A/N Hi everyone! I'm sorry for taking so long to update but i was just so super busy! And it was the worst when I had planned on writing on the way home from NYC but of course I leave the laptop in our apartment (on 61st and Lexington, in case you wanted to know) So please forgive me for taking so long! Well, here's the first chapter of On My Own, I hope you like it!

Chapitre Une

'Many years ago, I think i was only five, I was taking a walk through the park with my nanny. We were almost home when it began to snow. She turned to me and said, "I've heard it said that snow is a blanket of white. It covers over all that is ugly making the world beautiful." At that time, I didn't really understand what she meant, but now, I think I finally get it. You see, snow can cover over the scars of the earth, but that's all it does. For a moment, things may appear perfect, but in the end, the snow melts away and you can see, clearer than ever, the things that that have always been there.

In a way, I believe my life is a bit like this. Once I take off my Dior aviators, the Cavalli jeans, the Burberry button-down and matching hat, take away the money and the cheerful smile, you can see the truth I've always known. The life people assume I have, one that is perfect and happy- it isn't like that... at all.

I spend my days quietly suffering. No one knows Of course, it's not from one of the conventional forms of suffering. Poverty, famine, disease- none of these things affect me. No, I suffer in a way far worse than any of those things. If you're impoverished, you can get a job and work your way out of it. When a person is cursed with famine, they will do everything they possibly can to find food, and eventually they will. The pain of disease can be cured. Whether it be from medicine or death, a disease can be cured. But being in love with someone who doesn't love you back… that is a type of suffering that can't be fixed. You can't force yourself to stop loving someone, and you can't make a person love you back.

Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why did it have to be a him at all? Why couldn't I just fall in love with a girl like a normal person? That's it isn't it? I'm not a normal person. I hate sports, my voice is unusually high, and I have a passion for singing, dancing and shopping- I am a failure as a man. Even worse, I have fallen hopelessly in love with Troy Bolton.

The way his sandy brown hair falls carelessly in front of his eyes, the way his smile seems as if it could light up even the darkest of rooms, the way his skin seems to shine in the afternoon sunlight as beads of sweat drip down his forehead after a game of basketball- I turn bright red just thinking of him. It's not only his looks though. Contrary to what some people may believe, he is actually a genuinely nice person. You know, the type who would climb a thirty foot tree just to get a little girls cat or gives his umbrella to a girl stuck without one in the middle of a rain storm. Troy Bolton- even his name is perfect. But it doesn't matter.

There are no stars out tonight. The moon isn't shining either. You know, if I'm going to end my life, I'm honestly glad that it will end here. Ever since childhood, this has been my favorite place- beneath the oak tree in the park a few blocks down from my house. I believe this is the first time in my life that I am happy to be alone in this world. So please, don't feel bad for me, I'm sure no one will miss me; there will be no one to grieve for me. Come to think of it, I do believe no one will even notice I am gone…

Ryan's hand shook violently as he brought it to his left pocket. He was almost afraid to stick his hand in. What should have took only a moment seemed to take an eternity. He pulled out a newly sharpened razor blade. Holding it in front of him, Ryan stared at it for a moment, and then lowered the blade to his wrist. Feeling the cold metal against his colorless skin, he shuddered and then dropped it on the grass in front of him. 'Now's your chance Ryan. You can get up and leave, and hope for a better future. Things don't have to end if you don't want them to.'

'No, I want to end it all now. It has to end now; it's best for everyone, especially me. I'd rather just end everything now than go on like this…' Ryan snatched up the blade, and gripped it tight. Again, he found himself staring at it, and then, without hesitating a moment longer, he made a cut along his. Tears filled his eyes as he watched the warm red blood trickle out from his self-imposed wound. A second cut… a third… a fourth… A small puddle was forming beneath his arms. With each subsequent cut he went deeper into his flesh. A fifth…a sixth… a seventh… an eighth… he dropped the blade. He could cut no longer, he didn't have the strength.

Ryan leaded against the tree, staring up at the sky. There was nothing to see. He didn't feel pain anymore, only numbness. His eyes began to flutter. 'It'll be over soon…' And then, something white fell on his nose. Ryan smiled. "I think it may snow..." And with those departing words…. Ryan slumped over and everything was black…

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Ryan felt… warm, like he was wrapped in someone's arms. Is this what heaven felt like? He opened his eyes, excepting to see grassy fields that went on for miles; angels dressed in white robes and feathered wings protruding from their backs. What he saw was far from it. He was lying on a rather uncomfortable bed, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. He felt a sharp pain in his wrists, and turned his head to find they were wrapped in thick gauze. The walls were painting a disgusting excuse for white (as was everything else…) and then Ryan realized where he was- a hospital. He was… alive…

Ryan turned to find someone sleeping in the chair beside his bed. He knew that face… he knew that hair… that body… "Troy?" He couldn't raise his voice past a whisper, but it seemed to be enough, the person sitting in the chair shot awake.

"Ryan? Ryan, are you awake?" Ryan nodded feebly.

Troy bolted out of the chair and ran to Ryan's side. "Ryan, I thought you were dead!"

'So did I…"

"Ryan," Troy panted. He seemed out of breath, "I thought you were dead! I was on my way home from a party, when I found you. You were covered in blood. And it was snowing… like a blizzard. How did you get like that, did someone do that to you?" Clearly Troy hadn't seen the razor blade… Ryan didn't answer. What was he supposed to say, "I'm sorry Troy, I tried to kill myself because I love you even though I know you can never love me back?"

"I'm just glad you're okay." A faint smile appeared on Ryan's face. 'He's glad I'm okay?!'

"The hospital called your parents; the doctor said they'd be right over to bring you home. They said they couldn't keep you for more than twenty four hours." Ryan hadn't heard anything past over. 'My parents… coming to get me? Not Sharpay… Ryan. You did tell them I was Ryan right?' Ryan had to fight back the urge to jump out of the lumpy bed and give Troy a hug. He saved his life (even if he didn't really want to be saved…) After years of believing Troy didn't even recognize his existence… here he was, sitting beside Ryan's hospital bed. Yes it took an attempted suicide to get to this point, but still! Ryan was overjoyed.

"Ryan, I'm sorry, but I better get going. Your parents will be here soon. Hopefully, I'll see you in school soon?" Ryan nodded. He didn't care how much pain he was in, he would definitely be back in school on Monday. Troy waved by and left.

'I can't believe it… Troy brought me to the hospital, and then stayed with me until I woke up… it had to have been hours. Although I suppose he may just have been doing the right thing… but even so…' Ryan had to force himself to stay awake, no matter how desperately he wanted to sleep; seeing his parents was much more important. He could sleep later.

"Ryan…" someone from outside the door called. Ryan sat straight up. They'd actually come! Or so he thought… "Ryan, your parents sent me to bring you home." A short and balding man, late in his years, came toddling into the room. He wore a suit that probably took half of a years pay to buy, and had a chauffeur's hat under his right arm. His shoes seriously needed a shining, but otherwise, he looked very professional .

'Not my parents… the driver… Their son almost died… and they sent the driver. They could have lost their son forever, and they don't even care enough to come to the hospital…?'

E/N Oh i hoped you liked it! I have to change my summary though because when i wrote it (the summary that is,) this chapter was completely different. It was too happy, so I changed the whole beginning of this fic! I'm sorry! So please review! I like reviews! Thanks to all my reviewers from the last chapter!