Chapter 3- Taking Chances

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Disclaimer: Grey's does not belong to me. If it did, I wouldn't have to be writing this. Heh.

AN: So, I've begun getting the 'Is this a MerDer fic or a MerFinn fic?' questions. And the truth is, I don't know. So far I've got ten chapters planned out and they are all very definitely MerFinn, so he's going to be around for a while. But Derek is also becoming another contender from where I'm looking. I'm pretty anti-Derek right now, and I don't see how I could realistically get them to a place where it makes sense for them to be together, but we'll see how it goes. For right now though, probably look at this as MerFinn. I mean, he's got plans, and I like Finn.

------

Meredith shifted awkwardly on the couch for the umpteenth time that evening, trying to concentrate on her mother's surgical tapes they had whipped out for the evening. She caught Christina eyeing her, and tried to make the movement look like she was reaching for another handful of popcorn. As she settled back into the sofa, she had to laugh. Her house looked like a full blown pyjama party. Izzie was painting Lexie's toenails. George and Alex were making bets on the result of the current operation and there was junk food everywhere. Popcorn, pizza, and cake littered the coffee table, along with mugs and half-empty pop cans. There were also sleeping beds and makeshift beds strewn everywhere.

"I love this house," Meredith announced to no one in particular.

"Why?" Christina grumbled. "It's like a frat house."

"You do have an apartment of your own, you know," George observed.

"Actually, no, I don't," Christina shot back, mercilessly. "Your ex-wife is inhabiting it." Both George and Izzie blushed and were momentarily unable to glance at each other.

"Ten points, Yang!" Alex exclaimed, offering her his palm for a high-five, which she returned boisterously.

Lexie looked up from admiring her new toe polish. "Meredith…when are you going to call Finn?" she asked, a glint in her eyes.

"Um…soon," Meredith said shortly. "Oh, wow….look at that suture…it's beautiful."

"Right," drawled Izzie. "Because you're totally into this movie right now."

"I am," insisted Meredith. "My mother was extremely talented."

Izzie elbowed Christina. "Say. Something," she mouthed.

Christina took a moment to glare at Izzie before speaking up. "Lexie's right. And…err…Finn is a really talented…animal doctor too."

"Could that have been anymore painful for you?" Meredith cocked an eyebrow.

"Possibly," Christina grumbled. "I still do think you should call him."

"I'm not calling him," Meredith protested. "The ball's in his court."

Alex snorted. "The ball is so in your court."

"Oh, what do you know?" Meredith demanded.

"The dude brought you home all drunken and sloppy," Alex observed. "You have to make the next move. It's a rule."

"Where are these rules?" Meredith inquired. "And who wrote them?"

"Seriously, Meredith," Izzie brandished her nail polish at her. "Just call the damn vet."

"Fine," Meredith sighed, jumping up. "I will. Since you're all going to be so difficult about it."

"Ooh, but hurry back and tell us all about it!" Lexie called after her. They watched Meredith stomp up the stairs before turning back to the tape. Lexie looked around at her newfound family, feeling lucky to have been finally let in. "You know," she observed. "We should get a dog."

"NO!" Izzie and George protested immediately.

---

Meredith held her cell phone up, staring at Finn's number. All she had to do was press the dial button. Why was she so nervous? It had to go better than last night's phone call. Taking a deep breath and trying to quell her anxious stomach, she impulsively pressed the green call button.

The phone picked up immediately, almost as though he had been waiting by the phone. She took heart from that, and was shocked to hear her voice surprisingly steady. "Hey. It's me. Again."

"Well, hello, you. Again," Finn responded. The butterflies came rushing back. "How was your head today?"

Meredith laughed. "Horrible," she admitted. "And embarrassed. And extremely grateful."

"Well, nothing I like better than playing knight in shining armour to drunken damsels in distress."

Meredith waited for the closing in sensation she'd felt when Derek first referred to himself as her knight in shining armour, but it never came. Feeling more confident still, she jumped right into the heart of the conversation. "So, you showed up," she observed bluntly. "Even though you said you wouldn't, you still showed up."

