Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Beautiful Disaster
Chapter 4: Temptation and Comfort
The pink haired kunoichi was nothing more than a blur as she raced through the bitterly cold dawn air. The only trace she left behind her was a slight shifting in the air and the occasional small footprint in the freshly fallen snow resting on each building's rooftop. That was how Sakura always preferred to travel; fast, nondescript, and hidden. Using the streets meant that she would have to see people and could be forced into undesired interactions. But when she traveled along the roof tops, she could avoid others, for the most part. And even when she came across another shinobi using the same method of travel, it was understood by both parties that each desired to avoid others or had somewhere too important to be to stop and worry about socialization.
But this morning, as she raced through the air at a breakneck speed, Sakura felt confident that she wouldn't come across anyone. The sun wasn't even up yet, and the freezing temperature insured that most of the villagers remained in the warm confines of their own homes.
This made Sakura feel a little grateful. She always liked to be left alone and unseen. But this morning in particular she was most definitely in the mood to be left alone as her mind tried to piece together exactly what the hell had happened the previous night.
It truly was all a little too much too handle. And the freezing air biting at her skin and the wicked pounding in her temples from a much deserved hangover were not making anything easier.
Shivering a little more severely as her thoughts turned to the cold, she wrapped her arms around herself as she leaped across an empty expanse to the rooftop of the next building. She absentmindedly wished she had thought to grab her jacket before she had escaped out of Kakashi's window.
Kakashi
Just thinking his name made unfamiliar feelings rise up in her belly. Sakura realized that there were several different layers to explore when it came to the uncomfortable feelings she had about Kakashi and what had happened the previous night.
'Shit, I almost slept with Genma,' she internally berated herself. Though there was no question that Genma was very attractive and his prowess in the bedroom was well known by all kunoichi. Yet, Sakura was not the type of woman that felt comfortable with any form of casual sexual interaction. What had happened with Kakashi just minutes prior had proven why sleeping around was a dangerous activity when it came to her.
'God, I almost killed KakashiSakura wasn't quite sure how she felt about this. On one level she felt he probably would have really deserved it. 'I mean seriously, what in the Hell was he thinking spooning with me…..' she frustratingly thought. But as she thought back to the feeling of his warm arm wrapped protectively around her waist, his unique smell and his soft breath tickling her cheek, she felt an odd feeling beginning to tug at her mind. Why had it felt so strangely pleasurable to wake up in Kakashi's arms?
But then again she had tried to kill him…. And seriously, he would have deserved it too….
'How did I even end up in his bed in the first place?' This question bothered her the most.
Sakura remembered the confrontation between Genma and Kakashi. She would never forget the hurtful words that they had tossed back and forth.
"Damaged goods…."
Understandably, she was still stinging terribly from their words.
But at a certain point it all became hazy and eventually faded to nothingness. Sakura knew she had been inebriated. Obviously she wouldn't have ended up almost having sex with Genma in a back alley if she was not excessively drunk. But her intuition told her it wasn't just the alcohol affecting her memory. Naruto had told her about the despondent states she would lapse into when she first came back and something had upset her greatly. She had a feeling that last night she had been one of those episodes.
Of course during her months of rehabilitation Ibiki had warned her about reoccurring episodes that could occur with post traumatic stress disorder. And as a medic she was more than a little familiar of the specifics. But it just didn't sit well with her that two years later she was still having the same issues. And especially since it had happened twice in a twenty four hour period.
Sakura hoped that news of her relapse wouldn't make it back to Tsunade. She really couldn't bear to be taken off the active duty roster again since she had so recently been returned to full duty status. It had taken a long time to trick those who mattered into thinking that she was completely back to normal. And since Sakura's life now revolved around work and missions, she wouldn't know what to do if they heard about the events of last night and this morning and made her go through all that damned tricky psychological testing again. But then again, it was highly unlikely that either Genma or Kakashi would report her because that would involve incriminating themselves too. Both men knew better than to get on Tsunade's bad side when it came to her beloved apprentice.
'God I hope she doesn't find out,' Sakura worried. Work was all Sakura had, her only way to keep the demons at bay and distracting herself. Having that taken away again would leave her feeling devastatingly vulnerable.
