Naruto saw Sasuke walking alongside the river.

"What?" He said confused.

"How can this be happening? Last chapter, I was crying alone in my room and now I'm outside, looking for Sasuke? That's totally unfair! You can't do that. You can't just skip the story forward, completely skipping a section! That's just lazy, and quite frankly kinda stupid."

"Read the shippuden!" Sasuke yelled at him, throwing volume 28 at Naruto's sunny hair, hitting him right between his sky-blue eyes. Why must Sasuke continue to hurt him?

"Sasuke, please come back! We need you! It's not the same without you. Your happiness, you different facial expressions, your non-dorky shorts, I need them all so I can look cool in comparison."

"Yet I'm the one with all the fan-girls." Sasuke scowled.

"No!" Naruto yelled "They like me! They give me cool names, like Naru-puff!"

Naruto saw the taunting in Sasuke's eyes.

"They call ME smex-muffin." He whispered triumphantly.

As Naruto stood there, shell shocked, he contemplated the recipe to make a smex muffin. Hmm.... what ingredients would be involved? How much smex did you need? He suspected that, for a batch of twelve smex muffins, you would need about 27 Nejis, or half one Shikamaru.

Naruto's cell phone started ringing. Sasuke noted his ring-tone was "I'm a Barbie girl", but decided that it had nothing to do with his personality or feelings.

"Why..." Sasuke whispered whsitfully

"Why do we have TVs and cell phones, but no guns, or bombs? That would make killing my brother sooooo much easier."

"Cuz, Sasuke," Naruto spat, covering the talkie-end of his shonen jump-brand cell.

"If we had Bombs, we'd have rednecks. Ya just don't make redneck ninjas."

"Point." Sasuke whimpered, defeated.

"Hello?" Naruto said into the phone.

"NARU-PUFF!" Neji yelled from across the line

"I am FAR more smexy than Shikamaru! I mean, I have ANGST! ANGST!!! The angst makes the man, Uzumaki-chchan. The angst makes the man."

"Dammit, Neji!" Naruto cried "I don't get free long distance on Thursdays. You fool!"

He soon realized that his anger was in vein, as Neji had already hung up.

"So, um... Naruto?" Sasuke asked

"Huh?"

"You wanna, like try and kill me, because that's the smartest way to try and make me safe?"

"YAY! I like this part! (Believe it.) I get to use my sharingan!"

"I have the sharingan, dumbass."

"Then what to I have?" Naruto asked

"ADD"