Disclaimer: I own this story line and any unfamiliar characters you meet. But that's just about it.
A/N: Brace yourself and get ready for my longest chapter yet! And this one is all about the House snark. It was pretty fun to write so I hope it reads well. Please leave me some feedback!
And now... It's Dr. Gregory House time.
Still in shock after seeing her name and title on the glass along with House's, Cameron barely registered Cuddy pushing the door open and walking inside. The younger woman simply followed Cuddy's lead and stepped into the office.
I really should have a taken a deep breath or something first, she thought. She felt light-headed almost immediately after getting inside.
The office had changed in a couple ways since she last saw it.
The biggest change being the plaster wall that now separated it from the main Diagnostics conference room. It looked as though the wall had been pushed further into the conference room, giving the office a few more feet of needed space. This seemed especially important since a second desk had been positioned where the couch had once existed.
Allison Cameron should have been thrilled and excited by such additions. However, she barely registered her material surroundings. All of her attention was firmly drawn to the man slouching in the chair at the back of the office.
Cameron willed herself to keep breathing as she studied him.
Greg House was sitting with his jean-clad legs stretched far out in front of him. He wore a red and faded Lynard Skynard tee shirt as a black blazer was draped over the back of his chair. The profile of his strong, yet stubbled jaw was highlighted by the light filtering through the windows directly behind him. His brow was drawn together in fierce concentration as he repeatedly bounced and caught the oversized tennis ball he was throwing against the opposite wall. House was so enthralled by the activity, he didn't bother to look away from his task or acknowledge who it was that had entered his office.
"Don't," bounce, catch. "Say," bounce, catch. "Anything," bounce, catch.
A loud, annoyed sigh from Cuddy brought Cameron back to reality. "Hou-"
"Cuddy. Can't you see that I'm a man on a mission?" More bouncing. "This has got to be a record or something! Look, if you want to be useful, you should gather up your fun bags, skip outta my office and give the reps from The Guinness Book a call. Tell them to drop whatever freakshow they're checking out and get their asses over here. If they don't bite right away, tell them we also have the guy with the largest collection of tacky ties. Jimmy will be honored."
The steady rhythm of bouncing and catching continued.
"Hou-"
"Christ, Cuddy! You're still here? I thought I banished you eons ago!" he deftly caught the ball in his right hand as he glanced over in the Dean's direction. Without meaning to, however, he focused directly onto Cameron. The next snarky line he was preparing died in House's throat as his mouth formed a thin line. The hold on the tennis ball tightened imperceptibly as he lowered his arm. All world record attempts would be postponed for later, it seemed.
His eyes cut into her just as they did years ago as well as in her dreams. And although she felt like she was suddenly on fire inside, she made sure to hold her ground and professional air, returning his gaze.
"House, I just wanted you to welcome Dr. Cameron back and show her the office. It is half her's now, after all," Cuddy said pointedly.
The Diagnostician finally ripped his eyes away from Cameron and looked to the floor, moving air back and forth between his cheeks.
"Yeah, yeah, Cuddles. I'll play nice with not-so-new new-girl so long as I don't have to listen to your grating monotone of exasperation any more," he said, grasping the cane that was leaning against the nearby desk and heaving himself out of the chair. He turned to face the two women fully.
"But, considering it is very unlikely that this is the last I'll be hearing from you today…" He threw another glance in Cameron's direction. "All signs point to me being the rude, crude S.o.B. you've always hated. Or was it always loved? I can never remember where your haywire emotions left off with me, Camy-wamy." He shrugged deeply, shaking his head and widening his eyes in mock confusion.
"Alright House," Cuddy leveled in. She looked at Cameron. "I hate to leave you with this so soon but, I have a hospital to run. Try to make yourself at home. And if he bothers you too much, I give you full permission to slap him."
"Hey! That would be a total breach of the hospital behavioral ruling!"
"And I'm willing to let it slide for today at the very least. Her beating you would do everyone a favor."
"But I'm just a poor, defenseless, absolutely brilliant cripple!"
Cuddy simply glared at him in response.
"Good luck, Cameron," she said, heading for the door to the hallway. "Oh and House? I expect you downstairs at the clinic at one o'clock. And when I say you, I mean you. Not one of your fellows. You. Four hours, minimum. Enjoy your afternoon!" And with a swish of the door and the clicking of her high heels, Cuddy was gone leaving House whining in her wake.
