Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Chapter 3: In which Kenshin meets 13th Mistress of Hiten Mitsurugi...

Kenshin was enjoying his walk. It was a beautiful day. The sun was glistening off of droplets on the leaves and grass like jewels, the only remnants of last night's wicked storm. He and his friends had come to Kyoto by train (at Kaoru's insistence as, she explained, he had a habit of picking up trouble, and girls, annoying though they may be—Misao had fumed at that one—whenever he walked anywhere). It had actually been a fun trip. Sure, Sano had been hard to deal with for the first hour or so until he passed out, but after that, and until they had to carry him out of the train to the Aoi-ya, it had been a very relaxing and event-free ride. As a result, he was fully rested when he'd been forced to deal with Saito and his offers of death by skewering during the debriefing of some mystery assassin whom Kenshin was supposedly going to help the wolf hunt down. Kenshin had even managed a halfhearted glare when he'd said he'd consider it. All in all, with the exception of the fact that there were implied dead people when Saito threw the word "hitokiri" around, and the fact that he was obviously going to have to help deal with it eventually, it had been a relatively pleasant past few days.

Now, as he neared the end of his refreshing walk up the mountain, he realized that, for the first time in his life (with the possible exception of when he'd been adopted, and was walking away from a self-erected graveyard with a man who had only seemed violently unstable, but not particularly sadistic at the time), he was actually looking forward to visiting his shishou.

Kenshin paused in his walking momentarily to appreciate the warmth of the sun shining on his face and the cool breeze, still moist from last night's downpour, gently threading its way through his loosely tied hair.

This was the way he stood, only a short distance away from his shishou's cottage (he was even giving that ugly shack some leeway, today), when he heard the outraged shrieking of a woman nearby. (Kenshin's face reddened as he paused to listen.) A woman who had apparently picked up more highly vulgar vocabulary than his shishou.

Then Kenshin realized just where the screaming, swearing, and apparently now breaking of things, was coming from.

The peace of the day shattered, Kenshin began running up the hill, hoping this woman was not in any way tied to the arrogant bastard (... ahem... respected Shishou)... who lived there...

As soon as Kenshin's figure had disappeared into the trees on the last hill, Hiko had begun to exhaust his extensive vocabulary, dipping into some words and phrases that he hadn't used since the first time his shishou had beat his sorry ass into the dirt and called him a baka. Of course by now he could add more emphasis by changing languages and adding to the intensity of his word choice. It was almost as much an art to him as swordsmanship or fine sake. And at the moment he was painting his surroundings with as much of this art as he could manage.

In other words, the great Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth was throwing a temper tantrum.

Kenshin ran, ignoring the brush he had to break through and the branches scraping at his arms and face. Whoever this girl was, she might be in trouble and since he was here, and had heard her, he felt responsible for helping her out. Obviously Hiko was doing nothing to fix the situation... And he was definitely there. Kenshin could feel his powerful ki even from this distance...

Then an uncomfortable thought struck Kenshin. What if she were... What if his shishou had... If she were screaming because... Kenshin was almost sick. He hadn't even seen anything yet, and he already felt like he'd just caught his parents in a compromising situation. There wasn't time to think on it, though, as he burst through the last of the trees into a clearing, sword drawn.

Strangely, the woman was alone. She was incredibly tall and slender. Attractive in an atypical way with dark hair, falling in long, loose strands from its leather thong. She was barefoot, wearing dusty, ill-fitting clothing that had obviously been taken from someone much smaller than her...

Kenshin blushed and dropped his eyes to the ground, trying to force rational thoughts back into his mind. Who is she...? And for that matter... where is Shishou...?

Then it dawned on him. Very slowly.

There was only one person here... And Kenshin had felt his shishou's ki...

Kenshin's cheeks reddened further, almost as bright as his hair. This just wasn't possible. No... It just wasn't right. He had to be mistaken. He really, really hoped he was mistaken.

This couldn't be his shishou. Hiko was just somwhere... else. Hiding somewhere... That was it. And this woman... She ... she just didn't have ki... Right...

He looked up again, this time closely scrutinizing the woman's face.

Her cheeks flushed as her large, angry eyes darted toward his. If looks could kill, Kenshin would have been burned alive.

Kuso...

"What are you staring at?" the woman growled, a sneer on her lips. Her velvet voice deadly. She took a menacing step forward, looking as though she were going to kick him back down the mountain. It would have been more intimidating if she didn't stumble over, and then proceed to kick and swear at, the cloak in her way.

Kenshin made a small choking sound. "Sh-shishou?" he asked, coughing slightly.

The woman stopped mid-curse, to send an even more deadly glare in is direction as she replied, "Obviously, baka," She crossed her arms over her expansive chest, trying to look casual, as though this sort of thing were normal, however the now erratic twitch of her eyebrow gave her away. "Who the hell else would I be? You can read ki. Do you think I'm the ki-less wonder, standing here playing hide-and-seek with your shishou, while he conceals himself in the bushes?"

Kenshin was torn between irritation at his shishou's snide comment, and trying not to laugh at the older man... er... woman's ... current situation. Amusesment and vindication won out. "Well," he said casually, a small smile curling the edges of his mouth, "it would make more sense than my shishou walking around in some poor woman's body, barely wearing my old training gi..." Again, he coughed, longer this time. "Who exactly did you insult, anyway? A kami?" By that point, the coughing was no longer doing a sufficient job to smother the laughter.

Hiko didn't even bother warning his deshi. He was having muscle cramps again (what the hell was there for him to injure?!), and he was dangerously close to having an emotional breakdown. His temper flared, and before Kenshin even knew what happened, the redhead was laying on the ground, oro-ing an octave higher than usual.

Hiko stomped back into the shack with every intention of digging out Winter Moon and maiming something.

If the baka was lucky, it wouldn't be him.

Author's Note: FIrst of all, a great big thanks to lolo popoki for beta-ing this chapter for me... And trust me... it NEEDED the beta work... BADLY!

Secondly, thanks to all the readers for reading, and the reviewers for reviewing! Please keep it up:D

Thirdly, I decided I wanted to draw Hiko's girly form, so if you go to the following link, you'll see the lovely Hiko-ette right after his/her transformation... just before she/he has QUITE figured out what has happened:P My only request... please leave a comment if you view it:)
http : / / siriusfan13 . deviantart . com/art/Hiko-ette-Female-Hiko-Seijuro-99092291

Fourthly, I now (being the weirdo I am) have decided to have a facebook. (I have a personal acct, too... but this is my generic fanfiction author one... the one where I can be pathetic and people will expect it:P Hehehe) Anyway, the link is on my bio page...

Fifthly, because I'm a loser and wanted to make groups on facebook, I made an "Out of Time" group. It is boring and nothing happens there. Please join and make it more entertaining. So far there is only one other member, and she's doing all the work to make it fun:) If nothing else, there are a few "Out of Time" fanart thingies on that group... so that something...?
You can access it from my facebook account...

And now I am done being annoying and sticking links everywhere. Sorry for the shameless hyping. I just get bored and do stupid things, so sometimes it is fun making other people aware of it! Hehe... *sigh* I should NOT be allowed to have caffiene...

Thanks again everyone for reading and reviewing... and for putting up with this Author's Note!

Dewa mata!

Sirius