Praying did not make the over-sized red monkey next to Fishy disappear. Yes, Renji was still there. Regrettably. Oh well, at least this was a good chance to see what monkey-man was like outside of the office. Sighing very softly so that no one noticed, he got up from his seat, giving Renji a short bow as was customary when greeting strangers. Thank goodness he had been interacting in Rukongai for sometime already. Otherwise, he knew that he would have found it completely inappropriate to bow to his subordinate.

In any case, a smile came to his face as Renji gave a short bow back. "Abarai Renji. Pleased ta meet ya." Hm… So apparently he had manners after all. What a surprise. Grinning at the thought of completely bamboozling his lieutenant, he replied politely, but not nearly as stern or as cold as he pretended to be on normal days. "Hasegawa Chojiro desu. Likewise."

Turning to the kids, he gestured for them to come over, seeing as Fishy had been grabbed over to one side by Obaa-san, to prepare the table. "Yuji, Kozei, Ota, Hizu, Tetsuo, Suko and Scamp." They waved happily at Renji, who grinned broadly at them, bending down and lifting Suko up to sit on his shoulders. Byakuya had bite back a particularly stubborn snigger as the little girl tugged happily at his red hair. Priceless. Oh, if only he had one of those camera things that the Shinigami Women's Association was trying to use to take a picture of him. Oh well.

Letting Kozei lead the way back to the house, he grinned as they gathered around Renji, tugging at the black shihakusho, yanking at his sandals, climbing up and down, poking at the tattoos and leaving fingerprints on his goggles. Byakuya smirked, Heiji chuckled as Renji merely shrugged and followed them all into the house. "Kozei!" Byakuya's voice rang out as the little kid reached for the sticky buns on the table. He saw Renji jump.

Renji blinked. That voice. It was familiarly scary. Then again, anyone who so much as raised their voice and was male sounded like Kuchiki taicho to him. Scary. He then remembered that Kuchiki Byakuya did not actually raise his voice, and was much reassured. Phew. Thank goodness.

"Wash your hands, kiddo. Wouldn't want you to come down with something nasty, would we?" Byakuya gave a reassuring smile to the kid, who shrugged, stuck out his tongue but dashed out the door to wash his hands. Byakuya sighed, relieved partly that he would not be in trouble, and partly that Renji had not noticed. That was a close one. A very close one.

"Sorry about that." He flashed a grin in Renji's direction. Geez, this acting business was tiring. "Sometimes I forget they aren't actually my kids…" He grinned sheepishly, tilting his hat, before he removed it. Thank goodness his hair was tied up in a ponytail. Hanging his hat at the back of his chair, he sat down at the table and was about to reach for a sticky bun when something hard came into contact with the back of his hand.

"Hasegawa-san." Oh crap. He had forgotten to wash his hands. Looking embarrassed, because by the gods, he had just forgotten to do the thing he had just scolded a kid about, (And in front of them too.) he scampered off in the direction of the tub of water, ducking away from Obaa-san's watchful (and angry) gaze. Rinsing his hands, he took in a sharp breath as he sensed Renji coming over. This was bad. Please, please, let he not have realised. He would never live this down. Never.

(It was true that he could easily intimidate Renji into not telling, but from what he had heard, and these were very reliable sources, Renji was particularly talkative when drunk. It was not a good idea to tell him something that you did not want the whole world knowing. Then again, this seemed so preposterous that he doubted that most would believe Renji. But, better to be safe than sorry.)

"Yo, Hasegawa-san." Leaning against the brick wall, Renji grinned good naturedly at the person who happened to be the last person on earth or in Seireitei who wanted to see him at the moment in time.

"Abarai-san." He turned, grinning, seemingly pleased. Truth be told, he was currently trying to figure out a way of escaping. Funny, this. He had this weird feeling of being cornered, and he did not like it. (Hell no, Kuchiki Byakuya did the cornering. He was not cornered.)

"You know, you remind me of someone."

