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She needed to escape. It was all too much. She was not one to run but this was different. She'd come back but she needed a time out from her life. More importantly, she needed to be on her own, even if it was only for a while. She was resolved.
Chapter 3: Ramble On
Grandma Mazur's will had been very straight-forward. What little personal effects she had had gone to Helen. Big Blue went to Frank because he knew 'how to take care of a classic and when to loan it out.' Valerie had received a nice set of pearls and matching earrings along with a beautiful emerald ring. The final thing handed over was a safety deposit box key for Stephanie. Inside had been a short note from her Grandma.
Baby Granddaughter, you are more special than you know. I wish that the Burg wasn't so toxic for you. It reinforces all the wrong things. Don't be afraid to fly. I know that you will find your slice of happiness and soar. You only need to stay true to yourself.
There was a brown paper bag with Flying Fund handwritten on the front. Stephanie's finger had traced over the words of her grandmother's familiar scrawl so many times in the last few days. Inside the bag, Stephanie had been shocked to find several thousand dollars. Finally, a picture of the two of them from many, many Halloweens ago, both dressed as Wonder Woman was laying under Grandma's gun.
Thanks to Grandma Mazur's secret, she'd take a trip. She could use some time away to gain the clarity she needed. She had enough money to pay her bills for a few months and still have enough to facilitate her get away. She was so used to flying by the seat of her pants and then relying on everyone else to bail her out when she inevitably ran into trouble. Standing alone in the bank vault that day, she had stopped to contemplate her usual lack of a plan. Nope, this time she would need forethought. Nothing was going to stand in her way.
That had been a week ago. She had received more gifts from her psycho de jour. The box of tarantulas was frightening but tired; they couldn't compete with the bag of snakes from Abruzzi. The hatchet in the door registered as irritating as opposed to menacing. The worst had been the death threat attached to two dozen deep wine-colored roses, only because it made her think of Grandma. She knew the Merry Men were working hard on tracking down the latest stalker but she couldn't care any less about him, or her (experience had taught her not to jump to conclusions). It wasn't anything new after all. She had stayed on Seven more than she should have probably, by her standards. The guys would be happy if she lived there permanently. Staying was a problem. On one hand, she couldn't bear to be away from Ranger, which was easier in his space. On the other hand, staying there only made her think of him, which was good and bad.
Originally what had been weeks in the wind for Ranger, had turned into months. Months without her best friend. Months without a "proud of you, Babe." Months without a wolf grin. Months without the man she loved. So she might have had trouble saying those three little words but she felt them. She felt them in a way she never had with Joe, which was the ultimate, ugly demise of their on-again, off-again relationship.
While he checked in with Tank a twice in the first ten days or so, he hadn't since which had been expected but didn't make it any easier. When she had asked Tank, he'd only reply, "Keep the faith." She began to fear the worst as this turned into one of the longest missions since she had known him. Trenton was beginning to suffocate her without Ranger. She saw him in everything, everywhere. It was worse in her constant state of grief. It was just one more reason why she had left.
As she neared the Tennessee-Kentucky border, she took stock of her surroundings. The original intent, if you could call it that since she didn't have a plan beyond getting out undetected—that part had been elaborate—was to take I-95 south. She thought she'd just ride down the coast until she couldn't drive any further and grab a hotel. Just because she put a lot of thought into her escape didn't mean that she had a plan for this journey. She thought she'd just roam from place to place for a bit.
She spent seven days around Baltimore taking in a spa day, an outdoor movie, a concert under the stars in a park, several museums, an aquarium, two games at Camden Yards and plenty of shopping before she decided to move on. She thought Baltimore was too close anyway.
She only lasted three nights in DC. The pool at her hotel was great but when she had gone out to explore the city, she couldn't take it. Every uniform she saw, every tribute or statute to a fallen soldier, every monument that stood because lives were sacrificed to make it so, haunted her.
Her 'plan' had detoured on her way out of D.C. The traffic had been terrible and she had taken a wrong turn. She became frustrated, which led to crying. She was so over crying. It was then that she decided that there were no wrong turns and had just found herself winding through the Appalachian Mountains, running out of day light. She decided to find a place to eat dinner and hopefully a motel.
Stephanie picked a random exit and drove a few miles down the road. She passed a few fast food restaurants but that was all she had had all day so she opted to keep driving. She finally found a diner, if you can call it that. It wasn't like diners at home. It looked to be a small, hole in the wall, Mom-and-Pop joint. It seemed like a comfortable place, well-worn with a clientele that seemed to be established. So established, that some might actually have grown into the booths like a tree around a fence.
