October 10th, 2000
Oh my god! A lot has happened this week that I have to tell you about.
First off, I was kidnapped last night. I am doing fine though. I wasn't hurt or anything. Some chick named Harmony had me taken from my home and brought to a cave by her moronic henchman in attempt to trap my sister and destroy her. Yeah, like that was going to happen. Such an idiot she was. She thought her plan was going to succeed, but boy did it fail. Buffy came to rescue me, after she killed Harmony's minions. She got away though. No one is too concerned about her returning. She is smart to stay away though. Buffy and I got into trouble for what happened last night and because of her I am grounded. It wasn't all my fault I got kidnapped though. No one told me to not invite vampires into the home, plus, I didn't know she was one until after I invited her into the home. It is Buffy's fault. She is the one that is supposed to tell me these things and she never did. I hate her right now. I wish she would just go away. Ok, enough about her. Onto other things...
So, last night, after my sister rescued me, Xander kissed me. Can you believe it?! He actually kissed me. Ok, ok, it was on the cheek, but so what. It was the first time that a boy ever kissed me in anyway. What made it better though was it was someone that I have a crush on. What made it great was that Anya wasn't around. She got hurt while trying to save me from being kidnapped. I do feel bad about that though. Despite the fact she can be annoying at times, ok, all the time, I didn't want her to get hurt or anything. I am just really glad that she is ok. Having Xander kiss my cheek and making sure I was ok was the highlight of my night. I just still can't believe that he would kiss someone like me.
There is going to be a dance at school in a couple of weeks, right around Halloween. I don't think I am going though. Why? Because no one has asked me, and I don't have a dress. I know that if I tell mom, she will want to take me shopping for some stupid dress, and she will want to make a big deal about it and embarrass me in front of everyone by trying to pick out the most hideous dress she can find. Not only that, she will want to drag Buffy along, so I will have to share the time with mom with her, and I don't want to do that. I want to be able to have alone time with mom every now and then, without Buffy being around. So there we have it. My mind is made up. I am not going to the dance.
So, I told my mom about the cheerleading thing. That was a mistake of course. She told me that I should try out because Buffy did it. She is wanting me to become like Buffy for some reason. She can't seem to understand that I want to be my own person. I've tried and tried to tell her that what worked for her and for Buffy doesn't really work for me, that I am not into those things. She wants me to become editor of the yearbook or something. My god, have you seen those people. Nerds pick on them. I told her that. She just rolled her eyes at me and told me that I need to be doing more things. This is the reason why I like talking to Willow, Tara or Xander about stuff like this. They don't judge me. They don't tell me things like "Buffy did this, or Buffy did that in high school".
I made a friend at school today. Her name is Janice. I am not sure if mom would like her or not. I am thinking not since Janice isn't the typical good girl. In fact, she isn't good at all. She smokes, sneaks out, and just does whatever she wants. I am not sure why she is even friends with me. We have nothing in common. I am pretty sure she doesn't sit at home and write in her diary like some little girl like me. Why is it so hard to get people to like me? Why do I have to feel like an outsider even at school? It's bad enough to feel like an outsider within your own family, but to have to feel like an outsider everywhere else, even at school, that is just worse. I try and try to fit in everywhere I go, but I never do. No one lets me. Yet they wonder why I don't. I could fit in anywhere if they would just give me a chance, and they will. I am going to make them. I am going to make them notice me. I am going to show them. I am going to show them all the real Dawn.