SHIT. Raising his eyebrows, his eyes widened. (In surprise.) Thank goodness for Kuchiki acting. Thank goodness he had known Yoruichi and her lot. Thank god for poker.

"Really? Who?"

"Have you heard of Kuchiki Byakuya?" He nearly bit his tongue in half. "That name… sounds familiar…" Here he paused thoughtfully. (Faux-thoughtfully, actually, though not that Renji could tell. At least, he really hoped not.)

"He's that Gotei 13 Captain who won't come down to Rukongai no matter what, right? That noble guy?" He was digging his own grave, and he knew it. Once again, thank god for boring politics lessons. His acting skills were good. Hopefully, they would be good enough to dupe Renji.

There was a scowl on Renji's face. Yes! It had worked! He had successfully changed the topic slightly. "Yeah… I tried to tell taicho once or twice that Rukongai isn't such a bad place. He doesn't believe me." If only you could see me now, Renji. If only you could see me now. (Well, technically, he could be seen, and Renji could see him. He just did not know that the supposedly poor peasant in front of him was his taicho. Thank goodness.)

"In any case, you remind me of taicho."

"I do? He doesn't sound like a me kind of guy." Of course he did not sound like him. He was him. That was the difference.

A chuckle as Renji bent down to wash his hands. "Nah, you just look like him. That's all. Funny though. He'd probably throw a fit if he knew." No, he wouldn't, Renji. He wouldn't. He'd just look at you as if you had grown a second head. Meanwhile, Byakuya quirked a smile, relieved, which Renji took to be laughing at his taicho. Oh, if only he knew.

"What's taking you boys so long?!" Jumping, the two of them grinned sheepishly before entering the house.

Dinner was a rather good affair, secretly provided by the Kuchiki household kitchen, not that anyone present would know it, though. A few large dishes, crackers and small bowls of rice were laid around the table. Byakuya pretended to not be hungry. He was supposed to keep up the I'm-not-a-shinigami charade, and now that Renji was here, it was even more important. Meanwhile, Renji, in that very obvious black shihakusho, was not bothering to keep the fact that he was hungry a secret.

Happily shoveling food down his gullet, Renji noted that the food tasted better than even those at the mess hall. Hm… Maybe it was because people sold food for a living and that was why it was better? Then again… Why would anyone have access to good food in Rukongai? They didn't need to eat it. This was interesting. He cast his glance over at Hasegawa-san.

There was something about the man that put Renji at unease. He felt funny around the guy. (No, not that kind of funny. Eew. Disgusting thought. No, no, he was s-t-r-a-i-g-h-t. As straight as a…. chopstick. Yeah.) Never mind. "Say, Hasegawa-san? What do you do for a living?" There was something about the man that made him want to know more. There was sure to be some form of secret somewhere, and he, Abarai Renji, was definitely going to find it out.

Looking up from the plate of vegetables, Byakuya chewed and swallowed, looking back at Renji. "Maa, nothing interesting to a shinigami as yourself." He grinned, before going back to his food. His was practically starving after that exaggerated tag game. Damn you, Renji. "I'm a trader, you know, get hold of this and that." He winked. "Need anything?"

It had been the easiest way out. It was true that he could get hold of practically anything. He was Kuchiki Byakuya. He had the capability to get his hands on anything, anything, as long as he wanted it enough. (Which most of the time, he did not. Want only what you need, a very simple motto.)

"Yeah," piped up Scamp. "I broke my whistle last month, and Jiro-san got me a new one." He beamed. "And we got marbles from him today, and tops the other time." Byakuya shrugged, grinning sheepishly as he attempted to fit into the shopkeeper stereotype. Geez, acting was hard work.

There was a heavy knock on the door, and it burst open with a crash. Five men, looking surprisingly like the ones he had knocked out the other time, stood at the threshold. The children ducked behind furniture and were quickly shepherded out of the house by Heiji, helping Obaa-san along. A quick nod to Byakuya, and they were out of the room.

