Someone to Watch Over Me
PART 2
Weeks passed and Jayne forgot all about River's "new voice." Meanwhile, River just grew more and more used to it. She'd tell it stories while alone on the bridge because it didn't take long for her to realize that if she could hear it, it could hear her.
She asked if it was her guardian angel one day, but the only response she got was, "I don't know, am I?" And River hadn't asked again.
She never told anyone else about it, worried that they would think she was crazy again. The voice was sweet and loving and never encouraged her to do anything bad. What harm was it doing even if it turned out it was just a figment of her mind?
She thought maybe it was her conscience. She knew that no one else had conversations with theirs, but then she had never met anyone as smart as she was and who knew what the academy had done to her. So, she simply accepted that it was there and continued on as normal.
She never would have told anyone, but then Simon decided to change her medication again. It had only been a month and a half since the last change, but the current medication, instead of making her throw up, caused her appetite to double, even triple, and she was gaining weight at a surprising rate.
River blamed the voice partly, it always seemed to have such great suggestions for food, new combinations she had never tried and couldn't get enough of.
But Simon thought the weight gain was unhealthy for someone who had always been naturally skinny.
River didn't mind. At first she had worried that Jayne wouldn't like her anymore, but when she had asked, he had just shrugged, replied honestly that he hadn't noticed, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and then said with a leering grin that there would just be more for him to explore. She'd gotten in the bed and under his lips in three seconds flat.
But Simon dragged her to the infirmary and announced that he was going to change some of the meds to try to balance her metabolism.
Without thinking, River screamed out, "No! You might silence the voice!!"
Instantly, Simon focused completely on River. She had been so coherent for so long, but that statement smacked of pre-Miranda days. "Your voice? What voice?"
"THE voice, oh Simon you can't silence it, it loves me and I love it!"
"It? What is it?"
River tried to control the tears falling down her face, "I . . . I don't know, it's just always there, it helps me, keeps me company, please Simon, if you change the meds, it might go away!"
And with that River collapsed onto the bed. She wanted to go out to the common room where she knew Jayne was hiding just around the corner. He had been lifting weights in the bay when he had been drawn by her cries to the infirmary.
River cursed herself. It was her own fault she couldn't openly be with him. She had been afraid to tell everyone, afraid they would take away the thing she loved most.
Now, she was forced to stand up to Simon alone while he tried to take away the thing she loved most after Jayne. A small part of her brain told her that she was falling to pieces over a voice and that she loved it more than her beloved brother who had rescued her from horror. Her brain screamed that this would not help her sanity case.
Simon looked overwhelmed. He didn't know what to do and he faced a fear that he hadn't felt for so long: that she was irreparably crazy.
"No! I'm not crazy! I swear Simon, it helps me, I think it could be my conscience, please, just give me time, I can't convince you when I'm like this, just give me a few minutes, please."
"Alright, it's ok, just take your time, I'll go get you some water, ok?"
"Thank you." Simon rushed out and up the stairs to the mess.
River sat up and called softly, "Jayne?"
He rounded the corner and rushed to her side, gathering her into his arms. "Baby, you didn't tell me you still heard that voice."
"I'm sorry, I was worried that I was crazy and then I decided I didn't care. I love it, Jayne, I don't even know what it is, and I love it." She shuddered into his shoulder.
"Oh, baby, shhh, shhh, I don't care if you are crazy, but remember I don't think you are. Now, you said so yourself, you need to calm down, you need to have a talk with the doc and he won't see through the emotion, you got to explain it to him in that cold clinical fancified speech that he loves so much. Ok?"
"Yes, thank you, my Bluejay, now kiss me and go back to the corner, Simon's coming."
Jayne gave her a short, but deep, kiss, touched her cheek gently and went back to stand out of sight as Simon came back down the stairs.
Simon walked into the room relieved that River had gotten some of her control back. "Here, mei mei," as he handed her the waterglass.
She took a big gulp before looking Simon straight in the eyes, "I'm alright and I'm ready to discuss the matter at hand."
She put the glass aside, sat up straight, crossed her ankles and laid her hands, lightly clasped, on her lap. Simon would have laughed if he hadn't been so worried. Her posture perfectly mirrored their mother's when she had had something important to discuss.
"Ok, let's go through things slowly. When did the voice start talking?"
"A month and a half ago, when you changed my medication."
"What was going on before that?" He had grabbed a pad and was taking notes in full doctor mode.
"Before that I was on the medication that made me throw up for about three months."
"Yes, I know that, I meant emotionally."
"I was happy, I'm still happy, Serenity is home now." River's grin was infectious and Simon smiled back at her for a moment before going back to his notes.
"Tell me about this voice."
"It's good, I swear it, it feels pure and innocent, it doesn't feel anything like the voices of the dead."
"You said something about a conscience?"
"Well, it helps me make good decisions, isn't a conscience supposed to do that? There's also the theory that it's my guardian angel." Around the corner Jayne smiled.
"Alright, so you listen to it, do you talk to it?"
"Yes, I tell it stories sometimes and about the crew."
"Does it respond?"
"Oh, yes, it asks questions, it's so curious about the world."
When an apprehensive look passed over Simon's face River continued quickly, "I'm not explaining it well, although I can't explain it better. It sounds suspicious, but it isn't. It has no malice and it does not interrogate."
Simon relaxed a bit, "Ok, let's go back to the physical. Are there any other side effects of the new meds?"
"I've gained weight and I'm often tired."
"Emotionally?"
"Like I said, I'm happy."
"Well you did have a passionate outburst before, if it's not psychoses or medication, perhaps it is hormones, when was you last period?"
Ta me da, River thought, How can I tell Simon that I've been on the birth control shot for eight months?
"River?" Simon leaned forward as River bit her lip and looked away.
River sighed, "Eight months ago."
"What? Why didn't you tell me? You're supposed to say something if there's a large change– "
"Simon stop!" He sat back and crossed his arms, waiting. "I haven't had it because eight months ago I got the birth control shot."
Simon gaped, "Are you sexually active?"
River fought to keep a sloppy grin off her face as she thought about the two times last night and the quickie this morning when she had grabbed Jayne and pulled him behind some crates in the bay. Active didn't quite cut it.
River gained control of her facial muscles and said calmly, "Yes."
She expected him to explode and demand to know who it was, but instead he was frantically flipping through his notes.
"Oh god." He whispered before jumping up and running over to the counter. A urine sample he had taken from River earlier sat there. He put some into a petri dish and grabbed a bottle from the overhead cabinet. Opening it, he dripped some liquid into the dish.
"Simon?" River called uncertainly, she didn't know what was going on, all she could feel was his panic.
He didn't respond, he just stood over the dish, watching the chemicals react, his shoulders tense and his fists clenched on the counter.
A few moments later Simon dropped his head to his chest and said without turning around, "Mei mei, I didn't know you had gotten the shot, so I didn't take the extra medication into account when prescribing more. The drugs I gave you four and a half months ago made your shot useless. River," Simon turned around and met her eyes. "You're pregnant."
AN: Duh duh duh. Heehee, not really, since some have already guessed it and this wasn't really supposed to be a big ole' mystery story. In fact, the first 5 parts are linear, but the rest (9 total, plus sequels) are flash of life stories. However, I do have a real reason for setting it up like this (besides making me happy, dance little puppets dance!). Thank you thank you thank you to my reviewers, love you all!