She took a booth in the far corner, her back to the wall, Rangeman style, before she realized how she had placed herself yet again. She instantly smiled, thinking of Ranger, but it quickly dropped from her face as she was overcome with sadness. She had been so careful to not dwell on her misery. That had been easier in the big cities. It was louder and busier. She could distract herself. In this small restaurant, she wasn't as easily distracted.
What would she do if she lost him too? She had always heard her grandmother, ever death obsessed, talk about death coming in threes. She couldn't face a third. She would never survive losing Ranger. She knew living with him in her life, what little he allowed, was everything to her. She thought back to the last time she had seen him.
She had woken up in the middle of the night. It was pitch dark but she knew he was in her room by the tingle on her neck. She always knew when he was close. She rolled over and found him sitting in "his" chair by the bed just as he often did before a mission or after a particularly difficult night.
She just pulled back the covers without saying anything. He toed off his boots and stripped his shirt and utility belt before climbing in with her. She immediately melted into him.
"I am leaving. Call Tank if you need anything," he had said.
"Now?"
"I'll wait until you fall asleep." He kissed each eye, her nose, and her lips ever so softly before resting his face on her curls. It felt different this time. She couldn't read why but she knew something about this one was different.
"Ranger?" she started but he interrupted her.
"Go to sleep, Babe." It was his way of saying that they wouldn't be discussing it. Silence enveloped them for a few moments.
"Don't get shot," she said quietly as she clung to him tighter.
"Don't go crazy, Steph." Silent tears fell down her cheeks one by one. She clung to him tighter. The fact that he used her name wasn't lost on her. Eventually she fell back asleep wrapped in his warm embrace.
Her waitress brought her out of her reverie, "Hey, Sweetie. What can I get you?"
"Coke?" Stephanie replied.
"Sure thing, what kind?"
"Uhh, regular?" Stephanie stuttered. "How many kinds of Coke are there?"
Her waitress let a big, cheerful laugh at her not-so-inner thought. "Well bless your heart. Obviously, not from around here, huh? We have Sprite, Cheerwine, Coke, Diet, Sundrop, tea—oh, and tea means iced sweet tea. Or if it has been really rough day, we can pull out some beers or sneak out back for some white lightenin'," she whispered the last part with a wink. Stephanie instantly liked this girl although she had a hard time understanding her. Between the almost lyrical Southern twang she spoke with and the unknown words, she really had to focus on what she was trying to communicate. Well, I have lots of practice trying to figure out what people really mean she thought sadly, thinking of Ranger, and the Merry Men to a less degree. God, how she already missed them.
"Actual Coke then," Stephanie grinned in return and said in her much harder sounding New Jersey accent. Her waitress nodded and sashayed off. She had that girl next door appearance. She had an innocent, baby face that probably made her appear much younger than she actually was. Her name tag said Ray which she found unusual for a girl's name. She had perfect wavy, golden brown hair, mint green eyes, and sun-kissed skin complete with freckles. She was very curvy, little bit plump but not embracing it in spandex and neon. There was something about her genuinely warm attitude that made Stephanie feel instantly comfortable. She decided to focus on the menu. She felt like she needed a translator to read it. When Ray had come back for her order, she had finally settled on a safe choice, she hoped, of fried chicken, mac & cheese and fried apples. Hello southern cooking! If everything, apples included, is fried, I might never leave! I mean really, that's how you eat fruit.
As she waited for her food, she busied herself with people watching. The tiny restaurant was emptying leaving only a straggler or two still eating. Both her waitress and the other one seemed to know everyone, speaking to each patron as they left. Must be a small town. She watched as the other waitress called Ray over to the phone which appeared to be for her. She had a heated argument with whoever was on the other end. Stephanie couldn't hear the conversation but knew an argument when she saw one. She had plenty of experiences with Joe to recognize the signs. Ray hung up the phone and took a deep breath, wiping her hands on her half apron as if to calm herself. She looked a little bit shaken but the cook rang the bell indicating food was up. She steeled herself before grabbing it and taking to Stephanie.
By the time she sat the food down in front of her, you wouldn't have known anything had been the matter. Stephanie was instantly distracted by the aroma. It was everything she could do not to moan. It smelled like Heaven. Ray grabbed her drink to refill and asked if she needed anything else. When Stephanie declined, she left to get more Coke and Stephanie dug in. The fried chicken was wonderful, the mac & cheese was beyond anything she'd ever had but the fried apples! The apples were unlike anything she ever had. They ranked up there with pineapple upside down cake and this wasn't even a dessert! She was instantly aware that she may have let out one of her infamous, unrestricted moans. She slowly opened one eye to peek around. Ray had plopped down the end of the bench across from her, sporting an enormous, ear-to-ear grin.