Sakura couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't able to move forward after two years. Last night she had sat in a bar all alone dwelling in the darkness of her past, celebrating the anniversary of her return from the dead. Maybe it wasn't a surprise that the evening had ended up the way it did. But why did she still feel like she was constantly carrying a weight around her neck? As much as she wore the mask of being fine, she knew that all that was left inside was the shattered pieces of the girl she used to be. It was evident to those closest to her too. She saw the pained way Naruto and Ino would watch her, the way they smiled back sadly when she wore the smile that never quite reached her eyes. She knew they all wanted to know where the old Sakura was and when she would come back to them. What was holding her back so much?
Sakura drew to a sudden stop as she reached the roof of her building. She looked out across the expanse of Konoha as the sun peeked over the leafless tree filled horizon and illuminated the still sleeping town. The entire twenty minute journey from Kakashi's apartment had flown past because she was so engrossed in her thoughts. But Sakura knew she wasn't ready to escape the cold for the warmth of her apartment. She could sense what was waiting for her inside and felt there was still an unanswered question she needed to examine before she was ready to deal with anything else.
Why was the past still affecting her so much? Why couldn't she escape it?
The answer to these questions thoroughly frightened Sakura. It had to have something to do with him, the fact that he was still out there. She had a feeling she could never move on knowing he was still alive, knowing he still had the pleasure of breathing air. Naruto had promised to kill him, had sworn a personal vendetta. Tsunade had at first too, promising her all the available resources of Konoha would be committed to finding and eliminating him.
But recently he had become much more of a threat. His power was increasing exponentially. And after losing two units of ANBU in separate confrontations with him, Tsunade and the village council had issued a retreat on site order. He was just much too dangerous to be dealt with by regular shinobi.
Sakura respected this, she didn't want others to lose their lives for her personal vengeance. But, the fact remained that he was still out there and still posed a very real threat. Sakura was haunted by the feeling that one day he would come for her because he still had unfinished business with her. She knew that his obsession with breaking her was not something that he would easily let go.
Sakura knew that the since of dread she lived with every day was well justified.
Sakura was woken hastily and dragged out of her cell by her two usual torturers, one holding each arm. She wished she had the strength to pull her feet under her and stand on her own in order to preserve some of her dignity. But they hadn't fed her in over ten days, from what she could keep track, and she had absolutely no strength left in her already terrorized body. Even the jostling of being dragged down the dark stone hallway was causing waves of nausea and dizziness to wash over her, so she could do nothing but hang her head and try not to throw up the bile rising from her empty stomach as she listened to their footsteps echo off the cold stone walls.
Suddenly her captors turned and pulled her through a set of large wooden doors into a large brightly lit room. Sakura opened her eyes to see where she had been taken and found she was in what appeared to be a formal dinning room. The brightness and warmth contrasted so vividly with the dark cell that she had been kept in for the past few months that it made her feel entirely overwhelmed. She was being dragged across the lushly carpeted floor towards a long and heavy wooden dining table. It must have been large enough to seat twenty people comfortably.
But it was what was on the table that made Sakura feel even more dizzy. The entire thing was filled with food. From bowls overflowing with luscious fruits, to wracks of meat and long loaves of bread, fillets of steaming fish, and carafes of aromatic soup, the entire table was covered with enough food to feed a small army of missing nin. Her mouth instantly started watering as the delicious aromas met her nose. The abundance of food was at once thrilling and disgusting to her starved psyche. Even when they had fed her in her cell, it had mostly consisted of bread and some sort of gruel. But now she was here being roughly pushed into the chair at the head of this table, the promise of a feast was too much for her mind to grasp as she looked down the table warily. All the conflicting feelings were leaving her thoroughly confused.
"Leave us," the voice that Sakura dreaded called from the doorway. Sakura turned her head to see the man she hated more than anybody in the world slowly saunter into the room through the large doorway.
"Good evening Sakura-san. I'm so glad you could join me for dinner," he said politely as he took a seat at the other end of the long table.
