Lost and Found
By lfleurdelys
Chapter 5
I stood up suddenly and opened the door in one swift motion, beckoning him with a curt shake of the head to leave, my eyes unwilling to rest on the tall individual in my room. He calmly walked toward me and slowly removed my fingers from the tight grip they had on the tarnished knob. He gently rested his hands on my shoulders, unsure of my reaction.
"Serena," he called out again. My body stiffened at his touch and the sound of his voice and I remained still, my mind flooded with unexpected confusion.
"What do you want?" I finally said reluctantly, detangling myself from his proximity. I could hardly breathe. His familiar scent was intoxicating and I suddenly wanted to run away.
"I'm here to apologize."
"Fine, apologies accepted. Now leave."
"I can't," he retorted, his voice betraying the composed state he had been in since the beginning of this peculiar exchange. I watched him, incapable of doing otherwise, my jaw agape in surprise. He continued with a newly found decisiveness in his tone, "I love you. I've always loved you Serena."
My heart was beating strongly and I unconsciously raised a hand to my heart, as if the mere gesture could protect it from the madness that was occurring. My mind ran away in confusion and my thoughts were in a distorted order. He loved me? But he had left me. Anger conquered my senses and I furiously reminded him, "You never loved me and you broke up with me." I ended, poking an accusing finger into his firm chest.
"I know. But I'm here today to beg you for your forgiveness. I was wrong. I was scared of what was happening between us. Like a coward, I ran away from my feelings, from you," he declared passionately.
"It's too late, I don't care anymore." I prayed that my words would be strong enough to persuade him but he had guessed the lie.
"I don't believe you."
"Arrogant, aren't you? What make you think that after all these months I still have feelings for you?"
"Because we were meant to be with each other."
His works sank into my heart, scaring away the determination I had held. But as I reached for him, I remembered the undeniable evidence of my sufferings and I pushed away any remaining hope he had by forcing him to leave the dorm room and my life.
"This is not over Serena," he declared loud and clear across the hallway.
His firm and last words continued to echo in my mind long after he had left. And I braced myself, clumsily sinking to the floor while large gulping tears rolled down my cheeks.
o o o
The next day, I met up with Seiya for the lunch date we had planned since the beginning of the week. My fingers were fidgeting with the hem of my plaid skirt as I prepared myself to conclude our dating. Yesterday had painfully opened my eyes to the miserable truth. I could not move on from Darien despite my vain and obstinate attempts to prove otherwise.
"Hey girl," the young man I was impatiently waiting for murmured into my ear before casually leaning in and planting a light kiss on my forehead.
"Seiya, I have something to say but I don't want you to interrupt me," I blurted out, unable to restrain myself.
He slightly raised an eyebrow and accepting his silence, I continued, desperately trying to convey the sincerity and sorrow I felt within me.
"I cannot date you. I'm really sorry but it would not be fair when I cannot get over my ex-boyfriend. I thought I could and I deeply apologize for not realizing this sooner."
I hung my head low in shame after my extended rambling and nervously waited for him to speak. He reached across the table to tilt my face so I could meet his eyes and he offered me a bright smile.
"Serena, you didn't hurt me. I admit that I like you but even in our dates, you sometimes seemed distant." I blushed at his words, embarrassed at my behavior but he shook his head at my reaction.
He declared with earnestness in his tone, "there's nothing to be sorry about, we had a good time and if you don't mind, I'd like to stay friends."
I nodded fervently before finding my voice again.
"Thank you Seiya. You're a great guy."
"I know!" He added with such enthusiasm and confidence that I chucked. "Come on, let's order some food."
The remaining of the lunch was spent quietly and our relationship reverted back to a friendship with an uncertain but genuine ease. Before parting, he kissed me lightly on the cheek and told me confidently, "you know it's never too late."
"For what?" I questioned him, unsure of his sudden words.
"The guy you love, there's always time to fight for him." And with a parting grin, he waved goodbye and walked toward the exit. I sat back, relishing in his statement before smiling heartedly at his friendship and his encouragement.
o o o
True to his words, Darien was persistent; one would certainly not deny it. It was one of his qualities that I had cherished but at this very moment, his relentless pursuit was gradually trying my nerves. I was equally stubborn in this matter and adamantly refused his apologies and requests. I did not deny my love for him but my pride stopped me from accepting him. Too many tears had been shed, my voice of reason furiously reminded me while blocking the desires beating within me. And so our merry war continued on its glorious path. His visits and phone calls increased exponentially as the weeks went by and my fury blinded me from opening the door to my life.
I had acquired a stalker in Darien. He was never one to wait and if patience was indeed a virtue, he had never practiced it. Instead, I saw him waiting for me after classes, a charming smirk on his lips as he waved at me enthusiastically and winked suggestively. I rolled my eyes and quickly found an escape to the next building. How he got my schedule was still a mystery to me but I had the suspicion that he bribed Amy into assisting him with his conquest. I had memorized the campus map to learn the different routes and design my escape plans. My desperate attempts to avoid him were becoming a routine but they were rather unsuccessful. It was impractical to refute it. He always managed to find his way back into my path and slowly, I thought alarmingly, back into the chambers of my heart.
It was on one of his successful catches that he cornered me in the lobby of the business building with his strong frame.
"What do you want?" I barked out, angry to find myself in this precarious situation once more.
"I love you" he repeated again, helplessly. I refused to listen to the sweet sound of his words and crossed my arms, inflexible in ending his profession.
"I don't believe you" I stubbornly replied.