"If you like those, wait 'til you taste our apple crumb cobbler. You ain't leavin' here 'til you do," she said in part amazement and part reverence. Normally, Stephanie would have been embarrassed, and admittedly she was a bit pink, but Ray seemed overjoyed by her love of the food. She reminded her of Ella in that way.
Never one to turn down dessert, Stephanie replied, "Absolutely. If it is as good as the fried apples, I might just have an orgasm in this booth."
As soon as Ray laughed, her face reddened into a deep red. "Out loud?" she asked meekly.
Ray nodded with a grin.
"Oops?"
Ray just laughed and said, "I only know one other person as unconsciously unrestricted as you. You remind me a lot of him—eatin' with abandon, speakin' before thinkin'." A momentary, sad look passed through her eyes before she quickly schooled it and added cheerfully, "Holla if you need anythin'," before getting up.
Ever the curious one, she wanted to know more about the 'him' she talked about. Could it be the person on the phone? It seemed as if she had lost him though. As she finished her meal, carefully restraining her moans the best she could, her mind wandered to the man she had lost. Lost? Could you really lose someone you never had? She supposed even if he never belonged to her, she belonged to him. Heart, mind and soul belonged to him. Somewhere in the last few years, lust and mystery, and a tad bit of fear, had turned into devoted love and loyalty. Not just loyalty to him, but her heart to his. The moment she had realized it, Joe had too. It hadn't been pretty because he read it instantly.
"Come on Cupcake. The boys miss you. Let's skip the game and go upstairs. Hurry up," he'd said as he leaned in to kiss her.
Involuntarily, she flinched, leaning back from him on the couch. He saw the guilt on her face. The guilt wasn't because she reacted that way to Joe's advance; it was why she reacted that way. It should have been an inner thought, one she had absolutely no intention of sharing with Joe. But, as everyone seemed to be able to do, he read the emotion on her face as if she had shouted it out loud. Instantly he knew why: she wouldn't because of him. Joe had lost it.
"JESUS H. CHRIST! You are MY girlfriend. Mine! You don't want to have sex with your boyfriend because you feel guilty. What? You feel like you would be cheating on Manoso? Manoso for chrissake! He is a thug. He probably has more notches in his bedpost than Hugh Hefner. He doesn't want you, except for his bed anyway. Let's face it; I am the only one that wants you. This has gone on long enough, go be in his bed and let him toss you out when he is done. Go be his whore because I am done!" he screamed, punctuated by his fist in the living room wall.
Again, Ray brought her out of her daydreaming. She sat down with a giant square of apple crumb and vanilla ice cream for each of them. "Use some company?" Ray asked.
"Sure, that obvious?" Stephanie replied. Ray just smiled and started in on her dessert. As soon as Stephanie took her first bite, Ray wasn't disappointed. She may truly have had an orgasm from the cobbler after all. Stephanie looked at her unapologetic. "Even if I wanted to hold that in, I couldn't. This is … I don't even have a word for what this is," she said between bites and moans.
"I am glad you like it. We have an apple orchard a few miles away. I think their apples are the best. I make it all by hand. I think it adds to the flavor," she said with a grin.
"So tell me about your guy, the one you mentioned. What is he like?" Stephanie asked, no longer able to curb her curiosity.
"Oh, I don't know anymore. Plus, he's not mine. I haven't seen him in years. We were head over heels for each other. I think anyway. I was desperately in love with him. I thought he felt the same but I guess not," she sighed sadly. "When he left for the service, he promised to write but never did. I was heartbroken."
"Why wouldn't you just call him or track him down?" she asked surmising that the phone call wasn't her lost love.
"I tried but it was hard to do without my parents findin' out. They didn't approve. He was a few years older than me but more importantly, to them, he wasn't white. We came from a small down in Georgia where everyone knew everyone and racism is alive and well. He didn't fit their mold for me. I couldn't give a flyin' flip but Daddy was a mean drunk. No way I'd cross him without gettin' switched."
"Switched?" Stephanie asked.
"Oh, beat with a Hickory switch?" When Stephanie still looked confused, she said, "A tree branch. He'd pick a branch, a thin, flexible one that would be sure to sting, and whip me with it."