"I didn't have a choice you bastard," she hissed at him. She hated his politeness. How this man could have impeccable manners when he did the things he did was a mystery she often fixated on when she was conscious and not being tortured. But then she would always get angry when she realized she was wasting her thoughts on the monster.
"Well, that's not very polite now is it? And I went through all this trouble to have this lovely meal prepared for you," he sighed as he reached out and flicked his napkin open before delicately placing it in his lap. "I hope you haven't spoiled your appetite," he said in an amused voice accompanied with a smirk.
"Go to hell. I'm not giving you information for food," she glared at him, trying with all her focus to keep her eyes from longingly averting to the food steaming on the table in front of her.
Tsk tsk. Do you really think so little of me Sakura-san?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and mock pout as he reached out and plucked a large red apple out of a bowl. "As if I would need to stoop to bribery to get information from the likes of you."
"Well then what the hell do you want?" she scathingly asked, trying but failing to not watch as he brought the juicy apple up towards his partially opened mouth. Right before he bit into it he stopped and leveled a firm gaze on her.
"Hmmm" he chuckled softly and rose up from his chair to walk towards her, "what do I want?"
Seeing that he was coming towards her, Sakura quickly scanned the table in front of her for any utensils she could use as a weapon. Just down the table, out of arms reach there was a large roast with a carving knife resting on the plate. But she knew she wouldn't be able to reach it, it was just too far away and she was too weak. Even sitting upright in the chair was proving to be a strenuous activity and had her heart beating quickly. So all she was able to do was stare dejectedly at her only hope of killing the man quickly approaching her.
As he passed the roast, the man reached out and casually grabbed the carving knife with his free hand. He flicked his wrist a little and lazily brandished it about as if enjoying the light reflecting off the shiny blade. Sakura watched the glint too and felt the dread she had become so familiar with return. She knew that the sadistic bastard was messing with her, but she couldn't help but feel the fear he always caused rise up in her.
"What do I want?" he asked again as he stepped up beside her chair. His tone had turned more serious now and he was giving off very dangerous energy.
He leaned in closely towards the still sitting kunoichi as she visibly stiffened at his close proximity, her hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair. She wanted nothing more than to fight, to smash his pretentious face in with her chakra laden fist, but she knew better by now. He would be expecting her to do something and was more than prepared to deal with her. And besides, they had insured she couldn't draw chakra by pouring a bitter poison down her throat each time they entered her cell.
Sitting still became increasingly more difficult for Sakura as he leaned close enough to tickle her ear with his damp breath. She could hear him inhale, as if taking in her scent before he whispered against her ear "I'll tell you what it is that I want little cherry blossom
She had had enough. Sakura was about to draw her neck to the side and attempt to smash his face with the side of her head, but she was suddenly being pushed backwards along with her chair and looking forward at the man. He was now perched on the table in front of her, one of his legs bent casually at the knee and his foot resting on the cushion of her chair between her legs, effectively caging her in and making her feel violated at the same time.
"You see Sakura-san, it's really simple enough," he smiled at her as he brought the apple up to his mouth. "What I want is you." He smirked before opening his mouth and taking a large slow bight of the apple, chewing as he stared down at her thoughtfully.
She couldn't help it. She watched the juice rolling down his chin with something akin to fascination. It had really been forever since she was given anything fresh to eat and the delicious smell and the act of watching him eat was making her mouth water. She could imagine the taste rushing over her tongue, the tactile feel of the apple in her mouth, the soothing act of chewing and swallowing, the wonderful feeling of something other than emptiness in her stomach.
"I don't know what you mean," she hissed, attention still riveted on his mouth.
"Really Sakura-san I thought you were supposed to be smart," he sighed as he brought the back of his hand up to wipe off his mouth and chin.
Sakura's eyes darted to the carving knife still held lazily in his other hand. The threat was more than clear, so she choose to be safe and not say anything. He watched her hesitation and rewarded it with his slow chuckle.