He sighed in defeat but I was far from winning the upper hand. He stood up and forcefully placed his lips upon mine. I reacted involuntarily and circled my arms around his neck. Yet, my anger refused to disappear quietly and the demons of fury took over. I pushed him away and was prepared to leave. My feet had not move an inch that his sad tone froze me to the ground.
"I'm sorry for what I've done Serena."
I sighed and slowly walked away. I was not sure how many additional encounters I could allow before accepting him again. He was relentless in his persevering endeavors.
o o o
He cocked his head to one side, waiting impatiently for my answer.
"Ten minutes," I finally gave in, raising my arms in defeat.
"That's all I'm asking. Come on," he added as we made our way to the secluded courtyard of the science building. I crossed my arms and glanced at the watch fastened on my wrist, intent on keeping my promise but unwilling to grant him the additional gift of time.
"I'm glad you're willing to listen. I wanted to talk to you about last summer. You must have some questions."
I shook my head furiously and glared again at the ticking arrows as they traveled in the mechanical and circular pattern.
"All right, I'll be the one talking then. That summer," he said, his voice unexpectedly soft, "I saw the loving way my uncle and my aunt treated each other. It reminded me of us in so many ways. I didn't know how we could compare to a couple who have been together for over twenty years and it scared me when I realized that we were so young and we had barely started our futures. I was afraid that it was not possible to find love this early. More than that, I was afraid to lose you if I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I didn't expect to fall in love so deeply and I unreasonably decided to push you away because I knew I could not handle a rejection from you."
Silence slowly crept over as he finished his explanation and my heart was feverishly beating at the knowledge that he had loved me only to run away at the first sight of fear. My mind was growing confused by the minute and I knew that my tight control over my emotions was slipping away. And so I sat there unwilling to meet his eyes for fear that my own would reveal a poignant display of feelings I was not prepared to share.
"You're an idiot." I said finally, a smile escaping my lips despite the aloof demeanor I was trying to portray.
"Can you forgive me?" he asked with apparent desperation in his words.
"I'm scared to let you in my life again." I told him honestly.
"I understand. But I won't give up," he declared adamantly. "I know I've made a mistake but I will fight for you."
And with this fervent confession, he brushed his lips tenderly against mine before leaving me alone to my own reflections. What was the correct decision? I was gradually falling into a puzzling predicament.
o o o
Despite the confusion in my heart, final exams were fast approaching and I had spent many days at the library. The exhaustion of my studies was taking its toll and I fell asleep one evening on top of my books, cozying to the inorganic chemistry lab notebook. An hour later, I woke up to the aromatic scent of strong coffee and my drowsy eyes warily opened themselves only to be lost in two cobalt ones. The affectionate stare woke me up instantly and I blinked again, unsure at the individual facing me.
"I thought a cup of coffee might help," he told me in a loving manner.
Sure enough, the voice belonged to my relentless hunter and I could not help but shoot him a smile for the much needed beverage.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him while sipping on the warm liquid.
"Studying, what else. I didn't realize you were also here until I noticed your lovely blond strands spread across the table."
I flushed at his response but chose to do my best to ignore it. "What's your first exam?"
"Cell biology. I have a few chapters to cover." He paused before carrying on, "do you think we can study together?"
His request had been sweet and I could not bring myself to deny him.
"Sure, that'll be nice."
The new few days brought me closer to finals and unexpectedly, closer to a young man who was slowly reclaiming his unwavering place in my heart. My study habits were a revolting routine I refused to part with and thus it was not surprising that he found me again at the exact same table, attentively reading the notes I had carefully taken during lectures. He inquiringly glanced at me, asking for his permission to sit down and I nodded, commencing the beginning of our study reunions in the busy and quiet building.
"Serena, we're done!" I heard him yell in the earpiece and could safely presume that his statement was most likely accompanied by a thrilled grin.
"Finals are finally over and I could not be more relieved."
"Let me take you out for a celebratory dinner."
I winced inwardly. Darien and I had resumed our phone conversations but I was still wary of accepting him completely. Granted, he had slowly lowered my defenses and we had started again slowly as friends since the fateful night at the library. But I was not positive that a dinner did not classify as a date according to him.
"Darien, I don't know."
"I just want to have a meal with you, as friends, I promise!"
I cautiously accepted after he spent the next fifteen minutes convincing me that he was sincere in his demand.
o o o
It was in another one of our friendly but non-romantic meetings that I found myself walking in the park, my arm loosely hooked with Darien's. The sun was shining brightly, caressing with warm rays every object in its presence. I smiled tentatively at my companion and found him staring at me, his emotions in plain view.
"Thanks for coming out today."
"Of course, it's a lovely day."
"You're the one who is lovely today and every day."
"Darien, I…" I started, suddenly uncomfortable at his sides.
"I love you Serena," he told me forwardly.
A slight blush crept onto my cheeks and my eyes darted to the ground, unwilling to bask in the tenderness of his gaze. He grabbed me again, raising my chin with his index finger until our eyes met. His eyes carried the most honest and desperate expression and I realized then that his heart would no longer be wavered by fears or uncertainties. I gasped and tentatively kissed him. I had laid out my heart for him to claim but I knew this time, with conviction and an unfaltering intuition that we were meant to be together.
"I love you so much," he exclaimed enthusiastically and continued his declarations, which only a man madly in love could fashion.
Afterwards, as we laid on the soft and freshly cut grass, my head resting on his chest, I could not help myself and teased him, "it took you long enough." But he knew what I had meant beyond the playful tone and he hugged me tightly. I returned the embrace and smiled with a happiness that was long deserved.