"Have you told him yet?"
"He knows I'm gay, Dave."
"I know that, but does he know you like him?" David sounded exasperated.
"No." I looked down. "I don't know how to tell him."
"Quick question. Are you two going to the same school next year?"
"Dunno."
"We, don't you want him to know this year in case you don't end up in the same college?"
"But I-"
"Racetrack Higgins, I am sick and tired of your "what-ifing" and "but I's"! Just tell him! Its clearly driving you insane! This is the fourth time this week you've come to see me!"
"But what-"
"Ah!"
"If he doesn't like me back things will just go back to being awkward again!"
"Race! Holy cow!"
"What?" David sighed.
"Never mind! But you need to tell him."
"I don't-"
"Treehouse. Sit him down. Say you like him."
"I can't!"
"You can, and you will! Soon!" David stood up from where he was sitting across from me. "Promise me!"
"I'm not promising you that!"
"Promise!"
"No!"
"Promise!"
"I won't!"
"Do it!"
"Dave-"
"Promise!"
"Fine!" I burst. "Fine! I promise I'll tell him at some point this year!"
"Soon!"
"Okay!"
"Good." David sat back down. "Let me know when you do. I'll need to prepare." I sighed and sat back again.
"I don't want to tell him."
"Yes you do. You're just scared of what his reaction will be."
"Ugh. Why are you so good at this?" David laughed.
"Sarah is my sister and Jack is my best friend. I have to be good at this." I had to smile at that.
"Fair point."
"Yeah. They seem to have a lot of emotional crises."
"As bad as mine have been?"
"Oh, Saz has had a few."
"Not Jack?"
"Jack's have been worse." I laughed. "Now get out there and tell him before I do! You promised!"
"Yeah, yeah. I know."
"Good. Just don't forget."
"I won't." I stood up and walked to the door. "But if you tell him, I will get payback."
"Sure, Race." David laughed, shutting the door behind me. I headed for home, already starting to regret making that promise.
If I had been nervous about coming out to Spot, I was terrified to even consider telling him I liked him. I hadn't even figured out how or when I was going to do it, and I was making myself sick over it. It didn't help that things were awkward again. I really hated it, to the point where I almost wished I'd never fallen for him in the first place. I planned for weeks. I must have thought of at least twenty different ways to tell him, and none of them seemed right. It didn't help that whenever David saw us together, whether with other people or just us, he gave me a pointed look. Every time. Without fail.
"Why is Dave looking at you like that?"
"What?"
"Why is Dave giving you the 'just-do-it' look? And don't deny it, because he totally is."
"How am I supposed to know? He's David." I could feel myself blushing, though, and I knew Spot had noticed.
"And now you're blushing." Yep. Of course he had. "C'mon. I'm not stupid." And another of course, it had to be one of the times his slight Brooklyn accent appeared, which made me blush harder.
"It's nothing, Spot. Just something stupid." Meaning not something I was planning on saying in the school hallway. Being out had been awkward enough, and admitting a crush would have made things even worse.
"I still wanna know."
"I-I'll tell you later, okay?" He looked at me, scrunching his forehead.
"Okay. Treehouse after school." He left no room for argument.
"Sure."
The rest of the day was torture. I knew Spot knew me well enough to be able to tell if I didn't say what was exactly on my mind. I was going to have to tell him.
"Hey Race."
"Shut up, David." I closed my locker hard and started to walk to the busses. "Thanks a lot."
"For what?"
"Spot's gonna interrogate me after school because he saw you giving me that look. So thanks a lot."
"You said you were going to tell-"
"But I'm not ready yet!"
"Oops."
"Go away."
"Tell me how it goes!" He smiled at me, a stupid, infuriating grin. "See ya around!" I sat on the bus, and I could feel Spot watching me from his seat a few rows back. He was in the treehouse as soon as humanly possible, sitting against the wall.
"What's up, Race? Something's bothering you."
"I-it's really nothing, Spot."
"It's making things different again. I don't like it." He crossed his arms. "At all. So what's up?" I could feel my palms sweating, and I felt like I was going to be sick. Again.
"I-um-I…" I took a deep breath, and tried to control my words. "I-I like you alot and I have for a long time and I had to tell you because I hate keeping secrets but I didn't want to tell you because I hate it even more when things are awkward and I didn't want to make things awkwards again, but that didn't work and things were awkward anyway and I-" My stream of words was cut off by something, and I realized I had screwed my eyes shut during my spiel. I opened them and Spot was right there. Really close. Like, really, really close. So close that my brain shut off and I pushed him back. Pretty hard.
"Ow! Race!" I was gasping. I was the most overdramatic person in the whole world, sitting back against rough wall of the treehouse, gasping. My chest was heaving. And my brain was not working. At all. I couldn't figure out what was going on.
"Wha-wha-what? What? I-what?" Spot was rubbing his back, blushing fiercely.
"I, um, I didn't get this wrong, did I? I mean, you meant you like, like me, like me, right?"
"I, uh, well, yeah."
"So why did you push me back so hard?"
"I, um, I…" I trailed off. He was half smirking, half smiling at me, and it made the blush I already had deepen. "I dunno." It came out as almost a whisper. Spot moved closer, and my stomach flipped over itself.
"Wanna try this whole thing again?"
"Uh...sure?"
"Okay." He coughed lightly. "So, what's up?"
"I um, like you. A lot."
"I like you too, Race." Then he was close to me again, and this time I didn't push him away when his lips touched mine. He pulled back after only a second, but this time he didn't sit far back. He stayed close to me, leaning forward across his legs. "A lot." He smiled at me, kissing me gently again. "Wanna go out with me sometime?"
"Sure." He flipped himself around so he was sitting against the same wall I was, almost against my side.
"Cool."
"Cool." I was still blushing, and so was he, but he was giving me a smirk that told me he was happy, and I was smiling so wide it felt like my face was going to break. When he looked over at me, and his ice-blue eyes met my brown ones, that smirk melted into a grin to match my own. We sat up there for a while, and eventually he moved close enough that he was touching me, leaning against me. Just like I'd wanted for so long and thought I'd never have. And now I did. And it felt right.
A little fluff never hurtanybody! I whisper maniacally to myself as I finish editing this chapter at 2:45 AM while binge watching Disney Channel Original movies on Netflix.