"Ah, maybe you do understand then?" he smiled and leaned forward, bringing his hands to the front as if presenting gifts. "Right now Sakura-san, our relationship can be defined figuratively in terms of this knife" he said as he swiftly brought it forward to touch the skin of her neck, dragging the point down along the curve to stop at the jugular artery. "And and much as I hate to hurt you, you see your behavior really leaves me with no other choice" he explained, emphasizing the final word by pushing the point just far enough into her skin to draw blood.
She flinched more at the deadly positioning of the knife than the pain of it cutting slightly into her skin. She didn't dare move an inch for fear of him slicing into her neck and spilling her life out.
"But I have decided that there is another choice for you and I" his tone lightened considerably, yet he still left the knife where it was. He brought the other hand up in between both of them and looked in mock thoughtfulness upon the apple.
After a pregnant pause he turned to Sakura. "This whole experience could be much more pleasurable for both of us, don't you think?"
Sakura said nothing, because nothing needed to be said.
I, being in complete control of this facility and these men, can give you everything you need. The food on this table, a nice soft bed, new clothes, any of the comforts your heart desires." His voice was pretentious as he spoke down at her. You see, Sakura-san you must recognize the fact that youre never going to escape from here. You already know that Konoha has given up on you, they even carved your name into that pretty little memorial."
Sakura felt unwanted tears well in her eyes. She hated him so much for saying those things, but she couldn't help but think it may be true. It had been so long and no one had come. It was hard to believe that Konoha had abandoned her. But day by day she found herself struggling to keep faith. She had started wondering why she even stayed alive anymore. This wasn't any type of life. There was nothing but pain and memories that haunted her heart. She could never betray her beloved village, but she was starting to wonder if they had betrayed her. How could they give up on her. Kakashi, Naruto, Tsunade-shisou...
Hot tears started to pour down her bruised cheeks.
The man smirked at her. He loved messing with her head. It gave him the most perverse sense of pleasure watching her cry.
Sakura gasped in a deep breath as he leaned forward and brought his face level with hers. She needed to move, needed to flee. She couldn't let this bastard see her break anymore. But he pushed the tip of the knife further into her skin as he brought his lips to hover over hers. Quick breaths rushed in and out of her mouth as she watched him with fear.
"Your so beautiful when you cry Sakura-san," he whispered before turning his attention to her tears. Sickeningly slowly he ran his lips over her cheeks, darting his tongue out to lap up the salty drops. "Your tears are so sweet, cherry blossom."
Sakura wanted to cry out, wanted to scream at the top of her lungs until it all stopped but she couldn't find her voice, couldn't move an inch.
She could smell the sweet tang of apple on his lips and tongue as they painfully rubbed over the tender flesh of her cheeks. He then turned his attention to her jaw, roughly biting and licking up along it until he reached her ear. "Cry for me cherry blossom," he huskily ordered. The knife was pushed even further into her skin and she could now feel a steady trickle of hot blood running down her neck. The foot resting on the chair in between her thighs was brought up to invade her most intimate of areas.
"S-stop, please stop," she weakly begged.
"Hm?" he quickly pulled back and studied her face with an air of amusement. Making her beg was apparently also something he thoroughly enjoyed.
"Y-you said you wanted something from me," she continued, hoping to distract him from his current course. Somehow he had gotten around her emotional defenses and Sakura didn't think she currently had the strength to distance herself from what he undoubtedly desired to do. She needed a moment to gather herself, to refortify her walls and find her inner resilience.
He continued to smirk at her, obviously knowing what she was attempting to do.
Nonetheless he continued."That's right Sakura-san. There is most definitely something I want from you. As I said before, you are going to die slowly and painfully on the floor of that cell. No one is coming to rescue you. Hell, no one in Konoha even gives a damn if your alive. But, if you align yourself with me, this can definitely become a much, much more pleasurable experience for both of us," his voice had turned slow and coaxing, and if she hadn't had a knife at her neck, Sakura would have felt a little less uneasy. But the bastard was making it more than clear that his offer wasn't really an offer. It was a demand asserted with a little bit of enticement. And yet, the temptation was most definitely effective. Sakura had no doubt that he wasn't lying when he said she would never be able to leave. She knew she would die in this hell hole once they got what they wanted from her or became tired of waiting. The thought of any form of comfort was undeniably appealing. The thought of not being in constant pain was even more so.
