Chapter 2- I Shall Believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy does not belong to me. (Oops, forgot this last time).

AN: Hey guys! I can't believe the positive feedback you've given me on this. I was a little unsure about bringing Finn back into the picture, but I've missed him ever since he left, so I wanted to humour myself a bit. Don't get me wrong, I love Derek, but he really is being a McBastard lately. Also, I just wanted to mention that even if the residents bash nurses a lot in here, it doesn't reflect my own opinion on the nursing profession. It's just characteristic for our favourite arrogant surgeons. On that note, enjoy the chapter 

----

Meredith woke up with a massive hangover and the shrill beeping of her alarm. Her frequent bed mate, Christina, seemed to have deserted her. She still couldn't rationalize going out in the evenings when she knew she had to be up for five in the morning. Three hours of drunken sleep was just not enough, yet it never seemed to stop her from throwing back tequila. Memories of the previous night started to tumble into her sleep-fogged brain, but had to be put on temporary hold as she felt bilge rising in her throat.

She ran into Izzie, clutching a mug of coffee on her hectic dash to the bathroom. "Good morning, sunshine," Izzie sang out, looking as though she at least had gotten up on the right side of the bed.

Meredith barely made it to the washroom before last night's tequila revisited her in a very unpleasant manner. When she was sure there would be no more heaving, she rolled over, unwilling to get off of the floor. This is my life. I drink too much, sleep too little, am left for scrub nurses and can't even charm a vet…

A new flood of hazy memories caused her to jolt up off the floor. She dashed downstairs, half expecting to see Finn passed out on the couch. Instead Lexie was slowly waking up and George's deserted sleeping bag greeted her eyes. "Morning," yawned Lexie. "Is it time for work already?"

"Yeah," Meredith answered, impatiently. "Look, how did we get home last night?"

"God, you really were gone, weren't you?" Alex teased, coming downstairs, still buttoning his shirt. Meredith noticed Lexie was trying desperately not to stare at his washboard abs. "Your old boyfriend rescued you from supreme humiliation." He noticed Lexie's gaze and shot her a flirtatious look.

"Thanks," Meredith rolled her eyes at him. "Oh, and stop flirting with my little sister." Lexie blushed beet red.

Christina entered the living room, looking chipper and unaffected by last night's binge drinking. "Look, can you three save the chitchat for later? Izzie won't give me food until we're all sitting down together and if we don't leave soon, we're going to be late."

"Oh, yes, Doctor Yang," Lexie jumped to her feet, the intern in her coming out. Meredith and Alex made no attempt to hide their giggles as they entered the kitchen where Izzie was serving up French toast.

George took a bite out of his toast and waved the rest of it in greeting. "What I don't get," he carried on a conversation he'd already been having with Izzie. "Is how he knew it was all right to show up?"

"You mean, Finn?" Alex asked, stuffing a muffin in his mouth.

Izzie looked at him in disgust, but nodded. "Yeah…have you even talked to him since you guys broke up, Mer?"

Meredith helped herself to a slice of French toast. "I maybe called him," she admitted, liberally applying maple syrup.

"Oh wait!" Christina interjected. "You called McVet…the guy with the dead wife…to tell him the guy you left him for left you for a nurse and…what? Let's try again?"

"Not exactly," Meredith mumbled around her toast.

"That's cold, Mer," Alex laughed. "I'm proud."

"I can't believe he showed up," George shook his head. "Meredith, you've got him whipped."

"Don't be so fast," Lexie argued. "He's not here right now, is he?"

"That's because he got too much of this asylum last time around," Christina shut her down. "Eat your breakfast, Three." Lexie rolled her eyes at Christina, but took her ribaldry in good humour.

Meredith couldn't help but keep Lexie's words in the forefront of her mind. Finn was just a genuinely good guy, who knew her well enough to know she would have been wallowing in drink and self-pity. It was exactly like him to show up and check on her. His appearance didn't mean he was interested in ever having her back in his life.

The clock chimed 5:30 and all of the doctors flew into a panic, bumping into each other as they dashed around the house, getting dressed and searching for lost keys. "God, Mer…this place is like a nut house," Izzie complained, snatching her shoe away from Christina who had misplaced her own in the clutter at the front door.

"People are what matters," Meredith shrugged. "I'm not going to turn anyone away."

"Crazy," Izzie mouthed at her, grabbing her car keys. "Okay, who is coming with me?" Alex and Lexie ran after her and piled into her car.

George was waiting by Meredith's car as she and Christina came out of the house, locking the front door behind them. "Look…are you okay?" Christina asked her in an undertone as they made their way down the front steps.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Meredith insisted. "Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"Well, last time you broke up with McDre…err…McBastard…there was lots of crying and talking about our feelings," Christina reasoned. "I just wanted to know if I need to be prepared for something similar."