He let out a pained and frustrated sigh as he sunk back into his chair and looked hard out the windows. A heavy, almost stifling silence settled over the office. Many people would find the scene extremely awkward, but to Cameron it all seemed comfortingly normal. She knew it was going to be like this. Nothing involving House was ever easy.
Considering he was making a point of ignoring her presence with his back to her, Cameron decided to sit at her own desk to try and get a feel for it all. After a few moments of reflection, she spoke.
"Nice wall."
House turned in his chair to address her. He was surprised and annoyed to find her looking directly at him rather than at the new, sheetrock divider. Her knowing expression unnerved him. He smirked condescendingly.
"Back in my life for all of five minutes and you're already trying to read into me," he clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Some things never change. Especially the pathetic things."
Cameron steeled herself and got up from her chair, giggling lightly. He looked at her like she had sprouted a second head.
She strode over to the front of his desk with her arms crossed tightly in front of her. Looking down at his electric blue stare, she smiled.
"It's nice to be back, House," she said sincerely.
She could tell her entire disregard and acceptance of his rude behavior was throwing House off. Of course she was still greatly affected by his sharp words, actions and simply by his presence in a room. As it was, Cameron was willing her knees to stop shaking. House still had great power over the way she felt even after a year away. But he didn't need to know that right now.
Cameron was here to fight the good fight. There was no way she was going to allow him to get the better of her so soon. His game was unnerving people, exposing them and bringing them out of their element. And as she smiled politely at him, she knew that two could play a game like that.
He got up rather quickly, taking back the upper hand when it came to height. "I figured you would come back eventually. Chase has nothing on me. I am one handsome devil. Emphasis on the 'devil' part. And you," he paused. "You're the little girl who finds the greater good and people and gets kicks off healing the sick, lonely and misanthropic." He blanched as he walked around the desk to her side.
He leaned close to her ear as she remained facing the desk. "Gag me with a spoon of sugar, why don't you? Pathetic."
She heard him walk away from her after that. Still, Cameron did not turn to watch him go. She heard him come to a stop somewhere behind her.
"So are you going to come meet the team or are you good with watching birds crap all over my balcony?"
At this she looked over her shoulder to see him watching her from the door leading to the conference room. With a final roll of the eyes, he kicked open the door and disappeared from her sight.
Cameron ran a hand down her face trying to collect herself. She'd held her ground valiantly so far. And going by the fireworks display of emotions and feelings that was occurring inside of her, she was positive of her choice to move back to New Jersey and back to him. She reveled in the thought and grinned.
Straightening the non-existent wrinkles in her skirt, Cameron thrust her shoulders back and turned for the conference room.
Everything looked the same as it had when she last saw it. The bookshelves, the sink area, House's free-standing white board, and the glass-topped table with its many chairs were all there.
The only apparent difference was the fact that there were four strangers occupying these seats.
"Alright kiddies! Today, Daddy has an extra special doctor lady that he wants you to meet. Her name is Dr. Sunshine and Rainbows! But I've heard she's more commonly known as Cameron," House announced to the small group. "She's here to constantly be up my ass over just about everything. And that means she'll be up your tooshies too!"
Momentary silence.
"So come on down, Dr. Cameron! It's time for you to play 'Put Up With Dr. House For As Long As Humanly Possible'... again!" He clapped obnoxiously as she slowly made her way into the room. "Oh, I love this game so very much," he choked out, wiping a supposed tear from his eye.
Admittedly embarrassed, Cameron could only nod in the table's general direction as a way of greeting. She was welcomed with four blank stares and a whole lot of silence.
House cleared his throat. "Alright then. Roll call time."
"That's Number 36." He pointed his cane at a slight Asian girl with whispy bangs hanging in her eyes. "36 is the bookwormish young-gun and general do-gooder. She also worships the ground I walk on. Really boosts the ego."
The girl seemed exceedingly familiar to Cameron and yet she was unable to place her face. As if reading her mind, the girl spoke. "Hello, Dr. Cameron. I'm Alexa Li. I'm not sure if you recall or not, but-"
"Yadda yadda, blah blah blah. Social niceties and sucking up later, 36. Sit and stay," House cut her off.
"Over here we have Numbers 24, 16, and 40. Smile and wave like you mean it, you three."
'16' and '24' were two men, both very different in their appearances.
'16' was a pale skinned young man with high cheek bones and a crop of wavy strawberry blonde hair. As he smiled genially at Cameron, a good natured air emanated from him. She could tell that working with him would be a pleasure and that they would probably be getting along just fine.