But though she was exhausted, beaten, starving, and unbelievably weak, Sakura was still a kunoichi. She knew this man wanted something from her that she would not be willing to give. And no matter how many meals she was given or how soft a bed, nothing could tempt her to betray the people and the village she was willing to give her life to protect.
His familiar chuckle rang out again before he leveled a serious gaze upon her.
"You mean nothing to anybody. The information you have isn't something I couldn't find out through my own efforts. You could die right now and nobody would care at all. But, alas, I have grown a little bit fond of you. All you have to do, Sakura-san, is submit to my will and you can have anything your heart desires," he smiled as he leaned further forward and softly pressed his lips against hers. She could not move for fear of being sliced open so Sakura simply tensed her whole body and fought to contain control over the welling panic in her chest.
"I promise you things will become very, very satisfying," he spoke against her cracked and bloody lips, his breath mingling with hers, before pulling back. Sakura's eyes widened at his actions. She was shocked by the discovery that what he really wanted from her had nothing to do with information. The sadistic bastard wanted her submission? It was almost unfathomable. All this time she had been submitted to the most gruesome forms of torture, she had been starved for over a week, and what he really wanted to gain was control? He could have taken her anytime he wanted; in fact she had been surprised that he hadn't sooner. But what he wanted was for her to give into him, he wanted to completely break her will.
He softly chuckled again before leaning back against the table and openly staring hungrily at her. Ever so slowly he brought the bitten apple in his hand forward towards Sakura. Her already uneven breaths hitched as she locked her eyes on his and saw a deadly glint shining through with intense arousal.
The apple was pressed unyieldingly against her lips, and the smell was intoxicating to her starved mind. Ever so slowly she opened her mouth. She watched as his eyes flicked of off hers to fixate on her open lips. She opened wider and settled her teeth onto the red skin of the fruit. The hand holding the knife to her throat pulled back a little as his focus shifted completely to her mouth and the apple. Sakura closed her eyes and slowly sunk her teeth deep into the flesh. The juice and taste washed over her parched tongue and she reveled in the sensation of flavor as she continued to bite down. She felt the knife completely fall away from her throat as her top teeth met the bottom and the apple was pulled back away from her with a crunching sound, leaving a good chunk in her mouth. Steeling her resolve Sakura opened her eyes to look up into the smirking face of the man in front of her.
"Good girl," he said, eyes still fixed on her mouth as he leaned forward to kiss her again
Wanting nothing more in the world than to swallow the piece of apple resting on her tongue, Sakura waited with baited breath until his face was level with hers.
With all the defiance she could summon, and against her body's screaming protests, Sakura fiercely spit into the man's smirking face, the piece of apple flying from her mouth and hitting him square in the nose before falling through empty space to the stone ground below.
Fuck you" she screamed as loud as she could manage.
Before she could even fill her lungs again with air, he had reacted to her actions by bringing the seemingly forgotten carving knife up into the air then slicing down through the top of her right thigh, and deep into the meat of her leg.
"I should cut your tongue out for that Sakura-san" he hissed as he pushed the blade further. Her shoulders hunched in pain as she could feel the blade scraping along the edge of her bone. Her vision blurred from the sudden blood loss and the weakening coursing of adrenaline through her veins. She clenched her jaw tightly to keep from groaning, and absent mindedly noted that she could still taste the apple on her tongue. Her mind began to become confused as she wondered how long it would be before they fed her again after her behavior. The darkness lingering on the periphery of her vision began to creep further inwards as the man in front of her stood up off the table and looked condescendingly down upon her.
"Your defiance frustrates me to no end Sakura-san. But that's all right. I think that I'm going to enjoy breaking you," he spoke down to the hunched over and bleeding woman, then turned on his heels and walked away. "You'll give me everything in the end, his voice had lost its polite tone, and now rang with threatening clarity.
"You may as well take it by force cause I'm sure as hell not giving you anything you fucking bastard," she screamed at the back of his head as he strolled nonchalantly through the large doorway.