Meredith chuckled. "I'm just actively not thinking about him. I really think I'm over it. It was time."

"Avoidance and denial," Christina nodded knowingly. "That's my girl."

Meredith gave her a joking shove before jumping into the driver's seat of her vehicle. Time for another hellish shift at Seattle Grace. She started the engine, slightly surprised that it was not thoughts of Derek she was trying to subdue. Instead she was desperately trying to not go over her drunken conversations with Finn. This was so not what she needed.

----

Finn Dandridge was never uncertain. He always knew exactly what he wanted, and knew how to go about getting it. He had been prom king in high school. People liked him; they wanted to be his friend. And before getting married, he'd certainly never had any problem with the female sex. But when Kim died, everything suddenly changed. He stopped calling his multitude of friends. His most serious relationship was with the receptionist who worked at his veterinary clinic, and he spent his days trying to remember how to get up in the morning. He'd lost track of time, lost track of everything but putting one foot in front of the other. Until, almost two years after Kim's accident, he looked up from an old dog's charts at a slender, crazy knitting woman and woke up again.

Meredith Grey was scary and damaged and probably not the best choice for a recovering widower. But Kim had always said you couldn't chose who you fell for, and in this case, Finn fell fast. Before he knew it, he was in the most ridiculous dating competition with a married man, and thinking every moment of it was worth it. And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. And he was alone again. Somehow, it was easier this time around. He went on dates with beautiful women and he began making his own plans. He got in touch with old friends and even went on a fishing trip to Montana. And then last night, the hurricane that had started his life again came barrelling back into it.

Perhaps he was being unfair. He'd willingly immersed himself in it, despite his original misgivings. Misgivings that were back in full force this morning. He shook his head, trying to concentrate on anything but the petite blonde who had curled so comfortably into his grasp. He had patients to see. He smiled at Betty, the receptionist, and welcomed a married couple and their young daughter into his office.

"Good morning, Mr and Mrs. Kent," he smiled warmly.

"Doctor, what is wrong with Mitsy?" demanded the young girl. She was a petulant little thing with red pigtails, now that Finn took the time to look.

Finn glanced at her parents, and then chose to talk directly to the girl. "Well, you see, Mitsy has what's called diabetes. Now what that means is-"

"Wait a minute," interjected Mr. Kent. "It's a cat. Cats can't get diabetes."

Finn resisted the urge to twitch. Mr. Kent had wavy black hair and an arrogance that perfectly matched Derek Shepherd's. His brain was flooded again with the thoughts of Meredith he'd tried to quell. Just what the hell did a down-to-earth girl like Meredith see in the brain surgeon? He shook his head and tried to refocus on Mitsy.

"Actually, it is quite possible," he explained. "And quite common in cats Mitsy's age. The condition can be controlled by two shots of insulin a day..."

It seemed to take forever to get the Kents on their way, but eventually he sent them out to Betty with a prescription and specific instructions. He collapsed in his office chair and surrendered to his thoughts.

What the hell am I doing? I am not actually going to put myself through this again? She just ended it with Shepherd yesterday, and knowing her she could run back at any time. He laid his hands over his face, trying to rub out the exhaustion. He had never had any intention of going out to find Meredith last night after hanging up. He'd been determined to just forget about her.

But as the night wore on, he found that task impossible to do. Even worse, anger was slowly replaced by worry. Images of Meredith lying in a hospital bed, tears welling in her eyes, assured that Derek would hurt her again refused to leave him alone. So finally, shortly after midnight, he gave up trying to sleep and headed out to Joe's Bar.

In his mind, he skipped over the confrontation with Shepherd at Joe's, the loud ride to Meredith's house, up until the moment he had carried Meredith up to her room. He'd only been to Meredith's house a few times, and had stayed over only once. He remembered feeling like he didn't belong, somehow. Maybe unconsciously, he'd felt Derek's presence in the room. He hadn't pushed the matter when Meredith showed interest in spending most nights at his house. He'd never pushed anything with her, simply showed patience and waited for whenever she would be ready to let him in.

This time his reaction to the room was different. The room seemed strictly Meredith's, though he reasoned Shepherd must have been in the room many times since then. He closed his eyes, and felt the same bone weariness drift over him.

He carefully laid Meredith on the bed, and pulled the covers down, helping her drunkenly slip under them. "There you go," he smiled, unwillingly charmed by her vulnerability.

"Thank you, Finn," she smiled. She looked up at him and their eyes met. Somehow the glistening in her eyes seemed not to be from the alcohol, but from genuine emotion. "I'm…I'm so sorry. I was such an idiot. But you know, he's Derek. And I thought that meant something. And oops…it turned out it didn't, so here I am. Alone and asking you to forgive me for being such an idiot."

He hushed her, sitting down on the bed, and reaching out to brush back her hair. "You don't have to explain anything right now," he shrugged. "We can talk later. When you'll actually remember it."

