Ed and Roy were arguing in Roy's office. Ed was very, very angry about the situation, but Roy wasn't letting him move on with his life. In fact, Ed was supposed to go on another date that night.
"Fullmetal, I swear, this one won't be bad. I researched this woman, and she's perfectly nice."
"Yeah, well, Sally was nice until she went freaking psycho after you left."
"Okay, so I shouldn't have left you alone. I also shouldn't have made you do this in the first place. I'm a horrible human being and I deserve to be shot. I also shouldn't make comments on your height because it hurts your feelings. Is there anything else you want me to say?"
"Yeah, that I don't have to go this evening."
"No, I'm not going to say that. But I will say this: if everything goes well, this'll be the last one. Apart from Sally going crazy at the end, yesterday went pretty well, and I already told Havoc about the good parts, so you're up to four successes. One more and you'll be set."
Ed glared at Roy. "You know, you're really making me never want to date again."
"How was I supposed to know that a personal ad for you would end up attracting all the weirdos in town? Now get dressed."
"No."
"Fullmetal, this is an order."
"I don't care."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Yes, it is."
"Fine. I guess you don't want a reason for your fangirl group to stay away from you."
"Huh?"
"One of them came here and asked to see you. I told her that you had a date and that you were busy, so she said she'd leave you alone since you had a girl to go out with. She's going to come back the minute you go back to being single."
"You expect me to believe that?"
"Yes. Just look outside the window."
Ed stepped to the window and groaned when he saw the fifty light brown haired girls staring up at him. He stepped away from it very quickly. "Fine. This had better be the last one."
"It should be. After that, you can go wherever you want."
"Good."
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Ed's date was very short. She was almost shorter than him, but sadly, Ed was still the shorter one. Shorty mcshort short short short short. Damn short is a weird-looking word.
Instead of being all lovey-dovey and stuff, all Ms. Johnson did was stare at Ed's forehead. After a while, Ed got sick of this and decided to ask what she was doing.
"Do you know you have a nice forehead?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah, it's all nice and pretty."
"Um, thanks?"
"You're welcome."
Ed stood up to go to the bathroom. Ms. Johnson followed him to the door.
"What are you doing?"
"Making sure you aren't going to run off on me."
"What? Why would I do that?"
"Because I saw you run away from about half your dates."
"Wait, you saw me? What, have you been stalking me?"
Ms. Johnson blinked and did the shifty eye thing. "Yes."
Ed groaned and went into the bathroom. When he came out, Ms. Johnson was still standing outside the door. "Good, you didn't run off."
Ed groaned and walked back to the table and sat down. Ms. Johnson sat across from him and dropped a bracelet on the ground. As she went under the table to pick it up, Ed looked around the restaurant. He wished he could be eating at any table other than this one.
When Ms. Johnson came back up, she was wearing the bracelet and had lipstick on. Ed blinked. She hadn't been wearing that before.
He shifted his foot and found it wouldn't move more than a few inches away from where it had been. He looked under the table and saw that his foot had been chained to the floor.
"Hey! What are you doing?" he asked Ms. Johnson.
"Making sure you don't run off."
"Excuse me? I wasn't planning on running off."
"Sure you weren't."
Once dinner was over, Ed sat and waited for his date to let his foot out. She did, but as they walked out of the restaurant, she somehow managed to handcuff him and get a chain around his neck. She pulled on the chain and led Ed to a house nearby. She also had a gun pointed at his head.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Ed asked.
"The date's not over."
"Well, I said I had to leave at-"
"Times like that are for wimps. We're going out all night."
Ed felt a deep feeling of dread. He quietly brought his hands together and waited for Ms. Johnson to be off her guard. Once he got a chance, he put his right hand up to the gun and transmuted it. Then he ran as fast as he could before he got yanked back by the chain.
Ms. Johnson pulled out another gun and pointed it at Ed's head. "Nice try, punk."
"Damn…" Ed brought his hands together and placed his right hand on the gun just as Ms. Johnson fired. The bullet ripped a hole in Ed's hand and almost hit him in the face, but Ed ducked out of the way as he transmuted the gun into a random sculpture. Then he transmuted his way out of the chains and handcuffs and ran like hell.
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"What was that you were saying about having researched this woman, Colonel?" Ed was sitting in Roy's office, wrapping a piece of cloth around his broken automail hand. Ms. Johnson had been arrested, but set free on the grounds that she was crazy and harmless as long as she obeyed the restraining order and stayed away from Ed.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I did research her, and evidently all the reports forgot to mention that she was a bit touched in the head."
"What, are you British?"
"Shut up. Oh, and you have another date tomorrow."
"Great, just great."