Just as he was about to turn out of her site he turned and looked over his shoulder at her with a wicked smile plastered on his face. "Oh, please don't doubt that I intend to. Don't worry little cherry blossom. I'll be back for you later. I'll always come back for you."
'He said he would always come back for me,' Sakura thought as her mind returned to the present. Suddenly, the rooftop and the skyline of Konoha were swimming around her. The dark memories of the past, of him¸ were taking over. Sakura felt like she was drowning, like she couldn't find air.
'Oh, God. He's still out there.'
She tried so hard not to think of him, but on a subconscious level the thought was always present. As was the profound fear that accompanied it. Just the thought of his face or the mention of his name elicited overwhelming panic in her body. She was ashamed. She was a kunoichi, the apprentice of the Hokage, and yet, one singular man could cause her so much terror. But her shame was not strong enough to dim her fear. After six months of living in his hell, she was conditioned to be hindered to a trembling mess at the mere thought of him. And Sakura hated herself for it. And she hated him for it.
But the fact remained, he was still out there. And she knew he would come for her one day. He had promised that he would always come back for her.
She had to live her life in preparation for this. Sure, she trained and did her best to become stronger, but she never really felt like she could become strong enough. One day they would cross paths again and she would be helpless, just like she had been two years ago.
But even if he wasn't still alive, how feasible would it be to assume she could just…. move on? How can a person be expected to move forward after the events in their past had left them so thoroughly traumatized?
How could she be expected to find happiness when she spent every still moment trying to fight to live in the present, and not the disaster of her past?
Sakura let these thoughts run dangerously loose through her head as she struggled to breathe. She focused on the tingling in her fingers and the steam puffing out in front of her as her panic dissipated and her breathing finally began to slow to a manageable pace.
Though she was far from collected, she decided it was time to go and face what was waiting for her in the apartment.
But first, Sakura centered herself by finding and embracing the feeling of self loathing that was burned into her mind. It was a feeling that rested in her belly and felt like a heavy weight. This was an all too familiar process. Next would come the familiar comfort of cold numbness that spread out from her chest and into her throat. This is how she survived. Pushing all feelings away, denying the memories of the past, reverting to the shell of the girl she used to be. Because it's impossible to feel just happiness without letting the other feelings in too . So she made herself numb to everything instead.
Sakura flipped down off the ledge of the roof and through her unlocked bedroom window. Landing in a crouch on the floor, she stood up to look into the deep blue eyes of Naruto, sitting across the room at the foot of her bed.
"I was wondering when you were going to come down," he said with a smile that quickly faded. He slowly stood up, staring at her firmly. In a quiet yet roughly textured voice he asked "Sakura-chan, where have you been?"
She didn't respond because she couldn't. Sakura lowered her eyes from Naruto's big blue ones filled with worry, and looked at the floor in front of her feet. He wasn't surprised. He was used to her silence.
Stepping towards her he quietly continued. "I was worried, Sakura." She hung her head a little lower but still said nothing.
Now Naruto was directly in front of her. He reached out his large hands and rested them lovingly on her shoulders.
"Sakura….have you been crying?" he asked gently. Strong arms swiftly encircled her and pulled her tightly into an embrace. She leaned her forehead onto his chest and breathed in the familiar smell, but her arms still hung limply at her side, not able to return his embrace. Naruto sighed and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
"It's alright Sakura-chan. You don't have to say anything."
And she knew she didn't. That was just the way things were with Naruto. He was always there for her, waiting to make sure she was alright. Sakura often wondered why he even bothered. She had nothing to give him. But, he never asked for anything anyways. All he wanted was for her to allow him to be there. And so she did. She didn't understand it and she was sure he didn't either, but Naruto needed to be there for her in the same way she needed him. And so that's how it remained.
Squeezing her tightly with his strong muscular arms, Naruto gently kissed the top of her head. "You should take a shower, then we'll lay down. Ok?" he said releasing her from his embrace to walk into her bathroom and turn on the water as hot as possible before walking back towards her.
She finally met his gaze with wide green eyes as he came to a stop directly in front of her. "Come here," he said as he gently grabbed her chin and pulled her face closer to his. She did not close her eyes, but kept her gaze locked with his big blue orbs as their lips drew closer and closer.