"Yeah, apparently," Finn agreed slowly.

"You're that guy, eh?" Meredith teased.

"I don't know…" he trailed off. "Who is that guy anyways?"

"He's a good guy," Meredith answered, immediately. "He's…he's definitely the better guy."

There was a thoughtful silence on the other end. "Meredith," he finally began, still slowly. "I'm not going to…deny…I may have been wrong in thinking that I don't want you to be a part of my life. It's just…"

"Just I'm a mess with a serious complex involving a certain neurosurgeon?" she interrupted.

"Not exactly what I was going to say," Finn's voice sounded slightly amused. "It's just…I'm not going to be your rebound. I'm not going to be the guy who heals all the scars, and then gets left because you don't need him anymore."

"I know," Meredith said simply.

"Do you?" Finn prodded. "Because this seems awfully fast. You and Derek broke up…yesterday?"

"Not exactly," Meredith contradicted. "We were practising S&M for a few weeks without any sort of a relationship."

"Excuse me?" Finn's voice sounded a bit strangled.

"Oh…Sex and Mockery," Meredith supplied. "Anyways, then we got back together for literally a day, and he turns up with house plans and expects me to pick out my room…and then I walked on him kissing a scrub nurse."

"Ouch," Finn winced, sounding truly sympathetic.

"Yeah," Meredith continued. "Turned out he'd kissed the scrub nurse before he showed me the house plans. But apparently it's all my fault, seeing as he can't breathe for me."

"Why…why would he need to breathe for you?" Finn asked, now sounding confused.

"It's…uh…an awkward and long story about me drowning in the Pacific Ocean…" Meredith answered. "A lot has happened since you went away."

"Evidently," Finn said incredulously. "You…drowned?"

"Tip of the iceberg," Meredith half-laughed. "If you thought I was scary and damaged before…"

"Well…why don't you tell me all about it over dinner this weekend?" Finn asked, his words coming in a rush.

Meredith felt some sort of strange rush of warmth spread through her body. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Finn nodded. "I mean…its just dinner for a pair of friends to catch up and…well, see where things are."

"That sounds absolutely perfect," Meredith agreed, a huge smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.

"So Friday night…I'll make reservations for eight?" Finn suggested. "Will that work with your schedule?"

"Yup," Meredith confirmed. "I work until two AM Friday morning, so I should have the rest of the day off. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Finn teased. "Just dress nicely."

"How nice is nice?" Meredith asked coyly. "Friend's night out nice or date nice?"

There was a short pause on the other end that left Meredith tumbling on the edge of uncertainty. She could almost feel Finn's smile before he spoke. "Fine. Be that way. Date nice."

Meredith suppressed a squeal. "Just wondering," she said smoothly.

"Oh, shut up," Finn laughed. "I'll see you Friday."

"See you Friday," Meredith smiled. She hung up the phone and clutched it to her chest. This was what she needed. She was refusing to let the termination of Derek get her depressed and scary again. Before when they were apart, she'd always assumed it was temporary. Maybe it was time to just let go and plan her future as separate from Derek's. Maybe it was time to just put herself out there and take a chance. Taking a deep, calming breath, she hurried downstairs to tell her room mates.

---

George shifted uncomfortably, unable to get to sleep on the living room floor. He winced at the thought of Alex up in his old room. Hehad to go and get married quickly and then have an affair, effectively leaving him homeless and unloved. Not to mention a complete and utter disappointment to his parents. Oh, and then, of course, failing his intern test. All in all, definitely not his best year.

Still, he thought, trying to arrange his pillow more comfortably. It could be worse. He still had his friends, and this time around he understood everything he came up across. What was one more year in his hospital training? It would only make him a better doctor at the end of the road.