Renji had risen from his seat, a scowl on his face, hand at his hip. Ah, Zabimaru. Thank goodness he had not brought Senbonzakura. He would have had the temptation to use her, and possibly reveal everything. Hands going up his sleeves, he did his best Shunsui imitation and tried to look vaguely interested. In fact, he was feeling for the tanto which he was sure had been there just moments ago. Crap. He remembered a silver something drop out of his sleeve earlier, a silver glint in the sun. That would mean that it was somewhere out there in the field. Great. Just great. (And it wasn't cheap too.)

Mentally, he tallied the odds. On any normal day, this would have been as easy as breathing. It would have been so easy that Senbonzakura just might have been insulted. Problem was, how was he supposed to not reveal anything and yet ensure the safety of both himself and his fukutaicho, who did not know he was his fukutaicho? Unarmed combat might give him away. Oh well, he supposed that any upstanding trader would naturally have the ability to defend himself. That would allow him to help. Though, hopefully, Renji would be able to defend himself. Ah well.

The largest one stepped forward, pointing a pudgy finger at Renji. "Shinigami. What's scum like ya doin' here?" It was clear that he was looking for a fight. Byakuya was sure that the food looked particularly appealing to the pig, and had he not been so obsessed over wanting to beat Renji up, he was sure that the idiot would be drooling. Oh wait. Cut the glare, Kuchiki! Renji will realize once he sees your face.

"Scum? I was eating." A sneer came over Renji's face as he whipped out Zabimaru, the latter dying to do some serious damage to the people who had not only interrupted his meal, but damaged the door and scared the children. "Have a problem with that?" He hefted Zabimaru menacingly.

The thugs looked particularly confused. Oh well. Now Byakuya had proof of the existence of stupidity that was ten levels below Renji. He had previously thought that impossible, seeing as Renji tended to be a little slow even on the best of days. The largest thug merely scowled and rushed at Renji. His other counterparts joined in, two of them skirting around the left side of the table, and the other two attempting to skirt around the right side.

Attempted to. Funny this, Byakuya never recalled ever having learnt to become invisible. As such, when they came barreling in his direction, pathetic katanas raised to get ready for a downward slashing motion, he sidestepped them, seemingly moving out of the way. One of the idiots even grinned in his direction. Just as they whooshed past him, one felt a fist to the back of his head, and the other was felled with a foot to his posterior. Crashing to the ground, the second thug blinked at him. Had he been remotely more intelligent, he might have said "Et tu, Brute?" But sadly, no Shakespeare for these guys.

Byakuya gave the second one a punch to the back of the head. How ironic. He could still feel the slight receding scar on the back of his head where they had hit him the other time. Looking over to Renji, he saw that the largest thug seemed to be on the floor, and there was quite a lot of blood around. Darn. Clean up was not going to be fun or easy. The other two thugs were clutching their stomachs, and he assumed that Renji had either hit them or kicked them. As long as it worked, who was he to question Renji's methods?

What kind of guy was this Hasegawa-san? In the time that Renji had brought Zabimaru in front of him to block the wild swing and lunge of Thug No. Largest, and kicked the other two in the stomach, the unarmed trader had felled two thugs, both of whom had been armed with katanas, albeit flimsy ones, but still. This was interesting. he was going to have to visit Rukongai more often. If there were people like this out there, maybe he could negotiate some form of deal. It would be nice to learn from him and then go show up Kuchiki-taicho. Hah.

"Maa… I must have dropped my tanto somewhere." He grinned sheepishly at Renji, showing his hands. "Would have smacked them on the head with a plate, but I don't think Obaa-san would like that." He blinked at the queer look on Renji's face. Oh no. Had he overdone it? Had it been too quick, too neat? Oh dear. Looking concerned, he further pushed the matter, seeing as he was not really sure what else he could do. Changing the topic, or at least steering it in another direction seemed like the right way to go about doing it. "Abarai-san? Is something the matter?"

"Uh? Oh. Nah." Scary this. For a moment there, he looked like Kuchiki-taicho. Sheesh, Renji. What's wrong with you?

Author's Note: No, this is not going to be yaoi. I know there seem to be some hints of it, but no.