Chapter Three

Jayne decided to join the others on the bridge to catch up on his gossip. The spook came with him.

Simon was sitting in the copilot chair, looking pale and defeated, with shoulders slumped uncharacteristically. River stood behind him, looking strangely maternal with her hands laying comfortingly on his shoulders. Yet there lingered suspicion in her eyes, however well she thought she was hiding it. Mal sagged in the pilot's seat, looking more tired than usual, with gray fringing in his temples. The latter glanced up as Jayne and Wash arrived in the doorway, only seeing the mercenary.

"What the hell happened?" Jayne asked, in usual Jayne fashion. Wash rolled his eyes. River glared at him, eyes lidded.

"Going to see to Kaylee," she announced, brushing past Jayne and almost going right through Wash. The specter managed to step aside just in time, looking terrified at the thought that someone might walk straight through him.

"The good doctor put both feet in his mouth, as usual," Mal said, propping his legs up on the console and crossing his feet at the ankles. He was respectful to avoid the plastic dinosaurs propped up like tiny, prehistoric sentinels.

"Figured that," Jayne muttered. "What the hell did he say?"

Mal raised an eyebrow at Jayne's sudden interest, but continued nonetheless. "Think I recall him mentioning gettin' hitched on Greenleaf bein' like a 'shotgun wedding'. Was that what you said, Doc?"

"I didn't mean--" Simon cut himself off, hanging his head between his knees. "I've systematically ruined my own life with a witty turn-of-phrase."

"So I can see nothing's changed since I died," Wash said sarcastically. Jayne caught a laugh before it could escape him, changing it into an awkward cough.

"What the hell happened?" A familiar voice came from behind them. Wash's spine stiffened, the humor suddenly drained from him. Zoe walked onto the bridge, past Jayne, and stood with arms akimbo before Simon.

The voices of Mal and Simon fell away as Wash stared at the woman that had been his wife. Jayne flicked his eyes to the ghost beside him, who, despite being bloodless, looked suddenly pale and worn. Wash's mouth hung slightly open, and his eyebrows tilted upward as if someone had wrenched something from his chest. Considering the man had a gaping, bloody hole for a chest, this was a disconcerting image.

"I... I can't be here," Wash said suddenly, like someone had shoved something forcefully down his throat. With pain in his eyes, he tore himself away from the image of Zoe and rattled down the stairs and through the crew corridor. Jayne stared incredulously after him.

"What was that?" Mal asked, sitting up slightly in his chair. Jayne turned back to the others to find them all staring at him and out into the hallway. He seemed just as dumbfounded as any of them.

"Dunno," Jayne answered.

"She ain't a young ship," Zoe offered with a shrug. Mal sighed, rolling his eyes.

"And every time you call her old, I feel like some greyin' old man. I don't like it. I'm still in my prime." Mal re-crossed his feet and arms.

"I'm sure you are, sir," Zoe replied, not missing a beat. She turned back to Simon, shaking her head. "Well, Doctor, you landed yourself in a steamin' pile. And I ain't helpin' you pull yourself out."

"What?" Simon asked, as if Zoe had punched him in the stomach. He looked to Mal, who also shook his head.

"I ain't too big on marital problems--"

"We aren't even married yet--"

"AND I don't plan on brewin' myself into an argument that's gonna lose me a doctor or a damn-fine mechanic. Speakin' on brew, let's rustle us up some 'a that cow-piss they're passin' off as coffee now, eh, Zoe?"

"Sounds like a plan, sir." She walked past Jayne on her way out, pausing only slightly to shoot him an odd look, and moved on. Mal gave him the same stare.

"What're you doin' here?" Mal asked.

Jayne's eyes were wide when he responded, "Hell if I know, Cap'n."

Mal chuckled to himself as he stepped past Jayne to join Zoe in the galley. This, of course, left Jayne and Simon alone on the bridge. "Couldn't 'a talked t' Kaylee," Jayne muttered to himself. Simon was squinting at the merc across the bridge, but all dislike had been replaced with a hollow defeat.

"What are you doing here?" Simon repeated.

Jayne's mind worked as fast as it could, which wasn't as fast as he might've hoped. He lingered on the silence a bit too long, and rolled his eyes at himself. If Wash was right, they had to get these two lovebirds back together before he could be completely spook-free. And, with Wash having left him in the proverbial cold, it looked like Jayne was on his own with the doctor.

"All right," Jayne started, taking up Mal's abandoned spot in the pilot's chair. "You 'n me, we gotta talk."

"Please, I'd like to keep my remaining brain cells into my old age," Simon returned, his biting tone not lost in the sea of his downfall. Luckily, this was Jayne, and he was not phased an inch.

"Shut-up for a second and listen," Jayne instructed. Simon buttoned his lip, looking cross but stuck to his seat in his failure as a fiancee. Jayne paused, unsure where he was going to take this, and how he was going to use this talk to get Simon and Kaylee talking to one another again. "Kaylee's a real good friend 'a mine, and you're bein' ge zhen de hun dan."

"It was a misunderstanding--" Simon tried to defend himself.

"It ain't your turn t' talk," Jayne shot back. "You got about five second t' get your ass off 'a that chair and find her, and you're gonna 'pologize."

"I know when I've been an idiot," Simon said as he stood from his chair, looking definitely incensed, "but when they send Jayne to set me straight? That's an insult."

