Fire: If you decided to place an alert on this story, you'll probably notice that I'll be updating this once a year on Saint White's Day.
Sasuke: You're an idiot.
Fire: This year, our White is―
Shinji: You're saying that I'm never going to get a present?
Fire: ...
Toushiro: You know that's not the kanji used in my name. Why are you doing this?
Jyuushirou: You're spelling my name wrong too.
Fire: --;; Nevermind. Just read the story. Shinji, hand out the oneshots!
Shinji: (sighs and hands the oneshots to the audience) Read them. Don't tell me that they suck. I already know they―
Sasuke: (smacks Shinji in the head and sends the oneshots flying across the internet)
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Note: All spelling is derived from the original raws' furigana of the names and the character books. I don't want people sending messages about how Toushiro's name is spelled "Toushirou" since it has a "u" furigana when you read his name, so it should be "Toushirou" and not "Toushiro" or that Jyuushirou's name should be spelled "Jyushirou," "Jyuushiro," or "Jyushiro" just because it's the majority of what is used on this website. It's my basic policy for names derived from Japanese culture in Japanese settings. With the exception of Toushiro's name which as too many "ou" combinations, making it too awkward to read as "Toushirou" all names are spelled through romanji. Romanization of the names―as intended by the creator as in One Piece―are derived for Western based settings―as is One Piece―and in that case, I will take spelling from the Manga-ka's notes and use their character books for reference. If you need a page from the raws or the character books for proof, I'll send you one, or I can upload it and send you a link.
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Basic Bleach glossary for those who have no idea what these words are but are too lazy to ask me for the master Bleach glossary or to go to the glossary on the profile page:
Fukutaichou – composed of fuku (vice, deputy, assistant) and taichou (captain). Vice-captain.
Genkai – composed of gen (present, existing, actual) and kai (from seikai meaning world). Literally the real world or the actual world. The world of the living. The living world. The human world.
Jyuuichi-bantai – composed of Jyuuichi (jyuu meaning ten and ichi meaning one), ban (numerical sequence indicator) and tai (division). Eleventh division.
Keigun – kei (penalty, sentence, punishment) and gun (army, force, groups). Punishment force. One of the two groups under the command of the Gundanchou, the leader of the Onmitsu Kidou. One of the two factions of the Onmitsu Kidou. They bring criminals back to Seireitei and perform the orders of Central 46.
Seireitei – if you have no idea where this is, you shouldn't be reading a Bleach fanfic.
Shiro – white. A colour. Not the same kanji as in Toushirou and Jyuushirou's names. --;; They made me write that.
Taichou – captain.
Yon-bantai – composed of Yon (four), ban (numerical sequence indicator) and tai (from division). Fourth division
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Kisuke's White Day Special
A Fire Project
Oneshot
It was a normal day. The sky over Seireitei was clear. Jyuuichi-bantai was running around even though there were no emergencies. Yon-bantai was running after them with first aid kits, just in case. And a large box had fallen out of the sky. Jyuushirou had been walking around with the green box on his head for a while before he realized that it was there.
Anyone else would have noticed that there was a box on his head, but for Jyuushirou—who was too sick to be out of bed in the first place—he didn't noticed through his dull senses.
Normally, he would have looked at the green box and white ribbon, and wondered where Sentarou and Kiyone found such ridiculous wrapping. Normally, he would have set it aside for later, just in case the mysterious box didn't belong to his two eccentric third seats. Normally, he would have looked around for any witnesses before running away with it. But the card tied to the white bow said that it was for Ukitake Jyuushirou, and being Ukitake Jyuushirou, he didn't need to steal it from himself.
Holding the box to his ear, he shook it cautiously, as if he could hear what was inside. But it didn't make a sound, not even a tiny rattle. 'Who would send me a present?' He stared at the box for a moment, as if it could answer his question. But no answer came. Finally, unable to contain his curiosity, he reached for the lid.
"No!" Before Jyuushirou could open the box, it vanished from his hands. "Don't open it!" Soi Fong had grabbed it before he could say no. "Anything from that heretic is forbidden!" It could hold something capable of destroying all of Soul Society.
"Heretic?" Jyuushirou had barely looked at the card. 'How does she know who it's from?' He was certain that she hadn't seen the words written on that white rectangle of cardboard in the short time she possessed his present.
"I'm confiscating it!" Soi Fong didn't answer his question.
It was at that point that Sentarou and Kiyone decided to appear. "You can't! It's a gift to Ukitake-taichou!" They shouted simultaneously as they ran toward Soi fong, their hands clawing toward the box in her hands.
"Take someone else's present!" Kiyone shouted the words as she snatched the large box from Soi Fong and shoved it into Jyuushirou's hands. "Take it, Ukitake-taichou!"
"No! I wanted to return it to Ukitake-taichou!"
"You're too late!" Kiyone smirked at Sentarou. "Ukitake-taichou definitely likes me more now!"