Stephanie looked at her in shock and horror. She knew all about Joe's dad's beatings but this was something else. A tree branch? Geez. Ray just shrugged it off like it was commonplace.
"So after I graduated, I decided to roam. Momma died right before I left. The only person I really ever cared about apparently didn't care about me. I didn't have any reason to stay. I left Georgia and have just floated place to place for the last few years. As a matter of fact, I'm leavin' here in the next few days. Now, I really need to put some distance between me and this place. Time to find something bigger than little ol' Del Rio."
"Oh, I understand that. I am in the same boat—the roaming part and the lost love. Mine is gone too. Although he was never really mine," Stephanie added the last part sadly pushing her empty plate away.
"Let's get out of here. We need a real drink!" Ray said enthusiastically.
Stephanie looked up and realized she was the only one left. There was another waitress talking to the cook but the place was deserted otherwise.
"Actually, I need to find a hotel," Stephanie told her. "Can you recommend anything?"
"No," Ray said with a giggle. "You are in the middle of nowhere. This town only as big as a postage stamp, sweetie. I am rentin' a basement from the woman that owns Rosie's. You can crash with me."
"I can't do that. That is very nice but …," she trailed off.
"Right, you don't really have any other options close by. It looks like you need a girls' night as much as I do. Let's go," Ray said with a smile.
"By the way, I am Ray. Well, actually, I'm Raylee but I like Ray better. Daddy was Raymond and Momma was LeeAnne so they thought Raylee would be great." She just rolled her eyes as good as any Jersey girl. Stephanie laughed and followed Ray out the doors.
"Thanks. I'm…," she started but hesitated for a split second, before continuing, "Eliza." Among other things.
She had been so careful in her escape it had occurred to her that she needed to keep it up in case she had slipped up anywhere. Telling Ray her real name wasn't something she felt like she could risk. She felt that she had been thorough but this was Rangeman. She took extra precautions not to be located.
Lula picked her up for shopping so she wouldn't raise attention leaving Haywood without her latest POS car. They ended up back at the Tasty Pastry afterwards. Stephanie told Lula she had a few errands to run on the street and would call one of the guys to pick her up. She had covertly dumped all of her trackers and her cell phone in Lula's car under the passenger seat before getting out. She hoped that would give her more time. She had left a note to Lula, knowing she would pass it the information to Tank. She didn't want them to worry she had been kidnapped since the latest crazy was still afoot. Instead of errands, she had actually walked several blocks down and then three blocks behind Hamilton (look at that, exercise for the day) to a small used car dealership. She bought a cheap junker from the smarmy used car salesman. She didn't know him and paid him in cash including a little extra for bogus plates, buying herself more time before the MM caught on, she hoped. She grabbed her two big duffel bags with most of her possessions that she stashed behind the bonds office out of the view of any nosy, busy bodies before heading out of town.
Once outside of Trenton, she picked up a several cheap, disposable phones and purchased minutes for each. She used the first one to make a quick call to her dad's cell. She left him a voicemail telling him everything was fine but she needed some time away. She knew that he'd understand and handle her mother. She called Mary Lou at home knowing she would be out at the park with the boys, leaving a similar message.
The final call she made had been Hector. She knew he was the only one that would put her request above any order from Ranger. He had no fear of Ranger, unlike the other men. In fact, she felt like Hector was more her friend than his employee anyway.
"Bueno."
"Hector, are you alone?"
"Si, what is wrong? You are okay, yes?"
"Yes," she answered quietly. "Hector," she began before faltering. She tried again. "Hector, I am going to leave for a while. I have to get out of Trenton for a bit. It has been too much and on top of that, without Ranger…"
"I go too," Hector saved her from having to finish that sentence. He knew of her love for Ranger and Ranger's failure to reciprocate, although anyone who knew them could see the love they had. Why they were the only two unaware of it was beyond him.
"No. I have to do this alone. I will be careful. If I need to, I will call you. I promise," she rationalized.
"I do not like this but I understand. I need something in return for your secret, Estefanie."
"Yes?" she asked wondering for a split second if it had been a mistake to call him.
"Come back. Do what you must but come back, yes? Promise," he said with almost urgency.
"I promise." She paused for a second before pouring everything she felt into, "Thank you."
She had powered down the phone, popped out the battery and tossed the pieces into the glove compartment after using it and pointed her car south. She hoped it would be enough to disappear successfully. She also knew the consequences she would face when she returned. The guys hated when she gave them the slip. No time for that kind of thinking. Denial City, here I come.