Chapter 4
Neidermeyer's Golf Lesson
The next day, several students were sitting in the English classroom, they were all bored out of their minds as they listened to their teacher drone on about a writer by the name of Vincent Valentine (If you want to know how boring this was, then think Professor Binn's classes from 'Harry Potter' only twice as boring).
Eventually the teacher said, "Don't write this down, but I find Valentine as boring as you do. He was very long-winded. His words don't translate well into our generation, and his jokes stink." The bell rang and everyone quickly got up.
"But that does not relieve you from your responsibility for this material. I'm expecting some reports from some of you," the teacher said as the students quickly cleared out. Out in the campus field, Lily and Beatrix were sitting on some bleachers while chatting.
"Come on, Beatrix, you know I'd tell you. Are you and Kuja doing the dirty deed or not?" Lily asked.
"Kuja doesn't believe in any of that premarital stuff," Beatrix answered.
"That's too bad. I think he's cute," Lily responded. Unknown to both of them, Steiner was sitting beneath the bleachers while listening to their conversation with a big grin on his face, probably because he could see up Beatrix's skirt. Elsewhere on the campus field, Vivi and several tall black mages were in the middle of doing jumping jacks. The mages all wore dark green hats and vests. The mage giving the orders looked up at the sky to see something flying down to the field.
The mage turned to the others and said, "Company, HALT!" The mages stopped as Doug Neidermeyer, whom was dressed in military-style Black Waltz clothing, came flying on the back of a very strange creature. It appeared humanoid from the waist up, but from the waist down it had a long tail covered with smooth cloud-blue feathers that resembled fish scales, it also had a set of big frills growing out of the end of the tail almost like a fish's tailfin, the creature had long light-cerulean-blue feathers for hair, instead of arms it had long bright blue wings like the Sealion ice giant boss from FF IX, except these wings were longer and lacey, a set of five short skinny tendrils forming a hand growing out of each wrist joint, it wore a black bikini top, its nose was long and pointed like a hummingbird's beak, its skin was cloud-blue, its eyes were big, glassy, and pinkish-purple, and it had a pair of blue fish-fin-like web-frills growing out of the sides of its head where its ears might otherwise be. The creature glided along behind the mages.
"Dress that line," Doug said to Vivi. Vivi did nothing, having no clue what 'dress that line' meant. Doug rode up to the front, the mage who was giving the orders saluted Doug.
Doug turned back to Vivi and said, "Dress that line, mister." Still Vivi did nothing. Baku and Marcus climbed up a hill near where the mages were while carrying golf equipment.
"Mister, hold my mount," Doug said as he handed the reins to the mage standing next to Vivi. Doug got off his mount and stared down coldly at Vivi with a soul-piercing gaze.
"You shrunken, disgusting slob. YOU'RE A GODDAMN DISGRACE!" he bellowed at Vivi.
"A vicious mother isn't he?" Marcus said to Baku.
"He can't do that to our pledges. Only we can do that to our pledges," Baku said while Marcus was setting up.
"Redo those buttons. Dress that belt buckle. Straighten that cap." Doug ordered as he slapped Vivi's cap off his head. Vivi bent down to pick it up.
"And for God's sake, tuck in those pajamas!" Doug said sharply as he kicked Vivi in the rear. Doug stepped back in front of Vivi.
"ATTENTION! EYES FRONT!" Doug ordered. Vivi stood straight and stared forward.
"What's that on your chest, mister," Doug asked, looking quite agitated.
Vivi was hesitant but he answered, "It's my pledge pin, sir."
"A PLEDGE PIN!? ON YOUR UNIFORM!?" Doug shouted at Vivi. Marcus whacked a golf ball.
"Hooked it. Shoot," Marcus said as the ball went crashing through a window.
"Just tell me, mister, what fraternity would pledge a…mage like you?" Doug asked.
"It's a Delta pin, sir," Vivi answered. Marcus hit another ball.
"Slice," he said as the ball went into another window.
"You will report to the stable tonight and every night at 1900 hours AND WITHOUT THAT STUPID PLEDGE PIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?" Doug bellowed at Vivi with fire burning in his eyes. By now, Vivi would have probably set Doug's coat on fire, but right now he was too scared to do anything (hell, I'd be too if I were him).
"Your left arm is straight, but you're not keeping your head down," Baku said to Marcus, who was setting up another ball.
"You're all worthless and weak. Now drop and give me 20!" Doug ordered as he climbed back onto his mount. The mages all did as ordered. Marcus whacked another ball. This one struck the tail of Doug's mount, causing it to rear up.
"Everyone get back in rank!" Doug ordered as he tried to calm his mount.
"Always try to hit through the ball," Baku said. Marcus hit another ball. This one nailed Doug between the eyes, knocking him off his mount and on his back, his legs were still caught in the lower reins. Doug was dragged screaming across the field by his mount while the other mages, except Vivi, chased after him to help him.
"I gotta work on my game," Marcus said grinning as he watched Doug get dragged across the field. Elsewhere, Blank, Zidane, and Ruby were walking across the campus.
"Now, I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's got to be a very special girl. She should be decent-looking, but we are willing to trade looks for a certain morally casual attitude," Blank said to Ruby.
"You mean you want a girl that he can screw on the first date," Ruby responded with a laugh.
"Well put. Because, you see, Pinto's never been laid," Blank said.
"Hey!" Zidane said sharply.
"Well, I'll see what I can do," Ruby said. The three headed to Mr. Highwind's apartment. They walked in, sat down and talked to Mr. Highwind.
"Now, teaching is just a way of paying the rent until I finish building my new airship," Mr. Highwind said.
"Must be something big," Blank replied.
"Would anyone like to smoke?" Mr. Highwind asked. The three nodded. Mr. Highwind got up and closed the blinds. Then he lit a candle and a small joint, which he handed to Blank. Blank puffed it a little before handing it to Ruby. Mr. Highwind lit another joint and handed it to Zidane. Zidane examined the tiny cigarette.
"I'm not gonna go schizo, am I?" Zidane asked.
"It is possible, but don't worry. This is a kind of artificial weed. It won't hurt you," Mr. Highwind responded. Zidane puffed the small cigarette a little. He sputtered and coughed, blowing out the candle by accident. Mr. Highwind relit the candle. Eventually, both Ruby and Blank were stoned, and they were singing like a pair of loons. A little while later, Ruby, Blank, and Zidane left.