I'm walking home lost in my head. This silly grin on my face just won't fucking stop.
Fuck. What the fuck just happened? I just kissed my best friend. It was just suppose to be practice for kissing her. Fuck. Suddenly I'm not so excited about that... kissing her.
I kissed Jude, I fucking kissed Jude and I liked it... a lot. Fuck.
What the fuck does that even mean?
Jude is a boy... a fucking boy.
This was just practice, right? He's my best friend and he was just looking out.
He's not over thinking it like I am, right? It's not going to get weird or anything? It's not like it never happened before; that time on the Seventh Grade camping trip. We got pass that easy enough.
Fuck, I really liked it though. Every bit of me liked it. It's like I overdosed on Red Bull.
He just my friend, my best friend at that. There's nothing more to this. I feel for him like any real friend would, nothing more, right? We're really close and comfortable with each other and intimate... Intimate? Oh fuck Connor, really? Could you be any gayer...?
Ooh fuck it can't be. Oh my god it can't be.
No.
I like girls, I like Daria, she's cute, she's hot and she likes me. I can't wait to kiss her. Once I kiss her, I'll forget about that kiss with him. I'll forget about those pretty brown eyes... Pretty brown eyes? What the fuck? What am I thinking?
Can't seem to get those eyes out of my head. Can't seem to forget the feel of his lips, the feel of his tongue, my tongue wrestling with his. My lips still burn, still ache and this stupid fucking smile keeps coming back every time I think about him.
Fuck. Can't stop thinking about him. Jude.
Oh fuck, I'm fucked. So totally fucked.
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuucckkk!"
I said that out loud didn't I? Fuck.
People are looking at me. Fuck.
That stupid dog just started barking. Shut the fuck up fido.
Better duck my head and walk faster. Fuck.