I'm so sorry for not updating this! The sad thing is, I've had this written since Saturday, but I didn't have enough time to update it. So, that was my fault. I hope no one's too upset. So, I'll make this author's note and just let you read.

But first: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

Chapter 5- Forgive and forget

Zelos sighed, shaking his head. He had meant what he had said. Sheena should not stay with him. What would happen to her if she stayed around him? Would she just end up like his mother and Seles? The swordsman was just concerned about her well-being. It would be selfish to make her stay.

At the same time, he wantedto be selfish. He did not want to give her up; he did not want her to leave him. Zelos needed the summoner. Despite his best efforts to push her away, he needed her close by.

And yet, Zelos had, once again, hurt her and he could not even fathom why he had. He sure did a damn good job at showing his care and concern.

"I'm so stupid." He mumbled to himself.

He somewhat considered searching for her so he could apologize, but Zelos could not imagine Sheena giving him that chance. She had to be pissed off at him. Maybe he should wait a little while.

His train of thought ended when he could a quiet sound coming from outside his room. He arched an eyebrow. It was barely loud enough for him to hear, so he could not quite tell what it was.

Zelos walked over to his door, but came to an immediate stop when he was a few inches from the door, almost as if he was frozen into place. It sounded like… sobs? Or someone trying to hold back their sobs. Could it be Sheena?

This thought felt like a punch in gut, making him breathless. Had his words truly been that harmful? Of course, he, of all people, knew how words could affect someone, but he had no idea that they were that harsh.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, knowing that he should be saying that to Sheena's face, and not with a door separating them.

But would she even want to hear that? That he was sorry? Why would she forgive him again? He had not been the easist person to live with over the past few weeks, but she had not been seriously bothered by anything he had said or done. However, now she was outside his room, trying not to cry.

He turned around, repeating a little louder, "I'm sorry,"

Maybe now, it would not matter if Zelos was selfish or not. Maybe Sheena would just leave because she wanted to. It would be better for her, he figured, if she did not have to deal with him and his everlasting problems. The ex-Chosen could not expect his lover to forgive and forget everything he did.

Zelos laid back on his bed, legs dangling off the edge, softly touching the floor. He sighed, closing his eyes. The redhead noticed that the sounds of the choked back sobs had ceased. Had Sheena stopped crying? Or did she simply leave? Maybe the swordsman was having another selfish moment, but he seriously hoped that it was not the latter.

However, he figured it was. He had never been lucky. Why should that change now? Zelos thought about leaving is room and checking but… he was afraid. If his voluptuous hunny was not on the other side of that door, he would lose it. He would not be able to resist the urge to cut himself any longer. It was a miracle that Zelos had not yet started the habit back up again.

Sighing once more, he unintentionally allowed his mind to wander, back to a day he would rather not think about.

The weather that day was cloudy, a little misty, and quite cold. It looked like it could start raining at any moment. Terrible weather for a terrible day.

The small, recluse cemetery on the outskirts of Meltokio was empty and quiet. Zelos had never liked cemeteries. He found the emptiness unsettling and the silence unnerving. And now, here he was, in front of his sister's grave, having a small funeral for her.

It had only been a few days after Seles's death. Ever since Zelos found out about it, everything had felt like a daze, almost as if he were dreaming. But now, standing in front of her grave, everything was so… real. Seles was really dead, and the ex-Chosen would never see or talk to his sister ever again.

Everyone, Lloyd, Colette, Genis, Raine, Presea, and Regal, his old traveling companions, had attended. Apparently, Sheena had managed to contact each of them. He had no idea how his lover had accomplished that on such short notice, but he was grateful that she did. He had not seen any of them, except Lloyd, since the end of their journey. It was relieving to see them, despite the reason why they were here now.

Standing on his left was his aging butler and father figure, Sebastian. In Zelos's opinion, even if it was not by blood, Sebastian was his last remaining living relative. He could not help but wonder when he would be standing in front of his grave… Zelos had quickly pushed those thoughts away though. He could not deal with them, not today.

Then, on his other side, holding his hand confortingly, was Sheena. If she had not been there with him, squeezing his hand, silently helping him get through that day, he probably would have broken down, right there.

During the speech he had to make, there were a number of things Zelos wanted to do, namely cry and mourn the death of his sister, or run as far away from the grave site as he could. Mostly, he desired to find a knife or other sharp object so he could forget about the sadness. He just wanted something else to focus on, even if it was physical pain. It seemed absolutely impossible to deal with the amount of emotional anguish he was feeling. He just could not deal wit it.

Regardless, Zelos managed to keep his composure and talk about Seles. Even when he felt his shoulders shaking and his voice cracking, he was able to push back his emotions and complete his speech.

After a while, everyone eventually left, leaving just himself and Sheena in front of the grave. Unfortunately for Zelos, his mind continually wandered back to the day of his mother's funeral, so many years ago. This had been the first time in a long while he had thought about that day. This funeral, just like Mylene's, would be a day that he would try to block out and forget about. Days like today were just too horrible to want to remember.

Closing his eyes, Zelos turned over onto his side. That had been the first time he had thought about Seles's funeral. Now the redhead felt worse, just like he had expected himself to feel if he thought about that day. That memory just made him want to cut himself even more, just so he could stop thinking about it.

Zelos had always had a way of "conveniently" forgetting things, but he had always found it rather difficult to forgive himself.

And that's how Seles's funeral went. I tried writing it like a dream, but I just couldn't get it to fit with what was currently going on, so I just had Zelos think about it. I actually kind of liked it, so I hope all of you did as well.

I'd like to thank all of my readers, reviewers, etc. I'm so happy that people are enjoying this fic, and I hope they still are, even though I'm not updating all that fast. So, I promise that I will try to have the next chapter up in a week. No guarantees, though.