Studies and Half-Melodies

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

Author's Note: The info on the phobia is from Wikipedia.

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"You walked the roads of madness to find her and lead her back to sanity—at least as far as she can come."

"Yes."

"Didn't you think—Didn't it occur to you that it might be dangerous?"
"Dangerous? No. It's just a different way of seeing, Daemon." –Daemon and Jaenelle (Black Jewels Trilogy-Daughter of the Blood)

-!-!-!-!

He'd disappeared. No one had seen Uchiha Sasuke since the last tutoring session a week ago. Naruto knew it was his fault, knew that he'd disappeared because he'd pushed too hard. No one questioned his asking for a pass to the library during class. How could they? The teachers all knew that he was an exceptionally bright student and that, if he wanted to, he could pass all of his classes with an incredible amount of ease. The other students, save for maybe Shikamaru, thought there was something not quite right with him. No one would ever connect the two.

The words on the computer screen had begun to blend together and Naruto shook his head quickly to clear his mind. He'd been researching for the week since Sasuke had disappeared. Normally, he would've asked Tsunade, but this issue would be more personal than Tsunade would know.

Naruto frowned at an old piece of information, buried very deep. He remembered a time when Sasuke hadn't gone to school, hadn't been seen, for nearly two years. That had been back in elementary school. Everyone had assumed he moved. But according to this…registry, if he could call it that…

Bruyére-a hospital for emotionally disturbed children. It was far out into the country, a place where no one would ask questions. But the place had been shut down about four years ago. All of the doctors had "mysteriously disappeared." Naruto knew that that wasn't all of it. A plain old hospital wouldn't cause that kind of mental distress, even if it was an asylum. Naruto pulled up another window, typing in the name of the head doctor in the search box.

Dr. Orochimaru; Naruto only had to see a picture of him to hate him on the spot. Whiter than white skin that seemed stretched over his skull like a gruesome mask with long charcoal hair and gold eyes that glittered like jewels glittered, with no warmth. The rest of the page made Naruto snarl at the screen; grown up in the country, lost his parents-one by suicide the other had left and never come back, he'd gone to public school and had graduated with the highest honors along with two other students. Here, Naruto's eyes grew wide. Jiraiya and Tsunade's faces were in the picture, standing on either side of the thin teenager that Orochimaru had been. The three had gone onto the local University then, each one focusing on something different. Tsunade was going for her Doctorate in Medicine, Jiraiya in Creative Writing with a minor in Anthropology, and Orochimaru with a Doctorate in Psychological Medicine.

Orochimaru had taken on two interns in his entire career-Mitarashi Anko and Yakushi Kabuto. Anko had been released early from her internship for unknown reasons. Naruto knew that that was a complete lie. He knew Anko. She'd been in Tsunade's care enough and had been the other PE teacher before she'd quit. Anko hadn't been totally sane. She stayed within spitting distance of sanity most days, but there were some days that she wouldn't show up and when he asked Gai, the older man would tell him that his aunt would know more about it.

Kabuto, however, had completed his internship and had worked at Bruyére as a doctor. He looked pretty normal by most standards, silver hair pulled back into a ponytail, his face young and lightly tanned. It was his eyes that made Naruto suspicious. Something about the coal black eyes behind his glasses unsettled him.

The next portion of information disturbed him. Orochimaru had lost his license to practice medicine because of a group of alarming experiments done on several of the patients at Bruyére. One of the few survivors had reported, "To each will get what they gave." Those had been her last words because she rendered herself mute. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. And then came the list of patients and about halfway down was the name Uchiha Sasuke. He'd spent nearly two years there before he was released with medicine to control the stress-related mental illnesses.

Naruto frowned. Those were only the facts. He needed the story behind it all, needed to know what, exactly, had happened to Sasuke to make those nightmares so disturbing and what had caused his reaction.

Naruto exited the window, searching instead on a medical website that Tsunade had told him about. From what Naruto remembered from the medical books that he'd read when there was truly nothing else to read, often when he was stuck in the hospital afterhours with Tsunade, some of what Sasuke had done could be part of a social phobia. He typed in 'social phobia' and clicked on a promising link.

Social anxiety disorder is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing. It exceeds normal "shyness" as it leads to excessive social avoidance and substantial social or occupational impairment. Feared activities may include almost any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties, talking to strangers, restaurants, etc.

Physiological effects, similar to those in other anxiety disorders, are present in social phobics. Faced with an uncomfortable situation, children with social anxiety may display tantrums, weeping, clinging to parents, and shutting themselves out

The last part of the last sentence described Sasuke to a T. So did the first paragraph. So far it could be what Sasuke had been admitted for, but having read what Orochimaru was like and what that hospital had been like, he doubted it.

It has been shown that there is a two to threefold greater risk of having social phobia if a first-degree relative also has the disorder. This could be due to genetics and/or due to children acquiring social fears and avoidance through processes of observational learning or parental psychosocial education. Children appear more likely to develop social anxiety disorder if their parents emphasize the importance of other's opinions and use shame as a disciplinary strategy. Research has indicated the role of 'core' or 'unconditional' negative beliefs (e.g. I am inept) and 'conditional' beliefs nearer to the surface (e.g. If I show myself, I will be rejected).

And Naruto had pushed him right over that final edge, had pushed him so far that any memories he had of being in that damned hospital were coming back. One last thing to look up-Sasuke's address so he could get some sense into his snarly head.

