AN: whew, we're through the nasty and bad parts, from here on out it's just smooth H&J sailing. And today you're getting a very long chappy, just cause I'm such a great guy :)

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Harm's strength then left him and he collapsed into a nearby chair.

Jen, not knowing what else to do, put her hand on his shoulder in a silent gesture of support. She fully understood his reasons and didn't blame him when, a few minutes later, he asked her to give him some space.

She collected her things quietly and, with a long compassionate look towards the closed bedroom door, silently left the apartment, returning to the office.

Only then did Harm come out of the bedroom, he could no longer stay in the room in which the woman he loved had betrayed him, he went into his home office and allowed himself to grieve the final death of his marriage, a marriage he'd believed would last a lifetime, and of a relationship that had lasted, though very barely at times, for over 10 years.

He knew that the marriage was over and done with, floating dead in the water, even had Mac been repentant; but the fact was that he no longer trusted her and to him, trust was the most important condition for a relationship to work, even more important that love.

He'd seen couples who loved each other, but were not in love, succeed in a long term relationship, simply because they trusted each other and rightfully so. He had also seen couples, deeply in love, fail because there was not enough trust between them, they never fully trusted their partner, suspecting them all of the time and it was that mistrust that had ultimately killed those relationship.

He berated himself how could he have completely forgotten the vision he'd had of his marriage to Mac, all those years ago at Jen's wet-down, and why had he not noticed the signs in real life, that had been almost identical to signs in the vision. Already then he had subconsciously believed that Mac would not be faithful to him, how could he have forgotten that lesson and not notice the signs? He then acknowledged to himself that he'd been so ecstatic because Mac had accepted his proposal and so blinded by his happiness that he had not even noticed the most obvious sign.

Mac had not once told him straight out that she loved him.

Now that he thought about it he remembered Mac being the same with Brumby, whenever the guy had told her 'I love you' she always replied with 'Me too' or something like that, but never with 'I love you, too'.

She had not even told Harm she loved him, had not even said that lame 'me too', when he'd confessed his love for her for the first time and when he proposed to her. It should've sent those warning flags up, but he was so drunk with happiness at the time that he'd never noticed.

She had also never been the first to 'voice her feelings', her 'me too' had always been a response to Harm's 'I love you'.

He knew he'd been emotionally insecure and guarded for a long time, the loss of so many people he loved platonically and of so many women he'd been in love with, making him hesitant to say that faithful L word to anyone ever again; but he'd gotten a lot better a few years ago, the 'blame' going solely to Mattie and Jen when they lived together for that brief time as a family. A time he treasured more than he let anyone, not even himself, much less Mac, know.

Only when he'd become secure enough due to Mattie and Jen's influence had he gotten the courage to tell another person that he loved them, even though it was a platonic love, a paternal love, but that had eventually grown into an emotional security strong enough to finally be ready to admit to another person out loud that he loved Sarah Mackenzie. While the pressure to confess had been mainly Mattie's doing, it was Jen's constant, unyielding presence that had enabled him to trust that he won't lose the other person after he'd told her he loved her. While a child is more or less a safe bet, other adult people come with great emotional risks.

While the presence and love a child gives it's parent is constant and safe; the love, platonic or romantic, an adult person gets from a fellow adult person is not so safe, it's a risk, a big risk, because the other adult is submitted to changes in their own life that they can not control, not to mention the fact that they have a life completely separate from that first person; and because of all this, fate can easily part them, thus making the adult love uncertain, unsafe and constantly changing.

Because of that he had always had problems with fully trusting that the other adult person won't leave him, making him reluctant to give himself completely in any relationship, until Jen had cured him of it.

Her constant and unfailing presence in his life, her silent and faithful support, her friendship, openness and that never-holding-anything-back-with-you, all this had cured him of his issues and fears and had enabled him to finally give himself fully to another person.

And with that Harm decided that he would not let Mac's betrayal break him, he would not give her the satisfaction of making him revert to his old ways, of letting her be the cause for him spending the rest of his life alone and miserable, because he would not be able to trust another person again because of what Mac had done to him; and this was decided mainly because he would do anything not do let Jen down.

