Disclaimer: as much as I wish I did, I do not own Dynasty Warriors, or Who's Line is it Anyway they belong to ABC Family and Koei Corporation. Now that the disclaimer is done lets move on with chapter 2 of the fic. Enjoy!
"Welcome back everybody to Dynasty Warriors Who's Line is it Anyway the, I'm your fearsome host the mighty Lu Bu and this is the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter, that's right the points are like AA meetings and non-alcoholic wine to Zhang Fei."
(Cao Cao, Sun Jian and Yuan Shao all nod their heads in agreement Liu Bei however looks annoyed but opts against bursting out as it would not be the virtuous thing to do.)
"He'll always be a drunk. Actually I'll bet he's already gone mad not being able to drink because of our bet."
(Meanwhile at that very moment backstage, we see Zhang Fei Guan Yu and Huang Zhong sitting at a table watching the live broadcast of the show via an Illusion created by Pang Tong's staff. Ma Chao has been tied up by Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei so he won't do any thing rash to Cao Cao for the insult delivered to him earlier in the show. )
"Ha! Ha!" Zhang Fei laughed "the jokes on you Lu Bu! I have not touched even a drop of alcohol!"
"Yes brother" Guan Yu stated "You have been doing rather well controlling yourself."
(Pang Tong enters carrying a tray of wine glasses)
"Hello folks!" Pang Tong greeted happily "I thought you guys might be thirsty so I brought some wine for everybod….. Lord Ma Chao why are you tied up to that chair?"
"Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei tied me up because I tried to kill Cao Cao again for an insult." Ma Chao replied sounding annoyed
"Oh well I suppose I'll have to bottle feed you your wine then." Pang Tong joked "oh and Lord Zhang Fei since I hear that you have a bet with Lu Bu I brought you some water instead."
(Pang Tong gives everybody a glass of wine and gives the water to Zhang Fei. Everybody starts' drinking happily, but Zhang Fei has started to sweat and shake profusely trying to contain himself but he looks like he could burst like a geyser in a matter of seconds.)
(Back on stage)
Anyway let's start the second part of our show with a game called Let's Make a Date! this one is for all four of you"
(All four performers each go to a stool in the center of the stage)
"What happens in this game is that Cao Cao, Sun Jian and Yuan Shao are all bachelors appearing on a dating type show hoping to be picked by Liu Bei, however they each have a strange identity written for them on these cards. At the end Liu Bei is going to have to guess who each bachelor is."
(Sun Jian, Cao Cao and Yuan Shao all look at their identities. Sun Jian seems indifferent with his, Yuan Shao is silently wording out "for the love of god no", and Cao Cao starts glaring at Lu Bu.)
"Heh, oh man I am really going to enjoy this. Liu Bei when you are ready please begin."
Liu Bei immitating a very high female voice "Bachelor number one how are you doing today?"
Sun Jian's Identity: Yan Liang at the battle of Bai Ma getting cocky before being attacked and killed by Guan Yu.
"Very fine thank you! I'm having a great time out here." Sun Jian declared
"Liu Bei still speaking with a high voice "Some of my hobbies include horse back riding, and swimming. What are some of your hobbies?"
"Well I definitely enjoy horse back riding but I also like to…….." Suin Jian pauses and looks into the audience where he spots Song Xian "What are you lookin at? Oh you want to fight with me huh? Is that it? Well bring it on!"
(Sun Jian rushes to the second row of the stands and starts pretending to beat the toast out of Song Xian. Afterwards he quickly turns around and spots Wei Xu in the audience.)
"Oh you want some to!" Sun Jian challenged
(Sun Jian rushes to the edge of the front row and pretends to beat Wei Xu.)
"Ha! Take that! You and your stupid lord are no match for me" Sun Jian bellowed
Liu Bei with high voice "well at least I know your no pushover. Um, Bachelor number two how are you?"
Yuan Shao's Identity: Slowly turning into Gan Ning
"I'm just dandy thank you very much!" Yuan Shao responded with his normal voice
Liu Bei with high voice "I love candy if you were a type of candy what kind would you be?"
Yuan Shao with his normal voice" Interesting question. I think I would be one of those gobstoppers. Because they have multiple layers and they are always……." The change begins and Yuan Shao is now doing a half impression of Gan Ning
(AN think Gan Ning's Voice with Yuan Shao's accent)
" Changing flavors and colors and they're just so wild much like me!"
(Lu Bu has put his head down on his desk and is banging his fist with laughter.)
Liu Bei with high voice "What a strange and yet wonderful voice you have. Bachelor number three, what about you? How do you feel today?"
Cao Cao's Identity: Is rapidly growing more and more attracted to host Lu Bu and swears to kill anyone who even as much as looks at Lu Bu.
Cao Cao struggling to bury is annoyance over his identity sarcastically answers "I feel absolutely wonderful"
Liu Bei with high voice "I want to travel someday if we went traveling where would you take me?"