A dissatisfied groan coming from the couch revealed he wasn't the only one who found their sleeping arrangements uncomfortable. Lexie flipped over, mumbling incoherently into her pillow. He was glad to have met Lexie and even gladder that Meredith had finally seen past her issues and accepted her sister into her new family. George had taken an instant liking to Lexie. She had been the exact sort of friend he'd needed when things with he and Izzie had gone down in flames.

"Lex?" he whispered. "Lexie? You asleep?"

"No," she moaned, flipping over to face him.

"How long are you going to keep sleeping here, do you think?" he asked.

"Until I find the nerve to face my alcoholic father," she shrugged, brushing a hand over her eyes. "I can't leave him on his own much longer. All he can make are bologna sandwiches."

"You can't look after him forever," George reminded her softly.

"I know," she sighed, flopping on to her back. "I just can't see what else to do, you know?"

"Why don't you move in with me?" George asked. He'd been thinking about it for the past few days, and it seemed a perfect solution. Lexie was easy to get along with and between the two of them; they should be able to manage to make half-decent meals every now and again. Or at least drive over and beg food from Izzie.

Lexie sat up quickly. "Really?" she asked, excitement not at all contained in her voice. "Do you think we could?"

"Don't see why not," shrugged George. "Makes rent cheaper."

"Yeah," nodded Lexie, grinning widely. "That would be so awesome, George."

"You'll do it, then?"

"Definitely," Lexie agreed. "I'll tell Dad tomorrow after work."

"I can come with you, if you want?" George suggested, knowing how scared she would be to face her father.

She paused, thinking for a moment. "No," she finally answered. "No, that's all right. I think this is something I should deal with on my own."

"Okay," agreed George. He lay down again, feeling slightly better about the floor situation.

"Night, roomie," Lexie whispered.

George chuckled. "Good night, roomie."

----

"So you're just kissing scrub nurses now?" Meredith hissed, still trying to line up the Derek she'd been feeling more and more love for with the Derek who made out with nurses in supply closets. "And you wonder why I can't trust you?"

"I knew this was going to happen," Derek sighed heavily. "I knew you were going to find some way to back out on this, as usual."

"Derek!" Meredith half-screamed. "Walking in on you kissing another woman is not me making excuses. It's you cheating on me."

"How do I know if it's cheating, when I never know where you are in this thing?" demanded Derek. "You need to make a decision."

"You said you'd wait," Meredith pointed out. "You said I had time. I've had a few weeks."

"I can't take this anymore," Derek said, anger in his voice and eyes. "The yelling and the fighting and the back and forth. Are we together or are we not?"

"Oh, we were together," Meredith reminded him. "And then your wife showed up…"

"So we're going to have that fight again," Derek growled. "I knew the minute I showed you those plans you'd find some reason to walk away."

Meredith resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Oh, so you're calling my bluff?"

"No matter what I do, you are always going to find reasons not to trust me," Derek carried on. "You can't trust anyone."

"No, Derek," Meredith was shocked to find herself finally standing up to him. And shocked to find it felt good. "I can trust people. I just can't trust you."

Derek looked at her, and for a moment, she saw that old look of hatred that had surfaced when she'd started dating. "I can't do this anymore," he said, sounding defeated. "I just…I can't."

"Well, neither can I," Meredith admitted. As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew they were the truth. And even though he was standing there, looking at her, giving her the chance to say the words that would keep him with her…she knew she wasn't going to say them. Knew she couldn't. Instead she just brushed past him and walked away.

Meredith was jolted awake by a rough shove in her back. "Meredith, you're crying in your sleep again," Christina observed.

Meredith raised a hand to her eyes, feeling dampness on her cheeks. "Damn it," she cursed.

"You know…it's all right to not be okay with this," Christina mumbled, head still buried in her pillow.

"I'm fine," Meredith insisted, still believing it was true. "But…Christina…do you think I have trouble trusting people?"

Christina rolled over to face her. "People? Or married, scrub nurse kissing brain surgeons?"

Meredith giggled. "Valid point." She rolled out of bed and dragged the covers off of Christina. "C'mon, time to go to work."

