day' (look it up on YouTube to see what I mean. And no, I've never actually played CBFD)-could be heard through the broken window. Zidane and Vivi walked toward a man in a rusty suit of armor, who was taking a leak.
"Excuse me sir, is this the Delta House?" Vivi asked the man. The man turned to face Zidane and Vivi, splattering his piss on the two in the process.
"Sure. Come on in," the man answered drunkenly as he zipped up his pants, adjusted his armor and led them into the ship through a door on the side of it. Vivi and Zidane quickly shook themselves to get most of the pee off before walking in. One look at the interior, and Zidane thought he had found a place he could call home. Several people were in the ship, most of them were Genomes, some were normal people, and few were FF XII moogles. It looked like the place had held many parties, since it was quite a mess, and every now and then, a beer mug could be heard shattering against a wall. Most of the walls were decorated with various lights, small neon signs, and large posters of unbelievably hot anime girls.
"Grab a brew, it don't cost nothing," the rusty armor man said drunkenly. Zidane and Vivi started looking around. Vivi walked into a big room and headed over to four Genomes who were playing cards. Vivi tried to speak to them, but they said nothing in response. Zidane headed down some nearby stairs to a lower deck where a large bar had been set up, one of the walls had various odd phrases written small-graffiti-style on it, like, "Don Corneo Haz No Dick," or, "C-Day Rulez," or, "Garland Sux" or "Mooglez PWN." Zidane walked over to the drink counter, where a young girl was tending the bar.
"Hi, you want a beer…Zidane?" the girl asked.
"Sure," Zidane said as he took a beer. A plump young man then walked up to the drink counter. He was dressed in a thick white shirt, orange vest, green pants, bright brown boots, and a pair of aviator goggles, and he had both a short beard and mustache.
"Hi, Zidane. I'm Baku Hoomeer, chapter president," The young man said to Zidane.
"Hello," Zidane responded.
"Ruby, have you seen Boon?" Baku asked the girl.
"He disappeared the minute we got here," Ruby answered.
"He's probably upstairs, talking to Otter," Baku responded.
"No doubt, they're well-known drunken idiots," Ruby responded in a rather snarky tone.
"Have another beer, Zidane. She's just kidding, right Stein-O?" Baku called over to the man in rusty armor, who took off his helmet and crushed a beer can against his forehead. Up in one of the sleeping cabins, a redhead Genome named Blank was flipping through a magazine while another named Marcus was getting ready for something big.
"You goin' out tonight, Otter?" Blank asked Marcus over the loud music which could be heard from in the sleeping cabin.
"Uh, huh," Marcus said with a smile on his face.
"Ilene?" Blank asked while flipping through his magazine.
"No, but let me give you a hint. She's got skin that's smoother than silk," Marcus responded while looking through his closet.
"Laura," Blank said flatly.
"No, but you're getting warmer. Let me give you another hint. Does this ring any bells?" Marcus asked before he did an imitation of a girl's voice.
"Michiko! Don't tell me you plan on hooking up with Michiko," Blank said, looking up from his magazine.
"Boon, I am anticipating a deeply emotional experience. But why are you so interested in my social life? Where's Ruby?" Marcus asked as he put on a nice shirt.
"Downstairs, pissed off about something," Blank answered flatly.
"She thinks that you're an immature jerk, huh?" Marcus asked.
"Yeah, I don't take anything seriously," Blank said as he went back to reading his magazine.
"Well, she'll take this seriously. It's my special cologne," Marcus said as he handed Blank a small crystal bottle filled with shimmering liquid.
Unknown to Blank, Baku poked his head in through the cabin door and asked, "Hey, are you guys coming down?"
"Does this thing talk?" Blank asked rather stupidly as he examined the bottle.
"There happen to be 50 people downstairs waiting to try and get into this fraternity. Otter, you are the rush chairman, I think you should be present at the rush party," Baku told Marcus before taking his leave. Back downstairs, a Genome came charging in through the front door on a motorcycle, he drove up the stairs and stopped in front of Zidane. Marcus came down from the upper set of stairs and spoke to Zidane.
"Hi. Marcus Stratton. Rush chairman, damn glad to meet you," Marcus said to Zidane as he headed down the stairs.
Blank, who was following behind, said to Zidane, "Hi, that was Marcus Stratton, he was damn glad to meet you." Baku came up the stairs.
"Zidane, I see you've met C-Day. It's good that you're having a nice time," he said while indicating the Genome on the motorcycle. Zidane shook hands with C-Day, who then proceeded to perfectly croak the opening theme for FF IX by flicking his neck. Zidane was both amused and impressed by this. Back down on the lower floor, Blank and Marcus were talking to Vivi until Baku cut in.
"Vivi here is a legacy. His brother was a Delta a few years back," Baku pointed out.
"My brother told me that legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically," Vivi said to Blank and Marcus.
"Well, usually, unless the pledge in question turns out to be a complete closet case," Marcus said. "Like Lan," Marcus and Blank said in unison.
"Hey! Don't bag on my older brother. People who do that think it makes them look cultured, but they just come off as bitter!" Vivi said sharply to the two. Baku led Vivi away.
"Vivi seems like a nice oddball," Blank said, then he caught sight of Ruby, who flipped him the finger just as she walked out the door.
"Hey, Ruby!" Blank said as he chased after her.
"Ruby, where are you going?" Blank asked as he jumped down from the ship's docks.
"I'm going home, Blank," Ruby said. "Oh, come on! You just got here," Blank said.
"No, Blank, you just got here, and I've been waiting downstairs for an hour," Ruby replied.
"Look, maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend," Blank suggested.
"Oh fabulous. My hover-car filled with your little beer buddies going to empty my parents' liquor cabinets. That's too depressing to think about," Ruby responded.
"No, I mean just me, you, Marcus, and some other girl," Blank clarified.
"Is this really what you intend on doing for the rest of your life?" Ruby asked with a laugh.
"What do you mean?" Blank asked.
"I mean hanging around with a bunch of crazy animals and getting hammered every weekend," Ruby explained.
"No, after I graduate, I'm gonna stick with the Deltas and get drunk every night," Blank answered, then he started humming and dancing around with Ruby, then shortly, he collapsed. Ruby caught Blank in her arms. Blank had a drunken smirk on his face.
"Blank, I think I'm in love with a drunken retard," Ruby said with a giggle.
"He's not bigger than me, is he?" Blank asked drunkenly and stupidly. Ruby then let Blank fall to the ground.