The next date was a fairly normal one. Ed met up with a girl about his age, and they had good times together. Of course, it was all ruined when Roy came barging in and dragged Ed away, yelling at him for putting a personal ad in the paper and willingly meeting up with complete strangers. Ed didn't understand this act until he realized that Roy was trying to prevent Ed from actually getting a girlfriend out of this.
He sulked on the way back to the hotel. Roy finally got sick of Ed's moodiness and looked directly at him.
"Oh, come on. You can't get a girlfriend before this is done."
"Why not? Wouldn't it prove your point to Havoc?"
Roy opened his mouth and was about to speak when he realized that Ed was right and he had been a total moron. "Okay, you win. Either way, it's too late now. Besides, don't you have more important things to do than go on dates with your girlfriend?"
"If that's so, then why aren't you letting me do said important things?"
Roy was stumped once again. Luckily, they were almost at the hotel, so he slammed on the brakes and watched as Ed fell from the seat. "Here you are. Get out."
Ed picked himself up off the floor of the car and got out. He slammed the door so hard that the door broke and fell to the ground.
"Fullmetal!"
"What?"
"Fix it. Now."
Ed moodily reattached the door with alchemy and stormed off into the hotel. Once he was in his room, he fell on his bed and pulled a pillow over his head. Al looked up from the cat he was feeding.
"Something wrong, brother?"
"I hate that bastard. Next thing I know, I'm going to be freaking kidnapped by one of my groupies."
"Do you even have groupies?"
Ed took the pillow off of his head and looked at his brother, not quite seeing the kitten. "If I do, they'll definitely show up soon."
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Ed woke up to a knock on the door. He pulled on his clothes as Al went to answer it. It was Roy, and he had an unreadable expression on his face.
"We have another response."
"That's nice."
"You have a date in one hour on the other side of town. Which means we have to leave now if you want to be on time."
Ed went back to bed at this. "I don't really feel the need to be on time."
"Yeah, well, you don't have a choice."
Ed sat up. "You suck."
"Don't say that."
"Why not?"
"I outrank you."
Ed unwillingly followed Roy out to the car and stared out the window as Roy drove through the town. Once they were there, Roy let Ed out of the car and watched as Ed walked up to the house. Ed knocked cautiously on the door, which opened within seconds to reveal a dark interior.
"Um, hello?" Ed called out as he walked into the room. The door closed on its own behind him. "Is… Kate here?"
"Yes, I am here," called out an eerie chorus of female voices. Ed looked around, trying to figure out where the chorus was coming from. After a moment, a light turned on. Ed started. About fifty girls were standing around him, each with light brown hair and black clothes. They smiled in unison. "We're glad you came."
"Uh… What exactly is going on?" Ed asked, feeling a deep sense of unease creep through his body.
"You're here for a date, aren't you?" they asked. "We're the ones who called."
Ed stepped back toward the door, only to find that there were girls behind him. Two of them stepped up to him and grabbed each arm, pinning them against his body. "Don't leave just yet. We haven't had any fun yet." The two girls continued to hold him as another girl walked up to him. She took a rope and began tying Ed down. Once she was finished, she held a length of rope in her hands and tied one end around his neck.
"Come along, Edward," she said, pulling on the rope so that Ed was forced to walk forward. "We have much to do."
"What the hell is wrong with you people?" Ed asked as he tried to break free from the ropes.
"We love you, Edward. We always have, ever since we first saw you."
Ed continued to struggle, but the leader of the girls pulled roughly on his leash. "Come on, you need to go to your room."
"He's not listening!" one of the others cried.
Ed managed to yank the leash out of the leader's hands and ran for the door. Before he made it, however, one of the girls struck him in the neck, and he fell to the ground.
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When Ed woke up, he was on a cold metal table. One of the girls was sitting on his chest, staring straight into his face. "You're being a bad boy."
"What the hell is wrong with you people?" Ed asked again, trying to move his arms.
"You're supposed to love us. Why don't you love us?"
"Because you're freaking psycho!"
The girl got off of him and moved out of Ed's vision for a moment. When she returned, she had a jar of something in her hands. She unscrewed the lid of the jar and stuck her fingers in it. Then she began smearing something all over Ed's face.
"What is this?" Ed asked.
"Peanut butter."
"Why the hell are you covering my face in peanut butter?"
"Because it amuses me."
Just then, the door broke open, and Ed heard gunshots. The girl screamed and ducked, her arms and head covering Ed's face. Luckily, her sleeve wiped off most of the peanut butter.
Roy pulled the girl off of Ed as Riza began to untie him. Ed sat up, rubbing his wrists.
As Riza led him out of the building, Ed could hear girls crying and calling out his name. Ed sat in the backseat of the car and wiped off his face. He definitely wouldn't be eating any peanut butter for a while.
--------------
There was an uncomfortable silence in Roy's office. He had called Ed in to announce the next date, but Ed hadn't quite been himself lately. After a while, Roy stood up.
"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't have a clue that you'd be the victim of rabid fangirls."
"Well, I guess you were wrong, huh?"
"Yes, I was wrong."
"I'm not doing this anymore."
"You have to."
"Why?"
"Because, even though it was horrifying for you, when Lieutenant Havoc heard that you had rabid fangirls after you, he gained some hope. You have to continue for his sake."
"Not if I have to go through something like that again."
"No. I'll make sure to investigate the people who call from now on."
"Yeah, you'd better do that."
"I will. Now why don't you go back to the hotel? I'll give you today and tomorrow off, okay?"
"Fine." Ed stood up and walked to the door. Al was waiting for him in the hall. Together they walked from headquarters to the hotel. When they got there, Ed buried his head in his pillow and refused to move. Al covered his brother with a blanket and began playing with the cat. He felt bad for his brother, but he secretly wished that he had fangirls of his own. Maybe not crazy ones, but something to keep him from feeling lonely.