Loneliness
Over the past couples of years,
we have become friends.
The best of friends.
Recently though,
he's gotten someone new in his life,
someone he loves with all his heart.
I approve of his choice,
I know his lover will take care of him.
The three of us hang together,
anytime we can.
But this feeling is rising up in my chest,
Not a feeling of hatred,
Nor anger,
It's jealousy.
I'm jealous of my friend.
He has a perfect relationship going.
I'm all alone.
He's got the one he loves most,
while all I can do is search.
When we all hang I have the best time,
But when they get all cuddly,
and kissy,
and they start getting romantic,
that's when the depression hits.
That's when I feel the most alone.
Sure my friend and his boyfriend are still there,
yes they are talking to me too,
I'm not standing there totally forgotten,
But I wish I had the one I love with me there too.
I never knew of this feeling before,
but now its here and painful as hell.
It can and has,
ruined fun times we share together.
I hate this feeling,
but I cant escape.
Not till I find,
that one I can walk along the beach with.
The one guy I feel safe with.
Who will let me leave the position,
I hold as the third wheel.
I know I have to wait,
and I'm trying to wait,
as patiently as possible.
But its harder then I thought.
This loneliness,
this pain,
this jealousy,
just makes me want,
to curl up in a corner,
and cry till there are no tears left.
Even then I wont be able to escape that feeling.
But it will at least help,
relieve some of this pain.
Until this loneliness,
is finally,
washed away.
Permanently.