-?-?-?-?

The knocks were loud in the quiet, although something in his mind told him that it wasn't loud. In reality, the knocks were quiet. Sasuke didn't get up, didn't think he could. There was some mild cursing and the doorknob jiggled. After about a minute of rapid jiggling the lock clicked and the door opened, the crack between it and the doorframe spilling yellow light into the otherwise dark room.

The sapphire eyes seemed to float in the darkness before the rest of Naruto hesitantly slipped into the room. "Sasuke?"

No reply, not that the blonde had been expecting one. He ran his hands along the wall, searching for the light switch by feel. He found one and it lit the apartment. Blinking from the rapid change, he saw that the light switch was for the kitchen, which had just enough room for one and lit the living room and hallway and illuminated a figure sitting on the windowsill with its knees drawn up to its chest and arms wrapped around them.

"Sasuke, it's me."

"I know." The words were spoken so calmly that Naruto nearly forgot everything he'd read. His voice was rusty, as if he hadn't spoken for a long time. He probably hadn't even uttered a sound in the week he'd been gone. "You did all the research, didn't you?"

Naruto approached him carefully, staying a good foot away. "Yes." Now wasn't the time to lie.

"Did you know that in…that place…they didn't have windows? Every room was a cage. And when I walked out of there for the last time and took a look around, I wondered why they had to be cages. The land around the place was…"

"Beautiful?" Naruto suggested.

"Mm."

"Sasuke…" God, but did he really want to ask the question that might make the brunette hate him? "I need to know what they did to you."

"Why?"
"Because keeping it to yourself like this isn't going to help you. You're stronger than that. You can push past that place and those people, but you have to trust me." A moment of trust. That was all it would take for him to be able to help Sasuke out of that terrible spiral down that he'd taken.

Sasuke uncurled from the windowsill and Naruto studied the half-starved body on which rumpled clothes that looked like he hadn't changed out of them for several days hung. He noted the bruised, exhausted eyes and ground his teeth. He'd never met someone so indifferent to their wellbeing.

Maybe Sasuke's voice wasn't rusty from disuse but hoarse from screaming himself awake every night.

"You don't need to look at me like that." Sasuke told him quietly.

"Like what?"

"Like you pity me."

"It's not pity more than anger at those bastards."

"They're all dead."

"You know that for a fact?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I wasn't the only survivor."

Naruto wasn't sure whether he meant Buryére or the fire that had killed the Uchiha mansion. He said so.

"Both. Eight years ago," Sasuke covered his cough with a hand and Naruto saw specks of blood on his palm.

"Hold it for a minute." Naruto interrupted. He crossed the room into the kitchen and found a clean glass, filling it to the brim with water. "Drink." He ordered.
Sasuke lifted his eyes to meet Naruto's and the blonde felt relief fill him when the brunette didn't flinch away. He took the glass and downed it in one gulp.

"Now say it." Naruto told him, leaning on the arm of the couch.

"Eight years ago, when that fire burned down our house, my brother, Itachi, and I were the only survivors." Sasuke's voice had lost some of its rustiness. "Itachi got sent to…that place, almost right away. It took them another year to get to me. By that time, Itachi was long gone.

"The place looked like a hospital. All white walls and sharp corners. There was so much blood there. It never goes away. The words never go away. Lies are true and truth is punished. They called us bad children. Sick-mind children to make up such lies." Sasuke spat the words out, like they left a bad taste in his mouth. And maybe they did. "Do you trust your instincts, Naruto?"

"Mmhmm. But on this, I trust yours more."

"Maybe you shouldn't."

When he'd been trapped in that 'hospital', Sasuke's instincts had been brutalized until he no longer trusted them. He had doubted himself so much over the years, but hadn't wanted to admit it—just in case someone told him it wasn't real.

"I trust you, Sasuke. I don't care if other people do or don't, but my instincts are telling me that it's okay to trust you."

The onyx eyes looked straight at him. "And if your instincts are wrong?" He asked softly.

"Then they're wrong. Being wrong won't kill me, Sasuke. I'm harder to kill than that."

"Why do you say that?"

Naruto smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. "Before I lived with Tsunade and Jiraiya, I lived in an orphanage. Kids in that orphanage hated me. The owner though, guy named Sarutobi, was a good enough guy. But he was killed one day while we were having our lessons. They never found out who did it.

"The next owner was the biggest son of a whore you would ever see. He hated me on the spot. Beat me when the teachers weren't looking, tried to make me break. It's always interesting to break the strong ones, he said, because the strong ones almost demand that you hurt them. One day he got a little too carried away and broke a rib or two. I had to get sent to the hospital and the doctor on call that night was Tsunade. She figured out what was going on, remembered who I was, and she got me out of that place."

"You surprise me."

The smile shone from the tan face. It was a true one. "I'm glad I can still do that." The small faded a little. "But, Sasuke…let my aunt help you. She can make the nightmares go away."

"Did she do that to you?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"How'd you figure it out?"

"When you figured out about my nightmares, you said that you used to get and then you trailed off."

"Huh. So I did." Naruto shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Can I expect to see you Monday?"
For tutoring, to get you some help. But the latter wasn't meant like the doctors meant, like he was dangerous. It was meant as concern.

"…Yeah. I think so."

Naruto was at the door before he said over his shoulder, "If you're not, I'm coming here." And bringing help with him.

"Wouldn't expect you to do otherwise."