Naruto tenderly brushed her bottom lip with a kiss. His hand under her chin moved to mirror his other now resting on the side of her neck. The kiss was so soft, if her eyes had been closed she may not have noticed it. Eyes still locked with hers Naruto pulled back only to lean forward to kiss her more firmly against the corner of her mouth.
"Your cold," he whispered and drew her into his arms once again. She let her eyes slowly close as she relaxed into his embrace. He kissed each of her eyelids with marked gentleness, and then brought his lips to rest on the center of her forehead. Sakura sighed at his tenderness.
They stood like that for a moment, just content with the silence and physical touch.
Naruto breathed in deeply as his arms traveled down her back and his fingers hooked under the hem of her shirt. He pulled it up and Sakura raised her arms obediently to help him remove it. After throwing it on the ground, he kissed her again, this time on her right temple as his large hands smoothed over her back until they came to her bra and expertly unhooked it. His hands ghosted up and over her shoulders and down her arms, pulling her bra off with them.
He looked at her deeply in the eyes and leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose before going back to his work. A hand traveled to her left hip and easily released the buckle of her skirt and let it fall to the ground at her feet. He then kneeled on one knee and her arms came forward to rest on his shoulders as he lifted her leg and propped her foot up on his knee. He carefully unclipped the buckles of her shin guard running along the back of her calf. It fell to the ground with a soft thud. One hand slid to right below her knee and held her leg steady as the other pulled her boot off and dropped it to the ground to join the rest of her clothing.
Sakura shifted to the other leg and watched as Naruto removed the other boot and shin guard. He lifted her leg off of his knee and she set it on the ground and she removed her hands from his shoulders before he stood up again. Their eyes met again and Sakura looked up into his and searched for any signs of apprehension or arousal. She found none. He smiled slightly at her searching gaze then leaned in to kiss her cheek gently as his hands found her hips and his fingers hooked into the waist of her shorts. He pulled down carefully and bowed forward to guide them down over her hips until he released them above her knees to fall down her long legs towards the floor.
Sakura now stood in front of Naruto completely naked except for a pair of white cotton panties, but his gaze did not leave her eyes. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her firmly into him as the other found the side of her neck, his thumb running in circles over her cheek. Her bared chest was pressed into his clothed one and his hands were touching nothing but soft naked skin.
She looked up into his face, not knowing where this could all be going. He smiled softly down at her and his thumb found its way from her cheek to run across her bottom lip. He stared at her for a moment with a look of adoration mixed with sadness. Sakura could do nothing but watch his face and wait for whatever came next. They were in familiar yet prohibited territory and she was not sure what was about to happen.
Naruto's smile suddenly widened and he gave her an adorable wink. "You're a big girl now, Sakura-chan, so I think I'll let you take care of the rest of your clothes yourself," he said teasingly as his eyes quickly flicked downwards to her panties and then back up.
She rolled her eyes at his insufferable goofiness. Naruto stepped back from her and the hand that had been resting on her back found her hand. "But you know, on second thought, it's not like I haven't seen it all before," he said with another silly wink.
Sakura raised her eyebrow and looked at him pointedly. As if reading her mind Naruto suddenly became flustered. "Ha-ha. Well, I know, I know, that's…..umm….that's in the past now, right? Hehehe." His nervous laugh filled the room for a moment, before Naruto was able to look back at Sakura and regain his composure.
He looked at her and his eyes softened again. "Come on ," he whispered as he lifted her hand up to place a tender kiss on the back before pulling her towards the bathroom.
"Why?" she asked inaudibly quiet as she followed her arm behind him. But he was a shinobi with highly sharpened senses, so her soft words did not escape his notice. It was a simple question, but there was so much left unsaid, yet so much that they both just understood embodied in it.
'Why are you here?
Why do you take care of me?
Why do I let you so close yet still push you away?
Why are you ok with this?'
It was the first thing she had said to him since arriving.
He stopped and turned back to her, still holding her hand in his. The look on his face was full of poignant sincerity.
"Because I love you Sakura-chan."
She knew this, but it had so much power when he said it out loud.
