Okay, just so we're clear…no one is an alien here. Edward's just going the tiniest bit crazy. Again, I emphasize the tiniest bit only. Just so we're clear. And so, here's chapter 3!

Without bothering to wait for Alien Alice, I went around the mall, hovering my way through, pretending I was nothing more than a ghost. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough, people would even think I didn't exist. This was very, very hard to do. People kept glancing at my direction, drawn to my carnivorous lure and attraction.

I sighed heavily, just pretending, myself, that I was the ghost. It made things feel a lot better. Fine, maybe not a lot. But a little accounted for something, right? Okay fine, pretending I was a ghost made no difference whatsoever.

But it gave me time to ponder on my situation and possibly the very Earth's position.

I subconsciously tapped my chin with my index finger as I thought along the high-brand fashion stores which were slowly turning into other stores I didn't care to take notice off.

Let's see. It was highly possible that the strange Emmet I saw this afternoon was also an alien, which also points to the high possibility of Alien Emmet and Alien Alice being in cahoots together.

My train of thought changed.

A strange word, cahoots.

I went back to my original ponderings.

Alien Alice and Angela Weber seemed to have been communicating in the bathroom a while ago, which means…Angela was also an alien!

I could sense a breakthrough coming. Of course, I wouldn't have time to unravel it fully and share my discovery with everyone else since the extra terrestrials were planning Earth's demise anyway.

I went on with this thinking when I saw something and made me freeze in place.

The fashion department evaporated completely. I had walked to some area of extra-curricular stores.

There was one that caught my attention, especially. A pet store, it seemed. And the window showed small cages stacked one on top of the other and it was the top cage that made my non-existent blood run cold. (hah!)

In the cage was a little lump of red fur. It was a squirrel in the cage. The same squirrel I was chasing this morning. What it was doing in a pet store, I couldn't tell but I didn't have time to wonder any longer. My greatest horror was sitting there in its cage.

Well, not sitting, actually. It was curled up in a tight ball with its bush of a tail wound around it. I appraised its appearance and wondered if it was trapped in a pet asylum, rather than a pet store. Its fur was bristled and crackled at every squirrel body part you could think of. In its spindly arms was its, dare I say it, nut. The same nut I was accused of stealing and the very same nut that was thrown at my very grateful forehead. Its eyes were so big (well, bigger than usual) they practically popped out of its head, dominating the whole thing.

It didn't seem to notice me, though. It was too wound up in its…er, state to notice anything at all.

I decided to take the advantage and just walk away. Far away. Before any sort of spectacle would be made.

It would be one hell of a spectacle, too. Bloodsucking, animal-killing vampire vs. deranged squirrel. Given my new laziness and my mood, there was no doubting the rodent would win, hands down.

...Was a squirrel a rodent or a marsupial? Maybe it was an alien. Ah, well…

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After walking for some time, I was piercingly aware of someone following me.

Ah, the aliens knew I was suspicious of them.

I looked behind my shoulder and spotted a short woman with a sort of determined yet absurd expression.

I disliked her immediately. For one thing, she was ugly. She was almost as short as Alice, but unlike my sister, who had a petite figure, this one was, not exactly fat, but more like plump. Her plump figure was made even plumper by the beige, frumpy, turtleneck sweater with the ancient checkered skirt. Actually, it was so ancient-y(ancient-y?)-looking it wouldn't surprise if it belonged to my grandmother.

Seriously, who wore miniskirts in cold places like these?

But what really got me was her face. Her nose was okay enough, but her lips were so tight, like she was sucking on a really bad lemon. And her eyes. What's with those? They were just so wide and bulging they just jutted out of her small, flat face. They weren't the same kind of big as the squirrel's eyes. They were freakier and they just reminded me of some animal that I didn't like.

I just decided to ignore the thing on legs but it really was no use.

I made sharp turns into different departments and climbed up and down stairs and escalators that only a vampire could memorize, but she just kept at it!

It was obvious she wasn't an alien, but maybe they were their pet. Yeah, most likely. An annoying one. Kinda' reminded me of Mike Newton, except uglier. She followed me around just like the golden retriever Newton was, except a dog didn't seem to fit her well. She looked like some sort of animal but I couldn't put my finger on it.

She followed me with that same determined expression. We ended up in the food court part of the mall. I had hoped the throng of people would hide me from it but she just kept at it with that same determined, lemon-sucking expression.

When I passed the same smoothie stall for the sixth time, I swung on my heels and turned to the girl.

"I'm sorry but you must have me confused for someone else."

"No I don't," she replied, sure.

I read her mind, trying to get the face she was taking me for.

It really is too bad I didn't wear that pink shirt. Oh well, I just have to charm him with my looks. They're enough, I guess.

Yeah right! I snorted loudly to her face, simultaneously recognizing her as one of the women from the bathroom.

Her eyes widened even more at my snorting and then, just as she was blabbing about something, I realized what her face reminded me of.

I decided to name her Goldfish.

She was still blabbering when I felt some huge rock of sorts lifted off my shoulder. Just as always, it was a relief to finally realize something that was just at the tip of your tongue for a looooong time.

"…I love you."

What?

"What?" I repeated out loud for her.

"I said I love you."

Hearing those words from Bella was an unexplainable and painful happiness for me, but coming from Goldfish, how do you reply to something like that?

"Erm…sure. I…love you, too."

Her face lightened greatly with hope. "Really?"

"No."

The reply was curt and concise. Fitting. And I was sure getting a few rejections was healthy, especially if it involves getting your hopes dashed.

Her lower lip started to tremble and her eyes watered. Sigh…she was the crying type. The gentleman now buried deep within me reached out.

"Look, Goldfish-"

"Goldfish!" She screamed in pain, her face contorting even more in said emotion.

Woops. Should've used her real name, whatever it is. I'm sure not even Alien pets didn't like being named after fishes with memory spans of 3-15 seconds.

"Ah…you see, Gol-ah, I mean…"

"But my name's Martha! I've told you 4 times!"

She did? Well, Martha didn't fit her anyway. Martha sounded like a name you give to rich, middle-aged women in floral dresses. Here was a big-eyed girl in a frumpy sweater. And besides, her eyes just screamed Goldfish right at me.

Then an idea struck my head. I was fighting to hide my smirk of triumph.

I didn't say anything as I put my hand around her shoulder and pulled her to the direction we just walked in. I didn't want to risk giving out my plan to get rid of the pet of the evident beings who were about to bring Earth's very demise with carelessly chosen words…

I made Edward a little mean here. Sorry for that, but it came to me at the brink of sleep and I couldn't forget it ever since. The Goldfish thing (amongst others) just kept nagging at my head begging me to write it and share it with the world, so yeah, I just pulled through with it. Please inform me of any typos!