Title: The Woman Named…
Universe: One Piece
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: Zoro, Sanji, Robin, Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Chopper
Warnings/Spoilers: None I can imagine. Just… OOC and stupidity. XD
Word Count: 932
Summary: Related to my ficlet "Girlish Fantasies"- Fem!Zoro is Christened. The Marines are ever creative.
Dedication: kotszok- I'M HAPPY YOU FEEL BETTER. XD
A/N: THIS IS JUST CRACK AND NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE, OKAY? Written mostly for my own amusement. And maybe Kaja's, if she finds this sort of stupidity funny. XD (Shall we just call this the Switch-Switch verse?)
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.

"PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-- OWWWW."

Usopp paused in the middle of his laughter to rub at his arm where Zoro had punched him. Then promptly resumed his laughter, because despite the pain, it was that funny. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Zoro scowled and tried to grab at the Wanted poster the aho-chef was holding. "Not a goddamned word from any of you," he said, and might have been just the tiniest bit embarrassed.

Sanji snatched it away before he could get hold of it and forced him to dodge a kick to the head instead. "HANDS OFF, you'll wrinkle it, aho-marimo!"

Nami grinned.

Robin politely hid her smile behind her hand, but it didn't fade any from her eyes. Chopper hid behind her, mirth effectively quashed by Zoro's fearsome scowl (except not completely). She patted his head.

Luffy picked his nose. Mostly because he wasn't exactly sure what was going on.

Sanji ogled the poster like it was some sort of dirty magazine pin up.

"Lola-chan ne?" he fluttered, and kissed the slip of parchment happily. "A lovely name for a lovely lady!" he swooned, body going all wobbly and creepy-like with hearts flying out everywhere.

Zoro dodged them.

At the reminder of what exactly, was so hysterical, Usopp burst out laughing again. "RORONOA LOLA!!!!" he guffawed, and slapped the railing behind him repeatedly with his hand. "I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE! AHAHAH I'M GOING TO DIE."

"Yeah you are," Zoro growled, and that little nerve on his forehead was popping out rather magnificently now.

Nami and Robin, spurred a little by Usopp's antics, cracked even broader smiles themselves, but showed just the slightest bit more self-control than the cannoneer and refrained from engaging in the hysterics.

"Those marines can be impressively creative," Robin acknowledged instead, in all sweetness.

It made Zoro grind his teeth.

"It's a… very pretty name," Nami agreed quickly, with an innocence-that-wasn't-right-on-her-because-it-was-100-percent-fake. It was only there at all because she was trying her best to behave. Because this was a delicate matter. She even managed to hold back the "for a stripper," part of the last comment that lingered on the edge of her mind and considered it a huge victory for political correctness and her good friend's sensitive half-womanly feelings.

She didn't want Zoro to be mad at her after all. Especially with the new wanted poster-- hot off the presses—so adamantly declaring that Roronoa-Zoro-slash-Roronoa-Lola was officially "the most dangerous transvestite to ever sail Grand Line."

It was positively petrifying. Nami was certain that a girl like little old her just wouldn't stand a chance against someone like that.

"Yeah it's a good name! It's a good name for a stripper!!" Usopp supplied in her stead—perhaps lacking her admirable self-control-- and continued to slap the railing as he struggled for oxygen between guffaws.

"I don't get it!" Luffy whined, and flicked a booger overboard.

Sanji spun in little heart-filled pirouettes. "My sweet Lola-chan!!"

Zoro snarled and grabbed the chef by the collar. "Would you cut that out?! SHE'S NOT REAL."

He dodged a particularly vicious swipe of leg to the head at that. "Don't insult the lady when she's not even around, cretin!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"And the best part, and the best part?!" Usopp continued, currently oblivious to Zoro's protests as he laughed until tears were streaming down the face. "THE BEST PART IS

LOLA'S BOUNTY IS HIGHER THAN ZORO'S!!!"

Nami couldn't hold it back anymore. She burst out laughing with a big, classically spit-filled "PFFFFFFFFT!!!!" and dissolved into giggles right alongside the sharpshooter. "IT TOTALLY IS!!!" the orange-haired navigator shrieked, completely losing her cool and slapping her own leg in the same way Usopp was hitting the railing behind him. "AND IT…AHAHAH IT MAKES COMPLETE SENSE TOO!!"

Zoro paused at that, catching the aho-chef's foot a millimeter from his face. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" he demanded, indignant.

Nami pointed right at his scary scowly man face and gasped between chortles in a very unladylike manner. "LOLA'S FACE IS SO MUCH BETTER LOOKING THAN THAT!" she shouted, and stabbed the finger that was pointing at Zoro's irate profile in the air a couple of times for emphasis. "OF COURSE THEY'D PREFER LOLA'S! IT'S ONLY… IT'S ONLY NATURAL! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Nami-swan is so smart!!!" Sanji cooed in complete agreement, and the foot in Zoro's hand suddenly lost the two tons of raw force behind it as the blond idiot began to do that wibbly thing with his whole body again.

Disgusted, Zoro tossed down said foot. Sanji twirled flawlessly, hearts and stars in his idiotic eyes as he naturally regained his balance.

"I'm going to go take a nap," the swordsman snarled, glowering at everyone and officially fed up. "Wake me when this nightmare is over."

Everyone watched him go.

Silence.

"Mmm, perhaps we hurt kenshi-san's feelings, ne?" Robin posed, after a moment.

"M-maybe," Chopper said, blinking. "Is he angry?"

"Maybe a bit hormonal," Robin supplied. "He is…going through some changes."

There was a brief pause, as the rest of the Straw Hat pirates stopped to take this possibility in.

"He was angry. Probably," Nami conceded, thoughtfully contrite. "PMS?"

Robin shrugged.

"For what? For what?" Luffy demanded, still lost. "Zoro's mad for what?"

Everyone stared at him.

And then, he blinked. "Were we talking about Zoro's boobs again?" he asked, around the finger in his nose.

A beat.

A long, drawn out, anxious beat.

"NO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT LOLA'S BOOBS!!!" Usopp shouted when he couldn't hold his tongue anymore. Because it had to be said. It had to.

Everyone fell down laughing again.

END