I had never before allowed food in my bedroom, but now we all sat around picking at plates of greasy Chinese takeout. I was in bed and Collins sat next to me. I wasn't hungry, but he consistently forced me to eat, under the threat of running me back to the ER. I wouldn't be sleeping either, were it not for the sedatives.

"Has Mrs. Cohen called yet?" Benny asked Roger.

"No, I'm thinking the airline probably called her, just like they did us," Roger sighed. Roger had called Mrs. Cohen, but couldn't stand telling her over a voice mail that her only son had been killed. So he just left a message for her to call back.

"I need to tell her about "Gizmo," I mentioned softly.

"Gizmo?" Benny asked with a strange smirk on his face.

"The baby," I corrected myself. It was after the movie "Gremlins" where they were cute as babies and monsters when they grew up. It was more of a joke then anything. "Gizmo" was only until I could come up with something better.

Roger and Mimi had settled on the futon, and Benny balanced his plate on his lap in a beanbag chair. It was weird to not have Mark there, fiddling with his camera. Then we remembered why, and felt it all over again. What hurt the most was that if I had told Mark, he might have not gone to Germany. He might have stayed with me, and been the man I know he is, been the father I know he would have been. It hurt to not have him here. I had a sonogram appointment next month. He should be going with me to that. He should be with me, picking out names, and picking out the perfect video camera for "gizmo". " He should be here with me," I said.

"I still can't believe he's gone," Benny whispered.

"It's surreal man," Collins agreed.

"He was supposed to be the One," Roger said. He didn't have to elaborate on what that meant. Mark was supposed to live to a ripe old age while the rest of us were wiped out by horrible disease. I personally thought I would go in some freak accident. Mark was supposed to be the one left standing while the rest of us were laid in the ground. Now there wasn't even anything left of him to lie. I reached for the half emptied box of tissues on my nightstand.

We at least wanted to have a memorial service for him. Benny suggested that we have a film festival of his films. We agreed that that would be perfect but felt we should at least discuss it with his family first.

"I keep expecting him to walk through the door filming away," Roger continued as he fiddled with the chords on his guitar. "He was such a good friend."

"He was always there," Collins whispered.

"For all of us," I added, blinking hard.

"He still is, so is Angel," Mimi said softly.

I fell into Collins. Collins was now the one who understood, although with Angel, it had been expected.

"Mark wouldn't want this," he murmered in my ear.

"You're right," I said summoning up all the strength I had. It wasn't enough. I needed Mark there. I needed the father of my baby, and not just for my baby. In my mind, I started to think back to all the time we had had together. He taught me what love could be like. I started to cry again.

"Shhh, it's okay," he said, holding me. Mimi came to the other side of me, embracing both of us with her small arms. Roger joined in our group hug, and even Benny came over.
"Look around you, girl, you're not alone," Mimi whispered in my ear

She was right. I wasn't going to be alone. I had friends, good friends, and they would help me through this. We would help each other through this. I could never forget Mark, but a piece of him would soon be with us, and with the help of my friends, we would raise "Gismo" to be the best that he or she could be, a son or daughter that would do honor to their father's memory.

It was still hard. The first place I wanted to go after being freed from bed rest was a baby furniture store. Collins went with me. The clerks that showed us the selections always assumed Collins was the father. They could hardly be blamed, but then it made me think of the baby's real father.

That night when I got home, I discovered my phone was unplugged. "Great," I muttered. It had probably been unplugged for at least a week. I remembered now. I tripped in that spot the night everything happened, before I went to bed. The cord was unplugged, but I didn't see the need to plug it in right away. I was really tired. Then afterward, I'd been so out of it. My message light was blinking, but I couldn't listen yet.

Somehow I knew that Mark would leave a message on there, telling me that he had made it to Heathrow, and would be boarding the plane, unknowingly flying to his death. Maybe I could deal with it after I came home. My parents and I were going to fly to Florida for a week. They thought I needed a vacation. I thought they were right.

My mom and dad enjoyed shuffleboard, and cards, while I spent time on the beach, then we met up for dinner in the evening. We spent one afternoon at a dolphin observatory. I had never expected to like dolphins as much as I did. They looked like they were smiling at me. It was really the first time I had seen dolphins up close. It was healing, doing and seeing new things that had no connection to my past, but Mark was never far from my mind.

My parents drove me back to my apartment.

"Are you sure you don't want us to come up baby?" my mom asked.

"I'll be okay. You guys go ahead and get home. I'm sure Max is eager to see you," I encouraged them. Max was their new puppy they adopted. Besides I just wanted to sleep.

I had packed light, so getting my luggage up was a piece of cake. My heart stopped as I noticed the door was unlocked, but then I relaxed. I had asked Collins to get my mail so it was pretty safe to assume he was in there.

Instead Mark stood in the middle of the room.

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby?" he asked, sounding annoyed.

I screamed backing against the door which was now closed.