---

Mark double checked his burn victim's chart and shook his head, still incredulous at the case. He could honestly say he'd officially seen everything now. He snapped the chart closed, choosing not to focus on the burn or the excruciating pain that would be caused by it. Best thing for the patient was to get him into surgery as soon as possible. All he had to do was choose a resident to assist him.

The decision was an easy one. He was beginning to feel a slight obligation to Karev, if only because of the intern's sheer dedication, but today he thought there was someone else who needed the pick-me up a little bit more. "Grey!" he called, looking down in the hospital lobby where Meredith was carefully checking a discharge one of her intern's had done. As she looked up, he wondered if she was aware of the look Derek was giving her. He was supposed to be explaining a procedure to one of his patient's families, but all he seemed capable of was staring.

Meredith walked to the bottom of the staircase and looked up at him, smirking. "What do you want from me now?" she teased.

"Time to put you to work," Mark answered, coming down to meet her on the stairs. "And trust me when I tell you, you want in on this."

He passed her the chart and was not disappointed by her reaction. "He burnt off his…?"

"Yes ma'am," Mark confirmed. "I didn't believe it myself either. We're mostly going in to do damage control, but I still thought it's a bit of an unusual case."

"No kidding," Meredith nodded, eyes still bulging as she read the details of the case. A closed look suddenly came over her face and she glanced up at him. "Mark…could you do me a favour?"

"Tell Shepherd to stop awkwardly staring at you from across a crowded room?" Mark guessed.

"No…what?" Meredith asked, spinning around just in time to catch Derek hastily looking down. She turned back to Mark, a smug look on her face. "Well, that was awkward, but not exactly what I had in mind."

"What do you need?" Mark asked.

"It's Christina," Meredith explained. "Hahn won't let her scrub in on any of her heart surgeries, and it's got Christina going stir crazy. This surgery…well she'd be interested in it. Could you maybe let her scrub in instead?"

"Seriously?" Mark asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, not looking half as sure as she sounded. "She needs this."

"I thought you needed this," Mark said pointedly.

Meredith chuckled. "I'm fine, Mark. Really. I know last time I went into a bit of a meltdown, but this time around…well, it's all right. Besides, I have a date."

"You have a date?" Mark repeated. "You mean somebody already beat me to the punch?"

Meredith made a face at him before nodding. "Yeah…it's Finn Dandridge. I was seeing him before Derek left Addison. I think we're really going to try and give it another go. He's pretty forgiving, thank goodness."

"Or he's just using his eyes," Mark suggested.

Meredith grinned. "I don't know why any nurse would resist you, Mark," she teased. "You're too damn charming for your own good."

"It's a curse, really," Mark laughed. His eyes caught Christina coming down the stairs immersed in a cardio journal. "Yang!" he barked.

Her eyes lifted and she made her way over. "Can I help you, Sloan?" she asked, putting emphasis on his last name.

He passed her the chart. "You want in?"

She flipped it open, and read the information quickly, her jaw dropping. "He burnt off his penius?" she exclaimed loudly.

Every male within hearing winced, and even Derek came over to investigate. "How do you even do that?" Christina shook her head incredulously.

"I'm not even sure I want to know," Meredith responded. "Some men have some seriously disturbing sex fantasies."

"That sounds like someone who's seen it," Mark teased. "Do tell."

Derek tilted in head in Meredith's direction, a slow grin on his face. "Yes, Meredith. Do tell."

Meredith blushed. "Don't you all have important surgeries to be doing?" she demanded, gathering her charts hastily. "I'm busy discharging, if you don't mind." She walked off quickly, ignoring the laughter from behind her.

----

Still shaking her head over the burned penius and the extremely awkward moment in front of Derek, Meredith made her way to Room 1387 to discharge a recent brain abscess patient. She'd never admit it, but some of her favourite moments at Seattle Grace were discharging people. It was one of the few times they saw healthy and happy people, finally ready to begin their lives again. She quickened her pace, going over the patient's chart.