"No! Ukitake-taichou still likes me more!"
And the shouting began, but all the while, no one—neither Sentarou, Kiyone, nor Soi Fong—noticed Jyuushirou's confused expression. "But why would Urahara Kisuke send me a present?" He knew who Soi Fong meant by heretic. There was only one man that had earned that title.
"A present?" Standing in a high traffic area of Seireitei meant that a lot of people would hear their shouting. Hitsugaya Toushiro was one of the people who happened to be passing by. "That's..." His eyes widened with horror as he recognized the green and white box. "Matsumoto, destroy it!" He and his fukutaichou reached for the box at the same time.
"Destroy it?" Jyuushirou pulled the box away before they could take it away. He had already lost it once. He wasn't going to lose it again.
"It's a White Day present. Destroy it, quickly!" Toushiro would never forget the humiliation of the gift he received the year before.
"But taichou, didn't you use all of—"
"Matsumoto!" Toushiro stopped his fukutaichou before she could say more. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he said ominously as he stared at the hated box. And before Rangiku could say more, he continued down the street back to his office. He had more important things to do. If Ukitake-taichou wanted to destroy himself, it was his own decision.
"It's contraband," Soi Fong continued, as if the young captain hadn't interrupted at all.
"White Day?" Jyuushirou ignored her, his feet subconsciously moving him away as he mused. "I seem to remember something about it," he mumbled as Sentarou and Kiyone continued shouting around him.
"I said hand it over!" Soi Fong said, signalling the keigun to surround Jyuushirou.
"Soi Fong-taichou, didn't you give Yoruichi-senpai a Valentine's gift?" The question came suddenly, causing the woman to trip before she could steal the box away. "Are you jealous because Urahara sent me this gift and you have nothing?" Jyuushirou neglected to mention that he hadn't sent Urahara a Valentine's gift. He barely remembered any of the Genkai holidays from the numerous reports they received everyday. It was a miracle that he remembered it now.
"N-no," Soi Fong said bluntly to Jyuushirou, even though she was lying...a little.
"Well, I'm definitely not giving it to you." Jyuushirou had already decided. He wanted to know what it was.
He ripped the lid from the box.
"Wait!" Soi Fong gestured for the keigun to stop him. Urahara Kisuke was insane. It could be anything. It could be a bomb. It could contain bio-hazardous material. He could have anything in there!
But it was too late. The lid fell to the ground with a soft thud and Ukitake Jyuushirou was standing deathly still, even as the keigun pulled the box from his hands.
"What is it!" Soi Fong pushed her way through the crowd until she came to the frozen taichou. One of her subordinates thrust the box into her hands.
"A...a coupon?" Jyuushirou managed to utter as the paper fell from his hand.
The rest of the box contained a large white box with a card from Shihouin Yoruichi saying, "To Soi Fong, Thank you for the present."
End Oneshot
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Moral of the Story:
A gift is not necessarily a good thing. Don't accept anything from people you don't know or don't know well, or anyone as eccentric as Urahara Kisuke. Next time, it could be a bomb, or poison, or a coupon for his store that you can't use unless there's a minimum purchase of one hundred thousand yen or more. --;;
Fire's English tidbits for those who care:
As everyone knows, fanfiction is an artistic expression based on a fandom. Since it's not a piece of legal or business writing, the words "same" and "said" shouldn't be used as substitutes for "this," "that," and "the." For example, "Ukitake Jyuushirou received a present, but said box contained a present for Soi Fong," is too formal and incorrect outside the spheres of business―ie. formal―writing. To correct it "Ukitake Jyuushirou received a present, but that box contained a present for Soi Fong," or "...but the box contained a present for Soi Fong," would be better.
Fire's babbling:
Jyuushirou: (still frozen in the background) ...
Sentarou and Kiyone: (simultaneously) Taichou! Taichou, snap out of it! The story ended already!
Fire: What did Yoruichi-san give you, Soi Fong?
Soi Fong: (staring at the present) A cat―
Sasuke: Do I care?
Soi Fong: (angry) As I said―
Sasuke: We don't care.
Fire: I want to know!
Shinji: (still unconscious from Sasuke's smack at the top of this page) ...
Sasuke: ...
Jyuushirou: (still frozen in shock) A coupon...
Toushiro: I told you not to open it.
Jyuushirou: (unmoving) Why a coupon?
Kisuke: I gave them to everyone! (happy smile)
Soi Fong: It's a cat―
Fire: I can't hear what Soi Fong is saying!
Yoruichi: It's a framed picture of me.
Soi Fong: (depressed) A cat's picture.
Fire: ...
Sasuke: Like I said, we don't care.
Fire: Well, see you next year! I put up the moral of the story for those who won't be reading every year or aren't interested. I forgot to put it up in the first oneshot. It's the same for all of them, so don't think too much on it. Ja!
Shinji: (finally waking up) Hey! Wait! I didn't say anything yet!
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