"No," she protested, struggling to sit up. "You see…he had a wife. A wife he didn't tell me about. So I thought it had to mean something. You don't just cheat on your wife with someone you won't love forever, right?"

"I…I don't know, Mer," Finn admitted awkwardly. "I wouldn't think so."

"Exactly," she nodded in earnest, flopping back down on the bed.

"Okay," Finn smiled sadly. "I'm going to go now. You try and get some sleep. You'll need to get up early." He reached over across her slender frame and re-started her alarm, hoping her schedule was still the same. Getting up at five AM was not something he was about to forget anytime soon.

She shifted a little and suddenly their faces were very close together. With the confidence of alcohol in her, Meredith lunged up and kissed him full on the lips. He made no move to respond, confused beyond belief. She lay down again, a dopey grin on her bed. "G'night, McVet," she teased.

"Good…good night, Meredith," he replied, standing and turning off the light, eager to leave before he was unable to.

Finn sighed, half in disbelief. When Meredith first left, he'd been pissed off. He knew he was the better guy, she knew he was the better guy and he was angry at her stupid decision. He'd never suspected he might still retain feelings for her. In recent months, the only thought he spared her was after the hugely publicised ferry disaster. He'd thought briefly how busy she must be, and then had returned to vaccinating a cat.

The door creaked open and Betty popped her head. "Dr. Dandridge, you've got a dog neutering at one o'clock," she reminded him. "And then the Andersons want you to run over to check up on their newest pig."

"Thanks, Betty," he smiled. "You can go for lunch now." She nodded her thanks, and he let out a groan as soon as the door closed. This was so not his day.

----

Christina tried to pen up the boiling rage as she made her way through the cafeteria line, practically throwing her money at the cafeteria lady. She didn't wait for change, not caring that she'd just paid ten dollars for a Greek salad. Flinging herself down in a seat at their favourite table, she finally let the anger spill out. "AGAIN!" she hollered. "I was passed up. Again!"

"Passed up for what?" George asked around a mouthful of peanut butter and banana sandwich.

"For a carotid endarterectomy!" Christina hissed. "I am Queen at endarterectomies. Burke taught me how to do one on my own. But that's not good enough for Dr. 'Don't sleep where you piss' Hahn!"

"She still black listing you then?" Meredith asked as she sat down, popping open her grilled cheese container.

"Yes," grumbled Christina. "And she put in Alex. I mean, Alex…seriously! He belongs on the friggin' gyny squad."

"Shut it, Yang," Alex retorted, taking his seat. "I'm still on my cardio high, and I don't need you ruining it."

Christina looked up from her salad, wearing a glare of death. "I will kill you with a scalpel. You realize this, yes?"

George and Meredith giggled into their sandwiches. "Well, if its any consolation, I'm pretty sure I'm officially blacklisted from any neurology surgeries," Meredith patted Christina's arm, allowing her eyes to drift over to where Derek was eating lunch with Rose.

"Think he's showed her the house plans?" Izzie asked, rolling her eyes. Everyone had had a good chuckle at Derek showing up with house plans the day after making out with a scrub nurse for the first time.

"Probably," Meredith growled. "Just crossed out my name on the master bedroom."

Izzie shot her a look of sympathy. "Don't even think about him, Mer," she said consolingly. "You were way too good for him anyways. I mean, c'mon? Secret wives? Illicit rendezvous with scrub nurses? So not worth your time."

Christina shot a very pointed look of hatred in Rose's direction, making sure the nurse noticed it. "I can't believe he's dating a nurse," she sneered. "Even Alex and George don't do that anymore."

Alex growled in Christina's direction, and she shook her fork menacingly at him. The table erupted in laughter. Christina noticed Rose glance over nervously, and laughed even louder. Stupid twit.

"Hey…where's Lexie?" George asked, suddenly.

"I don't know," Christina shrugged. "Off doing intern things. Speaking of which…why aren't you off being all intern-y?"

"Because some interns have nice residents," George retorted quickly.

"Nicely said," Meredith grinned. She winked at him. "I've got him well-trained, as you can see."

"Why…why do you want to know where she is?" Izzie asked. There was a slightly uncomfortable silence. Everyone was still try to adjust from Izzie and George having an adulterous affair back to Izzie and George just being friends again.

George smiled though. "Oh, you know…just intern-y things." This was greeted with more laughter, that drew the attention of Dr. Sloan, who had just entered the cafeteria.

"What's the joke?" Mark asked, sneaking up behind Meredith and stealing one of her grapes.

"Hey!" she protested, making a grab for it. He offered her a charming grin. She rolled her eyes. "And you wouldn't understand…what with being an attending and all."

"Very funny," he drawled. "How's my favourite dirty mistress holding up?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Meredith shrugged; surprised to find that was actually the truth. "And haven't you heard? I'm the wronged woman now?"