"And I hope you know that I'll always be here for you."
She did.
And then he flashed her a bright and dazzling smile that only Naruto was capable of. "And you looked like you could use a little affection," he teased. "Now get your butt in there before you run out of hot water."
Sakura sighed and shook her head slightly before slipping off her panties and stepping into the shower. It was uncomfortably hot, but that's how she liked it. The water burning over her ivory skin till she was red and sensitive, the pain almost comforting because it was under her control.
She shook her head and sighed as she replayed the scene that just took place in her bedroom. Her mind was exhausted from the events of last night and this morning, and now she had to stand there and wonder about the nature of her and Naruto's relationship too?
Naruto knew her so well. Their familiar little routine was almost always the same. She would come home in some distressed and despondent state, maybe after a hard day at the hospital or some difficult mission, and he would be there waiting for her, waiting to take care of her. Though she didn't always end up naked in front of him, especially not in the recent past, he was always there to soothe her and hold her as she fell asleep. How he knew when she would need him was a mystery, but it seemed that Naruto had some kind of sixth sense when it came to his friends.
And he never asked her for an explanation. They both knew he couldn't understand even if she had been willing to give one. And she wasn't willing to hurt him in that way, to tell him the horrors she had experienced. She had already hurt him enough.
But though Sakura was not always able to talk to him, and though she was never able to open up to him, Naruto and her communicated despite the silence. Looks and touches and embraces were all they needed to understand each other. And Sakura was grateful for him even though she was not able to tell him.
Without Naruto, she would have been….. Well Naruto made her feel human, made her feel capable of trust and love and living in the present. Their brief encounters were probably the only reason she had remained partially sane over the past two years. And when she had first been brought back, it was Naruto's patience and his touch that made her comfortable with human contact again. But that had ended after seven months because they both knew it was love, but it wasn't the kind of love that Naruto needed or Sakura wanted. And since then their relationship had existed in a type of marginal place where physical affection was given and taken freely, but not in a sexual sense. But Sakura knew it was all bound to change soon. She wondered if Naruto realized it would have to change too.
It honestly worried Sakura a little. She was so used to Naruto's tenderness, it really kept her grounded. It always served to remind her that she needed human contact. It would have been so easy to simply push everybody away, but Naruto's touches insured that she remembered that type of life was not fulfilling. And though, the only person she had really allowed herself to be vulnerable and intimate with so far was Naruto, it was at least a start. Sakura was worried what would happen to her without him, as she could tell that time was quickly approaching.
Maybe that's why she had allowed herself to leave the bar with Genma last night. He had represented the promise of purely physical interaction. She had seen him as a means of escape.
But then for some reason Kakashi had stepped in …..
The question she had been ignoring pressed on to the forefront of her mind. She just couldn't understand why Kakashi had interfered. And it bothered her that it bothered her so much.
And it wasn't only that he had interfered, but he had obviously taken her home, to his home, and put her in his bed, and fell asleep with his arm around her. None of it made any sense.
Kakashi had made it clear a long time ago that he couldn't bear to be around her. Sakura knew when he looked at her he saw nothing but death. And Sakura understood, because when she looked in the mirror she saw the same thing.
But then again, why the hell was Kakashi holding her in the first place? Ever since she came back, or rather he brought her back, he had avoided her like she had the plague. His actions had made it more than clear that he couldn't stand to look at her. That he couldn't bear to see how screwed up she had become. She knew he found her disgusting. What had Genma called her? O yea "damaged goods." It was obvious that that's how Kakashi saw her. She had thought about this often enough over the past two years.
But, then why was he holding her…..
And, why couldn't she forget the feeling of his embrace?
Sakura flinched as she realized that the temperature of the water had turned ice cold. She reached out a shaking hand and turned it off before pulling back the shower curtain to meet Naruto waiting for her with an open towel in his hands. She stepped out and into his arms as he wrapped the towel securely around her.
"Come on. Let's get you in some dry clothes and then lay down for a little bit."
She nodded up at him and followed him out of the bathroom. She may not be able to be like this with him forever, but for now, finding blissfully numbing sleep in his protective arms was just enough.