Jayne didn't stand. "I don't see ya movin', Doc. You ain't out 'a here and off findin' Kaylee, it's gonna be my boot up your ass."

"Of course," Simon said as he threw up his hands. With a suddenness that frightened the merc, Simon slammed his hands down on the console right in front of Jayne. "I know that I'm in the wrong when it comes to what I said, but if Mal doesn't want me to marry her, he should have the fortitude to tell me to my face, not send his man-ape to threaten me."

"Hey!" Jayne growled, shooting to his feet. "Watch yer mouth 'fore it gets a taste 'a my fist!"

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Simon said quickly, looking at the same time exhausted and livid. Jayne was beginning to see how this might have been a bad idea, but he was Jayne Cobb, and he didn't back down from something he started.

"Like hell y' aren't," Jayne returned, looking similarly apoplectic.

Then, something surprising happened. Simon puffed out his chest, balled one of his fists, and swung out at Jayne. The punch hit him square in the jaw with a crack, and Jayne stumbled back into the pilot's chair. Both were taken aback by the action, the attacker looking on with plate-sized eyes at his nerve, and the attacked holding his jaw tenderly as it hung open in surprise. But, like Jayne, Simon was unable to back down now that it'd been done. They'd reached an impasse.

After a moment more of stunned silence, Simon straightened his spine and his pride and stalked off the bridge in long-legged strides. Jayne sneered after him, working his jaw to test how hard the doctor had hit him. Hard enough to split his lip, he noticed as he held his thumb against his stinging lower lip and found blood. Hell, he almost felt proud that the Doc could knock him back like that--it was a feat in and of itself.

Jayne waited another minute or so before he followed Simon's example and left the bridge. He was still working the feeling back into his jaw when he entered the galley. Simon wasn't there, but Kaylee, River and Wash were.

"I'm glad that went well," Wash muttered, looking at Jayne and his jaw with a singular raised eyebrow. Jayne allowed himself a gruff laugh, and he winced at the pain that shot through his jaw.

Kaylee stood from the table, looking concerned suddenly. "What happened?" she asked. River remained seated, her eyes wandering and seemingly very interested in the ceiling.

Jayne didn't say anything, exchanging a worried glance with Wash. River, who was sitting in the chair beside Wash, looked confused for a moment, thinking perhaps that he was looking at her. She glanced at the seat beside her, and when she looked back to Jayne, he was facing Kaylee again.

"It was Simon, wasn't it?" Her eyebrows drew down, and she glared at Simon through the walls of steel between the galley and the passenger dorms. "You was just tryin' t' help and he decks ya?"

"Ain't like that," Jayne tried to defend Simon, knowing there was no way he could get rid of his redheaded specter with these two apart. Kaylee's pretty mouth turned down, and she moved forward to inspect Jayne's maw. He hissed and growled as she turned his head with her fingers on the exact spot Simon had punched him.

"Ow--hey! Watch it..."

"Sweet 'n all you're tryin' t' help, Jayne," Kaylee said sadly as she dropped her fingers back to her side. "But this might be it for me 'n him." Sadness seized her face, and she sat back down beside River.

"He prob'ly didn't mean it like ya think," Jayne said as he pulled up a chair on Kaylee's other side. Wash nodded encouragingly.

"It's probably easier to talk Kaylee into taking him back than for Simon to apologize," Wash analyzed. "He got a spine. When'd he get a spine? I missed all the good stuff when I died..."

"Simon is a boob," River muttered, looking at the table and willing the lank strands of hair from her face by glaring at them.

"Ain't you s'posed t' be on his side?" He asked, leaning one arm on the table.

"Not picking sides," River mumbled, finally tucking her hair behind her ear and out of her face. "Switzerland."

Jayne blinked blankly at her for a long moment before Wash chimed in. "Oh, I saw that on the Cortex." He looked like an excited child in a classroom, the answer to a difficult question sitting on the edge of his tongue. "Switzerland... Switzerland... is neutral! On Earth-That-Was, it didn't pick sides." The ex-pilot looked immensely proud of himself.

"This ain't no war, Crazy, and we ain't on Earth-That-Was," he said to River, nodding confirmation to the beaming Wash. River's eyes widened, and, looking surprised, was able to say nothing further. Turning away from River, he chucked Kaylee playfully on the shoulder. "You gonna be awright?"

The mechanic smiled sadly in response, then leaned into his shoulder with a sigh. "Don't go nowhere for a while, all right?"

Jayne flicked his eyes to Wash, who shrugged. He would have to ask Wash about how he was faring after the encounter with Zoe on the bridge later.

River's proverbial ears perked up, and her head snapped to face Jayne. His thoughts must've brushed hers, and the two exchanged a wide-eyed look over Kaylee's head. He pressed his lips into a worried line, and tried to clear his mind of any thought of Wash. It wasn't that hard. River watched his eyes carefully, but said nothing. After a moment, she broke eye contact and went to picking at something on the table with her fingernail.

"I ain't goin' nowhere," Jayne assured Kaylee after another short pause, watching the back of River's head cautiously and trying very hard not to think about the ghost sitting three chairs away.

AN: DUN DUN DUNNNN!! ... Uh, sorry. I just felt the need to be suddenly dramatic. Forgive me. Anyway, it took me long enough, but I hope this chapter live up to expectations. Foreshadowing and all that good stuff in this chap, and there WILL be more Wash in coming chapters. He just... and Zoe and... well, y'know. Hope y'all liked, and stay tuned and STAY AWESOME.