Yeah, posting this so that I don't have to do it later… the first response…

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Three days after the ad was sent in, Ed was once again summoned to headquarters, where Roy was waiting for him with a bundle of clothes in his arms.

"We got a response."

"Really? That's nice."

"You're going to meet her. Tonight."

Ed stared blankly at Roy. "Hah?"

"You heard me. You're going on a date tonight."

Ed stared blankly for another minute. "I can't believe I'm doing this…"

"Well, you wouldn't want your little secret to get out, would you?"

"Damn you…"

Roy smiled and held out the bundle to Ed. "Here, I'll help you get dressed. Take off your coat."

Ed looked at the clothes with disdain. "I don't need help," he said as he grabbed the bundle. He disappeared into the bathroom for several moments, only to stick his head out in embarrassment. "You just have to make everything more complicated than it needs to be, don't you?"

"I take it you want help now?"

"I don't want help, but I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

Roy stifled a laugh as he walked up to the tiny alchemist and began adjusting his tie. "You really don't wear nice clothes very often, do you?"

"No, because I'm usually doing more important things."

"Like what?"

"Like trying to find the Philosopher's Stone."

"Well, I think you need a break from that."

"Yeah, sure."

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Once Ed looked all nice and fancy-schmancy, he followed Roy to a car and sat with his arms folded as Roy drove him to a nearby restaurant.

"So this woman's name is Susan, and she's in her early twenties. I don't know why she agreed to go out with a fifteen-year-old, but then again, there are a lot of people like that in the world."

"Uh-huh… Well, as long as she isn't psychotic like a certain other person I know, I'm fine with it."

Roy stopped the car and got out with Ed. "Well, she should be here by now. She's going to be wearing a light blue dress and a light green hat with a pink flower on it. Oh, look, here she is now."

Ed watched cautiously as a woman wearing the aforementioned clothing came up to him. She was absurdly tall and leaned down to be at eye level with Ed.

"I'm assuming you're Edward?"

"That's right," Roy said. "Listen, I'll pick you up here at nine o'clock, got it?"

Ed nodded. "Right."

Susan took Ed's arm and led him into the restaurant, where they were promptly seated in a small booth in the corner. "So," Susan began. "Why don't we get to know one another before our food gets here?"

"Eh? Shouldn't we order first?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. I already ordered for you."

"Really? What did you order?"

Susan listed the entrée she had ordered for Ed. Ed listened, realizing that what she had ordered was something he'd actually like to eat. It wasn't until the end that he realized something was wrong.

"And to drink, I got you milk."

"Milk?"

"Yeah, you said in your ad that you really liked it, didn't you?"

"Um… actually…"

"Did I get it wrong?" Susan asked, a look of concern on her face.

Ed saw the look on her face, but he didn't understand the warning until it was too late. "Um, yeah, I actually put that I really don't like milk. I guess you just missed the 'don't,' but that's okay."

"I… messed up…? Me, miss a word in an ad?" Susan was getting tears in her eyes.

"It… it's not really that big of a deal…" Ed began, but he was cut off by a sob.

"I CAN'T BE LIKE THIS! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERYTHING?" Susan cried.

"Hey, come on, it's not that big of a deal!" Ed protested as Susan covered her face and began sobbing. Ed looked around for help, but nobody in the restaurant seemed interested in helping him. In fact, they all seemed to be avoiding eye contact.

Susan finally stopped crying and faced Ed again. "Sorry about that. I tend to get overly emotional after I've had a child."

"Huh? You have kids?"

"Why, yes, my husband and I have four children."

"You're married?"

"Yes. I figured that since you're fifteen, and since the phone number in the ad was for the Flame Alchemist, that you were doing this for some sort of bet, and I thought I'd help."

"It's not a bet," Ed replied. "It's me being forced to do this because it's apparently a good lesson for one of his subordinates."

"I see."

The rest of the night passed pleasantly. Susan talked about her family, and Ed mentioned his brother a couple of times. By the time Roy arrived, Ed was beginning to change his mind about the whole ordeal. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.