Suddenly she collided into a woman heading in the opposite direction. "Watch where you're going!" she snapped as her charts tumbled to the ground.

"Oh…oh God, I'm so sorry, Doctor Grey," the woman apologized, kneeling to pick up Meredith's charts.

There was a cold feeling in the gut of her stomach as the woman stood up to hand her the charts. She'd just barrelled head first into Derek's scrub nurse. This is too ironic, even for me, she thought wryly.

"Sorry again, Doctor," Rose apologized, making as though to go on her way.

"Are you seriously going to pretend you don't know who I am?" Meredith asked her, raising an eyebrow. "Bit rude, don't you think? Not even saying hello to the woman whose boyfriend you made out with."

Rose went even redder. "I…I didn't really know you two were dating," she protested.

"Oh, please," Meredith snapped. "Everyone is this god damn hospital knows what happens in my life. Don't pretend you don't listen to nurses' gossip."

"He told me you were on a break," Rose answered, looking at Meredith with a challenge in her eyes.

Meredith was caught off guard, and felt the anger ebb out of her. "Yeah, well…I guess he had a point," she admitted. "We were on…something or other."

"S&M," Rose supplied.

Meredith laughed in spite of herself. "He told you about that, eh?"

"He tells me lots of things," Rose half-bragged.

"I'm sure he does," Meredith nodded. "Well, forget I said anything. It wasn't really your fault."

"I know," Rose stated bluntly.

Meredith laughed, incredulous at the audacity of Derek's new 'life partner'. She turned to walk away, pushing Rose from her mind. "Um…he really still cares about you!" Rose called after her.

Meredith turned around. "I know," she said, matching Rose's bluntness. She paused for a moment, before deciding she couldn't resist the temptation. "Has he…has he shown you any house plans?"

"Yeah, actually," Rose answered, seeming pleased to carry on the conversation. "Last night…he's really excited about it. It looks like its going to be beautiful."

"It was going to be our house," Meredith said, eyes dancing. "But I guess…I just wasn't ready. Thank God housemates are exchangeable." Her cell phone went off in her pocket. She flipped it out, immediately forgetting Rose's presence as she turned around.

"Hello?"

"It's me," came the voice of Finn. "You excited?"

"Maybe," Meredith grinned. "Is that why you called?"

"Maybe," Finn admitted.

"Then, yes," she answered coyly. "Yes, I am excited to go on a date with you, Dr. Dandridge." She walked away from Rose, all thoughts now on the man on the other end of the phone.

---

Rose rolled over in bed to face Derek. His eyes were closed, but his breathing was still erratic enough that she knew he wasn't sleeping quite yet. "Oh…I meant to tell you," she said softly. She'd been waiting for the perfect moment to drop this little bombshell. "I ran into Meredith this afternoon. Literally."

Derek chuckled, but didn't open his eyes. "And how did that go?"

"All right, actually," Rose answered. "She was a little angry at first, but when I reminded her you were on a break-"

"We weren't on a break," Derek argued, opening his eyes to look at Rose. "Not really."

"Well, whatever," she shrugged. "Anyways, when she remembered that, she was almost nice. She even asked about your house plans and everything. She seemed pleased you were going to carry on without her."

Derek made a noncommittal noise in his throat. "I just wanted you to know you don't have to worry about how she's doing anymore," Rose explained, running a finger softly down his bare chest. She paused for a few moments, watching his chest rise and fall evenly. "You've both moved on."

"How has Meredith moved on?" Derek asked, sceptically.

"She's seeing that guy from the bar," Rose replied. "The vet, Finn Dandridge."

Rose snuggled deeper under the covers and closed her eyes. That way she could pretend for a split second after those words, Derek hadn't stopped breathing.

---

AN: So just to clear things up, the dream breakup sequence is a bit like the one in episode 4.11, but with a few adjustments to meet my first chapter when Meredith walked in on Derek and Rose making out AFTER she and Derek were back together again.