Chapter 9: Maybe, Just Maybe

Slowly, numbly, Sirius picked himself up off the ground. He walked slowly back to his room, showered, brushed his teeth and changed. Finally, as if in a daze, he stalked out of his room. But once he reached the staircase, his chest began to hurt. It was a dull, aching pain that began to intensify rapidly. It began to hurt so that he was forced to gasp quietly for breath. He leaned his arm against the wall above his head and put his forehead against it, breathing heavily.

Sirius took a few deep breathes, gulping down air, calming himself. After a few moments, he turned around and began to walk fdown the stairs. Then, pounding footsteps echoed across the hall as Hermione ran over to him, grasping his arm tightly with her fingers.

"Ouch," he muttered quietly, trying to shake her arm loose.

"Sirius! Sirius! Oh my god! I am so sorry!" Hermione exclaimed in a loud, nervous yelp.

"What!"

Hermione lowered her head guiltily, "More people know."

"What…WHAAT?" Sirius gasped, incapable of forming more appropriates words in his head. He temporarily forgot about his aching chest.

"I had too!" She whimpered helplessly, "Ron wouldn't believe anything I told him so I had to tell him the truth. And.. and… um…"

"What."

There was an awkward pause.

"He told Mrs. Weasley," Hermione said quietly.

"Oh, god," Sirius groaned, his chest tightening painfully, "Hermione I trusted you."

Hermione flushed a very dark, uncomfortable red.

Sirius sighed, unable to decide what to do.

"Oh yeah, Mrs. Weasley told me to come ask you to talk to her," Hermione said in an even quieter voice.

Sirius scowled worriedly. "Thanks Hermione," he muttered, "Thanks a whole lot."

Sirius trudged wearily down the stairs and sitting on the couch in the living room waiting for him was Mrs. Weasley, holding plate of cookies.

He walked over to her with his head lowered.

"Hello," Mrs. Weasley said, brightening at the sight of him.

Sirius' heart rose slightly and he gave a tentative smile in return.

"Would you like a cookie?" She held the plate out at him.

Damn.

He shouldn't have bothered trying to delude himself. Of course. This was how some people dealt with stress. Some kind of defense mechanism. That's what they did. They acted all happy and offered cookies and shit.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Called denial. Or some shit like that. Fucking psychobabble. And then, after all that denial shit, they really fucking let you have it.

Any minute now, he thought miserably, she's going to explode.

Oh shit.

"Sirius," Mrs. Weasley began, "Ron told me about everything."

Crap.

"To be honest, after listening to him, I was really upset. But before I let the rest of the order know, Sirius, I know you very well. Almost as well as I know Harry and everyone of my children and I know you. You wouldn't take Harry's life if you had choice. You love him too much."

With those sweet comforting words, Sirius felt the stress of the last few days welling up inside him. He told Mrs. Weasley everything, starting from dying and choosing to be a gate keeper, to waking up in that odd metal room with the little girl, and finally, to Ron catching him kissing Hermione. He stopped at the part where he had been with Ginny in the music room, his chest hurt just thinking about that confusing, painful moment.

Mrs. Weasley listened intently and chuckled lightly at the ending. She leaned over and hugged Sirius gently, "Sounds like you've have a pretty rough few days."

Sirius hugged Mrs. Weasley back.

"You know what, Sirius?" Mrs. Weasley said quietly, while rocking him back and forth gently, "I will not mourn for Harry. I will miss him so much. I loved him like a son. But I will not mourn for him. I remember what Harry was like in recent times. He was like a zombie. He was just a… a cage and whatever essence was inside him was gone. It was painful to watch him. Life must have been worse than death for Harry. At least this way, he has the Unknown, doesn't it? I know that it hasn't been proven or anything but… I'm sure there's something there worth going to."

Mrs. Weasley paused for moment, smiling ruefully at Sirius. "The Unknown," she repeated softly, letting the worlds roll around in her tongue, "I'm sure the Unknown contains something."

She took a deep breath and continued, "At least this way, we have you, Sirius. You. We all love you so much. And god, we missed you so much throughout the past few years. I'm glad you're back."

Sirius smiled into Mrs. Weasley's shoulder, letting hot tears seep into her clothes.

After a few moments, Mrs. Weasley gently pushed him off and laughed hoarsely, "Now look what you've done! Got me all wet…" She sniffed quietly and quickly wiped the tears dribbling lightly down her cheeks away with the hem of her sleeves.

"Sorry Molly," Sirius said quietly.

Mrs. Weasley sighed quietly, knowing that he wasn't apologizing for getting her clothes wet.

"Eat the cookies, dear," she said, her voice thick with gentle emotion as she set the plate onto the coffee table in front of them, "I'll go fix up some breakfast for the others." With that, she dashed off into the kitchen before anymore of her emotions could betray her.

Sirius took a chocolate chip cookie covered and shoved it into his mouth, whole. All of a sudden he felt absolutely ravenous. He swallowed the mound of chocolate and cookie dough quickly and hurriedly reached for another one. Smiling softly to himself, he imagined his godson living a new life through the Unknown. He imagined Harry running through a field of corn playing catch with other little boys his age. Then he frowned and mentally chided himself for having such corny, unrealistic fantasies.

Taking another cookie, he ran through Mrs. Weasley's comforting words in his head. Sirius sighed. It was a joyful, relaxing sigh. Maybe, Sirius thought, Just maybe, there was still hope.

Chocolate tended to have that effect.