•AN: shortest addition. 2 pages long. i feel exactly what Miyami's feeling. more to come soon so keep an eye out!

•Disclaimer: Miyami -- mine. Amber -- Zadien. Aspin -- Fayeth. Sonia -- Spitfire-Sae. Chaya -- KuriQuinn.

•Warnings: AU. OC. language.

Those Little Mistakes We Make

April 19th, 2010.

Dear Inner-Ego:

Today's emotional forecast is mainly cheerful with abundant flirtatiousness and a high of head-over-heels which will later break for awkward confusion and an overnight low of uncertainty. I'm beginning to wonder if my attraction toward Johnny McGregor is unhealthy: All my friends ever hear these days is, "Johnny this" and "Johnny that". Hell, I'm the target of Cupid's bull's-eye and am equally as fed up with my wavering, obsessively-smitten behavior. I miss the old me who relaxed into a situation without analyzing every minute detail of what's going down. You know it's a debacle when I can't recall the last time I was entirely at ease with myself and simply doing what I do best: Acting crazy, outspoken, bouncing-off-the-walls-spontaneous and a smidgen of laidback for those intense spells. Where did that go, huh?

Probably locked in a closet somewhere, waiting to be set free while I fantasize about some damned Celt who transmits mixed messages via desirous gestures. Devil-may-care disposition and perfectly timed expressions or words; he's a fiery, passionate (and occasionally lofty) chick-magnet pulling me closer and closer while furthermore keeping his distance, as if to say, 'I'm here, I'm available but you can't have me'. Holy mother of God, smite me now before I grab the pocket knife and do as the Scene kids do. Heh heh, ch'ya right, because my agent would overlook that.

Heavy sigh.

Griping about unchangeable truths isn't my life's ambition so I'll promptly fermer ma geûle and try to conquer these warring feelings of naïve doubt and confident amour in order to recapture my old essence.

"Ben, so Chays is 'aving the bagel & cream-cheese, Amber, you're 'aving the strawberry crêpe and large coffee. Sonia, tu veux le… – "

" – Good Morning single; no potatoes though, please."

"Oui, ça va. Aspin and Mariah, the usual, and Miyami…surprise you (knowing smile)?"

"Always. Thanks Ollie."

"Pas problème, ma petite monstre."


(I should really quit jotting things down when amongst my pretty-ladies. There could be dismemberment in my future.)

Okay sure, Johnny and I kept each other company yesterday, and he bought me a smoothie – somehow knowing my favorite flavor – and, yes, we covered the general one-on-one conversation topics (controversial issues that I'd only discuss with Amber since she knows I can be serious and contemplative – everyone else has the tendency to mock my studious or political self so I keep it under wraps), but that isn't enough for him to think he GETS me. That's what's worrying; I'm afraid he sees me as this toned-down version of the formerly extrovert Miyami. A shell of what once was. Something's keeping me from tapping into that former-extrovert, though, and I honestly think it is he, Mr. Delicious Redheaded Scotsman.

Amber's lucky: She doesn't think I recognize her crush on the elusive "him" she'll once-in-awhile confide in me about, but it's obvious. Well, to my trained eye, that is. Kai ("him") is thick as a stunned wall when the subject is romance and adolescent dating. Unless Bambi confronts him with a florescent sign professing her feelings as she stands drenched and naked in a pair of leather stilettos, he'll remain as such… He doesn't flirt, he doesn't tease, his thoughts are very straightforward (if you know him) and he tells you his impression of you immediately. That blunt honesty is what I need from Johnny so I can either move on after rejection or fall further in heart after acceptance. But, oh no, he has to be Sir Unreadable!

"Voila mes filles, bon appétit!"

(Unison) "Thanks Ollie‼"

"Hey Maymi, what is that? Looks huge."

"Seriously. Uhm, vanilla milkshake with whipped cream. Kinda resembles a sundae, huh?"

"For breakfast!? So not kosher."

"Chaya says, having eaten pizza for breakfast every day this week!"

"Wouldn't talk, Mariah: Miss Chocolate Cake and Rice."

"…I've suddenly lost my ability to enjoy food."


We had somewhat-fun on Thursday – yesterday – when we spent time maneuvering through the downtown Frisco crowd. It was chilly, though, so we spent most of the afternoon in this smoothie place where the walls could give a neutrals-lover epilepsy. No joke: yellow, pink, orange; a version of tropical that Rei's backyard would be ashamed to consider an imitation. Speaking of which, I miss his backyard (note to self, drop in tonight). One hour tick-tocked into the next and, at around three-thirty, we shuffled over to Battle Net. Don't assume I'm any level of gamer – that would be a sight to behold – but the internet is available there. I introduced him to Demetri Martin and he showed me a clip of Dane Cook (brain ninjas) which was hilarious.

I showed Amber the same clip last night and she stared at me like I'd grown a second head. But my ADD allows me to be versatile in the land of comedy. I'll laugh at anything. In fact, my personality used to be versatile until it faded into whatever it is now.

Halfway through one of the clips, I hear him yawn then give this exasperated sigh. What the heck is up with that!? Am I really so boring that I make people sleepy? I've been mulling over this incessantly now and will die if that's the case.

"Who thinks Amber should come dancing tonight?"

"Lord Almighty, Aspin, I told you I'm not dancin' till there's a snowstorm in Hell."

"Good news then; I checked the weather down there and it seems they're experiencing a blizzard."

"Miyami‼ Betrayal! Betrayal!"

"C'mon, it's just Enrique's. No boozohol or underdressed mannequins."

"We are not friends anymore…"

"Love you like breathing." (cheesy grin.)


I feel like crying…Hurt me. Please, someone, hurt me.

-----------------------------------------------•

"…my agent would overlook that." – Miyami is a freelance model & actress

"…fermer ma geûle" – a Quebecois saying. similar to shut my mouth but i'm unsure of an exact translation.

"Ben … Sonia, tu veux le…" – there is no word for Ben; perhaps 'so'…? tu veux le is you want the…simple (:

"Oui, ça va" – yes, that's fine.

"Pas problème, ma petite monstre" – no problem, little monster (Ollie's nickname for Miyami)

Inspirational Soundtrack
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What Is It About Men – Amy Winehouse
Talk to Me – George