I dialed his phone number. "Speak.." came the message. I hung up and sighed. I could call back and leave a message, but I didn't feel like talking to a machine. Instead I looked around the apartment, wondering where a good place to put a crib would be. Then I grabbed a notebook and started to plan. After I would tell Mark, I would see if I could get him to go to Lamaze classes with me. I filled out pages with plans and contingencies. I was scribbling a reminder to investigate if I could work in a home office part time when my phone range.

"Hello?"

"Joanne, I have the best news in the world. I want you go out with me for dinner tonight, and I can tell you!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"I can't tell you in person. Can I pick you up in an hour?"

"Of course. I have some news for you too."

"Okay."

We wound up at Life, where Mark ordered two beers.

"Ah, just one please. I'll have a lemonade. So what was your great news?" I asked before he could ask about my change in drinks.

" I'm going to Germany for a few months. There's some celebrity wedding that's given exclusive access to Buzzline. It's an unbelievable opportunity."

"It's incredible," I agreed, sadly.

"It will only be for a few months," he assured me, gently squeezing my hand. "Then I'll be back. I'll call you and write you as much as I can. Maybe you can even come to Germany for a visit."

"We'll see," I agreed.

"So what was your good news?"

"Oh, um, it looks like I'm going to win that Giovatti case."

"That is great news," he exclaimed. The Giovatti case was an ugly blotch on my workload, and I was eager to see it finally close. In other news, I couldn't tell him about the baby now. I would tell him when he got home. Besides I couldn't be very far along.

He flew out of JFK a few days later. "I'll call you as soon as I get there," he said, but we both knew it'd be a few days before he could even do that. He had to change planes in London, and then he'd be taking the bus to wherever it was that the wedding was taking place. The details were so top secret that Mark wasn't even sure where he'd be going until he got there.

Two nights later, I lay in bed tossing and turning. I was too hot, then too cold. Around one a.m., I got up for a drink. In addition to not sleeping, another side effect of this pregnancy was that I was incredibly parched all the time. As I stood there, drinking, I held one hand over my stomach. I wondered how long it would be until the baby bump started to appear, or until I could feel it move and kick. Asss I finished my drink, there was a knock at the door.
I ran to the bathroom to grab my robe. The knocking became louder, more insistent.
"Joann, let me in. It's Collins," I heard him boom outside the door.
"I'm coming," I called.
I fumbled with the lock and let him in. He was shaken.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked.
"Mark," was all he could get out. I hadn't seen that look since Angel died.
"Collins, what about Mark?"
"It's all over the T.V," he cried.
I turned on the T.V., expecting to see my lover plastered all over it. Instead it was the wreckage of plane 6097 that went down, leaving London's Heathrow airport, going to Germany. 6097 was Mark's flight. "There were no survivors on the plane," the reporter recapped.

"No," I cried, sinking to the floor. Collins caught me, holding me in his strong arms, holding me up. How could life be so cruel? Taking away the one lover I could finally trust, taking away the father of my baby. How could life play such a horrible trick?

My stomach started to cramp. "Ohh," I gasped as I grabbed it. "Are you okay? Sit down, let me get you some water." I shook my head. Something was wrong. "I'm pregnant. I need a hospital now," I gasped. The pain was getting more intense with every second. Collins lifted me up and carried me out the door. "I need my insurance cards, my purse," I protested. He sushed me as he hailed a cab. It was a stormy night. Rain sleeting down in sheets, thunder streaking the sky, matching the terror and pain in my heart.

"Stress," was the doctor's diagnosis. "I'm confining you to bed rest for a few days, and take this sedative."
"I don't have anyone. I live alone."
"Your brother, out in the hallway, told me he'd take care of you."
"My brother? Oh yeah, my brother," I responded weakly. I had once thought of Mark as my brother. As I thought of Mark, I started to cry again. I felt horrible that I hadn't had a chance to tell him about the baby.