()

J'onn's eyes fluttered open as he let out a groan. Where...?

...was he? He was on a bed...nice bed...soft, comfortable...silk sheets...This was really pleasant. If not a little weird. The last thing he recalled was...arriving at the Manor, getting into an argument with Bruce, kissing Bruce, getting insulted by Bruce...then...

Oh, right. They'd taken things up to the bedroom. And J'onn had ended up falling asleep. Beside Bruce's very nice...warm body...wait, what time was it? He looked around for an alarm clock, and saw that he had stayed far too long and that he'd better leave soon...He shifted his density as he left the bed, not completely see-through but light enough so that he wouldn't wake up Bruce. J'onn phased through the door, breathing a sigh of relief. Okay, he'd made it. Without waking Bruce. He'd just leave and--

"Oh.My.GOD." He froze, only five feet away from Dick, who was staring at him with a look of horror on his face. "Ju...you...you...s...you..." What was he supposed to do? J'onn had just been caught...doing...something...he wasn't really sure what, but it had to be pretty bad for Dick to be making such a weird face. "You SLEPT with him?!"

J'onn blinked. "Yes. It was quite nice." Except Bruce did not like to share the covers. At all. That was going to have to change. He may be Martian but that didn't mean he enjoyed freezing his butt off.

"UGH! Dude! So did not need to know that!"

"...But you asked..." J'onn's confusion grew even more as Dick started clawing at his head. "Out out out out—get the images OUT!!"

Images? Was the thought of him sleeping with Bruce so horrifying? "Bruce is not a bad companion, D--"

"ALFRED!!" The young man ran down the stairs, hands clamped firmly over his ears.

What was wrong with the human? Was there something he was missing? The door opened, Bruce's disheveled form peering at him. "Nice answer, J'onn. Now the kid's scarred for life."

The Martian frowned. What was wrong with his answer? "He merely asked us if we slept together. I told the truth. I slept well, you slept well."

His mate stared for a few seconds then snickered, "Right...okay.." before closing the door in his face. Frustration growing, J'onn drifted downstairs, his mind going into over drive. Dick had started to act strange when he had confirmed that Bruce and him had indeed slept together.

Slept. Human word. English. Past tense of Sleep. Sleep: to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness; cease being awake. Why would that cause Dick to act so strange? J'onn's frown deepened as he entered the kitchen, but he relaxed as soon as he saw a certain butler serving Dick breakfast.

Alfred.

Alfred would inform him of his mistake. After all, how could J'onn make sure he didn't repeat the same mistake if he wasn't even aware of what he'd done wrong? So, he approached them, deciding that the best thing to do would be to come out and say it.

"Bruce and I slept together."

Dick gave his cinnamon rolls a mournful look, sliding the plate away from him in disgust, his appetite all but gone at hearing those words. Alfred blinked at the alien. Then blinked again. And once more because good heavens what was he supposed to say to that? He started scrubbing one of the pans in the sink, trying to regain his composure. "...Congratulations, sir."

J'onn cocked his head, curious. Alfred acted like it was a good thing but Dick treated it as if it was disgusting...why?

"What does that mean?" A cough. What did the Martian want? A sex therapist?

"I...suppose...it could mean that you have a healthy relationship..."

A...healthy... J'onn turned to stare at Dick, his brow furrowing. "That does not makes sense."

Alfred scrubbed harder. "I...suppose...given how one...does it...it could mean...anger...or..."

Dick whimpered, his stomach churning uneasily. Why him? Why!? What had he done that was so horrible...had he been a serial killer in a past life? That seemed like the only logical—OF COURSE! That time in high school. Math Grade. The test he cheated on. Oh he always known it would come back to haunt him...

"So...Bruce and I sleeping together...means that we either love or hate each other?" J'onn liked to have jumped ten feet as a voice behind him suddenly shouted, "You asked ALFRED?!"

The alien glared at his mate, not appreciating the scare. "Yes. Though I am beginning to wonder if he understands it's meaningwhat it means..."

It was so tempting to shoot a smirk at his butler but decided it wasn't worth the consequences that would be sure to follow whatever it was he said...

Alfred was horrible when angry...He'd never say anything rude because that wasn't professional. No. His tone was enough to make you feel utterly ashamed of yourself and want to die...

Not to mention the cinnamon rolls were right next to him and if the butler so chose to, he could dump them in the sink faster than the speed of light...and cinnamon rolls were good... "Sex, J'onn. Sleeping with someone is another term for having sex with someone," Bruce stated bluntly, feeling no shame whatsoever. He expected J'onn to react with embarrassment, realizing that he had just asked Alfred about sex.

What he had not expected was for J'onn to look at him with awe and whisper, "Humans can do that?"

Bruce's lips twitched slightly. "Ah...no. It's just a saying. Like...when pigs fly."

"...I wasn't aware pigs can fly."

"They can't."

"...I am afraid I don't understand."

"Just let it go, J'onn."

"But--"

"J'onn ."

"Mmm..."

()

Noooo I don't picture Dick as a homophobe! Just...imagine it, if you will. Yer walkin up the stairs and you see a Martian leave your Dad's bedroom. And you just know that they did the nasty. Wouldn't you react the same? XD I would! O.O Review or you have no soul.