Ed sat on the couch for hours, not wanting to move at all. His latest date had resulted in a massive head injury, and any movement sent out bursts of pain through his entire body. When he did move, it was to give his superior a death glare.

Eventually, Roy got sick of it and stood up. "Okay, how the hell was I supposed to know that when she said 'head banger' she meant it literally?"

"What did you think it meant?" Ed retorted before grabbing his head.

"I thought it was a different way of saying psychologist."

"Well obviously you need to get people to clarify."

Riza walked up to Ed and gave him a new ice pack. "He does have a point, sir."

Roy stood up. "Okay, I'm sorry. If you want to call this off you can." He looked out the window and turned to Ed. "Um…"

"They're still out there, aren't they?" Ed asked in resignation.

"Yep."

Ed groaned. Roy paced the room and tried to figure something out. "I could get a restraining order."

"That didn't work last time."

"I know, but it might this time."

"Are you kidding? Even if they don't come near me, they'll still get as close as they possibly can. I'll probably end up having a circle of crazies around me at all times. A really big circle."

Roy tried to imagine a circle of brown haired girls following Ed everywhere he went and nearly burst out laughing. Then he came close to getting a bullet in his brain and quieted down. Ed was cringing from the noise.

"Sorry, Edward," Riza said, putting her gun away.

"No worries." Ed sat up and looked expectantly at Roy.

"Maybe you can spend a while in hiding."

"I'm not going into hiding because of some girls."

"Then dye your hair."

"I tried that already."

"Then… I don't know, okay? Why don't you just pretend you have a girlfriend or something?"

"That would involve finding someone to follow me around everywhere, and where am I going to find someone like that?"

After much more arguing, it was decided that Ed would continue dating random women until his cult forgot about him, or at least stopped being so psychotic. The next date was the next night.

---------------

Ed waited for his date to arrive with Roy as backup. Of course, he was hiding behind a bush, so Ed didn't feel quite as awkward about meeting someone with Roy right there.

When she arrived, they sat down on a bench and talked about random stuff. The woman seemed very nervous, and she finally said what was bothering her.

"I didn't… really come for you. I was wondering…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm in love with Roy Mustang. Like seriously in love. I want to spend every waking moment with him."

Ed's surprise soon gave away to an evil grin. "You want to meet him?"

"Yes, please!"

Ed cast a quick glance at the bush Roy was hiding in and gave the woman a friendly smile. "He's in that bush over there."

The woman broke out into tears. "Do you have to be so mean? I'm serious!"

"No, I mean it! He's right there, see?" Ed gestured to Roy's not-so-great hiding place, and the woman smiled with joy.

"THANK YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!" she screamed as she jumped over the bench and tackled Roy. Ed watched in amusement as Roy tried to figure out what was going on.

---------------

"What was that for, Fullmetal?" Roy asked indignantly as Riza patched up his numerous bruises.

"Hey, she wanted to meet you," Ed replied, unable to hide a smug grin.

"You could have given me some warning."

"Hey, what goes around comes around, Colonel."

"He's right, you know," Riza said as she placed a bandage on Roy's nose.

"Okay, fine," Roy said. "You're right, I'm wrong, and I'm a terrible human being for making you go through all of this."

"And?"

"And you're still going to be doing this."

"Eh?"

"Havoc is now at the point where he's half-convinced. We're making some progress, but we can't just go halfway. That and your cult's still coming after you."

"Can't you just arrest them or something?"

"We tried, but since they all look the same, it's impossible to tell which ones were the ones who actually assaulted you, and we can't exactly arrest all of them, because legally, not all of them are guilty."

Ed groaned. "Fine."

Roy stood up and patted Ed on the shoulder. "Good. I'll let you know how things work out."