God Jude, you really messed up. He was so quiet today at school. We barely spoke. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. He avoided mine too.

Shit, I never kissed Maddie like that, not even close. Sure we kissed but not like that, I never tried to snake my tongue down anyone's throat before, and all that tongue action, where did that come from? Maddie and I only dated for a few weeks before I broke it off. I told her I liked her but I wasn't ready for the whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing. I wasn't lying, in Eighth Grade I just wasn't ready, I just didn't like her the way she liked me, at least not like that. So, I did what I thought was the right thing and broke it off, offering to remain friends. And besides I had him, Connor, our friendship was enough. Though I never said it or gave it much thought, I preferred the time we spent together. She was cutting into that.

When the big dork asked me to practice kissing him with him, I tried to discourage the idea, I just thought it was strange for two boys, even best friends, who always seem to end up sleeping in the same bed tangled together, to be doing that. Plus, I didn't want to.

Bullshit Jude, you know your heart started to dance the moment the words left his lips. You just didn't want to seem eager, you didn't want to let on that your whole body lit up at the thought. Then the dork looked at you with those eyes, the ones he thinks you can't say no to…. Shit I can't. And he called you 'Judi', you hate that. He's the only fool that does that. Stop it! Stop smiling! You hate that.

He looked into my eyes before he kissed me, why did he do that? Hope he doesn't realize that those hazel puppies cut right thought me. Shit, that kiss though. Don't even want to think about it. Fireworks, plain and simple. Powder keg and sparks. His hands on my waist, on the small of my back, then in my hair. His tongue, I can still feel it, still taste it. I even got this huge bag of BBQ Nachos on my night stand, every time I eat one I think of…scratch that thought.

It's not like we've never been touchy feely before, he's always grabbing me, arm pitting me, punching me in the shoulder. So, why was his touch so different this time? Why am I missing it so much. Why do I want more. More of him. More of Connor. Shit.

Stupid, stupid, stupid why did you do that? Kiss him like that, kiss your best friend and change everything. You knew, even though you buried it under layers, of denials and rationale and fear, but you knew what would happen. Now you're fucked. You've open the door and maybe you can't close it again. Do I even want to? Shit.

I'm afraid of what he might be thinking. But, I hope he's thinking like I'm thinking, that I want to kiss him again, I want him to touch me, hold me again.

Get real 'Judi', it was just practice. Just a warm up for kissing her. Can't stop thinking about him kissing her. Why does that thought bother me so much?

He's my best friend, I should be happy for him, not agonized and… Shit. I'm jealous.

Why am I doing this to myself? Alright, relax, close your eyes, clear your mind, deep breaths, go to sleep.

He's coming over tomorrow. Shut up! Shit.

The next morning, Jude rolled out of bed on Saturday morning. He sat on the edge of his bed and ruffled his sleep scrunched hair. He got up and head to the bathroom. He liked Saturday morning showers, no rush, he could take his time and let the streams of hot water work their magic.

He got dressed a little nicer than usual for a Saturday morning, he even fixed his hair. He looked himself over in the mirror and approved. He ran down stairs to join his moms for breakfast.

After breakfast and dodging questions from his nosey moms about why he looked so dapper on a Saturday morning, he found his way back up to his room and started playing his favorite game on his tablet to pass time.

He checked the time and saw that it was almost midday, he had been playing for just about an hour and a half. It didn't seem that long.

Noting the time made him start feeling a little anxious. Connor should be over anytime now.

He barely finished the thought when his phone chimed with a message.

Connor: hey

Jude typed back the same response.

He waited for a few moments, and his phone chimed again.

Connor: So I did it

Jude: Did what?

Connor: kissed Daria

Jude stared at his phone, his heart sank, his head dropped and his shoulders slumped. He wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. On the one hand he dreaded the news Connor shared. And on the other, if Connor was telling him by text, that meant he wasn't coming over to see him. As much as he was scared of the implications of what happened two days earlier, he was looking forward to seeing Connor, excited even. He had fucked things up badly or so he thought anyway. Shit.

Jude's phone chimed with a message and jarred him back from his head trip.

Connor: R U there?

Jude: Good 4 U. How was it?

Jude doesn't know why he feels like he's been gutted but he's Connor's friend so he has to act like it.

Connor: Ok I guess

Jude felt a hint of relief at Connor's response but he wasn't sure why and he immediately felt guilty for it. Connor was his best friend.

Jude: Just OK? U guess?

Connor's response was not immediate, in fact it took some time and then his phone chimed.

Connor: I broke up with her

Jude couldn't believe his eyes when he read the text. His mind started racing. His mind was no longer dwelling on being jealous and hurt. He was concerned about his best friend. What could have happened to cause the break up and what kind of state was Connor in? Plus, Connor wasn't there telling him in person so he could make his own assessment and his crazy Judicorn mind was now all over the place.

Jude: What. Y?

Connor: I'm not sure yet

Jude wondered about what could cause Connor's and Daria's breakup. Connor was so excited when he hooked up with her. Jude had to listen to him go on and on and on. And what does he mean he's not sure why they broke up… Yet? He couldn't have been that bad a kisser at least not by what he'd experienced kissing his friend.

Jude's thoughts were interrupted when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs rather quickly.

From the edge of his bed where he was sitting he saw a figure burst into his room, approached him quickly, pushed him back on his bed, flopped on top of him and before he could get a word out, a large hot mouth engulfed his. He didn't react momentarily from the shock, but when he did he just gave in to the kiss and let it deepen. He felt fingers clawing at his hair on both sides of his head. He felt the large hot tongue fill his mouth to capacity. He wrapped his arms around the strong muscular body and surrendered to the onslaught.

After a little less than a minute the body pushed up from him and without a word the boy was gone through the door and down the stairs just as quickly as he had come in.

Jude lay in his bed still stunned with a wide silly grin on his face touching his lips which were still tingling from the encounter.

His phone chimed and after he read the text, the silly grin widened even more.

Connor: That's why. Now I'm sure