Cao Cao having gotten over his identity issue replies "Well I suppose we might travel to France since I hear they have a reputation for romantic settings but I….."
(Cao Cao stops short and stares at Lu Bu)
Cao Cao Sounding all romantic "Well what do we have here? Such broad muscles, such a handsome antennae ornament" Cao Cao walks over to Lu Bu's desk and starts stroking Lu Bu's head "I think I'm in love."
(Lu Bu reaches for his Halberd)
"Ooh, feisty I like it!" Cao Cao exclaimed
Liu Bei with high voice "I'm glad you do cause I sure don't. Oh well bachelor number one"
"Yes what is it?" Sun Jian replied
Liu Bei with high voice "I love nature if you were an animal what would you be?"
"Well I think I'd be an ox because I…….. Hey what the hell is that? Aw Holy (CENSORED) it's headed straight for me! Well then I'll just have to…. ARRGHH"
(Sun Jian pretends to have been struck down and fall on the floor)
Very quietly Sun Jian weakly says "How could I be….. Killed by someone….. Like you " Sun Jian sticks up is hand which has been blurred by the illusionist filming the show, and then pretends to die.
Liu Bei with high voice "I get the feeling that we won't be seeing each other again anytime soon. Um bachelor number two."
Yuan Shao still doing his half impression of Gan Ning "Yeah what do you want!
Liu Bei with high voice " when I go to the beach I like to sun bathe, what do like to do at the beach if anything?"
"Well by favorite thing to do is….." Yuan Shao has now completely transformed to Gan Ning "MUG PEOPLE AND TAKE ALL OF THEIR STUFF, AND THEN MUG THEM AGAIN JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT, I WANNA FIGHT! DAMN! THIS ARMOUR IS SO FANCY IT'S JUST NOT ME!"
(Yuan Shao pretends to undo the upper garments of his armor and then pretends to chug it aside before drawing his sword and doing an impersonation of Gan Ning's Musou attack starts running randomly around the studio coming very close to hitting a few people)
Liu Bei With high voice "um wow what energy, I advise you watch the sugar. Bachelor number three."
(Cao Cao is currently stroking Lu Bu's chin)
"What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?" Cao Cao roared
Liu Bei with high voice "I'm sorry I just wanted to…."
Cao Cao interrupts him "Just wanted to what? Take a look at my man here?"
(This comment earns Cao Cao a deafening roar of laughter from the audience) "If you as much as…… hey you! Did you think I didn't see that!"
(Cao Cao walks up towards Chen Gong in the audience)
"If I catch you eyeing him again I swear I'll not only kill you but I'll hunt down the rest of your family! Do I make myself clear?" Cao Cao asked in an icy voice
(Chen Gong nervously nods)
"Good" (Cao Cao returns to his stool and Lu Bu rapidly hits the buzzer. Yuan Shao also returns and Sun Jian gets up off the floor)
"Well Liu Bei you better savor this moment because we will never ever see it again as long as we live! Who were they?" Lu Bu asked
"Liu Bei back to his normal voice "that was some incredible acting, I've got a few guesses but I really do not know."
"Just guess Liu Bei you must have some idea." Lu Bu responded
"well at first I thought Sun Jian was you Lu Bu since he acted so tough, but after I saw him go after Song Xian and Wei Xu in the audience the only person who came to mind was Yan Liang, and if that's true then I'm Guessing he was being killed by my brother Guan Yu?"
"Yes that's it exactly" Lu Bu cheered
"Yuan Shao….. I never thought I'd ever see him ditch his noble upbringing and turn into Gan Ning." Liu Bei commented
"Correct again Liu Bei" Lu Bu replied
"And as for Cao Cao…."
"Just hurry up and guess Liu Bei!" Cao Cao snapped "It was embarrassing enough to have to do this in front of all of my officers. I want to put it behind me."
"Wow if Cao Cao is that upset about it then he must have really hated having to pretend to be attracted to you Lu Bu."
"Yes excellent guessing Liu Bei!" Lu Bu congratulated
(All four performers put away their stools and return to their seats)
"That was brilliant 1000 points for Liu Bei and Sun Jian, 1500 points for Yuan Shao for showing us that he does have a wild side, and minus 500 points to Cao Cao for stroking me like that and then saying he hated it!" Lu Bu exclaimed
"Hey Cao Cao have you ever noticed how it seems you hate everything?" Liu Bei asked
"That's because I DO Liu Bei!" Cao Cao growled "and it's all because of Koei's character modifications that they did to me when they made Dynasty Warriors 5!"
"Hey time out! Let's not even cross that bridge Cao Cao." Sun Jian interrupted "if we stopped to talk about what we hated about Koei's personality changes some of us would be here until next year."
"Í hope Koei does not get any ideas from this show" Yuan Shao said nervously "it would ruin all of our images, especially my noble heritage."