'24' on the other hand was the quintessential 'professional man in the world of tomorrow' type. Dressed in an expensive collared shirt, paired with an even more expensive silk tie, Cameron couldn't help but think that he probably took more time getting ready this morning than she had taken. Broad shouldered with a strong, boxy jaw, Cameron was extremely put off by the way '24' was sizing her up. File under First Impressions: Sleaze Ball.
Sitting at the head of the table was '40'. She was an extremely attractive woman with long, curly, dark hair and Angelina Jolie-type lips. Cameron couldn't help but notice the woman's sharp, green eyes as they were accentuated by her clearly fake tan. She looked Cameron over with an exceedingly strange combination of boredom and predatory malice. It was a very strange moment as they made eye contact from across the room.
Cameron was almost thankful she hadn't been given any real names to memorize. This whole situation was a lot to take in so quickly.
"Okay! Now that all that cordial schmaltz is out of the way, Number 40! I do believe you have some of my charting to take care of. And I have a world record to pursue…" House looked off into the distance as he twirled his cane with his fingertips.
'40' ripped her eyes off of Cameron and heatedly focused them on House's currently introspective frame.
"Why do I have to do your charting? Why can't you do it? Or sort through your email? Or do your clinic hours? Or run the hospital delivering your own messages?" the woman ranted.
House turned and looked thoughtfully at her.
"Reason A, I'm a cripple and cripples aren't really fans of the whole 'running' thing. Reason B, it's either you or one of the other dunderheads I have here." He motioned his cane towards the table of people. "And watching your heinie run all over the place is way more entertaining that watching 16's boney ass run amuck." House shuddered for dramatic effect as '16' could be heard covering a chuckle with a cough.
'40' sprang out of her chair in anger, green eyes flashing. "How dare you? I've been on this job for two days now, Dr. House. And in those two days, you've treated me like a… I've been nothing to you but a… but a…!"
"B-b-but! Aww. That's okay. I'll help you out. I believe the words you are looking for are 'a piece of lobby art'?" At this, Cameron felt like she had taken a sucker punch to the gut.
After this was said, '40' was nearly shaking in her extreme anger. House, ignoring the thick atmosphere of apprehension, continued to attack.
"Look. I'm really getting tired of the whole 'you get outraged with me and start sputtering like a pissed off Terrier' show. It's a real bore." He looked condescendingly down at the volatile woman that was now mere feet away from him. "And plus, I think you have a huge attitude problem." He pursed his lips, clearly mocking her.
The dark haired woman stood glaring daggers at the man in front of her, her mouth opening and closing in absolute rage.
House sighed. "Still nothing to say? Yet again, boring." He paused and looked thoughtful. "You know what…? You're fired, 40."
Cameron's eyebrows shot up at the bluntness of House's declaration. And although her eyes remained fixated on the battle that was being waged in the center of the conference room, she couldn't help but notice the noises of desperation and annoyance that came from the table to her left. Apparently this isn't the first time something like this has happened, Cameron noted.
But House wasn't done yet.
"I mean, it's not like you're a super medical genius or anything. What kind of doctor spends hundreds of dollars to sit in a light box, get skin cancer and look like an oompa loompa? Any three year old could see that you are far from the brightest bulb in the tanning salon."
'40's anger was so strong by this point, it was almost palpable.
And still, House went on.
"I have my original piece of artwork back now anyways. In mint condition no less! And she actually has a brain in her head. And! In comparison to her…" House trailed off and threw a casual glance in Cameron's direction, sweeping his eyes up and down her frame with little tact. He then turned back to the fuming 'Number 40'. "In comparison to her, you're nothing but some dried macaroni and paste on a faded piece of construction paper."
He smiled cheekily at the woman then turned and walked towards a dumbfounded Cameron who was standing by the office door in complete shock, blushing madly. He stopped next to her and pivoted quickly to take another look at the enraged '40' standing in the middle of the room.
"Plus, 40. Cameron's coffee is way better than the sludge you usually make. I'm talking professional grade stuff here!" He nudged Cameron in the side with his elbow. "You can thank me later, Cameron."
With a final, overly dramatic wink at '40', House headed for his office, closing the door behind him loudly.
Cameron decided that the conference room would have been quite a scene to walk in on at that point. As it was, she was still trying to recover from the one-sided war that had been fought in front of her not seconds ago.