Mark scoffed. "Impossible. I won't have you reforming on me." He glanced over to Alex. "Karev, you want in on a contracture surgery this afternoon?"

"Yes, please, sir," Alex perked up.

Mark nodded. "Go get the charts when you're done eating then. Try to be useful, you know. Can't lose you to those damn cardio surgeons." He glanced over at Derek and Rose. "And now, regretfully, I have to go join the cheating bastard." He winked at Meredith. "Forgive me?"

She chuckled. "Somehow…eventually..."

"So kind." He pretended to bow over her hand, and then sauntered over to Derek and Rose.

"Yes, please, sir?" Christina mocked. "Why didn't you just pull down his pants and kiss his rock-solid ass?"

Alex wasn't going to be goaded. "Whatever, Yang. You're just jealous 'cause I've had two bloody, glorious surgeries today and you're…oh, what are you doing…knitting?"

"Someone get me a scalpel," Christina demanded, lunging across the table, producing more gales of laughter.

----

Rose uncomfortably glanced over at the table of residents across the cafeteria. "Derek, they're laughing at me," she complained. "Again."

"No, they're not," Derek argued.

"Dr. Yang is staring death wishes at me," Rose observed blatantly.

"Yeah, she does that from time to time," Derek conceded. He reached over and grabbed Rose's hand. "Look, I realize last night was…less than perfect. But we shouldn't let it ruin something that was going so well."

"I just don't see how we can possibly work with them," Rose argued.

"They'll get over it," Derek shrugged. "It took them about a month to get used to Addy. Even Christina forgave her, eventually."

"Oh good," Rose sighed. "Then they're used to seeing you leave Meredith for other women."

"Rose," sighed Derek, shooting her a look that made her want to melt. "Meredith and I just weren't compatible, and she's beginning to realize it. I'm with you, now. You're who I'm focusing on."

"You're sure?" Rose asked, feeling herself drawn in to those deep, intelligent eyes.

"What is he doing over there?" Derek suddenly looked beyond Rose to the resident table. She spun around, feeling a twinge of annoyance to see Dr. Sloan standing behind Meredith, wearing a charming smile.

"I'd say he's flirting," Rose observed bluntly. "Definitely flirting."

"Before I've even left her bed cold," Derek muttered. "Unbelievable."

Rose spun back to face him, wondering if he'd heard his own hypocrisy, but he wasn't paying the slightest attention to her. His thoughts were all on the man who was now coming to sit at their table. Mark shot her a grin, and then turned to face an angry Derek.

"What now?" he asked, with bluntness to match Rose's.

"I'm sorry…were you just flirting with Meredith?" Derek demanded.

Mark laughed harshly. "Hell no. I am completely done with sleeping with your women." He turned to Rose. "No offence."

"None taken," she smiled.

There was a small, awkward silence before Derek spoke again. "Is she okay?"

"Who?" Mark asked, purposefully feigning ignorance.

"Meredith," Derek supplied, stoically not looking at Rose.

"Oh, she said she's fine," Mark shrugged.

"She's always fine," Derek complained. "Who the hell is she not fine with?"

"I hear she was more than fine with a certain vet last night," Mark chuckled, exchanging laughing glances with Rose.

Derek shot him an unimpressed look. Mark rolled his eyes and gave up the joke. "Look, I came out because the chief just got in an emergency brain abscess patient. He's an old patient of the chief's. Richard requested you do it."

"Yeah, of course," Derek agreed, still staring at the table where Meredith and her friends were now packing up their things. "Ask…uh…Yang to scrub in with me, will you?"

"Sure thing," Mark shrugged. "See you around." He left, following Meredith and her friends.

"You're letting Yang scrub in?" Rose asked, surprised.

"She's a talented surgeon," Derek said, picking away at his salad.

"Yeah, but she wants to kill me," Rose pointed out.

Derek laughed. "That doesn't affect her skills, Rose."

"Don't you think it will make operating a bit…uncomfortable?" she asked incredulously.

"Oh…oh, I don't think you're with me this afternoon," Derek responded. "I don't make your schedule, you know."

"Oh, right," Rose said, caught off guard. "I…uh…I just thought you might request me."

"Well, not with Yang in the room," Derek contradicted. "And, no offence, but she's a bit more important in the actual surgery. Not that you're not an excellent nurse."

"I am an excellent nurse!" Rose said, anger flaring.

"I know," soothed Derek. "But you went to UCLA, hun. Yang's a Dartmouth…err…Stanford graduate." He stood up, evidently giving up on his salad. "Anyways, I better get going if I'm going make it in time. I'll see you after work?"

"Sure," Rose said, feeling more than a little blindsided.

"Good," Derek smiled, already walking away.

Rose waited until he was out of earshot before letting out an audible groan. What kind of mess am I getting myself into?