"Yuan Shao, can you go even 3 seconds without thinking about your damn heritage?" Cao Cao asked
"I'll answer that question Cao Cao." Lu Bu interrupted "No he can't so let's just forget about him and move on with a game called 2-line vocabulary. This game is for Cao Cao, Sun Jian, and Liu Bei.
(Audience cheers as the three leaders walk onto the stage)
"What happens in this game is that Cao Cao, Liu Bei, and Sun Jian are going to act out a scene for us, however Sun Jian and Liu Bei can only say two lines each for the whole scene but Cao Cao can say whatever he wants. The scene is Zhang Liao played by Cao Cao along with Li Dian played by Liu Bei and Yue Jin played by Sun Jian is preparing to go out to face the Wu army which is rapidly advancing towards He Fei."
"Hey wait a minute!" Sun Jian interrupted "Why am I playing a Wei officer who's going to fight my own kingdom?
"Hey were just acting here, it's for all of our fans who bother to read this fic. Anyway Sun Jian the only things you are allowed to say in this scene are oh my god that's huge, and why do I have to put up with this. Liu Bei the only things you can say are should I use my bow, and I don't think this is going to work. Alright then when you are ready start the scene."
"Ok you two the Wu army is coming here and we have to hold them back our lord arrives with reinforcements." Cao Cao stated
"Oh my god that's huge!" Sun Jian exclaimed
"Yes they their army is huge, it out numbers our own at least 12 to 1" Cao Cao responded
"Should I use my bow?" Liu Bei asked
"No! Not yet but you can later, okay here's the plan, Yue Jin you are going to take half of our men and guard the castle"
Before Cao Cao can finish speaking he is interrupted by Sun Jian "Why do I have to put up with this!"
"You put up with it because you are a soldier and you are going to follow my plan! Ok?"
Cao Cao is again interrupted but by Liu Bei this time "I don't think this is going to work."
"Of course it will work! Our great lord came up with it! He even wrote it down!"
(Cao Cao pretends to unfold a piece of paper)
Sun Jian looks amazed and says "Oh my god that's huge!"
"What is? The plan?" Cao Cao asked confused "No it isn't its very simple. Here take a look."
"I don't think this going to work" Liu Bei repeated
"Shut up Li Dian!" Cao Cao roared getting angry "just have faith it will work."
"Why do I have to put up with this?" Sun Jian questioned
"Look I know Li Dian's lack of confidence is distressing but we must get over it. Now then, onto the task at hand. Li Dian you and I are going to strike out and…."
"I don't think this is going to work." Liu Bei interrupted
"Look, would you just try to have some faith, please Li Dian?" Cao Cao begged
"Should I use my bow?" Liu Bei asked and then pretends to do fake bow movements
"Oh my god that's huge!" Sun Jian commented
"LOOK! WOULD THE TWO OF YOU STOP FOOLING AROUND!" Cao Cao practically shouted "We have to concentrate!"
"Why do I have to put up with this!" Sun Jian retorted
"Okay I'm sorry I understand that we are all under a lot of pressure to defend this territory." Cao Cao apologized "what the… aw crap their here we wasted too much time!"
"Should I use my bow?" Liu Bei asked and then pretended to shoot an arrow off
"No! How is that going to help us now?" Cao Cao asked aggravated
"I don't think this is going to work." Liu Bei muttered
"OF COURSE IT DIDN'T WORK! ALL YOU SUCCEEDED IN DOING IS GETTING THEM MAD!" Cao Cao yelled
"Why do I put up with this?" Sun Jian murmured
"You won't have to put up with it much longer Yue Jin." Cao Cao consoled "I'll go out there with 800 hundred of our men and repel them."
(Liu Bei is about to say something but Cao Cao quickly turns around and cuts him off)
"Li Dian if you doubt me one more time I'm going to have you executed! Now then." Cao Cao pretends to spin a pike over his head "I'm going out to fight them."
"Oh my god that's huge" Sun Jian points to where Cao Cao was pretending to spin a pike
BZZTTT BZZTTT BZZTTT
(Lu Bu rapidly hits the buzzer and the performers return to their seats)
"Wow I thought Cao Cao was going to hurt someone there for a moment. Would have been funny if he did." Lu Bu commented
(Cao Cao smirks)
"Any who 1000 points for Cao Cao so he can pay for some anger management classes. 500 for the other two for almost driving him insane." Lu Bu added
(Cao Cao's smirk disappears)
"That's it for this segment but stay tuned when we return with more Dynasty Warriors who's line is it anyway!"
I hope this chapter was funny cause I thought it was missing something but I am not sure what……. Oh well it's 2:45 in the morning and I've got to hit the sack please take some time and review all comments and suggestions positive or negative are welcome as long as you are being honest about it. If you think it needs improvement please tell me, or if you think it was just plain awful please let me know as well so I can try to improve it. Until the next segment R&R