'40' was blinking rapidly, at a complete lack of words due to the deep levels of rage that were coursing through her. To say the woman was irate would have been an understatement.
'36' was staring determinedly down at the table in front of her while '24' was making a point to avoid eye contact with anyone, clearly put off. '16' looked like he was on the verge of breaking down into a fit of laughter and was in pain trying to control himself.
Finally coming to her senses, Cameron shook from her shocked daze and strode purposefully into the office. After stepping inside, she leveled her gaze on House who was sitting with his feet propped up on his desk, hands behind his head.
"I am the Assistant Head of this department now, House. And if someone is to be fired, I should have a say in the matter," she said evenly.
He quirked an eyebrow at the Immunologist. "And what are you going to do about this, 'Little Important Miss Cameron'?" he quipped quickly.
"I'm going to talk to her and decide for myself if she stays or goes." With that, she walked swiftly back into the former war zone that was the conference room, not waiting for House's response.
"Number 40- uh," She stumbled with the awkwardness of calling a human being by a number. "Why don't we…? Let's talk outside for a moment.," she declared resolutely.
'40', her blood still boiling, glared at Cameron for a couple seconds before storming out into the hall. The three sitting at the table looked up in confusion as to what was going on when Cameron followed the young woman outside. This was all very strange to them.
Cameron softly closed the door behind her and opted for a gentle, soothing tone of discussion. She wasn't looking for anymore heated confrontation from '40' today.
"Hey. All that back there? Forget about it," she began. "It's been a while since I worked with House, but I know his personality type. He's just trying to get under your skin. He likes testing people. You're truly new around here and I just wanted to make sure that-"
"Where do you get off, bitch? Save it,"
"Excuse me?"
'40' squinted and drilled her infuriated eyes into Cameron. "You heard me! I don't need or want your advice, pity, or your life story. I especially don't need the story all about how you more than likely screwed that crazy bastard to get a leg up around here," she threw into Cameron's face with venom, her eyes an odd mixture of unbridled hate, near insanity and ferocious envy. "You're probably nothing but a fake, little whor-"
"Enough," Cameron uncharacteristically roared, effectively quieting the wrathful yet completely out of line woman before her.
"Look, I tried giving you the benefit of the doubt by talking with you here. Because guess what, I didn't want you fired. Because you're right; House can be an ass. A complete and total ass. But after knowing you for all of ten minutes, I can already tell that you are definitely not the type of person this hospital needs. So pack your things. You're gone," Cameron leered with a fierce fire in her eyes.
'40' was once again stunned into silence and opted for staring at Cameron in wide-eyed shock, unmoving.
Cameron took advantage of the moment and leaned in closer to the flustered woman, speaking in a low, almost dangerous tone.
"If I were you, and I'm very glad I'm not, I'd find some manners, a thesaurus and Willy Wonka. I heard he was looking for more little orange helpers. I'm sure you'd be a shoe in for the job," Cameron deadpanned at the woman then drew back quickly.
The look and stance of '40' was nothing short of comical. She remained completely frozen in her spot for almost a minute before releasing a piercing screech of frustration and stomping down the hall in her Jimmy Choos.
Cameron waited for her to disappear from sight before slumping back against the wall and closing her eyes in exhaustion. And I've only been here for how long…?
Soon after she closed her eyes looking for a bit of peace, Cameron was jolted back to reality by someone clapping. Eyelids flying open, she whipped her head around to see the three remaining fellows standing in the doorway of the conference room. All three were looking at her in impressed wonder, the red headed '16' giving her a round of applause. "That was insane! I have to give you credit for that last line there. It was truly inspired. How long did you work under Dr. House again? Because that was something straight out of his handbook. Very nice delivery," '16' rambled off with a wide grin of amusement.
Cameron remained stunned for a moment before looking bashfully away.
'24' smirked, showing signs of a dimple in his right cheek. "Come on back inside. We'll chat and get through some real introductions this time." He held open the door allowing the other two ducklings and Cameron to pass through. She gave him a polite smile when she went by, ignoring the way his eyes followed her as she walked.
She might have been imagining things but in that moment, Cameron could have sworn she heard a familiar limping gait retreating away from the glass walls of the hallway and further into the office next door.
Cameron allowed the glowing sensation of pride to fill her.
A/N: Cameron's first day back is far from over. Much more waits in chapter 5 of 'Tomorrow Comes Today'...!
So did you enjoy? Review it then! Thanks for reading.