With those thoughts came along the realisation of just how tightly and intricately intervowen was Jen into his life, how essential she was to him, his life, his emotional and mental health and security and to his overall happines. He didn't know what he'd have done without her these past 3 years and he was sure he didn't want to know what he'd do if he ever lost her. It had been over 10 years since he'd last had such a warm, generous and giving friend, who was a steadfast support to him, without either deliberately deflating his ego or inflating it. And only now did occur to Harm just how much were Meg and Jen alike, except for the physical appearance, and he thanked the powers that be for having put such extraordinary women into his life twice.

The irony now was that the person for whom he'd been cured had, not only left him, but had betrayed him in one of the worst possible ways; and the person who had cured him was still with him, still by his side and he was stunned to realize that he hoped she would always be.

Only then, in the solitude of his apartment had Harm felt safe enough to let the tears come and let the strain of the last few months, last few years, wash away in a cathartic storm.

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When Harm came back to himself the first thing he did was to hire a cleaning service to strip the bed. Then he arranged to have the bed dismantled and have it, together with the the mattress and the linen, burned. He could no longer sleep in that bed even had someone held a gun to his head.

The next thing he did was to pack up Mac's belongings as best as he could with his broken arm.

Harm then contacted a lawyer, specializing in divorces, and arranged for an appointment on the next day, first thing in the morning. Because Sturgis and several other friends had convinced Harm to write up and sign a pre-marriage contract with Mac, something he, at the time, felt was unneeded and even insulting to Mac, the divorce proceedings went quickly, because one of the clauses was about the infidelity of one partner. Only now did Mac's reluctance to sign came back to him, however she did sign it in the end. Perhaps she really did believe at the start that she could be faithful to him. But that was of no consequence now. By cheating on him Mac had lost all rights to alimony and any kind of support, as well as all benefits that a military member's wife has, like the right to medical treatment in military hospitals,... She only got the money that she had put into their joint account and nothing more. By having resigned before her 20 was up and giving up the active reserve status and having another adultery on her record, Mac had no chance of getting her career in the Corps back. Her infidelity had cost her dearly. Jen had been a witness to Mac's infidelity and had served as a witness for Harm's case, effectively preventing any kind of protest or claim of innocence Mac could've made. As the case was clean cut the divorce came through very quickly, thanks to the excellent lawyer Harm had hired and to the judge, who was fully aware of the political ramnifications and of the huge fallout dragging the case on could've had.

But the affair somehow got leaked to the press and a huge scandal errupted, making matters worse for Harm.

The MI-6 official was relieved of duty and fired for disgracing the agency, Mac returned back to the States in disgrace and would never again be accepted into the service and Harm received a lot of unwanted attention, among the US military staff in London and the whole political scene of which he was a member because of his high position as Force Judge Advocate Naval Forces Europe. There had been a lot of whispering behind his back at various political meetings and high class social events for some time, not to mention on the base.

Thankfully, as he was not one of the participants but the victim, his career didn't take a hit and the dreaded call from Cresswell, informing him that he was relieved of duty, never came. His career and Jen's support were all he still had and by losing his job he would also lose Jen's support as he would have had to return to the US, while she would have had to remain in London.

Thus began the long recovery of his broken heart.

The help and support of the friends he'd made in London and especially of Jen, went a long way to help him move on from the latest disaster in his personal life and slowly Harm began living once again.

He had even managed to talk once about what Mac's betrayal had done to him.

Among his words of hurt and betrayal were most profound his words of realization about Mac and their relationship being doomed from the start: "I can't believe that it had never even occured to me that this would happen. And with Mac's history of infidelity it had never even occured to me that she could ever cheat on me. It sure as hell explains why she'd been so distant, even in bed, those last few months. And to think I invested 10 years of love into her and into that relationship only for her to do that! And that in our marriage bed! Now that I look back on it, I realize that our relationship was doomed from the start. We were too different to ever live in peace in such a close proximity as marriage. I should've known, from knowing Mac, that she would come to resent me for her giving up her career for our relationship. To Mac her Marines were everything, she is no longer capable of surviving in the real world without someone else ordering her what to do, how to think and how to live her life. And she would hate and resent anyone taking that away from her. Hindsight is a bitch, huh?"

With having vocally stated his realization and hurt Harm was finally well on the road to healing.

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